


Mine

by Filishy



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Background Relationships, Cultural Differences, Epilogue, F/F, Family, Foreign Language, Medicine, Surprise Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 131,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filishy/pseuds/Filishy
Summary: Alternative Universe story. Dr Kerry Weaver has moved on after Kim Legaspi and Sandy Lopez, and will perhaps find a new life and a new hope in the least expected of places...Abby Lockhart?
Relationships: Abby Lockhart/Kerry Weaver, Kim Legaspi/Kerry Weaver
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

**Mine**

**Chapter One**

**Wishes**

**_“Today you are protected by Malkuth, the Angel closest to the wishes of all mankind, so whatever you asked for shall be granted to you without any conditions, because this Angel knows your doubts and your worries._ **

**_Nonetheless, you shall not get used to just ask but work by yourself, for all that you want.”_ **

“Ha!”-Laughed Kerry to herself.

She put the little booklet away inside the bag she had brought along with her, a fact that she was starting to absolutely regret.However, she kept on walking.There was really no point on trying to get back to the car when she was already so far ahead.No.She would just keep on walking.

And walking she did.The small beads of sweat slowly grew larger and thicker, engorged by the inclement sun that pounded over her silky, red hair.Her limbs started to give out under the humid heat that surrounded her every move.She tried walking faster; perhaps she would not feel the heat as much, she thought.No avail.It was too hot and if she wanted to make it in one piece, she would have to pace herself.

“Need some help, Dr Weaver?”

The sudden voice interrupted her concentration and Kerry could not hide her surprise.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

“Abby!Oh no, no… I was just…”

“Here, let me help you”.

“Thanks.Thank you, Abby”.

“You’re welcome, Dr Weaver”.

“I didn’t know you had decided to come at the end…”

“It was way too good an offer to pass on.I had some days due and decided to come and bake for a little while.I guess you made the same decision”.

“Yeah…”

“And… Dr Weaver?Don’t worry.I won’t be in your way.I guess this hotel is a big enough and it is not my intention to bother you…”

“Uh… I…”

“Oh Dr. Weaver, it’s okay, really.I know you like to keep to yourself.So do I so, don’t worry, I mean it, okay?”

A little taken aback by Abby’s commentary, Kerry just let it passed and remained quiet.Again, she had not been given the chance to refute the generalized paradigm; that she liked to be alone. Period. 

And alone she was.After the horrendous finale with Kim, Kerry simply had not had the strength to even try to engage in anything else.Yes, there had been Sandy.But Sandy could not fill, as much as she tried, the hole left in Kerry’s life after Kimberly had left. 

So yes, Kerry liked to keep to herself.

There was no point, she thought, she was just not cut out for that.No, she thought.She was better at being by herself, alone with her work, her intellectual curiosity, her travels, the few friends she had. 

Besides, she was ill-equipped to handle relationships.The point was well proven with the whole Kim incident and her lack of volition to step out and defend the one person she had grown to love. 

So, be it.Alone she was.

Abby remained quiet when they finally arrived to the pre-selected spot in the wide, white sand beach.With strength quite surprising to Kerry at least, Abby unfolded the tent and proceeded to set it up as if she had been doing this task for years.When she completed the feat, she unfolded the chairs and the small magazine table that was part of the enormous beach bag that she had been carrying.

Kerry just stood there, speechless.She had always respected Abby’s ability as a nurse; her resolution, her fierce determination in times of crises, her competency.But this was certainly not the ER and Kerry was just fascinated.She could not keep her eyes away from the young woman; her light brown hair shining against the sun rays, the concentration, the fragile smile she always displayed in her lips.

“You’re staring at me…”

Again, Abby’s words took her by surprise. 

“I’m sorry.I was just… uh… I just never thought you’d b…”

“I’d be so good at things like these, right?”

Kerry just nodded.

“Don’t tell anybody but I was, actually, a girl scout once”.

Kerry could not help but chuckle.

“You’re kidding… You Abby?”

“I’m serious.Why do you find it so amusing?”

Kerry regained her composure, that is, she became self-aware, as usual.As a result, her grin left her face, giving way to a more subdued and controlled expression.

“I’m sorry Abby; I just never thought that…”

“Yes, I know.It’s sort of dorky but, I enjoyed it, actually, very much.It was a way to be, you know, away from home…the situation with my mother… you know, the whole…”

“Yes, I know.”

Abby just stared at Kerry for a couple of seconds as Kerry held her gaze.It was a silent way for the two of them to acknowledge each other’s presence and most importantly, each other’s weaknesses and strengths.Once the point had been made, Kerry broke off the moment by lowering her eyes.

“Well...” –said Abby- “… you’re all set… I better go…”

“Uh… okay… thank you, Abby, this is great… you shouldn’t…”

“It’s okay Dr Weaver, it was my pleasure, really.See you around then?”

“Sure, sure… thanks again, Abby”.

Abby just smiled shyly at Kerry and left.

The small redhead just watched as the younger woman walked away.Despite the fact that she had known Abby for a while now, she realized she knew so little of the efficient, hard-working, somewhat troubled co-worker.In fact, she knew so little of just about the rest of the people with whom she shared so many hours in that ER of hers.What did she truly know about Malik or Randi or even Carter, with whom she even shared her own home? 

Nothing or close to nothing.

But it was not the absence of real information what amazed her the most.It was the actual lack of interest on her part, to know more about these people.It was almost as they did not exist or did not matter for her.

But once again, as so many times before, she disregarded the thought and shoved it deeply somewhere in her brain.She had decided to take up on this offer from a nearby travel agency and she had come to rest or at least, try to.So, rest she would do.She turned around again to check the spot where Abby had settled down to.From the distance, Kerry was able to watch the young nurse’s white, baggy shirt flowing in the warm breeze; her quiet demeanour as she sat, book in hand, basking in the sun. 

She often felt intrigued by Abby.Friendly at times, at others, indifferent towards her made Kerry wonder.

However, she decided to focus on herself and breathing deeply, she realized that this was not the time to ponder that mystery.In a few days, they would be back at County and maybe then, she would engage once again in such analysis.

Some four hours later, Kerry was ready to head back to her room.This time, however, she had decided to leave the tent behind, picking up only her towels, her books and her bag.The sun had gone down a bit and the impossible blue of the sea had changed into a radiant copper.She had decided to go up, take a shower and go back down to catch the last rays of light of that one glorious day.

As she started walking, she realized that Abby was also, getting ready to go back to the hotel.Without realizing it herself, she started walking a bit faster in the hopes that maybe; she could catch up with Abby.

“Hey Kerry, ready to head back?”

“Yeah, you too, uh”

“Yup, enough sun for one day.I have to take it easy though, the last time I did this, I burnt badly”.

Abby looked at Kerry noticing small beads of sweat appearing in her bosses’ forehead. 

“You’re hot” Abby said to Kerry.“Here, let me help you” -And with one swift movement, took the bag from Kerry’s hands.

Kerry just stood there, again, confused by Abby’s behaviour.She enjoyed it, she realized. She actually relished being the object of Abby’s attention, albeit for a few minutes.Without wanting, she smiled and the warmth she felt, prompted her to approach the young nurse.

“Abby…”

“Yeah, Kerry?”Abby answered.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

At the moment the last word left her mouth, Kerry regretted having made the invitation.Abby probably had other plans and if not, Kerry was sure the nurse would not want to spend her first evening in a Caribbean resort with her old, tired, bitter and socially awkward boss who, besides everything else, was a lesbian.

“Uh… I’m sorry; you probably have better plans… I’m sorry…”

Abby stood there, watching the rise and immediate fall of her boss’ spirit.She knew this was one of those rare moments she had been chosen to witness and that fact, again as in the past, filled her with honour and joy.

“No Kerry, I don’t have any better plans… I’d love to have dinner with you tonight”

Kerry, once again, smiled.“Thank you…” She said.

And smiling shyly at each other, they started walking towards the hotel. 

Once inside the lobby, the cool air welcomed them.“Ah… it feels so nice,” said Kerry as they entered.“Yeah… A/C has got to be one of men best inventions…” –Murmured Abby smiling sheepishly and waiting for her companion to make a remark.“Yup, that and hot water…”Added Kerry, jokingly.

They kept on walking until they hit the elevators.Instinctively, both of them stopped simultaneously, to examine the board and check out the list of restaurants.

“What did you have for lunch” -Asked Kerry without taking his eyes away from the board.

“A burger…”

“Hmmm… Me too…”

“Seafood?”-The two of them asked at the same time, a fact that made them smile at each other, once again.

“Yeah… that sounds right… seafood will be, then”.–Said Kerry.

Once the decision had been made, Abby bent to pick up her belongings.She handed Kerry her bag and made a motion towards the elevators.

“So, at what time would you like to eat, 7, 8… later, maybe?”

Kerry looked at her watch as Abby waited for her answer.

“Hmm… I don’t know… how hungry you think you’ll be?”

“I tell you what…” –Said Abby as she resumed her walk towards the elevators. “What do you think if we meet again at 7:30?That way we can maybe have a drink or so and then, we’ll eat… how does that sound?”

Kerry Weaver lit up like a birthday candle.She was enjoying herself a lot more than she had expected and Abby’s company, the casual and friendly exchange they were sharing, made her feel good, joyful.Abby, as perceptive as always, noticed the sudden change in her boss’ face but as always, made no comment about it.She just simply waited for the answer she already knew was coming.

“Yeah… that sounds good, Abby, thanks”.

Smiling, Abby just answered, “Sure Kerry, anytime”. 

And with that, they waved goodbye and boarded different elevators.

Once inside her room, Abby lit up a cigarette and sat by the balcony.She was satisfied that her first day of this short vacation had gone so well and above that, she was feeling quite glad at having the opportunity to be with Kerry in a different setting, so far away from the hospital and their daily routines.But above all, she was simply happy to be with Kerry. 

It was not a recent realization.Abby had always liked Kerry, ever since she first started working at County.She just liked her, simple.But most of all, she liked her because their relationship, albeit limited by the setting and the circumstances, had always been a good one. 

And Abby knew that she was directly responsible for that because early on, she realized, she had a knack at dealing with Kerry.She knew.Due to some unfathomable reason, she knew the secret of dealing with the mighty Dr Weaver… letting the woman be. 

Let Kerry Weaver be whatever she was at all times was Abby’s advantage and ever-present tactic.Abby knew as if she had been given a “Kerry Weaver’s User Manual”, that the temperamental ER Chief needed a lot of rope and a lot of space to move about in the world.Abby knew that Kerry needed to be taken as she was and her feelings and moods needed space to live and die out.

So, that is what Abby always did.She always let Kerry have enough space and enough freedom to be whatever she wanted or needed to be without pushing, pressuring or coercing.

And again, as in the past, Abby knew that whatever time she and Kerry were to spend together during this vacation, would be a good one.

And she smiled.

A couple of hours later, Kerry was ready to go.The restaurant was an open-air bistro right at the beachfront so she opted for a nice pair of linen Bermuda pants and a simple, navy blue T-shirt.Having tucked her shirt under her pants and having adjusted the belt, she reviewed her hair and light make up noticing that the sun had already given her a bit of reddish tan.

‘Not bad…’ -She thought to herself as she looked herself at the mirror, smiling.

Abby, in her room, had been ready for the last half hour but had decided to stay and flip through the channels to quiet the boredom and the little anticipation she felt tugging at her.Finally, after 10 minutes of aimless zapping, she turned off the TV, grabbed her keycard, checked herself once again in the mirror and headed to the lobby.

Once the elevator’s doors opened, she was greeted by soft, upbeat music coming from the lobby and the beachfront area and she felt good.She loved being at the beach and relished at the fact that for once, she was free; free from her mother and the guilt, free from Carter and his constant demands, free from Luka and his never-ending whining.She was just by herself, absolutely free to eat or sleep or read or smoke or even drink, if she wanted to. 

And to make things even better, she was about to meet Kerry.

She walked a little further towards the pre-established meeting place when she spotted Kerry who was standing there, examining the menu with her usual, intense concentration.

“Hey” –Said Abby, still somewhat distant.

Kerry looked up and was greeted by a very relaxed Abby; loose hair, jeans, crisp white oxford shirt and sandals.

“Hi Abby” 

Kerry smiled and waited as the young nurse approached her.‘She looks so different…’ –thought Kerry- ‘…so relaxed, unhurried…’ 

“Hi” –Said Abby once again standing now in front of Kerry.–“Are we ready?” 

“Yeah…”

And they both started walking not exactly knowing where they were going. 

“So… what do you want to do? Wanna have that drink or wanna go and eat right away? –Asked Abby trying to appear calm as she felt a sense of warmth invade her body.

“I’m a little hungry but I can wait.How ‘bout you?”

“I’m good too so, let’s have a drink…”

Kerry kept on walking and said nothing. 

“And Kerry…?”

“Uhm?”

“I’m not going to ‘drink-drink’ so, don’t worry”.

Kerry nodded and kept on walking surprised at Abby’s uncanny ability to read her.She had noticed that before, a trait she found absolutely endearing in Abby but had remained quiet about it, just taking it in and accepting the gift but this time, she wanted to approach Abby about it.

“Abby… how do you do it?”

“What, Kerry?”

“That… that which you just did…”

Abby knew what her boss was referring to but wanted to hear Kerry talk.

“What?”-She said smiling and looking directly at Kerry.

“That amazing ability you have to read my thoughts sometimes…”

Abby smiled broadly but shyly, as she always did.Those words were a compliment and she knew it and she savoured the moment.

“So…?”

“Uh… I don’t know Dr. Weaver… I don’t know…”

“Oh, come on Nurse Lockhart, sure you can do better than that”.

Sighing deeply, Abby went on.

“Oh… I don’t know Kerry, I guess… uh… I just know.I could tell you a lot of things but the truth of the matter is that I don’t know… I’m perceptive..? Uh… I don’t know… I just pick up on things…”

“And you do this with everybody..?

“Oh God no… Most people I couldn’t care less about… just a few…”

“And I’m… one of them…”

Abby turned to Kerry and smiled, and making an expression of defeat, calmly said: “Caught me”.

Kerry, genuinely surprised at the revelation, decided to pursue the matter.

“But… why?Why me?”

Abby just chuckled.

“Well Kerry… you’re my boss!I mean, if I am not going to pay attention to you, who am I going to pay attention to, then?Isn’t that a good reason?

Kerry just shrugged and kept on walking.Abby knew her boss found the answer logical but less than convincing.Or perhaps she had found it convincing but somewhat disappointing.

“Plus…” –Continued Abby- “… I find you…”

“What?”

“Interesting…”

Kerry stopped in her tracks and looked at Abby.

“Really..?Interesting?”

“Yeah... interesting.Don’t you think you’re interesting, Kerry?”

Kerry resumed her walking and Abby followed.They finally made it to the restaurant and headed straight to the bar.Kerry was the first one there and after taking a seat, positioned her crutch close to her and padding the seat next to her, called Abby.

“Seat by me”

And it was not a demand, it was a nice, warm invitation that Abby accepted immediately. 

Once seated next to Kerry, Abby took in the festive atmosphere of the place.The warm air was filled with music, conversation and a subtle aroma of grilled seafood being cooked nearby.

“Oh, Kerry… this is great…”

“Yes… it is…”

“Thank you for inviting me to have dinner with you…. I would have probably stayed at my room and would have ordered a grilled cheese sandwich…”-Smiling, Abby went on- “Thanks…” 

“You’re welcome, Abby…”

Ordering a couple of sodas, they settle on small talk for a while covering the necessary latest happenings in the ER and County in general.Once dinner was over, they decided to move to a small table right by the dance floor where a few couples were trying very hard not to fall as they danced the limbo.

Both women were in good spirits and the music, the good food and the energizing conversation had left them smiling and content.Abby sat facing the dance floor with a smirk on her face and abruptly, in the midst of it all, faced Kerry.

“Do you dance?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me… do you dance?”

Kerry, somewhat puzzled, tried to gain some time by finishing a sip of her long-forgotten drink.

“So?” –Pressed Abby.

“Uh… yeah… eventually… once in a while… I do…”

Kerry did not know what to make of the unexpected question.For a moment there in Abby’s expression, Kerry thought she saw a potential invitation from the young nurse but Abby settled back to watching the dancers move in front of them.

“I feel like dancing… I have always enjoyed it…”

‘Ok… hmmm… aaannddd..?’Thought Kerry as Abby muttered those words.Nonetheless, she went on.

“And… do you know how to dance to this music..?” –Asked Kerry referring to the fact that it was Latin music and somehow she could not imagine Abby dancing to a merengue song.

“Hell no… But I would like to try it sometime though…”

Kerry sighed deeply.‘To do or not to do… To say something or not…’

“Do you know how..?” –Said Abby pointing to the dance floor. –“I mean… I thought that maybe Sandy…”

“Yeah… I danced with her a few times but I already knew a little…”

“That’s good…” –Added Abby again, turning to the dance floor.

The music changed into a much slower, calm, melodious tune in Spanish.

Out of nowhere, Kerry’s words burst out of her mouth.

“Would you like to try it now..?”

Abby turned in disbelief. 

“Really?You don’t mind?

“No, it’s ok…”

Immediately Abby stood up and extended her hand towards Kerry, smiling shyly and mumbling, mostly to herself- “I can’t believe this…”

Kerry took Abby’s hand and stood up.

“Tell me about it…”

And so they stood up in front of each other. 

Abby not knowing what to do extended her arms.

“Ok, this is the thing…” –Said Kerry- “You have to support me because of my hip, ok?Otherwise, I can’t do it”.

And taking Abby’s right hand, she placed it in her own left hip.

“Like this.Your hand is my support, ok?”

Abby just nodded.

“And this one…” -Kerry took Abby’s left hand- “You hold right up, got it?”

“Got it”. –Answered Abby, not quite believing she was about to actually pretend to dance with her boss.

“Just follow my movements… it’s not complicated really… just let yourself go with the rhythm and follow me if you feel lost, ok?”

And so they began dancing.Abby kept staring down at their feet and watched in awe as they move together, quite nicely, actually.

“See..?Nice, uh?”-Asked Kerry as to cut the obvious tension among them.

“Yeah… are you ok, I mean, am I supporting you right?”

Kerry chuckled –“Yeah Abby, you’re doing fine… just relax…”

Abby heard the last words and felt a bit more at ease.She moved her hand a little higher as to hold Kerry tighter, and felt her gone confidence, come back to her.

“Can you dance to the faster ones?” –Abby asked, leaning closer to Kerry.

“Yes… but I need more support and I need to get used to the person I am dancing with…”

“I guess you danced a lot with Sandy…”

Kerry did not answer immediately.

“I’m sorry Kerry, I should not ask you about your personal life…”

Kerry separated herself a bit from Abby.

“No, it’s ok, Abby.Yes, we danced often.She liked it and I enjoyed it…” –Answered Kerry with a faint smile in her face.“But I have not danced in a while and hmm... maybe I already forgot how to do it…”

“Nah… Dr Weaver… I think you do it great…”

And Abby just let that phrase hang between them as the song faded.When the song was over, Abby stopped and separated herself from her boss.

“Thank you, Kerry…” 

Kerry looked at her young companion and for the first time since she had met Abby Lockhart, she found her beautiful. 

“Your nose is all red Abby… got to put some lotion tomorrow…”

Abby just smiled and nodded.

“I’m feeling somewhat tired so I am going to head back… are you staying? –Asked Kerry.

“Yeah…” –Answered Abby not really paying attention to Kerry.

“Ok.. so I’ll see-”

“Kerry, I was thinking about going into town tomorrow, would you like to come along?”

Again, Abby had caught Kerry off guard.

“That would be nice… actually”

“Ok, then… Shall we meet for breakfast, say at 9:30?”

Kerry marvelled at Abby’s aloofness in the manner she approached her; as she did not have one care in the world when it came to Kerry.But despite it, Kerry decided to again, take the gift that was being presented to her and this, made her sense of peace grow exponentially.

“9:30 will be fine… thanks, Abby”

Abby looked up, grinned and just said: “…Sure, don’t mention it…”

And with that, they headed back to the elevators, waved goodbye and left to their rooms.

[End of Chapter 1]


	2. Under the Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

**Mine**

**Chapter Two**

**“Under the Weather…”**

It had been a great day and right at this very moment, life was almost perfect.She felt no hunger or pain, she needed nothing and wanted nothing else but what she had at that very instant.

She sighed deeply and turned around to watch her companion as she gently breathed a well-deserved nap.

Who would have conceived this possible, thought Kerry as she watched Abby sleep.Who would have guessed she would have ended up spending, no to mention enjoying, so much time with Abby Lockhart?But the fact of the matter was that Abby’s presence had enriched Kerry’s days ever since that first encounter at the beach, the first morning after they had arrived.It was undeniable; Lockhart was a lot more than an efficient nurse or the romantic object of the ER doctors at County.Abby was an absolutely fascinating individual who had mesmerized Kerry with her inexhaustible wit, her gentleness, her almost perfect sense of timing, her pregnant silences and her eerie capacity to always appear one step ahead of Kerry.

And Kerry was for the first time in a very long time, thoroughly enjoying someone else’s presence and input in her life. 

“Hey… I dozed off…” –Said Abby quietly, still battling the cobwebs of slumber.

‘Yeah… did you have a good nap..?”

“Oh yeah… that was good… I’m sorry though, I sort of left you hanging…”

“No worries Abby, I was reading… enjoying myself…”

Abby stretched her arms and arched her back.Yawning one more time, she looked for her cigarettes and lit one up. 

“Aaahhh, I needed that…” –She added after inhaling the sweetish smoke.

Kerry looked at her with a smirk on her face.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” –Asked Abby.

“Because it surprises me that we are still here, still sharing our time together, actually…” 

“I’m not that surprised…”

“Oh… no…?”

“No, not really… I always thought that we would get along just fine…”

“Outside County, you mean?”

“Yeah… I always thought that given the opportunity, we would get along well in other roles…”

“You mean… something different than co-workers…”

“Right…”

And Kerry returned to her reading.They were sitting right by the edge of the pool and had spent the day in the hotel just sunbathing, eating, napping and relaxing.This was the third day of their four-day vacation and they would have to go back the next; a fact that made both women a bit sad.

“Kerry…”

Kerry answered without taking his eyes off her magazine this time.

“Hmm..?”

“Look, isn’t he beautiful..?”

Kerry, once again, put her magazine down.

“Oh Lord yes… he’s gorgeous…”-And sighed deeply.

“What happened with you and Sandy...?” –Asked Abby timidly.

Kerry just stared at the child for a while longer with a nostalgic look in her face.As always, she was measuring her words before actually answering the question.

“Oh… God only knows Abby…life, I guess?I don’t know.After the miscarriage, I asked Sandy to see if she would be willing to become pregnant and she… she didn’t want to, so…”

“Things fell apart after that…”

“In practice, yes although I don’t know… now that I look back at it maybe things were never really right.Things were not as they were as when I was with…”

Suddenly she realized she was about to talk about Kim and stopped.Abby finished for her.

“With Dr Legaspi…”

Kerry felt uncomfortable but went ahead, anyway.

“Yeah… with Kim…”

“Right… hmm... I’m sorry…”

“Yeah well… sometimes life doesn’t turn out to be the way one wants it…”

Abby brought her legs to her chest and hugged them.

“Still…”

“Still what…?”

“I don’t know… I just, I just find it odd that you are by yourself.You are… I mean… you are fun to be with and interesting…”

Smiling, Kerry interrupted.“Right, we already sort of covered the ‘interesting’ part…”

“No, I mean it.You have great conversation.You’ve travelled, you’re well-read and outside the hospital, where one can actually see who you are… you’re really great to be with…”

Kerry decided not to dwell on Abby’s words.“But I could say the same about you, Abby.I have spent all these days with you and please forgive me for what I am going to say but… why are you here by yourself, I mean, why aren’t you with a boyfriend or a husband..?”

“I’m not by myself… I am with you…” –Said Abby, jokingly.

“Very funny, Abby.No, I’m serious.Why aren’t you with anybody?You are good looking and intelligent and 

good-natured so…”

“You said it, Kerry… sometimes life does not end up the way one wants it.”

Kerry put the magazine away once and for all and turned to face Abby.

“Don’t evade my question, Abby.I’m serious.You’re too young to be alone; you could have anybody you wanted… for example, what happened with you and Carter?What about Luka..?”

Abby faced Kerry and decided to engage in the conversation.

“Oh, Kerry… I am tired, you know… I’m tired of trying to be whatever this guy or this other guy wants me to be.Both Luka and Carter are great men; kind, loving… most of the time… but, they always wanted me to be something I am not… and you know?I got tired.I can’t be anything else but what I am.They kept pressuring me to be more this, more that, less this… I don’t know…”

“Yeah… I know what you’re talking about.It was a bit like that with both Kim and Sandy.Kim wanted me to be… uh… completely out and comfortable with… uh… and Sandy, well, Sandy did too.Both of them had been out forever and there I was, 40 years old, a loner…”

“Really, a loner…? For a loner, you have spent an awfully long time with me…”

“No, I mean it.I have always been the reserved kind, not outgoing, not loud… not an extrovert.And they were.Both of them were “out there”… they would come and light up a room… and then, there was me… finding out my sexuality at 40…”

Abby looked at Kerry.Kerry’s words, heartfelt as they were, had moved her. 

“And they wanted me to be something I was not prepared to be then.It is now, in the past maybe the last six months… uh… in the last year when I have grown to be more at ease with… me… I guess... I needed the time to be where I am right now…”

“Well… I don’t know if I need the time but I certainly need not feel pushed anymore, not to be pressured to be anything else…”

Both women fell silent as each reflected in the words just uttered realizing perhaps, that their situations and their experiences were somewhat similar.

“What you’re reading?” –asked Abigail in an effort to lighten up things.

“An article about the dynamics of street traffic…”

“Huh..?”

“Yeah… traffic… it explains how a traffic jam gets formed and the physics involved… it’s interesting…”

Abby moved closer to Kerry and peered rapidly at the article.

“Figures…” –Said Abby handing the magazine back to Kerry- “… had to be Scientific American…”

“…And this is a problem for you because..?”

“Oh no…” –added Abby as she took a sip of her drink, lit up another cigarette and tried to hide a mischievous smile- “…No problem…” 

A couple of hours later, both women started to pick up their stuff and go back to their rooms.It had been the last day of their vacation and they were starting to feel the subtle depression so typical of that last day of any vacation trip.However, they still had the evening; one more chance to enjoy the weather, the music, the food and each other’s company.

“Abby…”

“Hmm..?”Being our last evening here I was thinking… that maybe…”

“Yeah, Kerry?”

“You would like to do something different…”

“Something different…?”

Kerry nodded.

“And what would that be..?”

“There are some boats that go for a couple of hours through the bay… the cruises include dinner and I thought that maybe…”

“Wow… that’s cool… but… would that be really expensive Kerry? I don’t have much money left…”

“No, it’ll be my treat, Abby”

“Oh no, Kerry… I can’t… no…”

“Please Abby.It is my way of thanking you for putting up with me for a whole week.Please.”

Abby looked at her boss; her ever-changing, chameleon-like boss with whom she had begun a friendship of sorts.Looking at her at that moment, Abigail realized how complex Kerry Weaver had ended up being and how very different she really was from the concept everyone had of her at the ER.Sighing deeply, Abby lowered her eyes and brought them back up again to meet Kerry’s.

“Okay… thank you, Dr Weaver”

“You’re welcome, Miss Lockhart…”

Once they agreed upon the time to meet, both of them decided to go back to their rooms. 

It was early, close to 4 pm and Kerry was taking a nap when the phone, rang.

“Hello…” –Answered Kerry with a sleepy voice.

“Uhm… Dr Weaver...?”

Kerry noticed Abby’s voice but immediately determined something was wrong.

“What happened, Abby?”

She heard Abby’s soft, controlled cries of pain.

“What is it, Abby?” –Kerry demanded.

‘I… I’m sick…” –Managed to answer the young nurse who looked positively miserable.

“Stay put, I’ll be right over”. 

With one swift movement, Kerry got up from her bed, opened the bathroom door and grabbed a small case containing her first aid kit.Immediately left the room, taking her key and her crutch with her.

At the elevator, Kerry started to pound the possible reasons for Abby’s sudden sickness.She mentally reviewed what they had had for lunch and she found no possible causes in there.In any case, she would find out soon enough.

“Abby, it’s me, open up…” –Said Kerry as she forcefully knocked at Abby’s door.

Abby managed to walk slowly to the door and with some effort, finally opened it.As soon as the door was cracked open Kerry push herself inside only to find a pale, nauseous Abby leaning on the wall.The older woman just took hold of the young nurse who started to feel a new wave of nausea take over.

“Easy…easy…here, let me…” –Said Kerry holding Abby and placing the First Aid kit on the bathroom counter.Abby was bending over once again, desperately trying to reach the sink.She struggled to get a firm grip on the counter while the spasms subsided.For now, at least. 

Kerry just stood there holding Abby and realizing that whatever Abby had, was a bit more severe than she had previously anticipated.She opened the faucet and let some water run before getting a small towel, damping it with water and running all over Abby’s face and neck.

“Feel better, honey..?”-Asked Kerry almost in a whisper that did not go unnoticed by Abby, despite how badly she felt.

Abby nodded.

“Just close your eyes… let me…” –Again, Kerry whispered. –“Just stay there… I got you…”

And they stayed like that for a little longer, Kerry holding Abby, Abby leaning against the sink, eyes closed, looking pale and distressed.Once it looked like they would make it to the nearest bed without accidents, Kerry held Abby and gently, took her to bed. 

Once lying down, Abby started to shiver.She grabbed the sheets and the comforter to cover herself while Kerry tucked her in and opened her kit.

“Okay… let’s see what’s going on…”

She took her stethoscope out and warmed up with her hand.She then pulled up Abby’s T-shirt and placed the plaque on her chest.Abby quivered when she felt the cold. 

“That’s cold…”

“I know…I’m sorry…”

“I’m so cold…” –Muttered Abby.

“Shhh… be still…”

“I can’t, I’m sorry… I can’t stop shaking…”

Kerry produced a thermometer out of her bag and shoved it inside Abby’s mouth.She then checked her blood pressure which was, as she had expected, quite low.She finally removed the thermometer out of Abby’s mouth.

“You sure have a fever… 102…”

Kerry went on to assess Abby’s general condition by examining her thoroughly; checking ears, throat, nose, abdomen, heart rhythm and reflexes.Abby felt way too weak to object and did not mind Kerry’s exquisitely gentle bed-side manner.When Kerry was through, she covered Abby once again and sat closer to her.She leaned on the bed with her hand on Abby’s side and the rest of her body sitting on the other side.

“So Abby… what happened..?”

Again as before, Abby did not ignore the endearment in Kerry’s voice.With her eyes closed, still feeling some eventual pangs of pain, she went on.

“I… I don’t know… I… felt fine and came back and… -She winced- “… and was watching some TV and…”

“Yes, Abby…” –Muttered Kerry as she tenderly stroke Abby’s hair.

“The pain started.It was sharp and I started feeling feverish and a little later, I started vomiting…”

Abby still shivering, tried to get some warmth back in her body. 

“How many times have you actually vomited… more than ten..?”

Abby nodded. 

“Right… hmmm… okay, let me get you hydrated again and we’ll take it from there, okay?I will have to go down to the lobby to see if I can…”

Abby grabbed Kerry’s arm and shook her head.Finally opening her eyes, she whispered, “No, please stay…”

Kerry looked down at Abby’s hand holding her in place, retaining her, and smiled.She realized that Abby needed her presence more than she needed an IV, and yielded.

“Okay, okay… I’ll stay… but Abby, honey… open your eyes…” –Abby opened her eyes to look at Kerry- “You have got to do what I tell you, okay?I don’t want to hear it, do you understand me? Abby?”

Abby once again, like a good, obedient girl, nodded.

“Okay…”

“Okay… let me see if I can push some fluids into you…” –And getting up, she headed towards the minibar and took a couple of bottles of water.Opening the cap, she handed one to Abby.

“No… I don’t…” 

“Abby… please… you need to…”

Abby shook her head.She was not about to drink anything, not even water.She just wanted to be still.

And she wanted Kerry.

“Just stay with me, please…”

Kerry felt uncomfortable but touched.In compliance, she lay down and got under the covers with Abby who could not stop shivering.The smaller Abby clung to Kerry in search of warmth and companionship and some sense of belonging and peace. 

“Better..?” –Asked Kerry who was hugging Abby quite close, so close in fact, that she could feel the abnormal heat radiating from Abby’s body.

Abby nodded and snuggled against Kerry.

“Good… okay…”-Kerry sighed deeply- “Abby… are you allergic to something?I’ve been thinking about what we both had for lunch and we had the same thing and I’m fine so, it cannot be food poisoning”.

“I once had an allergic reaction to oysters when I was a kid…”

“Abby…” –Said Kerry sighing deeply- “It seems you are still allergic to oysters… the salad had oysters on it…”

“Crap…” –Mumbled Abby, against Kerry’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I agree… crap…” –Said Kerry smiling at Abby’s comment while she hugged her tighter.“Good, okay… at least I know what’s going on now…”-Said Kerry who felt relieved to know that Abby’s misery was temporary, albeit quite painful.

“I’m sorry…” –Abby whispered against Kerry

“For what? You’re the one who’s vomiting this week’s entire food intake…” –Answered Kerry, trying to install some lighthearted humour into the situation.

“For ruining dinner…”

“Oh no… Abby, it’s okay…” –Commented Kerry softly as she kissed Abby’s head- “No, you have nothing to be sorry about.You just have to drink one bottle of water and let me inject you some antihistamine medication and that’s all.You’ll be as good as new in the morning…”

Abby raised her head from her cushioned place of rest right by Kerry’s shoulder.

“An injection?” –Asked Abby, wide-eyed.

“Unless you want to take it orally…”

Abby made a clear face of disgust at the possibility of having to drink anything.

“Uh… huh… I didn’t think so… okay… let me do that now so you can sleep…”

“Dr. Weaver…”

‘Yes, Abby…”

“Could you promise me you’ll stay until I fall asleep..?”

Kerry felt moved by the simple, genuine request for company that came from Abby. And she felt even more touched at the fact that it was Abby, tough Abby, who was making such a request.

“Yes, sweetie, I’ll stay…” -Answered Kerry, smiling at Abby.

A couple of hours later, peace reigned again.Abby’s fever had gone down and feeling fresh, she had turned in her sleep to the other side of the bed, trashing the sheets in the process.Kerry had watched her sleep until she felt it was safe to leave.She felt tired but satisfied at the fact that Abby’s reaction was waning which indicated that the young nurse should feel much better in the morning.

Kerry rose from the bed and looked for a piece of paper to write Abby a note and left for her room.

Once back in her room, Kerry felt exhausted.It was close to 9 pm and she had not eaten anything.She grabbed the phone and ordered some room service, took a shower and sat in the terrace to wait for her food and analyze the ordeal just lived hours ago. 

It looked a little unreal; from virtual strangers –well, not exactly strangers- they had become friends.‘Friends’ thought Kerry.She had called her ‘sweetie’ and she had meant it.She had held her and she had felt it.She had laid in the same bed with Abby and she had felt right.She had felt no romantic inclinations towards Abby but she had enjoyed the warmth of holding someone else’s body against her own. 

She realized how much she had missed that. 

And she smiled.

[End of Chapter 2]


	3. Business Unusual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter Three  
“Business Unusual”

The morning was bitterly cold. Abby had gotten up early and had arrived at County a full hour and a half before her scheduled shift and felt well albeit strange, in the familiar surroundings. She clocked in and headed towards the lounge to change into her dependable scrubs when Susan walked in.

“Hey…”

“Hey…”

“How was your vacation? Did you have a good time? Did you meet anyone hot and juicy?

Abby looked at Susan and for a second she had no idea what to answer. She thought of Kerry but despite all her abundant charm, she could not be qualified as “hot and juicy”.

“No, not really but I had a good time, though…”

“And you have the tan to prove it”

“Yeah…” –Answered Abby half-heartedly- “I have the tan to prove it…”

Susan, noticing that Abby was not particularly keen on sharing the details of her recently experienced Caribbean vacation decided not to pursue the matter any further and turning, she just waved goodbye. Abby stood there realizing that she had not thought about what to say regarding her week-long vacation spent with, none other than, the Chief of Staff. And furthermore, would Kerry appreciate it if Abby went ahead and talked freely about it? Abby had no idea and as she was about to leave the lounge to start her day, Kerry showed up.

“Abby… what are you doing here? You don’t start your shift today until later…”

Abby smiled at Kerry and answered a soft “Hi” to her boss.

“Sorry… Yes… Hi…”-Replied Kerry softly. 

“Uh… I woke up early and since I had nothing better to do I figured I’d come…” -And with a smirk on her face she just added- “…and my boss likes it when I’m on time…”

Kerry chuckled at the unexpected affectionate commentary. “Yeah… she does…” 

Kerry opened her locker and started to change into her lab coat.

“So…” -said Abby, “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah… actually I did… I didn’t think I would but I did…”

“Perhaps it was the sun… you know… it does make one kind of tired…”

“Yeah…”

“Kerry…”

Kerry turned around sensing the change in Abby’s voice and in anticipation, interrupted Abby.

“I had a wonderful time, really… It was the best vacation I have had in years…I… wanted you to know that…”

“Me too…”-answered the student quietly. 

“And yes, we’re here back at work… back in Chicago… but I don’t want you to feel as if things have to change…They don’t…”

“I don’t want things between us to change…”

“Neither do I Abby… I… Uhm… uh… I like being with you and that has not changed simply because we’re back at work…”

Abby exhaled audibly. She was hoping her boss would feel exactly that way for she too, wanted to pursue this newfound friendship outside the time spent on the islands and outside the confines of County General Hospital.

“So…” –said Kerry sensing the need for a change in the conversation- “How are you feeling now…?”

“I feel perfect… like nothing had happened…”

Kerry slammed shut her locker door and heading towards the door, smiled at Abby and softly said, “Nothing ever did…”

And with that, opened the door and left the lounge leaving Abby with a puzzled look in her face.

Later on that day, Abby headed towards the terrace for a much-needed nicotine break. Once up there, she lit up a cigarette and leaning lazily over the balcony, she took in the sounds of the city below. It felt nice to be back at home. It was refreshing to see everyone again and gently enter again into the rhythm of her life at the hospital. It was stimulating to go back to the high voltage environment of the ER, where there was no time to ponder life’s mysteries but seconds to solve them. She loved how working in traumas made her feel; capable, fast… like she mattered.

However, she missed the laziness and intimacy she had found with Kerry at the islands. Every day was an adventure, a chance to see her boss in a different light without the tension of life and death decisions to be made. No, at the beach Kerry Weaver was just another person on vacation but one full of stories and discoveries and laughs to be shared with. 

“Hi… I thought I’d find you here…”

Abby turned around to find Luka approaching her.

“Hey, stranger…” –answered Abigail.

“When did you come back? I thought you were going to stay until tomorrow and come back on Monday…”

Abby took a slow drag from her cigarette, enjoying the subtle breeze coming from the lake.

“We came back yesterday afternoon…”

“We?”

“Yeah, Kerry and I…?”

Luka raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You went with Kerry…?”

Abby inhaled one more time and exhaling, shook her head. “No, we didn’t go together as such, we ran into each other at the hotel… I mean, it was a package deal, Luka, it was bound to happen…”

“True… so, did you guys have a good time, I mean, did you spend time together..?”

“Actually Luka, it was a really, really nice time… I had no idea Kerry could be so… uh… different, outside the hospital. I actually enjoyed myself around her very much…”

“Well… I’m glad…”

Abby looked at her watch and realized she had been gone for more than she should have. “I got to go back, you coming?”

“Sure…”

After ten gruelling hours, Abby was ready to head home. In her way out she stopped in the lounge to leave some files for Susan but instead of the blonde doctor, she found Kerry, getting ready to leave.

“Hey…” –Ventured the young nurse, almost in a whisper.

“Hi… All done for the day..?”

“Yup… finally… I thought it was never going to end…”

“Are you on for tomorrow?” –Asked Kerry.

“Actually… to tell you the truth… I don’t know…” -She chuckled at her own lack of interest. “…Are you..?”

“No, that’s why I was asking…” -Kerry said casually.

“Oh..?” -The commentary caught Abigail off guard and turning, she managed to hide a small smile that crept without her control.

“Yeah… I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me… it’s supposed to be a beautiful day tomorrow…despite the season… sunny and warm…”

“Really…? I mean, yeah, sure… let me see…”

“That’s okay; I’ll take care of it… It’s not like you’re going to be gone for another week…” -And as soon as she finished uttering the words, Kerry left the lounge. Not a minute had elapsed when she came back and cracking the lounge’s door, she said to Abby “…So are you ready..?”

Grinning, Abby managed to quickly gather her stuff and walked out behind her boss.

“What did you do? If I had known it was this easy…”

“What? You would have befriended me to get off work?”

“Oh… no, no… That’s not what I meant, I was just kidding…”

Kerry turned around smiling. “You know Abby… I thought I was gullible but you beat me to it...”

Abby smiled and remained quiet. “I have never seen you as a gullible kind of person Kerry… anyway… thank you…”

“So… I was thinking… there is a sale tomorrow in the garden department of the Home Depot close to where I live and I figured, it would be great to take advantage of that and the weather and… do some garden work. Know anything about gardening..?”

Abby stood there, speechless. 

“So…?” –Asked Kerry, stifling a chuckle.

“So you got me off work to do gardening?”

Kerry could not help the laughter. “Were you not the one who wanted us to do things together? Besides Lockhart, lighten up, it’s not like we’re going to mow the lawn or anything… at least, not on your first visit…”

“But, but…”

“Oh, shush… You don’t really have to do anything, really… I just wanted your company… I thought it would be nice to spend the day together…”

The young nurse did not how to respond. Normally, she was the one that initiated friendships or relationships and she was not used to being asked for anything. She liked the feeling of being wanted.

“Abby… you okay, sweetie…?”

There it was that “sweetie” word again. Abby relished in the warmth that the term of endearment brought to her heart.

“Yeah… I’m okay Kerry… I…Uh… just not used to …”

“Being wanted”. 

It was not a question; it was a statement coming from someone very familiar with the same feeling.

“Yeah…” –said Abigail in a forced casual tone.

“Well…”-interrupted the redheaded doctor- “You are wanted…tomorrow… by me…ok?” And with that, she kept on walking hoping that her words had quieted the young woman’s anxieties.

When they got to the EL station, they parted ways.

“Nine o’clock, then?”

“Sure…”

“Do you want to sleep in a little more? I can pick you up after going to Home Depot…”

“No, no, I want to go with you, nine is fine…”

“Sure?”

“Sure…”

“Okay… nine it is then… “

“Okay…”

And silently, they hugged each other and parted ways.

[End Chapter 3]


	4. Purple Violets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter Four   
Purple Violets 

The only thing Abby could remember was the sound of a car’s hunk pounding. When she finally woke up, she looked at the clock and immediately realized that she had overslept and that the sound she was hearing had to be coming from Kerry’s car. In a frantic frenzy, she changed into a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt and some boots and headed out.

“I’m sorry Kerry…” –Abby said as she managed to get herself in the car. 

“Good morning” –Said the older woman, with a mischievous smile in her face.

“You’re not angry?”

“Me? No… Why would I be… it’s not like I have been waiting here for hours or anything… it’s okay…”

“Thank god… I was coming down thinking you’d be mad…”

“No… it’s okay sweetie… so, are we ready..?”

“Sure, sure… just one thing though…”

“Anything…”

“Can we stop to get some coffee…?”

“Sure…”

So Abby breathed in peace. Funny how sometimes things turn out, thought Abby. Here she was in Kerry’s car, all comfortable and safe and wanted, with the same person who could be so hard to please when at work.

“Kerry…”

“Uhum..?”

“Can I ask you something?

“Sure…”

“How come you’re not angry? I mean, at work you would have bitten my head off…”

Kerry had to smile. -“At work, things are different Abby. We have responsibilities; we have to be there on time. We get paid to be there but above all, we have a duty to perform; to be there for our patients. Today is different, we have none of that. I’m not in a hurry and I am not your boss. I’m your friend and friends wait for each other and understand that sometimes, well, we oversleep…”

Abby remained silent, digesting Kerry’s words. ‘So we are friends’, she thought. 

“Thank you…” –Abby mumbled, looking out through the window.

“Why does it surprise you so much, I thought it was already understood…”

“I know, I know… it’s just… I don’t know… It feels strange… still…”

“If it makes you uncomfortable we can’t just do it at another time, Abby, it’s okay…”

Abby felt Kerry’s mood shifting as if suddenly, everything that was given was about to be taken away. 

“Kerry… I’m sorry… uh… I really didn’t mean anything bad… I just… I don’t know… perhaps I am just surprised that you enjoy being with me… I don’t know… it’s not like I am this great person or that I have this great conversation or anything…”

“Abby… I don’t know what other people have told you about the person you are… I don’t even know the kind of person you have been with others… I do know though… that when you are with me, you are this interesting, kind, good, joyful woman that I really, really enjoy having around… I don’t do it because I have nothing else better to do… I do it because being with you… I don’t know… makes me happy? And please… don’t take this the wrong way… I mean…as a friend…you make me happy as a friend…”

“Don’t worry, I understand…”

“Ok… So, are we gonna get that coffee? How about Starbucks?”

“Yup, that sounds good…”

“Ok…”

After getting some coffee and some muffins, they finally arrived at the Home Depot. The air was crisp and for once, the weatherman had been right about his predictions; it was warm and sunny. Abby shed the sweatshirt and followed her boss to the store. Once inside, Kerry took the lead and without hesitation, grabbed a cart and headed towards the garden section.

“Okay so… what do we need..?” –Asked Kerry to herself.

“So, what is it that we’re doing today..?” –Interrupted Abby.

“Bulbs…”

“Bulbs? Aren’t those supposed to be done in the fall?”

“Some do… others, don’t…”

“Oh… okay…”

After spending a good hour and a half browsing and picking up supplies such as soil, fertilizers, spring bulbs, a couple of indoor plants and some clay pots, the pair –already a bit sweaty and warm- headed towards Kerry’s home. Abby was somewhat excited; she was about to enter Kerry’s private domain and the thought filled her with curiosity and some degree of awe. She had known Kerry’s public persona for a long time now however knowing how intensely private and reserved person her boss was, she felt a sense of privilege in this tacit invitation. 

“You okay..?” -Kerry’s voice interrupted her chain of thoughts- “Yeah…”   
–Answered the young nurse- “You seem quiet all of a sudden…”

“I’m good Kerry…”

Two hours later, Abby found herself covered in dirt up to her elbows. Following Kerry’s instructions, the young nurse decided to do as much digging as possible, letting the lighter work to her companion.

“Abby…”

“Hmm..?”

“Sweetie, you didn’t have to dig up all the holes…”

“It’s okay… I wanted to… I actually enjoyed it…”

“Still… that wasn’t the idea…”

“No, it’s good Kerry, this way you have them all ready to plant the bulbs now… plus, you have a better sense of aesthetics than I do so, I’m sure you will combine colours and… bulbs, better…” Kerry stood there speechless for a couple of seconds. “Uh… okay… I guess…” was her only answer.

“Hey… are you okay…? You’re not angry, are you..?”

“God no, Abby, no… why do you always think I am angry or upset? No, sweetie no… if anything… I’m… touched… that was very sweet of you…”

“It was nothing, don’t worry…”

Perhaps it was the unexpected kindness or the warmth of the student’s smile or maybe even her modesty but for the first time since she had known the young nurse, Kerry saw her as a woman and not as a friendly co-worker or even a close friend and the thought, scared her a bit. She decided to get some drinks and put some distance between them.

“I’m gonna get something to drink… anything in particular you like..?”

“Uh… no, soda, tea…anything really, as long as it is cold…” -Abigail said with a smile and a few beads of sweat covering her forehead.

“Okay, I’ll be right back…”

Abby noticed some degree of nervousness in Kerry and felt touched realizing that it had been her actions and words the source of that in her indomitable boss. She relished in the thought that she -despite all her flaws and shortcomings- was able to somehow get through the thick skin of the good Dr Weaver.

“Here you go…”

“Thank you, Kerry…”

“Oh… you’re welcome Abby…”

“Kerry..?”

“Uhum..?”

“Thank you…”

“For what?”

“For letting me into your home… for… I don’t know… just… you know…”

“You don’t have to thank me, if anything, I have to thank you… this whole thing started because you were kind enough to accept my invitation to dinner that first day at the beach, remember?”

“Yeah… but still…”

“Nonsense Abby, if you had not come today, I would have been digging up holes until midnight all by myself… This is a lot more fun…”

“Actually Kerry now that you mention it, this is actually very relaxing… It allows one to think…”

“Yeah…”

“Unfortunately for me though, I don’t have a backyard… this is cheaper than therapy…”

“Oh yes… nicer too…”

“Have you ever been in therapy, Kerry?”

Kerry paused for a second debating whether she should allow this conversation to run into deeper waters. However, Abby’s words gave her the answer.

“I have… not pleasant… actually with Dr Legaspi”

“With Kim…” –said Kerry sighing.

“Yes…”

“She is a good psychiatrist though…”

“Oh yeah… I know she’s good but still not pleasant…”

“Therapy is not easy, no… I did go some time ago… when she and I…”  
“Right…”

“That was the only time, really… it was such a…”

“Hard time, huh..?”

“Yeah…”

Abby let Kerry take a little respite and continued digging now with her bare hands. Despite the mess, she loved the feeling of the soil combined with some water in her fingers; it reminded her of when she was a little girl and would go to the beach and sit by the sand to play.

“Did it help you out?”

“What?”

“Therapy… with Kim…”

“Well, kind of… it was mostly because of my mother and her bipolar mess and stuff… it helped I guess…”

Kerry nodded in understanding. 

“Did it help you?”

“Yeah, it did… it was a… uh… a hard time for me…”

“I remember when I was in therapy, we talked a lot about certain things… she made me remember stuff like… uh… this thing about finding that person that was going to love me, you know…”

“What thing?”

“Oh… it’s kind of stupid in a way, I don’t know…”

“No, tell me…”

“Well, I was about… uh… maybe 12 or so… I remember I was sitting in the back of my mother’s station wagon…”

“Oh yes, those… the predecessors of the current, infamous van…”

“Yeah, those… and… I don’t know why I started thinking about this thing, this mystery about finding the perfect person for me…”

“And..?”

“I guess that I just found it hard to believe that there was one person somewhere in the world for me… I just could not figure out how this person was ever going to find me… how was he… she… supposed to know where to find me…”

“She..?”-Kerry asked puzzled. 

“Yeah Kerry, “she”… what I mean is… I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, whom am I going to meet and… it could be a she…”

“Yeah, I guess… I just… I didn’t think you…”

“Would ever consider being with a woman? No, I haven’t really ever considered it or been really interested but you never know… I mean, like you…”

“Yeah, like me…”

“Before Dr Legaspi… did you ever consider it…were you ever interested in a woman?

“Oh God no… no… I, literally, did not see that coming… But unlike you, it never even crossed my mind in a hypothetical way…”

“I guess that in my case, regardless of the person’s gender… there’s a part of me that still wonders about that…”

“About what?”

“Whether am I ever going to be… found…?”

Kerry looked at Abby with a subdued but warm smile. She knew what the young nurse was talking about. –“You will…” 

Abby just smiled and returned to her digging. 

“Have you been found?” –Abby’s question pierced the silence and Kerry’s concentration. 

Kerry sighed heavily and muttered her answer, slowly. –“Have you seen anyone here besides the two of us..? No, I haven’t been… found… and probably, never will…”

“Don’t say that Kerry…”

“Why not Abby? I’m not young anymore, I’m not that attractive, I’m disabled and as someone once called me, I’m also a “Nazi Dyke”… not what I would consider a desirable profile… so no… I will not be found”. And finishing her words, she stood up and went inside, leaving Abby cursing through her teeth, “Shit”.

Kerry went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat for the both of them and to separate herself from the uncomfortable and painful moment just shared. For the first time since they had become friends, Kerry had felt uncomfortable and inadequate in front of Abby and quickly opted to remove herself from her at least, for a little while.

Abby sat down at the grass for a while contemplating what to do next. She finally decided to go inside and talk to Kerry.

When she went in, she headed towards the kitchen where she found the good Dr Weaver, preparing a salad. 

“Kerry… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…”

“I know Abby… I’m the one who's sorry… that was uncalled for…”

“I still think you’re wrong Kerry…”

“Why Abby? Seriously now, after Kim, I was able to put myself together after therapy and when I met Sandy, I thought that perhaps it would work out and it didn’t… I mean… what other signs do I need to see? What am I ignoring? I know what I am Abby so, let’s just leave it at that…”

“And what are you, Kerry? What are you? What? Some kind of monster no one would like? What?”

Kerry remained quiet and sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen table. Defeated, she tried to verbalize but no sounds came out of her mouth. Abby stood there again cursing under her breath realizing she had cornered Kerry one more time, into a place her friend did not want to be. Touched by what she was witnessing, embarrassed by her own words, saddened by Kerry’s pain and amazed at her own power over her boss, she wanted to make things better; she wanted for Kerry to feel as comfortable and free as she had been feeling before. Knowing than her words would not soothe, she approached her friend and attempted to hug her.

“I’m sorry…”

Kerry did not welcome the physical intrusion and pulled back.

“Kerry, please… I’m sorry…” –Mumbled Abby realizing that her boss was a more sensitive person than she had ever suspected. Despite Kerry’s stubbornness, Abby pressed on until she found herself close enough to hold Kerry.

“Kerry, really, I’m sorry… I really did not want to make you feel bad… I really did not want to hurt you… heck! I didn’t even know I could…”

Kerry finished up adding the dressing to the salad and added, quietly, “Well, now you know you can… but let’s leave it at that Abs… nothing happened… okay?”

Abby just nodded and smiled.

After lunch, Abby felt tired and decided it was time to head home. The holes were excavated, the bulbs planted, the mulch placed and the day, almost gone. The mood had changed since the “incident” as Abby would refer to it later, and it had never regained the same momentum it had had before so there seemed to be no reason for Abby to stay any longer. She got up from the chair and started to gather her belongings.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah… I should get home…”

“Yeah, of course… wait, I’ll drive you…”

“No, it’s okay Kerry, I’ll take the EL… I’ll see you tomorrow then… Oh and… thank you, I had a great time…”

And turning back, she opened the door and left. Kerry stood behind the closed door, watching Abby leave. 

Either something had been made better or it had been made worse but things  
-Kerry knew- would not be the same from then on. Lowering her gaze to the floor, she slowly walked towards the den and sitting at her couch, she settled for a quiet evening in front of the TV.

(End of Chapter 4)


	5. Easiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

**Mine**

**Chapter 5**

**Easiness**

It was 6 am and the ER was quiet for a change.Luka was sleeping on one of the suture rooms, Malik was watching TV in the lounge and even the old man sitting by chairs was still.Abby had gotten in about 5 minutes ago and immediately realized after checking the board that Kerry would not be in at all, during the day.Sighing, she settled to review charts at the admissions desk trying to ignore the little sadness she was feeling.

One of the charts had been a case that Kerry personally, had taken over a couple of days before.Abby found it when she came across her friend’s unique signature in light blue ink, in one of the charts;‘It must be from her fountain pen’thought Abby who could not help but smile and at the same time feel a little sad because she would not see Kerry that day.

She had a very weird feeling since she had left Kerry’s house the day before.On the one hand, she felt happy to have spent all that time with Kerry for the closeness and the intimacy shared; but on the other, she felt as if she had done something wrong which had caused the redhead some degree of pain.Ultimately though, she felt touched at the fact that her words and her actions had so much weight on the Chief of Staff. As she kept on charting, Susan Lewis came in.

“Hey… you’re here early…” said Susan as she approached the admissions desk.

“Yeah… hi…”

“You okay..?”

“Yup...”

“You wanna go with me to get some breakfast..?”

“Sure…”

Silently, both of them headed out walking through the wet ambulance bay…”

“Are you okay Abby, you seem very quiet today…”

“I’m okay Susan… I was just thinking…”

“Anything I should know about..?”

“Just stuff…”

“Oh, you weren’t in yesterday, were you?”

“No… I had the day off…”

“So, what’s up?”

“Kerry…”

“Kerry?What about her?”

“She was the person I was with during my vacations…”

“What? You went with Kerry?”

“No, I really didn’t go with Kerry… we met there but we did spend pretty much the whole time together…”

“Really..?”

Abby recognized the hint behind Susan’s words. “Yes, Susan…”

“And..?”

“And nothing… we’re good friends…”

“Wow… that’s new… friends with Weaver…”

“She’s not that bad… in fact, she’s really different outside County…”

“So what’s the problem then..?”

“I just can’t understand her sometimes…”

“What else is new Abs?Nobody can…at least not here… I certainly never did…”

“I do, most of the time…”

“Well, consider yourself lucky then… If she’s a good friend to you then…good I guess…”

They finally went inside DocMagoo’s ordered some coffee and doughnuts and went back to the hospital.

The rest of the day went on without a hitch.Abby left the hospital around 3 pm and after picking up some pictures at a nearby Walgreen’s, she headed home for what she thought would be a quiet evening.

Once at her apartment, she changed into more comfortable clothes and settled at the small terrace to look at the pictures and enjoy the afternoon.But she found little joy; she missed Kerry.It was absurd, thought Abby; she had known Weaver for a long time and now after a week, everything had been changed.Suddenly, Abby felt lonely as if she had no other friends which truthfully, she really didn’t.Yes, she was friends with Luka and Susan and other people at the hospital and yes, she did have some friends outside County but, it was also true that she did not feel the same connection with them as she did with Kerry.Theirs was a friendship of understanding, good conversations, laughter and little demands; each took and offered equally and there was no room for complaints. So, she just had to let these hours go by until the next morning when the new day would bring her Kerry again.

Kerry woke up in a good mood.She had had a restful night which was not always a common occurrence and full of energy, she headed towards the hospital. 

As soon as she stepped into her office, she noticed a small bunch of purple violets planted on a beautiful clay pot with a yellow bow and a small card inside a little envelope.“Missed you yesterday” read the card.Kerry recognized Abby’s unique handwriting and smiled to herself.Not only was this a sweet gesture in itself but for Kerry, this small and simple gift signaled the beginning of an even closer bond between the two women.And Kerry loved that.

By 11:30 am. Abby had not seen her boss nor had she heard from her, ‘…perhaps she didn’t come in; after all…’- thought Abby with a little sadness. 

“Abby, quick, Curtain 3!” –Yelled Luka.

And once again Abby was dragged into the rapidly changing trauma environment of the ER in which she thrived so well.Despite her so very different beginnings at the OB-GYN department, Abby had grown not only to love the  fast-paced rhythm of Emergency Medicine but also the fact that she seemed so well suited for it; so much so that she didn’t even have to think, her mind seemed to operate in auto mode which explained her almost flawless efficiency.Finally, there was one aspect of the job that Abby adored; when in a trauma, all other thoughts, worries, anxieties, pains, sadness, feelings of inadequacy or doubt became completely obliterated by the daunting task at hand and this time, like so many others before it, it had worked –again- like a charm.So engrossed had she become in what she was doing that she had not noticed her boss watching from outside until Kerry came in and almost in passing muttered: “Me too…”

Abby turned around and smiled broadly.“I'll call you later…” added the limping figure who just before leaving the room, turned around and looked at Abby with such fondness, that Abby’s heart just melted.“Okay…” was the only thing she could answer back.

Five hours later, amidst a soft afghan that wrapped her body in warmth and comfort, Abby was still revelling in the feeling of peace that her friend’s presence brought to her.They had in fact spoken later that day and Kerry had asked her if she wanted to come over her house to watch some videos and share some Chinese food and now there she was, watching Kerry from afar while the redheaded doctor -in full concentration- served some ice cream for the both of them.

When Kerry returned Abby extended her hand to help Kerry get back to her place in the couch and inside the warmth of the afghan throw that covered them both.Abby, after being gently coerced by Kerry, had brought her pyjamas and a fresh change of clothes for the next day. “That way -had added Kerry- you won’t have to drive home late tonight…”And so there they were; eating ice cream and watching old episodes of “The Carol Burnett Show”.

Later that evening already in Kerry’s guest room, Abby would remember how peaceful she felt under Kerry’s roof; how much affection and acceptance she kept receiving from this woman who until so very recently, was no more than her boss.She wished as children do sometimes, that this feeling would never end despite the fact that she knew that once morning came life would return to normal. 

But for now, there she was, wrapped in soft linens scented with Kerry’s friendship and unconditional approval and in complete harmony Abigail fell into a very deep and peaceful sleep.

[End of Chapter 5]


	6. Subtitles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 6  
Subtitles

The workweek was finally over and the weekend was about to start. Abigail loved what she called “that Friday feeling” which she would explain as that feeling of knowing that two days lay ahead for her to decide what to do with them. However, this weekend was different for she already had it pretty much planned with her friend, Kerry Weaver.

As she was placing her backpack in the back seat of her truck, she wondered what they would end up doing together. Kerry had called her up yesterday and had asked her –literally- if she wanted to “hang around” Kerry’s home for the weekend. The only precise thing she had mentioned was the possibility of going to the movies tonight and that had been all so, Abigail wondered.

Kerry’s home was about 15 minutes away. Abby drove slowly, lazily even; taking her time as the final rays of the light hid from view. As the stereo blasted a song by Bare Naked Ladies Abby recognized one very distinct feeling; contentment.

She finally arrived at Kerry’s townhouse and per Kerry’s instructions; she parked the SUV on the driveway. She had barely turned off the engine and stepped out when Kerry opened the side door. “Where have you been? We’re gonna be late!”

“And hello to you too…” –smirked the young nurse as she opened the back door and extracted her backpack. “I am also very happy to see you…” –she added with sarcasm.

“Yes, hello…we’re going to be late…”-said Kerry emphatically as Abigail climbed the stairs.

“Late for what?”

“Movies…”

“Do I have time to shower?” –Abby asked immediately realizing that it had been the wrong thing to ask. “Okay…let me change then…” –And headed to the guests’ room. Two minutes later, they were leaving the house.

“What are we watching?”

Kerry looked strange driving Abby’s truck. Concentrated, she did not even hear Abby’s voice and kept on driving. Five minutes later she pulled up in front of the movie theatre. “Oh, no…it started already…”

Abby exhaled in genuine relief; a documentary on the life of Alfred Stieglitz, “The Father of Modern Photography” was not exactly what she’d be looking forward on a Friday night. Holding back laughter as she looked over her friend’s disappointed face Abby spoke softly- “Wanna grab something to eat?”

“No, not really…”

“Hmm…what about shooting some pool?

The redhead just glared at her.

“Okay…hmmm…”

Tapping her fingers to her lips Abby tried to think of something the redhead would enjoy. “Got it. Let me drive…”

“Where are we going?”

“Dancing” –answered Abby opening the door for Kerry who wasn’t quite convinced of Abby’s idea. “Come on, move…”

Once in the driver’s seat, Abby turned the engine on and drove them away. It was amusing to her that her boss, the grand County Hospital’s Chief of Staff also known as Dr Kerry Weaver would be so sad because she missed a movie. But that was part of the appeal that the small redhead had on anyone that got to know her better.

“Where are we going?”

“To Shescape…”

The older woman looked at the young nurse wide-eyed, “You know that place? How do you know that bar..?”

The car stopped at a traffic light. “Kerry, where do you think I’ve lived, the boonies? I have gone to gay bars...”

“Why? You’re not gay…”

“Because… I don’t know…everyone does it in college, I guess? It’s one of those things that everyone does eventually…”

“I never did…”

Abby smiled. Kerry’s need to clarify was unnecessary. “Well, yeah…you were probably too busy getting straight A’s…”

The light turned to green and Abby kept on driving. Twenty minutes later both women were checking their coats and walking inside the bar. 

“Slow night…” –remarked Abby casually. 

“It’ll pick up later…”

“So yes… –said Abby laughing- …there I was standing alone in that rain…it was hilarious…!”

Kerry laughed at the story and sipped from her drink. They had been at the bar for a little while and her mood had improved since they had arrived.

“So Weaver…Are we dancing or what..?” –asked Abby staring at her friend with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous look on her face.

“To this? No, I couldn’t…too fast…”

“Okay, we’ll wait for a soft one but don’t forget you promised…Want something else to drink? I’m going to get another club soda…”

“Yeah…get me another Black Label on the rocks, please?”

“Sure…”

Abby left for the bar. While she stood there, she turned around to glance at her companion. Kerry looked relaxed but somehow distracted as if she were waiting for someone to show up. 

Minutes later and drinks in tow, Abby went back to their table and tugged at Kerry, “Come on…a slow one…” 

Kerry stood up and took Abby’s hand in hers. Once they were holding each other Abby started to swing slowly. “Is this good…?”

Kerry smiled to herself for she found it endearing that the young nurse would be so worried about her dancing abilities. “Abby…relax… you’re doing great…” and with that Kerry moulded herself closer to Abby, giving in to the melody. 

Abby smiled very, very proud of herself.

A couple of songs later both women decided that it had been enough dancing for the time being. The bar as Kerry had predicted, had filled up nicely and there were women everywhere. The air, a combination of perfume, cigarette smoke, sweat and hormones, was becoming heavy.

Abby thought she had noticed it earlier but had dismissed it. Now, she was certain. Kerry, in her usual subdued way of being herself outside the hospital, was checking some of the patrons out. The first time it had happened, they were dancing and Abby had ignored it because the commentary she was about to make was actually, kind of lame. 

But it had just happened once again. Kerry’s eyes followed a thirty-something woman with dirty blonde hair, bright hazel eyes and an exquisite figure walk in front of their table towards the end of the bar. Abby noticed and smirked to herself; a word to Weaver now and the spell would be broken. She just cleared her throat and the redhead turned around, “You were saying?”

“Are you having a good time?” 

Kerry raised her eyes from her almost empty drink and softly answered, “Yes…”

“So Kerry…-asked Abby boldly- …why do you think she’s pretty, uh?” 

The older woman stared at the young nurse in disbelief. It was –thought Abby- a combination of fear, surprise and wariness. Abby felt bad. The last thing she wanted was to put Kerry on the spot especially when it came to personal matters such as this one. However, there was a true curiosity to know what made the good Dr. Weaver tick; what represented a weakness.

“So...?” –Insisted the young nurse.

“Uhm… I’m sorry… that was rude of me…”

As usual, Kerry had gained the upper hand. Abigail knew that she was not going to get an answer to her question. “Don’t worry Kerry, it was just… you know… curiosity…”

Kerry sipped from her drink again and shifted her position in her chair. A couple of minutes later, the pair were engaged in another trivial conversation. “So, yes… can you believe they are actually back together again? I mean, I don’t know what Luka expects from Sam…” –Commented Abby moving her hands in the air.

“But Sam? What does Luka see in that girl? I mean, she’s pretty and all but…”

Kerry didn’t finish her sentence. Her eyes as before, took a detour from Abby’s face to the bar in front of them, to the back of the bar.

“Kerry?” –Asked Abby, trying to get her boss’ attention one more time.

But Kerry didn’t notice Abby. She probably not even heard Abby’s voice. Absentmindedly she let her eyes roam.

Abigail exhaled audibly as her mood shift. While she understood that her friend was in perfect liberty to look at anyone, she was bothered by it. She took another last sip from her drink, while she contemplated her next move. She looked up to Kerry who was still lost in a game of visual flirtation and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Getting up, she placed a $20.00 bill on the table. “I’m leaving…”

Abby’s movement caught Kerry’s attention. “You what?”

“Yeah…here, I’m leaving some money for you to pay the tab…”

“But, why are you leaving?” –Asked Kerry with apprehension.

Abby looked up, closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. “I…just got to go…” –She finally answered.

“Abby, please…”

“No Kerry, I’m going. You just stay and do…whatever…I don’t want to…uh…prevent you from…you know…” and she made a general move towards the end of the bar. “I’ll see you soon at…”

And with that, she left the table. Kerry confused and flushed, got up as fast as she could and caught up with the young nurse just before she stepped out. She took a hold of Abby’s arm.

“Please Abby, stay…What happened? What did I do?”

Abby yanked her arm free of Weaver’s stronghold. “I’ll see you…”

“Abby, we came in your car…” –Interrupted Kerry with a stern voice.

Abby turned around and locked her eyes onto Kerry’s. There was a shade of hurt in those magnificent brown eyes; a sadness that Kerry could not help but see. “I’ll take a cab…” –Mumbled Abigail and left.

Kerry stood there not knowing what to do. Confused, she made a line to her table and looked up again towards the door hoping that perhaps, the young nurse had changed her mind. After a couple of minutes, Kerry realized that Abby was not coming back. Once again she lowered her eyes and grabbing her purse, left some more money on the table and left.

By the time she arrived home, it was already 2:00 am. Beaten by the week of heavy work, this unexpected turn of events had not helped her mood. She felt strange, disarmed and above all, confused. ‘Why on earth had Abby left?’ Asked Kerry to herself as she opened her front door and the warm air of her home, hit her face. ‘Why? Because I was looking at some women? So what? What does she care? It’s not like I was with her or anything…’ -Thought Kerry over and over as she took her coat off and placed it in the closet. Trying to dismiss the thoughts, Kerry went to the kitchen to make some tea. 

‘But…what if..?’ Nah…What are you thinking Weaver? No, no, no…Abby’s straight…STRAIGHT… very, very straight…’ 

Climbing the stairs to her room, she noticed the light on inside the guests’ room. “She never remembers to turn the lights off…” –Mumbled the redhead to herself. Stepping inside the room, Kerry noticed Abby’s scrubs on the bed, her tennis shoes, a pair of dirty socks and the sweatshirt Abby was wearing when she got to Kerry’s home. Kerry felt a pang of sadness remembering their original plans for the weekend and that faded hint of dejection in the brunette’s eyes. Mug in hand, Kerry sat down by the bed. Placing the steaming mug of tea on the night table, she took Abby’s sweatshirt in her hands and suddenly, without thinking, brought it up to her nose to smell it. It smelled like Abby’s perfume with a faint trace of that hospital smell they all grew used to. Weaver sighed deeply. 

‘But why? This doesn’t make any sense…I mean, we were fine… we danced, we talked and we were having a good time. Yeah sure, I was looking at some women but… why did she have to leave? It’s not like I was ignoring her or anything…I was just…looking…I can look…it’s not like we are a couple. Besides, she’s as a straight as they come and even if she wasn’t…-Kerry chuckled-…even if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be interested in me…’ 

She got up, turned off the light and headed to her room. Kicking off her shoes, she grabbed the remote control of the TV and turned it on. As the sound started to fill in the room, she shed her clothes and went into the bathroom to wash and put her pyjamas on. Finally, she turned off the TV and the lights and laid in silence on her bed. 

Despite being tired, Kerry could not find a comfortable position to fall asleep. The same thoughts circled her mind over and over again accompanied by a nagging feeling of anger which she felt at the pit of her stomach. She exhaled and admitted to herself that she was angry and hurt by Abby’s actions. She could not comprehend her bizarre behaviour so in addition to feeling disoriented, she also felt angry and yes, she had to admit, abandoned and rejected.

And it finally dawned on her; these feelings could only be explained by one thing: Kerry had feelings for the young nurse.

When this thought came to her consciousness, Kerry stood up from her bed and stood in the middle of her darkened bedroom. “What the hell?” –She asked herself out loud as if hearing her own words spoken would make it more real. As if moved by an invisible force, the mighty Dr Weaver started to pace the empty space in front of her bed. 

‘What the hell is this? No, no, no…this is not happening…I can’t…this is ridiculous…she’s not gay…and even if she was, she wouldn’t give a shit about me…I’m…uh…no, not me…I’m just not good enough for…’ 

And she abruptly stopped her mental ruminations. She had hit a sensitive spot and she froze, not wanting to venture any further. The truth of the matter was that Abigail Lockhart was a young, beautiful, bright and wonderful woman who would not give Kerry, the time of day. ‘

‘So shove it, Weaver! It ain’t happening…’ 

Exhausted she let her body slump on the bed. Once again she had managed to get herself in a tangle she had no idea how to get out of. 

“Oh Lord…” –She said rubbing her eyes. “Oh, God…”

The chilled air managed to sneak its way inside Abby’s bedroom. On her bed, Abby laid in silence. It was close to 3:30 am and she had a 9 o’clock shift the next morning that she herself had asked for after the failure of the night before. “Shit” –she mumbled. She was angry at herself but above all, she was angry at Kerry. 

‘How dare she? I mean, I mean, if it was going to be like that she should have told me…Damn, that was so rude…’ –The young nurse thought as she shifted on the bed. ‘I’m so stupid, God! I’m so incredibly stupid!’ and after punching her pillow, she closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.

A sound, an irritating and constant buzzing brought her from slumber. “Shit!” she cursed loudly, searching for her robe in the semi-darkness. “Hold on!” She yelled at whoever had the audacity to show up on her door at this ungodly hour. Stumbling, she managed to get to her door without falling or stepping on her shoes.

“Kerry…”

“I thought you’d need some coffee…”

There, at her door, at 7 o’clock in that cold morning, stood her boss and friend, Kerry Weaver. “May I come in..?” –Added the redhead.

“Sure…hold on…” –And taking the chain out, Abby opened the door and stepped back to let Kerry in. “Sorry for the mess, I just…”

“No problem…uh…vanilla latte okay?” –Asked Kerry timidly. 

“Yeah, of course. Take a seat…wherever you can…”

Kerry stepped inside the dark apartment and sat in the first clear spot she found.

Abby was still trying to connect the dots while she looked for a blanket to cover herself with. “Sorry, I’m still not awake yet…”

“It’s okay sweetie…Abby?”

Sitting on the other side of the couch, Abby took the coffee from Kerry’s hands and leaned back, yawning. 

“I thought you’d be up by now… I figured that with a 9 o’clock shift you’d be up…I called the hospital and they told me you’d scheduled a shift for today…” –Mumbled Kerry apologetically. She went on. “Abby, I’m sorry about last night…I didn’t mean to upset you…” –Ventured Kerry, tentatively- “I… I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m sorry that was so…”

‘You were thinking about that chick at the bar, that’s what you were thinking about…’ thought the nurse as she tried to appear aloof to the whole thing.

“It’s okay Kerry…it’s not like you did this horrible thing” –added Abigail who had even managed a fake but apparently, quite convincing, smile.

“No, it’s not. I should have behaved more appropriately. It was not right for me to ignore you…I’m…I’m sorry…”

‘Yeah, it wasn’t right…what you had to go and look at her for when you had me right there in front of you?’

“It’s okay Kerry really…I…overreacted…sometimes I do…runs in my family…” 

“No, you didn’t sweetie… the thing is Abby…”

‘So what’s the thing, Kerry..?’

Abby exhaled deeply. “Oh Kerry, come on…we’re friends…you don’t have to explain anything…”

“No, I do, I do…the thing is…I don’t ever want to do anything to upset you…I…I don’t want to lose you…I really felt bad last night…”

‘Oh Ker…I don’t want to be lost…’ –thought Abby as she sighed deeply and heart without her will or consent, started to beat a little faster. ‘Lose me? What do you care about me? How are you going to lose me if you don’t have me?’

“…I don’t want to lose your friendship. I…uh…your friendship means the world to me…”

‘My friendship? My friendship…right…Oh that’s right…I’m just her friend…right…’

“…and I really wanted to come here to apologize for last night…” –said the redhead doctor softly.

‘And you came all the way here because you didn’t want to lose my friendship? That’s a long way to come for just a friend…Besides, it’s not like I was going anywhere…’

“Is there anything I can do to change what happened last night? –Asked the older woman sitting in front of Abigail.

‘You could look at me…’ –screamed Abby’s mind.

Abby shook her head. “Oh no Kerry…it’s okay…really…”

“Are you sure Abby? Please look at me…”

‘You can stop being my fucking friend Kerry –Abby thought- you can start looking at me as a woman…like you looked at that chick last night, that’s what you can do…’

“It’s okay Kerry…water under the bridge…”

“Are you sure Abby?”

Abigail nodded her head and smiled at her friend. 

‘Shit’ –Thought Abby-‘Shit…’

[End of Chapter 6]


	7. In Quiet Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 7  
In Quiet Acceptance

Music poured out her CD player and while it was fiercely raining outside, Kerry felt at peace in her office. The soft light that radiated from her desk lamp brought about a soft glow in sharp contrast with the sterile white light coming from every other lamp fixture in the hospital. It was about 5 pm and the day was almost over despite its so many difficulties. Marathon meetings, followed by a list of phone calls and other detestable tasks, had left her exhausted and wasted. Nonetheless, she hurriedly tried to finish the letter she was attempting to write to finally go home and call it a day.

A soft knock brought her to reality. “Come in…” –She answered, expecting to see her assistant Christina. 

“Hi…” –Muttered Abigail as her head peeked through the small crack of the door.

“Hi” -Answered Kerry, smiling. “Come in, come in…”

“How are you? I didn’t see you all day…”

“Oh… -said Kerry rubbing her eyes and closing her laptop- I know… I couldn’t come down, not even once… How was your day in the trenches?”

“Oh, you know, same old thing… are you okay..?” –Asked Abby, timidly- “You look ragged…”

Kerry leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes. “I’m okay… tired… bothered…but okay I guess…”

“Bothered about what?”

“About the fact that despite all my best efforts, I still have to go tomorrow to Detroit…”

“To Detroit? How come?” -Asked Abby with a small hint of sadness in her voice which she hoped had gone unnoticed.

“I have to meet with some investors who may, operative word here being ‘may’… want to invest in the new wing we want to build…”

“Oh… right…”

“Yeah, the trials and tribulations of being in this position… I’m sorry…I’m… I’m not going to be able to meet tomorrow as we had planned…” –said Kerry apologizing. - “I’ll make it up to you when I come back, okay?”

“And when are you coming back?”

“Uh… very good question… don’t really know, Thursday? Friday? Monday? Don’t know because I don’t know how difficult or how willing these people will be… I’m sorry… I’ll call you to let you know…”

Abby tried to appear as aloof as her acting abilities would allow her –“Why are you sorry? You have to work… don’t worry about it…”

Kerry was a little taken aback by her friend’s attitude of apparent indifference but tried not to dwell on it. “Okay…” was her only answer.

“Well, I got to run… I’m on until 11 and they’re probably wondering where I am…”

“Oh… okay… I’ll call you then… is that okay..?”

“Yeah, of course, call me…”

“Okay…”

“Have a safe trip, okay..?”

“You take care…”

And waving, Abby left Kerry’s office. 

The following day Abby immersed herself in every trauma and every chart and every patient she could find in the hopes to forget the fact that Kerry was not around. If she was honest to herself, she would have had to come to terms with the fact that she was angry but more than anything, she was saddened by Kerry’s absence. She knew her feelings were childish for Kerry had not abandoned her or anything like it; Kerry was on a business trip and that was part of what she had to do from time to time and while in the past that would have been a welcomed hiatus, now, it felt like a blatant act of abandonment.

She was also greatly bothered by her colleagues’ innuendos in regards to her friendship with the Chief of Staff. So upset was she that she had started to regret having said anything to Susan or Luka about her week-long Caribbean vacation. 

So, in lieu of everything that was taking place, Abigail decided to keep to herself that first day and left as soon as her shift was over. When she was getting to her apartment, the cell phone rang.

“Hello…”

“Hi…”

“Hi… how are you..?

“I’m okay… here in exciting Detroit…”

“Yeah… exciting Detroit… how was your flight...?”

“Okay… got here on time, had a meeting early this morning, then a luncheon, another meeting in the afternoon and a dinner invitation in about an hour…”

“Busy schedule…”

“How about you… how are you..?”

Abby sighed heavily. She wanted to say that her day had been miserable. She wanted to say that she missed Kerry terribly and that all she wanted to do was to fly to where she was to be with her.

But she chose not to, of course.

“Okay… nothing special…”

“You okay? You sound upset…”

Again, Abigail wanted to shout, not just convey, what her true feelings were but remained calm and collected. “No, I’m okay, just a little tired, maybe…”

“Abby…”

“Yeah, Kerry..?”

“I am going back tomorrow morning…”

“Really?” –Abby’s tone of voice changed dramatically despite her best effort to appear cool.

“Yeah… my work is done already. I got the money for the new wing…”

“Wow, that’s great Kerry…”

“Plus…ImissyousoIamgoingbacktomorrow” –Said Kerry almost in a whisper, praying that Abby would not have listened but hoping she had.

Abigail smiled to the phone and whispered back “I miss you too…”

Both women fell silent on the phone line, each absorbing the meaning of the almost undetectable exchange of feelings that had just taken place.

“Kerry…”

“Yes..?”

“Can I go to the airport to pick you up?”

If Kerry’s heart needed a little push to melt, this was it. It was not only the obvious need and intention behind the words; it was also the almost child-like quality of the question that did it. She answered the only way she could, “Please do…”

After exchanging the needed information about Kerry’s flight, they said goodbye and hung up the phone. Kerry felt exhilarated and let the rush of endorphins wash over her like a Tsunami. She was happy, period, nothing else to it. She took a shower and dressed and put her makeup on as in automatic mode, all the while humming and smiling. In 45 minutes Kerry was ready and headed to the hotel’s lobby to wait for her business associates.

Abigail, on the other hand, was overwhelmed. As soon as she hung up the phone, she grabbed an ashtray and headed towards the terrace to smoke away, the pounding she felt inside her chest. While there was a hidden force lurking inside her that filled her with sheer happiness in regards of what had just taken place, there was another one, equally strong, that pressed on and filled her with terror. 

She was in love with Kerry Weaver.

“Oh, crap…” –Said Abby to herself burying her face in her hands. Finally, all the walls had come tumbling down and there was no point on denying what she was feeling. Kerry’s presence had provided her with everything she had always longed for; trust, understanding, acceptance, peace and above all, unconditional love and there was no point on denying this anymore. She needed no other proof than what she had felt all throughout that day; that feeling of incompleteness that suffocated her from the second she knew Kerry would be gone. However, there was a part of her that still tried to hang on to the remote possibility that loneliness or psychological vulnerability made her feel confused in regards to her feelings.

And finally, after three cigarettes, she felt somewhat better. The fact that she knew that she could be confused, albeit only slightly, gave her the necessary comfort to enjoy the rest of the evening.

When her alarm went off the next morning, Abby was already up and showered. She flipped the switch, shutting down the noise and sat by her unmade bed, contemplating the best course of action to take. It was not even 7 o’clock in the morning and she was almost ready to go to the airport, despite the fact that Kerry’s flight would not get in until 9 am. She had cleared the day by switching with Haleh and the only thing she had ahead of her, was Kerry.

She got up and proceeded to dress in a casual yellow blouse, tan pants and a leather jacket. Looking herself in the mirror, she approved the choice of attire and gathering her purse and her keys left for the airport.

Once inside the airport, she realized she had plenty of time for a cup of coffee, a bagel and the morning paper. Settling in some chairs by the arrivals lobby, she sat down to drink her coffee and eat her breakfast. After reading the paper, she threw away most of it, saving the crossword for Kerry. 

She could not help but smile at her own actions.

Folding the piece of paper, she placed it in her purse and checked on the monitors; Kerry’s flight had already landed so she just stood by the gate, to wait for her. After only maybe 5 minutes, she spotted the small woman walking slowly but with determination towards the gate and at that very second Abigail Lockhart realized that she had –in fact- fallen in love with Kerry Weaver.

And unlike the day before, that feeling filled her with joy.

Once Kerry was within walking distance, Abby walked towards her, meeting her halfway. Opening her arms in unison, both women merged into a close embrace.

“God, I’m so happy you’re back…” were the only words Abby was able to mutter before burying her face in Kerry’s shoulder.

“Me too…” –Answered Kerry.

They held onto each other for a little longer. For both of them, the encounter meant the same thing and in silence, they acknowledged it and accepted it without looking for explanations. Again, as so many times in the past between the two, words were unnecessary.

Smiling, they separated themselves and headed on to the parking lot. 

“So –asked the young nurse- what are we doing today..?”

“What do you mean? Don’t you have to go back to work..?”

“Nope… I switched days with Halle…” –Said Abby, smiling broadly.

Kerry just smiled and rubbed Abby’s shoulders slightly. “I don’t know sweetie… you’re behind the wheel, you call the shots…”

“Are you hungry?”

“Hungry? No, not yet… “

“Tired?”  
“Uh… no. no, I’m fine… better now that I have you around…”

Abby took the words in and touched, turned around pouting as she sometimes did. She was happy, Kerry made her happy. It was simple, absolute, like mountain water. Abby could not remember another instance when she was able to see something so clearly, so purely. 

Later that day, Abby was lying on the floor of Kerry’s backyard deck. The hard wooden surface was cool and clean and felt soft underneath Abby’s bare soles. She was staring at the sky, looking for shapes in the clouds above.

“What about that one?” –Asked Kerry, pointing to a small puff of air in the blue sky.

“That one looks like a dog’s head…” –Answered Abby, quietly.

Kerry kept silent observing the young nurse’s face. It had become a pastime of sorts for Kerry; watching Abby’s face and its myriad of emotions always there for the whole world to see. Again, for the second time in the last weeks, Kerry found Abigail beautiful; serene, intense, and splendid in her unpretentious allure. The impossible darkness of her perfectly round eyes, the lush eyebrows, the blameless cheeks and those pouting lips were all features that Kerry could neither ignore nor walk away from. 

“Why are you smiling at..?” Kerry’s words broke the silence. “You… you look like the cat that just ate the mouse…” –Added the redheaded doctor.

“I do?” –Asked Abby with a purposely innocent tone in her voice.

“Yeah, you do…”

Abby sighed and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, she was no longer looking at the sky; she was facing Kerry.

“It’s you, Dr Weaver… you make me…I don’t know…It’s fun to be with you…”

Kerry was deeply touched, incredibly surprised and mildly aroused at the younger woman’s boldness.

“Uh…-she cleared her throat-…look funny or something..?”

“No, of course not…it’s not that…”

“So..?”

“Being with you… that’s all… You make me feel…I dunno…at peace..? Content..? Happy..?”

Kerry inhaled sharply. This simple declaration was melting her inside. “That’s… new…”-she whispered.

“Is it bad? You look kind of shocked…”-asked Abigail suddenly fearing her true feelings had been noticed.

“No, I’m sorry sweetie… it’s… uh… I don’t know how to explain it…”

“Try please…” –muttered the student very softly with a tender inflexion on her dusky voice. She sat upright with legs bent, providing all her attention to the redhead.

“It just feels weird, foreign… you know? I haven’t heard that many times in my lifetime…”

“I don’t buy that Kerry… and please, let’s not get into an argument like the one we had that other time, okay?”

Kerry became serious and sombre. As always, Abby had the uncanny and natural ability to allow Kerry room for disclosure, and she felt one of those moments was about to descend upon them. 

“I am telling you the truth, even if you don’t believe my words Abby and no, we’re not going to have an argument or anything like it… I promise.”

“So…you’re saying that it makes you feel weird to know you can make someone feel happy, at peace..?”

“Yes…”

“But why Kerry? Don’t you think you’re capable of that..?”

“Abby, I am going to ask you a question and please answer me honestly, ok?”

Abby nodded.

“Do you think people at the ER; Susan, Luka, Haleh, Neela…any of them… Do you think they regard me as someone that makes them happy, someone they would like to hang around with?”

“Oh come on Kerry, they work for you! They don’t count… They see you as their boss, their supervisor, the one that makes sure they’re doing their jobs and obeying the rules…”

“True Abby but even so, there are some of them like Dr Lewis for example, whom I have known for many years now…and I can’t say that we’re really friends or anything… not even friendly acquaintances… People don’t like me much…”

“Ker… -Abby’s choice of words did not go unnoticed to Kerry. No one had ever called her like that except for Kim- “…most people don’t know you. You can’t say they don’t like you, they just don’t know you…”

“Oh come on Abby… do you remember when Mark was still alive? Do you remember how he and Elizabeth treated me? Malucci, Chen? Almost everyone… I just… I don’t know… and you know what really makes me sad? That I never, ever, wished any harm for them, that I always –and God knows this is true- have tried to do the right thing for everyone…”

“I think it just came to me, Kerry…”

“What came to you?”

“The reason why you’re saying what you’re saying…”

Kerry looked at the young nurse in disbelief. “Care to elaborate..?”

“You play by the rules Kerry and most people don’t…”

“Huh?”

“Yeah… that’s it… Listen to me…”

“I’m listening…”

“You remind people -and not only through your job but all the time- of the limitations, the rules and regulations, the obligations we all have and most people spend their entire lives trying to forget that there are rules to abide, limitations…restrictions…”

“But that’s absurd Abby… I mean… we all have to do what we have to do… Becoming an adult is realizing that such is life and that despite our desires or whims, we have responsibilities…”

“And how many people -let’s take those you mentioned before- How many of them would you say are fully functioning adults? How many of them actually have the emotional maturity to embrace the fact that yes, life is full of responsibilities, huh? Not even me… I have to struggle every day to go to work…”

“And how come then if I remind you and everyone else of the things they don’t like or want to do, how come you’re here with me? How come you seem, as you clearly pointed out just before, happy to be with me?”

Abby almost jumped at the chance Kerry was innocently presenting to her but declined. 

“Because I have gotten to know you better, I know what’s beyond the boss, beyond the need to abide by the rules and regulations. Because I see that while you’re hard on people, you’re even harder on yourself… and that… that… I don’t know… touches me… Plus, you make great pancakes!” 

Abby added the last words in a hurry and with a certain amount of wit hoping that the little humour injected at the last moment, would deter the redheaded doctor from detecting any other ulterior motives or more importantly, other feelings.

Unfortunately for Abby, the manoeuvre had not worked all that well. While Kerry’s only response had been a smile, she had perceived the nervousness, the forcefully comic remark thrown at the last minute. Something was going on, feelings, motives, expectations, dreams… things were unravelling and Kerry Weaver knew it. She recognized the signs because she had been in Abby’s position once not that long ago. She recognized the signs because she had started to feel them herself. But above all, Kerry knew things were changing because -she herself like Abby- could not stop smiling and finally because like Abby, she was starting to feel happy…herself.

And she knew it was all because Abigail Lockhart was around.

[End of Chapter 7]


	8. Centripetal Forces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 8  
Centripetal Forces

The ER was almost empty. As it often happens in the Midwest, an unexpected storm had decided to pour inch after inch of wet snow over the city almost at the beginning of spring and the cold had forced people out of the streets.

Abby was quietly sitting in one of the suture rooms, charting. So was Kerry who -despite being the Chief of Staff- was unable to leave certain activities behind and every so often would take it upon herself, to come down and make sure things were still running smoothly. 

Abby had brought a cup of coffee and a large pile of charts and taking her tennis shoes off was engaged in one of the thick folders in front of her. If it hadn’t been for the flickering of the light next door she would not have noticed Kerry settling in the room adjacent to hers. After a couple of minutes, it became clear to the young nurse that her boss had not noticed her presence next door for she made no attempt to look through the blinds or to leave the room. Abby’s heart started to pump a little faster and closing her eyes, she let her feelings overtake her. 

However, against her first impulsive thought, Abby did not get up to go to the other room. No. Instead, she stayed put and decided to observe Kerry from afar in an effort to study her, absorb her and drink her in. It was a rare occurrence and an unexpected pleasure and she was not about to pass it out. 

Putting her pen down and closing the chart opened in front of her, Abby rested her chin upon the palm of her right hand and sighed, deeply. From almost a voyeuristic vantage point Abby studied Kerry’s every movement; the flexibility of her small, thin fingers; the blanket of minute freckles that covered her pinkish skin; the way she, unconsciously and child-like, would blow away the bangs of hair that covered her forehead. She noticed the shape of Kerry’s breasts and their apparent softness; the soft cadence of her even breathing; the finely sculpted chick bones that the young nurse longed to caress; the intense concentration with which her green eyes examined the data on those charts. So engrossed was Abigail in her silent scrutiny, that she did not hear Susan come in.

“Hey…”

Startled and somewhat embarrassed, Abby jumped from her seat, “Hi!” was her only answer.

“Are you okay? You look flushed…”

“Yeah… kind of tired…”

“Are you sure Abs, I don’t know… you look… funny…”

Susan turned around and realized that their boss was sitting next door.

“Come on…” She said to Abby, “Let’s have a break…”

Silently, Abby complied.

Up in the terrace, the freezing gusts of wind welcomed them like a slap in the face.

“Shit! It’s so freaking cold…” –Said Susan. “Damn Chicago weather!”

Abby turned around to block the wind and after three attempts, finally managed to light up a cigarette.

“So, -Offered Susan- what’s up with you? And don’t tell me nothing because I know there’s something going on…”

Abby tried to buy some time, inhaling on her cigarette.

“Come on Lockhart… talk…”

“What? What? What do you want me to tell you?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. You’ve been distracted… I don’t know like you’re not completely together…”

“Uh… -Abby sighed deeply- …just stuff, you know… nothing special…”

It must have been something in her voice or perhaps in her demeanour, that gave the blonde doctor a hint. 

“Wait a minute Abby, I just caught you! You were looking at Kerry…”

“I was not”

“Yes, you were Abby…”

“No, I wasn’t Susan…”

“Aaabbyyyy…”

Abigail saw no point on keeping her pitiful attempts of denial. “Well yeah… maybe I was…”

“And?”

“What? I don’t know! What do you want me to tell you? I don’t know…”

“Abby, are you… uh… attracted to Weaver?”

“No”

“Oh, okay… thank God…”

“Not that…”

“Uh? What do you mean?”

“I… I... I think I’m in love with her…”

Susan was speechless and for a couple of seconds, she even forgot the piercing wind. “Actually –added the young nurse- I don’t think, I know I’m in love with her…” 

“Oh my God”

“Yeah…” –Muttered Abby before taking a deep drag of her cigarette.

“Wow…”

“Yup…”

“Does Weaver know? I mean, have you told her anything?”

“No, I don’t think she does… I just found out yesterday myself…”

Susan stood there quietly, slowly taking the information in. While she was surprised and somewhat thrown off by it, she did care for Abby and putting aside her feelings, went on.

“What are you going to do Abs..?”

“Uh…nothing… I don’t know…”

“Do you think she might feel something for you…? I mean, do you think she’ll… you know…”-Susan couldn’t quite say what she meant; it seemed so odd to her.

Abby breathed heavily. “I don’t know… I hope so… someday…”

Susan smiled and felt touched by Abby’s response. “You’re really taken Abby, I mean… your face… look at you! You have this, I don’t know, glow about you… ”

Abby embarrassed covered her face with her hands. “Don’t be mean Susan…”

“No, no, really… now that you mention this… yeah, you look different… happy…”

“She makes me happy…” –said Abby in a serious tone- “She really does. She makes me feel like… I don’t know… as if I matter…”

“Are you sure she doesn’t have feelings for you?”

“If she does, she hasn’t said anything…”

“But Abby…Weaver? I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s a decent looking person but…Weaver? What do you see in her?”

“Oh…I don’t know how to explain it…She’s sweet…”

“Really..? Wow… That’s something for ya; Kerry sweet… what do you know… Cubs win…”

“Please Susan… don’t make me regret telling you…”

“I’m sorry Abs, really. I didn’t mean anything by it… It’s just that… I mean, you know… Kerry doesn’t come across as a sweet person…”

“Yeah, well…”

“Okay, so…what are you going to do?”

“Nothing… I told you… I don’t know… I haven’t thought that far…”

“Well I guess –eventually- you’ll have to do something…”

“Yeah… eventually…”  
Susan placed her right arm across Abby’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze, “I know this is going to sound kinda weird but… I’m happy for ya Abs… I really hope it works out if that’s what you want…”

Abby nodded and quietly mumbled, “Thanks…”

Abby knew that Kerry would be looking for her soon and just as she was thinking about returning downstairs, her pager went off. 

“It’s Kerry, I got to go…”

“She’s giving you a ride?”

“Yeah…”

The pair went downstairs and before they parted ways Abby said, “Please don’t say anything, Susan. I don’t want Kerry finding out anything until I talk to her…whenever that happens…”

“Don’t worry Abs, I won’t say anything…”

“Thanks…”

Abby picked up her belongings and headed to Kerry’s office.

“Hey! Where were you? I paged you twice…”

“Yeah, sorry… cigarette break…” –Said Abby pointing out to the terrace.

“Okay…you ready, sweetie..?”-asked the redhead softly.

“Yeah… let’s go, I need to get some sleep…”

Once in the car, Abby leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She felt the cold and the dampness right up to her bones and all she wanted now was to be in bed, sleeping.

“You look very tired…”-muttered Kerry who had brought her right hand to Abby’s head and gently caressed the back of the nurse’s neck. Abby leaned to the touch hoping it would not end any time soon. “Yeah…” she answered, without opening her eyes.

“Wanna sleep in my place tonight?”

Abby’s heart started to race fueled by Kerry’s touch and gentle words. “Would that be okay..?” –asked the younger woman almost in a whisper.

“Of course… –answered the redhead-…otherwise I wouldn’t be offering…”

Abby smiled and sighed audibly, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the good Dr Weaver who continued her delicate touch, much to the young nurse’s delight.

Once they arrived at Kerry’s place, Abby headed directly to the guests’ room and changed into her pyjamas. When she was about to get inside the sheets, Kerry showed up with a cup of warm tea.

“Here sweetie, I brought you some tea… this should make you rest better…”

“Thank you, Kerry…”

“Here let me help you…” –said the redhead while opening the bed and fluffing up the pillows. “This should be good, huh?” and taking Abby’s hand, she helped her to get in.

“There… nice and warm…” –muttered Kerry tucking the smaller woman as she would do with a child.

“Do you like musicals, Kerry?”-asked Abby as she turned on her left side; eyes closed.  
“Yeah, why?”

“Because…**yawn**… I can get tickets for the Ella Fitzgerald musical that is showing at the Madison…–Said Abby- …and thought …**yawn**…that perhaps, you’d like to go with me…”

“The Ella one… oh yes, I would love that…”

“Okay… -muttered Abby half-asleep- …I’ll call my friend tomorrow… he’ll get them…”

Kerry tucked Abby in again and watched her for a little while feeling a wave of tenderness crash inside her chest. She inhaled deeply and brought her right hand to Abby’s head and once again, caressed the younger woman’s hair. 

Abby was sound asleep in less than a minute. Leaning ever so softly, Kerry let her lips hovered above Abby’s right temple and finally as if drawn by a ghostly force, planted her lips right where the skin meets the brown mane of hair. In a whimper, all it was heard was, “Good night, my sweet angel…”

[End of Chapter 8]


	9. The Way You Look Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 9  
The Way You Look Tonight

“Are you ready?” –Yelled Kerry visibly exasperated. “Come on Abby, we’re gonna be late!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming…”

“Got the tickets?”

“Yup…”

“Okay, let’s go then…”

The ride was silent and uneventful despite the maddening traffic of the rush hour. Abby started fidgeting in her seat as if moving would placate the energy she felt inside.

“Are you okay? You’re fidgeting…”

“I’m fine… a little hungry maybe…”

Kerry nodded and remained silent. Abby welcomed the silence and once again as she had done through the day, lost herself in the memories of the night before, of the moment when, just as she was drifting off to slumber, she felt Kerry’s presence upon her, her lips softly landing on her temple, her warm breath and her balmy voice say, “Good night, my sweet angel…”. Abby sighed and smiled. There was no doubt now. If she was looking for a sign; a beacon that would signal future promises, this was it. Turning around to look at Kerry, Abby wondered how they would jump from where they were now, to where they both wanted to be. Observing her friend, Abby noticed nothing new; the silence, the control, the almost unbearable way Weaver appeared to move about in the world as if nothing ever touched her or moved her. However, Abby knew now that all that was but a façade; the psychological structure made of steel that Kerry had built to prevent herself from being trapped in tangles she had no idea how to escape from.

Kerry looked at her with curiosity. “What..?” –She asked.

“Nothing... you look very…I don’t know… at peace…”

Kerry smiled. 

After 10 more minutes, they finally arrived at the theatre. Instead of parking in the parking garage, Kerry opted for the valet parking service; that way –she figured- they would have a little more time to grab a bite to eat and a drink before the show started.

Ten minutes later both women were sitting down, reading the PLAYBILL and waiting for what they had ordered.

“So… nice, you’re here for the show…”

A young, very good looking man impeccable in his black tuxedo approached them. 

‘Yes..?” –Answered Abby with a hint of hesitation in her voice.

“Perfect. Here, please hold onto to this until you go in. Please do so through gate 2. I’ll see you inside the theatre.”

Abby turned to look at Kerry. “What’s up with that..?”

“Beats me…” –Answered Kerry.

After eating, the pair went to the ladies room and finally headed to the inside of the theatre when the same young man, approached them. 

“Oh yes… the cute lesbian couple, please follow me…”

Kerry felt as if she was being choked to death in the middle of an open market with hundreds of people watching the spectacle. She looked at Abby who was just smiling; with only a pale blush covering her cheeks as the sole indicator of her emotions.

“Okay, here we are… Please proceed to table A…”

“But we…” –Muttered Kerry, confused.

“Thank you” –Said Abby interrupting Kerry and getting a hold of her bewildered friend’s hand, started to walk.

Kerry could not talk. She wasn’t quite sure if it had been the fact that they were regarded as a couple, or Abby’s apparent aloofness or perhaps, the feel of Abigail’s fingers interlaced firmly with her own but whatever it had been, Kerry was beside herself. She allowed the young nurse to guide her inside.

“But Abby…”

“Oh shush, Kerry… remember, we are the cute lesbian couple…”

Kerry still could not make sense of the whole thing nor could she find anything funny about the situation.

“Is it written on my forehead or something..?”

Abby, who was sitting quite close to Kerry, leaned towards the redhead and whispered, “Be nice to me Kerry or I will not ask you to dance…”

Kerry turned around only to find the broadest smile painted in her friend’s face. Just when she was about to say something, the lights dimmed and the music started.

The first 15 minutes of the show were a blur of lights and music for the good Dr Weaver. The show was a delightful recreation of one of many Ella Fitzgerald concerts when she was in the height of her career which served as the backdrop of several plots. The interesting thing about it was that it was a somewhat interactive piece which explained why Abby and Kerry had been ushered inside the theatre and why they were told they could dance if they felt like it.

Kerry was mortified. While she knew the young nurse was quite fond of her, Kerry was convinced that their feelings were of different nature; hers were romantic and sexual whereas Abby’s were probably more platonic and filial. Engaged as she was in this analysis, Kerry did not feel Abby’s hand tugging at her.

“Kerry… let’s dance…”

“What?”

“Come on… dance with me…”

Kerry looked at her in disbelief…“Are you sure?”

Abby’s answer was a much stronger tug which left no room for doubt. Slowly they walked hand in hand to the dance floor while some people clapped and cheered. Abby stood in front of Kerry and extended her arms waiting for Kerry to nestle there. When she finally did, Abby held Kerry’s body close to hers and placing their laced hands on her own chest, started to move with the music. 

Abby closed her eyes and turning to the right, inhaled Kerry’s perfume and felt the softness of her skin against her face. Kerry felt Abby’s timid advances with the force of an earthquake to which her body reacted by trembling subtly and her mind, by reducing the whole world to the dance floor. 

Kerry would remember later the tangible way she felt the energy go from her body to Abby’s and back again; the softness of Abby’s thumb rubbing the palm of her hand; her perfume which invaded her nostrils so completely; her small body uncannily powerful and willing. When the song was over, Abby separated herself and smiled at Kerry searching for a reaction with her impossibly dark eyes. She whispered, “Are you okay?”

Kerry whispered back, “Yes…”

Later that evening, Kerry found herself in the middle of an emotional turmoil. It finally dawned on her that the ties that bonded them were not those of friendship alone, but an irresistible desire and longing for each other. It had felt so right, so perfect, and so… peaceful. 

Nonetheless, despite the immense pleasure, this new realization brought her she also felt fear, anxiety. Abby was not gay; if anything, Abigail Lockhart was a raving heterosexual young woman who had had her fair share of romantic liaisons within the confines of the hospital and this knowledge filled Kerry with paralyzing fear. How –she thought- I let this happen? How on earth did I fall for this girl? But amidst the thousand questions that frantically ran through her mind, Kerry noticed the unmistakable signs of a major longing that could not be ignored; that one which ignited her senses and moved her loins for release. Turning off the lights and bringing her hand to the centre of her being, Kerry let her feelings run and her needs roam free. After a few minutes of exquisite pain, she finally found absolution and feeling relaxed, fell asleep.

[End of Chapter 9]


	10. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 10  
Revelations

It was a dark and cold morning. Abby had gotten up early, too early and finding she had nothing else better to do, she went to the hospital. And one more time, as she found herself doing often in the past few weeks, Abigail looked up to Kerry’s office and saw the light on; Kerry was in.

When she entered the ER, she found Luka as the only attending on board, asleep in a gurney close to the entrance. Not wanting to wake him, she just smiled and went to the lounge to leave her coat and the rest of her belongings. Since it was still very early and quiet, Abby weighed the option of going upstairs to Kerry’s office but after a few seconds, discarded the idea; better for Kerry to come down. 

Up in her office, Kerry was in a silent, reserved mood. She didn’t feel like talking and to prevent any eventual interactions, locked her door and only turned on her desk lamp. Coffee in hand, she placed a CD on her player and let the music filled her with peace. Sitting down in her chair, she leaned back and closed her eyes. She was tired, she noticed. Her night had been a long succession of hours with little rest and much anxiety and this morning, some of that upsetting feeling was still with her.

Looking at the pile of papers in her desk, Kerry noticed that none of them were urgent matters and considered the consequences of leaving the hospital for the day. After realizing that nothing major would happen if she went home to work, she jotted a note for her assistant, placed it on Christina’s desk and left.

At around 1 o’clock, curiosity and need impelled the young nurse to go to Kerry’s office.

“Hi Christina, is Dr Weaver in?”

“No, she left quite early; she decided to work from home today...”

“That’s odd…”

“That’s really odd Abby; I’ve never seen her do that…ever! Oh by the way, almost forgot… she left this note for you…”

Christina handed Abby a small, sealed envelope. “Thanks” –said Abigail smiling and left. Once in the elevator, Abby opened the envelope to find a little note written by Kerry which simply said “Pass by my home when you can. We need to talk”.

Abigail felt the seriousness implied in the few written words and got worried. While they had had a good time the night before at the theatre, Kerry looked preoccupied and this sudden disappearance could signal the beginning of changes Abby did not want to have to deal with. In any case, she had no real choice in the matter; she had to go and face whatever was troubling Kerry Weaver.

Her shift ended at 2 pm and hurriedly, she left the hospital. To waste less time, Abby took a cab and was in front of Kerry’s house in no more than 20 minutes.

Kerry was sitting by the kitchen island when she heard the knock on the door. She got up somberly and slowly approached the door. 

“Hi, Ker… I came as soon as I got the message… what happened, you okay..?”

“Come in…”

Abby made her way into the dimly lit living room and took off her coat, leaving it neatly in the closet nearby. Immediately after, the young nurse turned to face her friend who had already walked all the way to the end of the room and was sitting at one end of the couch. 

Slowly she moved to the couch and sat right by Kerry. Kerry made a move to put some distance between them and Abby noticed but pressed on.

“Kerry…–said Abby, quietly- …what’s going on, did something happen..?”

Abby sat right by the edge of the couch and rested her elbows on her knees, leaning forward and carefully examining Kerry’s face.

“What’s the matter Ker… please talk to me…”

Kerry just sat there silently. Her eyes, cast downwards, remained fixed on the floor. Abby pushed on and got a little closer to Kerry. Bringing her left arm to Kerry’s back, she tried again.

“Kerry…”

As soon as the redhead felt Abby’s hand on her back, she stood up as if she had been touched by a burning torch. The touch was too distracting, no longer something she could allow herself to enjoy. Abby, surprised at the subtle rejection, decided to remain where she was.

“Abby… I needed to talk to you about… something…”

“Sure… anything…”

In order to give Kerry some space, Abby moved away from Kerry and settled more comfortably in the middle of the couch. 

“I’m listening Kerry… whenever you are ready…”

Kerry brought her eyes to Abby’s for an instant and brought them downwards, again. She grabbed her crutch and approached the couch once again.

“Abby…”

“Yes, Kerry…”

“Uh…” –Kerry started but hesitated- “… Uhm…”

Abby leaned forward again and just stared at the floor waiting for her friend. She figured that Kerry would feel less pressure if she didn’t feel stared at.

“I… uh… I don’t think I can do this…”-whispered the redhead hesitantly. She looked up and the moment she saw the anxiety in Abby’s face, Kerry found the courage to go on.

“Uh…something has changed…”-muttered the redhead.

Abby didn’t say anything. She watched Kerry struggle to talk and felt something break a bit inside her heart. “Ker…please…whatever it is, I promise…it will be okay…”

At the sound of those words, Kerry’s eyes welled up. She wasn’t used to crying much and hated even the idea of doing it in front of her colleagues but suddenly she knew, as she stared intently at Abby’s deep eyes, that she would be safe.

“Uhm… Me… I… Uhm…”

Kerry moved her hands as if her hands would give her the cue as to what she should say.

“Kerry, whatever it is, you should just say it… it’ll be okay…”

“No, I’m afraid it won’t be okay… Uhm…” 

The last sentence uttered by the redhead created a sudden reaction in the young nurse who could not understand what could be causing such amount of distress. Abby closed the distance between them not caring whether Kerry bolted away again or not. 

Weaver raised her hand and silently motioned to Abby to remain silent and to stay where she was. Abby did. Exhaling very deeply, feeling a loss for words, Kerry made one last attempt to speak.

“I… I don’t know when or how Abby. I swear I have no idea of how this happened… or when or even why… but… I…-Kerry paused- …I started to feel differently towards you… I didn’t mean for it to happen, I didn’t want it to happen I swear… but, somehow… I don’t know…it changed… my feelings for you…changed…”

At that moment Abby started to feel her own heart right at her temple beating; no, pounding. She would remember later that she felt a weird sensation in both her stomach and her legs as if she was about to fall over; trip, stumble.

Abby grabbed Kerry’s hand with her own, bringing the older woman a little closer.

“I know. Me too...”

Kerry felt the warmth of Abby’s hand covering her own. She felt Abigail’s slender fingers squeezing hers and stared at their hands intertwined. So intense was the sensation that she missed Abby’s words.

“What?”

Abby pulled Kerry gently and made her turn so they ended up facing each other. She then grabbed Kerry’s other hand. 

“I said that me too… Me too…”

And slowly, tenderly, looking directly at Kerry’s dark green eyes, she brought her lips to Kerry’s. 

Kerry was completely taken by surprise. Flabbergasted, she let herself be drawn closer to Abby, sensing the younger woman’s body as it gradually approached hers. When she finally felt Abby’s full lips on hers Kerry felt a jolt, a tangible current flowing in and out of her body and immediately after that, an impossible softness that made her moan in sheer pleasure and pure emotion.

After so many weeks of observing, watching and longing Abby was where she felt she belonged to. She had –finally- gathered the courage to undeniably show what her heart contained for Kerry in that kiss, a kiss that had not lasted more than a few seconds. A simple, almost chaste kiss through which she tried to convey all the hope, the longing, the wanting, the love she had come to feel for the good Dr Weaver. 

Abby broke the kiss. Mere seconds after, she opened her eyes and muttered “My feelings have changed too, Ker…” and stared silently at Kerry who could still not open her eyes.

Abby brought her right hand to Kerry’s cheek and cradled her friend’s face.

“Kerry… look at me…”

But the older woman was too much in shock to respond.

“Please… look at me…” –Whispered Abby.

It might have been the endearment in Abby’s voice that brought Kerry back to the world and made her yield finally opening her eyes, darkened by a myriad of emotions. She found Abby’s exuding tenderness and devotion.

“I have felt the same way about you for a while now…–muttered Abby- …I… I just could not bring myself to do anything about it until… today…”

Kerry watched Abby’s expression and felt her heart melt under the intensity of the moment being shared. Kerry’s eyes wandered from Abby’s eyes to her mouth, back to her eyes in an effort to convince herself that this woman in front of her, looking at her so lovingly was indeed Abigail; the centre of Kerry’s attention for the past weeks. 

“Oh… Christ…” –Mumbled Kerry bringing her hands to Abby’s face, and then to her own, covering it.

“Kerry… come on… look at me… please… it’s me…please…”

Abby took Kerry’s hands away from her face.

“It’s gonna be okay… I promise…”

Kerry, again, brought a couple of fingers to Abby’s face and caressed the cheeks of the younger woman. Abby closed her eyes at the tender touch and sighed deeply.

“I…thought that… that… it was not possible…”

Abigail knew she had to be the one to bring peace to the older, somewhat frightened woman. “Kerry… it’s okay… we’re okay…”

“But Abby you’re not…”

Abby brought both of her hands and held Kerry’s face.

“Kerry… look at me… I’m here, with you… I don’t want to be anywhere else but here… with you…I don’t know how this happened; all I know is that it did. It’ll be okay… I promise you, it’ll be okay…”

And with that, Abby leaned forward and kissed Kerry again, this time, more forcefully, simply because she needed to. Kerry leaned forward and timidly -even perhaps bashfully- opened her mouth to let Abby in. Abby opened her lips and let her tongue caress Kerry’s lips before boldly, going in. Kerry gasped at the sensation and brought Abby closer, letting herself go in the midst of the kiss. She would remember later how Abby’s body got even closer to hers; she remembered a pair of arms holding her, hugging her, tugging at her. She would remember the feel of Abby’s breasts against her own and the way this quiet, somewhat troubled woman drew her in closer in a relentless effort to merge into her.

“Oh baby…” –Said Kerry, breaking the kiss and bringing her forehead to rest on Abby’s chest. “I just thought this would never happen…” –Said Kerry holding Abby, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. Abby relished on the feeling of having the woman she loved, finally, in her arms. 

“But it did Ker…it did…I’m here…I’m yours…”

But the older woman’s brain seems to have started a process of firing sequences of thoughts through every neural pathway found. “But Abby, honey…what are we going to do now..? How is this gonna work..? You’re not even gay and we work together and the hospital and I’m difficult, and Abby –for Christ’s sake- I’m your boss!” 

“Kerry, listen to me… I want to be with you, that’s all I want… whatever happens, we’ll work it over…”

“I want to be with you too… But I’m afraid…I mean, I don’t think I’m very good at this…”

Abby chuckled, loudly. “And I am..?”

Kerry approached Abby and hugged her again.

Holding each other, Abby allowed herself to be comforted by the older woman. She snuggled against Kerry’s neck while Kerry rained soft, small kisses all over Abby’s cheeks and forehead.

“God… I thought I was never going to be able to do this… to hold you this way… to have you in my arms, like this. You shot my heart right in the middle Lockhart and… and… from that day on… Lord… I… I haven’t been able to be the same person I was…”

Kerry hugged Abby tighter and Abby surrendered to Kerry even more. She had always felt safe with Kerry, even when the older woman would snap or slash out at her, she felt safe; as if nothing could ever harm her, reach her, overtake her. 

“It’s getting late…”-whispered the younger woman.

“You’re leaving?”

Abby disentangled herself from Kerry’s arms and leaned once again to kiss Kerry. “Yeah… I’m going home…”

“But I thought you’d stay…-said Kerry with a heavy tone full of disappointment- …with me…”

“And I will… it just won’t be today…”

“Why not?”

Abby brought Kerry to her, surrounding her with her arms. “ Ker… I don’t know how to call what I’m feeling for you. All I know is that I want to be with you today, tomorrow, next month, next year… in ten years from now… But…”

“But what?” 

“But I need to do things… my way…”

“Oh…okay…”

“And no Kerry, it has nothing to do with the sexual aspect of this, no. I don’t feel anxiety about that…”

Kerry silently appreciated Abby’s last words; sex was something that had Kerry worried.

“… but it is more than that. I want to be here… with you… forever…” -She paused, seizing the weight of her feelings in words- “And I need to…” 

“Regroup…”-interrupted the redhead.

“No, more like feel my way around this… you… me… us…”

“Oh…okay, okay…”

“I want…I want to take you, us... slowly… in stride… to allow myself time to be the person I want to be… for you…”

Kerry swallowed hard. 

“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“I think so…”

“This is not a fling Kerry… this is the strongest feeling I have ever had for anyone… and… I want to do this right. I don’t know… I… I… I want to date you… take you out, buy you flowers… hell, I don’t know! Do the kinds of things I feel I want to do for you… you understand?”

Kerry just nodded.

“So, that’s the reason why I won’t stay here tonight”.

“Okay…”

Abby kissed Kerry one more time with all the tenderness she was able to conjure together and left.

[End of Chapter 10]


	11. From Here to There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 11  
From Here to There

Abby drove through the streets in a daze, in autopilot, stopping at the right time and obeying the traffic lights but not really conscious about what she was doing. The images kept rolling through her mind’s eye as if there were being played in an endless video loop; Kerry’s eyes, her hands, her voice. Every so often, she would stop the memories and reflect upon the implications of the step taken just minutes ago, the consequences of the promises made, the flood of expectations that had been unleashed in a matter of seconds after a few words muttered in haste. 

When she finally got home, she opened her door and went straight to her room to change. Taking her jacket off she noticed Kerry’s perfume on her clothes; that sweet smell of magnolias she had sensed before but never quite took in until now. Suddenly Abby felt as if she was being dragged onto a secluded kingdom shrouded in mist and ivy in which she felt like an alien in a foreign land. Despite being used to dealing with the unknown and its uncertainties, this was a different feeling; one of expectation and freedom.

Once she had changed, Abby dragged a stool to her balcony, grabbed a pack of cigarettes and sat outside to enjoy the end of the day. The wind was cool and it blew softly, unveiling the colours of a rare orange and blue sky. Inhaling deeply, Abby still could feel her fingertips tingling as if they were still touching Kerry’s face. She swallowed hard. In less than 30 minutes, her whole life had been turned upside down and her response to that was a very unfamiliar sense of peace, some tingling and a smile she just couldn’t shakeup. 

Unexpectedly even to herself, Abby got up from her stool and grabbed the phone. Giggling, she dialled Kerr’s number.

“Hi…”

“Hi, sweetheart… I take it you made it home alright..?” - Kerry smiled but tried to suppress her excitement.

“Yeah…”

“You okay sweetie?”

“Yeah… Just… uh…”

“What..?” –asked the older woman with a hint of concern.

“No, I’m okay… uh… a little… I don’t know… overwhelmed maybe? But in a good way… actually…”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can’t stop smiling…” –said Abigail blushing and giggling like a little girl.

Kerry closed her eyes listening to Abby’s words and feeling the impact they had on her. “I know… me too…” –she whispered.

“I’m going out… to Luka’s… I wanted you to know, Ker…”

“Sweetheart, you don’t need to…”

“I know, I know… but the way I see it now I’m no longer just me… so I wanted you to know…”

“Okay…thank you”-muttered the redhead with a lump in her throat.

“Do you have his number, Luka’s?

“Yes, I do…”

“Okay, well, just in case you know? Also… will you be going to bed anytime soon?”

“Me..? –Asked Kerry with surprise-…uh… I don’t know… I’m really not very tired now but I don’t know about later though… Why?”

“I just thought about calling you later when I come back home, you know..? Just to say good night… If that’s alright…”

“Of course that’s alright, actually, I would like that… very much…”

“Okay… so… I’ll call you later, ok?”

Kerry remained silent for a couple of seconds. “Abby..?”

“Uhm..?”

“I love you”  
Abigail’s eyes flickered as she inhaled deeply. “I love you too, Ker…”

“Bye…”

“Bye…”

Putting the phone down, Abby grabbed her jacket and drove to Luka’s.

Luka’s apartment was the same controlled mess that she remembered from when they were together.

“You never told me about your fish…” –said Abby as she watched Luka fed the fishes in his aquarium.

“That one, the bright yellow one, is a yellow tang. This guy over here, the one in the cave, do you see it?”

“Yeah…”

“That one is a pearl jawfish…”

“I like that one…”-said Abby softly.

“And this one is a purple firefish…”

“Oh wow… that one’s beautiful…”

“Yeah… kind of shy too but it’s coming around…–said Luka as he finished feeding the fish- …so…what’s on your mind…?”

“Uh… stuff…”

“Good stuff or bad stuff?”

Abby turned around to face Luka. “I don’t know, for me it’s good but I don’t about other people though…”

Luka smiled and recognized a sparkle in Abby’s eyes which he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He had never stopped caring for the diminutive nurse who one day soon, would become a doctor. “Come on… spit it out…”

Abby smiled and enjoyed the security that Luka’s attitude was providing her. 

“Uh… -she sighed deeply- …I’m kind of…”

“Happy? In love?”

Abby nodded closing her eyes and bringing her hands to her face.

“Yeah, it shows too…”

“It does?”

“Well…I can see it…”

“I guess you were always able to read me well…”

“Yeah…”

Luka had been having his suspicions for a while. He had watched Abby and Kerry together at the cafeteria, working at traumas, talking at the admin desk, leaving together at the end of many shifts. He decided to help his beloved friend. “It’s Kerry, right?”

Abby almost jumped from her seat and in seconds her face turned to a fierce shade of crimson. “But… How did you know?”

Luka smiled and lay back on his chair. 

“I know you, Abby… I’ve seen you with Kerry…”

“But, but…”

“Nobody else makes you smile as she does… Nobody has…not me, not Carter and certainly not that med student… what was his name?”

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Yeah, well him… anyway… no one… Kerry does, though…”

Abby sat back and somewhat embarrassed brought her knees to her chest and hugged herself into a knot. “I can’t believe this…”

“But what’s the matter? Why are you embarrassed?”

“It’s just that… uh… I just found out myself and you knew?”

“Well, I didn’t really know, I mean, I saw you two together and knowing Kerry as a friend, knowing how great she can be well, I could see that you too were becoming friends… I mean, I didn’t really know you two were… are… a couple…”

“Are, as of... –Abby looked at her watch- …four and half hours ago…”

“And you came here because you felt I should know?”

“Yes… well…yes and no… I wanted to let you know yes…but I also wanted to share this with you because this is so incredible that I am… uh… so…”

“Happy?”

“Yes, happy of course, but happy doesn’t even begin to describe it… it’s a lot more than that…”

“Tell me…”

“That’s the problem, I don’t think I can… it’s like there are not enough words in the English language to describe what I feel… how she makes me feel about myself…”

“You wanna know something..?

“What?”

“I think it is about time Abby… you deserve to be this happy more than anyone I know… Come here…” And opening his arms, Luka cradled Abby kissing her in the crown of her head. “I’m really, really happy for you Abby… I wish I had known the secret but even if I couldn’t, even if I was clumsy I… I’m really happy for you…”

“Thank you, Luka…”

“So…what now?”

“Now? Uh… I don’t know… what do you mean?”

“Yeah…now what? Are you guys moving in together? Babies? What?”

“Are you crazy? Moving in together?”

“Well…I guess eventually you probably will…This is actually…great…”

“Is it, really?”

“Yeah… Kerry and you are two of the nicest people I have ever met… yes, difficult… but good; honest… you deserve each other…”

“Thank you, Luka…”

An hour later, Abby found herself driving through empty Chicago streets. It wasn’t that late and she found it odd that everything seems so desolate. Since she had left Luka’s apartment, Abby had contemplated the possibility of stopping over by Kerry’s but now, she wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. Despite herself, she drove to Kerry’s house and parked the car, turned off the engine and looked up to her lover’s home.

As she was contemplating what to do next, her cell phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Are you home?” –Asked Kerry.

“No… -Abby replied softly, smiling- …Go to your window…”

Kerry got up from her bed and moved as fast as she could without using her crutch. “Is that you…?”

“Yeah… I…”

“Come on in, honey…”

“Uh…”

“Please Abby…”

The need encrypted in Kerry’s plea got to Abby. “Okay…”

She stepped out of the car and walked to Kerry’s front door. Once she got there she looked and saw Kerry opening the door. They stood motionless for a couple of seconds. “I wanted to see you…” -mumbled the nurse.

Kerry looked down and smiled. “Me too hun…”

Abigail climbed the three steps that separated her from the door and walked in. Kerry closed the door behind them and looked up.

“I’m sorry… uh… about the call… I wanted to know you were alright…”

Abby stepped in closer to the redhead. “Shhh… it’s okay… I was kinda hoping you’d call…” and without saying anything else, she leaned in and kissed Kerry.

Kerry moaned at the contact and opening her lips, she let Abby in without reservations. The young nurse pressed further enjoying the feeling of Kerry’s lips and tongue as they welcomed her. Without any explicit intent, Abby’s hands grabbed Kerry’s waist and pulled the older woman closer. Kerry allowed the intimacy with a trust that melted Abby’s heart.

Abby broke the kiss inhaling sharply. With closed eyes, she leaned in and rested her forehead in Kerry’s.

“I’m sorry; I needed to see you…”

“I… me too…”

Abby nodded. “I love being with you, Kerry Weaver… I… uh…”

Kerry brought her arms and hugged Abby, pressing the young woman to her. She hugged her tightly, rubbing the younger woman’s back and taking in the smell that she would forever know as her lover’s. “There’s no place else I will rather be Abby… You… uh… you have become… my world…”

Abby clung to Kerry and brought her face to rest in Kerry’s neck. 

After a couple of minutes, Kerry spoke again. “Hon… do you want to stay…?”

Abby looked up while her right hand caressed Kerry’s face. 

“I do… but…”

“Abby, we don’t have to…”

“I know we don’t have to… Just listen to me for a minute, okay?”

Abby brought her eyes downward as her mind tried to arrange her thoughts. “I know we don’t have to… I know you will not expect anything from me that I do not feel like giving to you or that I’m not prepared for… that’s not it, Kerry…”

“So, what is it then...?” Abby felt a small, subtle edge of insecurity in Kerry’s voice which tugged at her heart. In an effort to erase any anxieties from Kerry’s mind, she cradled her soon to be lover’s face with her hands and rained several tiny kisses all over her face. Afterwards, she spoke again.

“I love you, Kerry Weaver...”

“I lov-”

“Let me finish, please?”

Kerry nodded.

“I love you. I have loved other people -or at least I thought I had- but nothing compares to what I feel for you, Kerry. This feeling is so immense that I want you to know all of me; I’m willing to let you in, to allow you to get to know the person that I am in a way –she inhaled- in a way that I never allowed anyone in. I also want all of you; everything. This is a lot more than wanting to make love to you or asking you to make love to me…”

Kerry nodded, unable to articulate words.

“So, I don’t want us to rush things. I want us to slowly get to that place where we find it impossible to go on without the other… you understand what I’m saying, Ker..?”

Again, another nervous nod.

“That’s the reason I’m not staying…”

“Okay…” –muttered Kerry.

Kissing her once again, Abby stepped back and smiled at the redhead. “You’re so, so very beautiful Kerry…”

Kerry blushed and pulled Abby in for another kiss. “You too…”

[End of Chapter 11]


	12. What a Wonderful World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 12  
What a Wonderful World

“Wow… fifty-three dollars… hmmm…” –whispered Abby absentmindedly as she searched for a proper dozen of roses to send Kerry. As her finger clicked and typed in the correct address, she felt sort of corny; ‘…there’s nothing cornier than flowers…’ thought the young nurse but just the thought of Kerry’s face upon receiving them, erased any unpleasant feelings.

It was Friday morning. Abby had the day off and lazily had gotten out of bed, had made herself a nice, giant cup of instant coffee and after ordering the flowers, considered what to do next. The city in the distance, looked bare blasted as it was, by the wind gusts of the fall months. Soon, the days would start to become shorter and the air crispier so much so, that it would get harder to breathe in. Abby had never liked the winter despite having being born and raised in Minnesota. She always preferred the warmth of spring and summer and she was the happiest camper when –just in shorts and a top- everyone complained about the heat. But the summer was long gone and winter was approaching; hopefully, this coming winter she’d have someone to warm up her bed and her spirits…Kerry.

Abby had awoken thinking about Kerry. Two weeks had gone by since that fateful day when they could no longer keep their feelings inside; two weeks of desperately packing so much in so little; two weeks of dreams and wishes to be fulfilled. Abby knew she wanted more; she felt that nothing short of a full life with Kerry was what she longed for at the bottom of her heart. But as much as she was certain of what she wanted, she was also aware of how difficult it felt for the young woman, to trust her good fortune. In more than one occasion she had allowed herself to retrieve or rather disengage from her own feelings towards Kerry. And Kerry had noticed. 

“You okay..? –Kerry had asked her the night before- …Yeah… just a bit tired…” –mumbled the nurse despondently.

“Well, tomorrow is Friday….uh…you may want to…I don’t know…stay home, rest?

Abby had opened her tired eyes as her body stiffened. “However though…I was thinking…hoping… that -if you wanted- you could stay with me this weekend…You know, nothing’s special…I can cook that Thai thing you like…we can watch some movies…relax…whatever, you know..?”

The brunette smiled, shyly. “Sure… we can do that…”

“Or you rather stay home..?” –asked the redhead who did not want to pressure Abigail.

“You mean my home…?”

“Uhum…”

“No, no… I want to be with you…”

“Sweetheart…”-insisted the redhead, thoughtfully.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you sure you’re okay..?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry Ker…I’m just…I don’t know…distracted, I guess…”

“Well, you don’t have to answer anything about the weekend just yet, ok? Just let me drop you at your place…”

Abby didn’t want to go to her place. Despite her insecurities, sudden and whimsical as they were, she wanted to be with Kerry. “No Ker, let’s go to your place… Just let me get some clothes and then… let’s just…”

“To my place..?”

“Yeah…”

Kerry remained quiet. She knew something was troubling her young companion and she suspected that those gloomy eyes and that distracted demeanour had everything to do with their new relationship. Nonetheless, she knew better than to probe when Abby wasn’t ready to budge so, patiently she remained fixed in driving them both to the safety of her own home.

An hour later, both women were entering Kerry’s townhouse. Abby headed directly to her room; the guests’ room which she had made her own. Kerry went into the kitchen to drop some bags and check the answering machine. No messages, thank God, she thought.

Climbing slowly up the stairs, Kerry hesitated whether to go to her room, go to Abby’s or prepare a warm bath to ease whatever was bothering the object of her affections. Kerry opted for the latter.

After filling up the tub with lukewarm water, she poured every concoction she found in her bathroom cabinet, along with some sea salt and some dry lavender flowers. She turned on the pump for the Jacuzzi and for a minute, contemplated the tiny bubbles that by the thousands inundated the water. She left the bathroom to look for Abigail.

As she was about to knock at Abby’s door, the young nurse came out.

“I was just going to get you…I prepared a bubble bath for you… I thought it might help you feel better…” –Kerry looked at Abby hesitantly waiting for her reaction. Abby smiled shyly and nestled herself in Kerry’s arms. Rubbing her face in Kerry’s shoulder, she muttered, “Thank you…” Kerry closed her eyes and tightly hugged the young nurse. As she felt Abby’s body melt into hers, the older woman felt honoured to be the one who could bring such peace to Abigail.

“Go, go… it’s gonna get cold…”

Abigail peeled herself from her girlfriend’s arms, kissed her lightly on the lips and walked towards the bathroom. The good Dr Weaver sighed deeply feeling how her joy overwhelmed her. Looking up to the sky above the ceiling of her home, she quietly whispered, “Thank you for her…”

Ten minutes later, Kerry was knocking at the bathroom door, “Can I come in?”

“Sure, go ahead…” –Answered Abby, casually.

Kerry Weaver walked without her crutch the small distance from the door to the edge of the tub and sat awkwardly on the floor facing away from the tub. “Here, I brought you one of your pseudo-beers…”

“Thanks…”

Abby took the cold bottle and noticed Kerry sitting on the floor behind her. She smiled feeling touched at the small gesture. “How do you do it?” 

“Do what, sweetie?”-asked Kerry who was trying to get as comfortable as she could possibly be sitting on that hard surface.

“Love me in the way that you do… I mean, for example… look at where you’re sitting…”

Bewildered, Kerry turned around. “What do you mean where I’m sitting..?”

“Yeah… you sat there facing away from me so I would not feel self-conscious about the fact that I am here, naked, in your tub…That floor is hard, it’s ceramic tiles…that just cannot be good for your hip…I mean, you cannot be comfortable sitting like that…”

“Oh, that…”

“Yeah… You do things like that all the time… it’s like your way of protecting me or not pushing me or... I don’t know…”

“Yeah, well…”

The young nurse couldn’t say much more after that. Her heart, her body and her soul were each tugging her to different directions, claiming attention all at the same time by making her feel overwhelming tenderness, absolute compassion and an urgent and unavoidable feeling of lust. She closed her eyes in an effort to deflect further distractions for a decision, needed to be made. 

If she was honest she also would have to admit that she was nervous. No, not nervous; terrified. It wasn’t the mechanics or the techniques that worried her the most, it was the knowledge that once they’d crossed that line that separates friends from lovers, life as she knew it, was never going to be the same again. Nonetheless crossing the line they were destined to do; it was just a matter of time.

Placing the bottle of beer on a corner, Abby leaned on the edge of the tub facing the back of Kerry’s neck. Gently with her left hand, she lifted the mane of red hair and gently kissed the exposed flesh at the same time as she brought her right hand over to the front blindly looking for Kerry’s.

The redhead took hold of Abigail’s hand which grounded them both as she closed her eyes savouring the gentle sensations. The kisses were feather-like; so soft they were almost ethereal. 

As the minutes ticked away the intensity of the kisses and the way they laced their fingers changed. Abby’s anxieties from minutes earlier disappeared as her body and brain went into overdrive. Whispering, she said, “Get in here with me…”

The older woman felt her heart pounding at the implication of Abby’s soft request. “Uh… Are you sure..?” -asked Kerry with a slight edge of apprehension in her voice. “Yes…”-answered Abigail planting a kiss so squarely on Kerry’s neck that any doubts were readily erased.

Kerry got up and started to undress all the while very aware that Abby would be looking at her. When the last of her garments was off, she turned around not quite certain of what to do next. Abby extended one of her hands for the older woman to get inside the tub. 

“Here… let me help you…”

Abby guided her lover to the tub, slowly, all the way trying to make Kerry comfortable with the fact that they were both naked for the first time in front of each other. Once Kerry was able to sit down in front of Abby, Abby moved closer to the older woman.

“Are you comfortable..?”

“Yeah…” -whispered Kerry.

Abby moved closer to Kerry and held her lover’s face with her hands. “You are so very beautiful… –muttered the young nurse-…so absolutely beautiful…”

The redhead was somewhat embarrassed by the words just spoken cast down her eyes in a futile effort to disregard them.

And then the reality she knew was gone.

She would remember later that her body felt as if she was levitating as if it had no weight, no mass. Abby’s taste, Abby’s soft lips delicately asking for more, her own lips opening to allow for the exquisite approach. Kerry tried to breathe but realized that her body had taken over, that no longer was she in command. Closing her eyes she let herself float as Abby’s lips drew a map of her body with a hunger that only sybarites talk about. Where those lips left a trace, Abby’s hands followed; the scarred neck, the strong shoulders, the pristine but freckled chest, the downy and generous breasts.

“…oh…never thought…sweetheart…there…Abby…shhhh…beautiful…please…not enough…Oh God…I’m not rushing…please…Kerry…darling…I love you with all my heart…anything…everything…all…now…yes…”

The words hung in midair like subtitles on French movies. The two bodies fought for control and slowly merged, making a knot; a tangle of limbs and sweat and need and love. They rolled, they exchanged, they shared, they took, and they gave. Desire and lust and fury were converted into exaltation, ecstasy and glory and by doing so, awareness was compressed to muffled words laced with moans and sprinkled with endless sighs and groans that extinguished time and place. 

After an uncertain period of time, her body rebelled and demanded a violent release. Kerry climaxed in a silent rapture; her head tilted completely backwards, eyes shut, mouth, muted. Abby, after reaching her own resolution in several strong convulsions remained motionless on top of her lover enjoying the feeling of impossible closeness the experience just shared created inside her heart.

“You okay..?” –muttered Abby after a long while.

Kerry nodded subtly with closed eyes. It had been too intense both physically and emotionally…the culmination so absolute and overwhelming that she felt as if she had been cut in half.

Abby sighed deeply, eyes closed, still feeling her heart tremble. 

Kerry brought her hands to her lover’s hair and started to caress lightly the strands of fine, straight brown hair of the young woman. After a few minutes of silence, Kerry lifted her lover’s head to disclose her face and looked at her with a solemn expression on her face.

“I love you, Abigail Lockhart…I never felt something like this before…and…you know…-her voice cracked a bit- …it has nothing to do with the sex…”

“No...”-mumbled Abby.

Kerry brought a finger to Abby’s lips and caressed them lightly.

“I know I don’t have to promise you anything…uh…but I feel the need to say this… I promise to love you with the best love I have in me…”

Abby’s response was a quick hug that allowed her to hide the tears that had formed in her eyes.

“Thank you Kerry…” –It was all Abby could mumble.

“Thank you…” 

[End of Chapter 12]


	13. Like Never Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 13  
Like Never Before

The first rays of light were slipping through the blinders as Kerry opened her eyes slowly. The house was quiet and her bedroom, chilly and still. She fluttered her eyelids trying to chase the sleep away and yawned deeply. As she was about to bring her arms forward to stretch her body, her right arm touched Abby’s back and the young woman, used to by now to Kerry’s gentle nudges during their nights together, moved lightly facing the other side of the bed. Kerry smiled. That small move was by now, one of “their things” as Abby used to say; the history that they were, inadvertently and slowly, making together. 

Slowly, pacing herself, Kerry got out of bed. Once standing, she turned on her heels and leaned forward to cover Abby who had, like every single night, thrashed the sheets and hogged the comforter along with the blanket. Again, Kerry could not help herself and smile broadly. 

Sighing deeply the redhead walked towards the bathroom, washed her mouth and face, grabbed her thick, warm robe and went downstairs. It was only 6:17 in the morning and neither of them had to work that day after pulling no less than 18 hours each. As she put some ground coffee in the pot and closed the lid, she looked outside and felt happy to be inside enjoying the warmth of her home and the order of her life.

“Hey…” –Said a sleepy Abby who had crawled out of bed and had come down to find Kerry.

At the sound of her lover’s voice, Weaver turned around and smiled once again. She loved the sight of Abby in the mornings, especially those mornings where there was no need to rush through the motions. She had gotten used to Abby’s puffy, morning eyes; to the marks of pillows and blankets in one or both cheeks; to the ruffled and messy hair. Opening her arms Kerry welcomed the younger woman who nestled herself comfortably in the welcoming embrace. “Hey to you too…” answered Kerry, kissing the crown of Abby’s head and hugging her tightly. 

There was an impossible intimacy in such small acts, Kerry thought. Bringing her face to Abby’s neck, Kerry inhaled deeply expecting to find that fragrance that Abby’s body generated every morning right after waking up. It was a combination of her perfume, the balminess of the bedsheets they had just shared and a light babyish smell; a sweet and fresh aroma that Kerry always compared to the way babies smell. “God… I love the way you smell…” said Kerry burying her face in Abby’s neck. 

Abby smiled. “You always say that…What is it like..?”

Kerry took yet another deep sniff and kissed Abby’s forehead. “Like you. No one else smells like this. And I am probably the only person alive that knows this…”

Abby looked at her unconvincingly. “That doesn’t tell me much…”

Kerry tightened the embrace mapping big circles on Abby’s back. “The only thing I know is that in the mornings, right after you get out of bed, you smell like babies do… It’s sweet… fresh… I don’t know…”

“That’s nice…”

“Yeah it is…” answered Kerry who felt a little chill in the air. Breaking their embrace she turned to check on the coffee and headed to the living room to adjust the thermostat. When she came back, Abigail had already poured some coffee and was looking for the creamer.

“Ker… Where did you put the Coffee-mate..? I can’t find it…”

‘What else is new?’ -Thought the older woman as she approached her lover. Bending down, Kerry opened the covert, moved a couple of cans and found a huge container of Coffee-mate. She brought it to the countertop and smiled at Abby. “Don’t say anything…” murmured the younger woman with a half-smile on her lips.

“Am I saying anything..?

“You are evil…” –mumbled the brunette with a smirk.

“Maybe…but you love me…”-chuckled the redhead before leaving with her mug.

An hour later both women were laying on one of the couches in the family room. The sun had started to warm up and its light inundated every corner of the room. Kerry was leaning against the big pillows of the sofa while Abby was safely tucked between Kerry’s legs, leaning against her lover’s stomach and chest. Both of them were reading, leisurely letting the minutes pass without much concern. Suddenly, Kerry sighed deeply and put down the magazine she was reading. Hugging Abby, she again as she had done before, kissed the brown crown of hair of her lover’s head.

It was a wonder, Kerry admitted, that they were together as they were. She looked around the den in that house of hers, a home which she had occupied for the last 10 years and everything, almost every book and every photograph had been there from the beginning yet, unexpectedly, her life was no longer the way it had been. All of a sudden, her life was brighter, richer… more complete. For the second time in her life a stranger had tucked away in her pocket Kerry’s heart and with that, her life. 

Resting her cheek on Abby’s head, the older woman inhaled deeply. With a little fear in her chest, she wondered if Abigail had any idea of what she had created; a vague notion of the dramatic changes going on inside the mighty Kerry Weaver. 

“Are you okay?”-asked the younger woman still reading the newspaper.

The sudden interruption brought Kerry to her senses. “Yeah…”

Something in Kerry’s voice, perhaps an edge of insecurity alerted Abby who turned around. “What is it?”

Kerry looked at Abby intensely. Her green eyes locked into Abby’s brown ones trying to recognize any visible signs that she perhaps had failed to see.

“What?” -inquired Abby in a whisper.

“Have you any idea of what you have done..?” -asked the older woman as she brought her hand to her lover’s face, caressing it. Abigail, unsure of what the redhead meant by the question, looked puzzled. 

“I tried, you know, I tried to dismiss you…I tried to keep you at bay…”

Abby furrowed her brow trying to make sense of Kerry’s words. “What are you talking about..?”

“I was afraid. I was afraid of letting myself believe that I had one more chance…And then, out of nowhere, you showed up and…and…”

Abby started to comprehend her lover’s meaning behind the chopped words. And it wasn’t fear. It wasn’t self-sabotage either. It was more like being honest enough to realize the weight and meaning of the connection they were making.

“And changed everything, right?” -Interrupted Abigail. “I came along and changed what you thought you knew about your life, didn’t I..?”

“Yeah...” -Whispered the older woman.

Abby smiled and closed the gap between them. Hugging Kerry, feeling that body that she was still getting used to, sensing her warmth, Abigail closed her eyes. “Have you ever stopped to think that I might be feeling the same way, Kerry?”

Kerry shook her head against Abby’s shoulder.

“Kerry… -Abby inhaled sharply- …You are all I have… Haven’t you noticed that? Where was I when all this started, uh? Alone… that’s how I was. And it’s not that my family is all messed up and it’s not that Luka and Carter hurt me no, it’s not that…” Abigail sighed deeply, lowered her eyes and took Kerry’s hands in hers. “The thing is Kerry…I…I have never known love like this before… -Abby paused unconsciously biting her lower lip, trying not to break down in tears- …You love me for the person I am…I’ve never known that…You know me…like for example…I never knew that I snored as I do...-and she made a face of disgust- …or that I pull the blankets every single night...or that I’m always pouting like if I had a really bad case of hemorrhoids…-and the two chuckled at the thought. “I never knew all these things about me until you pointed them out….You know me and…you still love me despite them…”

“No, I love you because of them…”-interrupted Kerry.

“It petrifies me Kerry…It’s wonderful to feel loved this way but at the same time…it’s like…uh…I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because…it always does…”

Kerry cupped her lover’s face with her hands. “Shhh…-whispered the older woman bringing Abby closer-…I promise you…it won’t drop, my love…”

Abby flinched involuntarily. “Say that again…”

“What?”

“That which you just said…”

Kerry quickly reviewed her last uttered sentence and rapidly recognized what Abby needed. “Love…–she whispered and Abby’s body quivered in her arms- …you are my love, Abby, don’t forget that…”

“I won’t…”-mumbled the brunette.

“Kerry..! Come on!” -Yelled Abby who was already standing by the door, waiting for the redhead to come down the stairs while she closed the buttons of her jacket. “What the heck is she doing? Keeeerrrr!” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming…God! It’s not like the mall is gonna be closed or anything...”

Abby glared at her while she opened the door and picked up the keys to her truck. “We’re taking my truck…”

“Fine…sure…”-said the redhead as she moved to put her coat on.

“Here, let me help you with your coat so we’ll be able to get to the mall sometime before this century is over...”

Kerry chuckled at Abigail’s sudden temper tantrum and dismissed it in good spirits.

Once in the car, Kerry took in the beauty of the day and sighed deeply. “It’s so beautiful today…”

“Yeah, it is…”

“At what time are we supposed to go to Susan’s today?” –Asked the older woman as she tried to find a better posture in the seat of the car.

“Your hip..?”-asked Abby noticing Kerry’s discomfort.

“Yeah…a bit…so, at what time..?”

“Anytime after 5 pm…”

“Okay…”

When they finally made it to the mall, Abby dropped Kerry in front of one of the entrances and quickly drove off to park the car. A short time later, the young nurse came running through the parking lot, visibly distressed by the coldness of the air.

“Damn I hate this weather…Why is it that we don’t move to Florida..?” –said Abby in a nonchalant sort of way as she opened her jacket and untied her thick woollen scarf. Kerry, however, took in the meaning behind the words. The “we” did not go unnoticed.

“We don’t move to Florida because…we haven’t discussed it…” –answered Kerry.

“Right...well, we should discuss it…–answered Abby as she kept on walking- …so… -asked the nurse changing the subject- …where are we going first?”

“Susan’s baby gift…”

“Right…”

An hour later they were still trying to decide what to get for the newborn. They had already roamed through “Toys-R-Us” and “Playmobil” and were now entering “Baby Gap”. 

“But clothes Kerry..? Isn’t that kind of lame..?”

“No…babies can never have enough clothes…”

Abby shrugged her shoulders. If she was honest to herself, she had not been able to find anything she liked for the baby either. “Aha! –Abby heard the redhead say- …what? Did you find something you like? –She asked still looking for something.

“Yup…come take a look…”

Abby approached Kerry slowly. Walking between the racks and even from afar, the young nurse was able to see a different shade of emotion in her lover’s features. It was a mixture of peacefulness, desire and nostalgia that Abby had not seen before.

“Oh, Kerry… that’s beautiful…”

Kerry smiled and nodded still contemplating the diminutive piece of garment. Her hands flipped and turned the outfit, examined it and finally, extended it away from her to see it better. “Do you like it hon?” –asked the redhead.

“Yes, it is very cute...nice too…”

Kerry turned serious. She breathed deeply trying to find the best wording for what she wanted to say. 

“What?” –asked Abby.

“What about making our first decision together as a couple? Would you like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we buy this together and give it to them…”

Abby was at loss for words. “You sure, Ker..? I mean, I’ll pay you half but…”

Kerry hugged her lover. Whispering, she said, “You don’t need to pay me anything…I just want us to do this together if that’s okay by you…”

Abby shut her eyes and melted into Weaver’s cuddle. The same idea had crossed her mind earlier in the day but she had felt unable to talk about it. Perhaps it had been fear of rejection; perhaps it had been simply, that she had forgotten. In any case, she relished in the fact that Kerry had been the one to bring it up first.

They had arrived at Susan’s ten minutes ago and already, Abby had lost sight of Kerry. After leaving the mall, they stopped at a fast food place, grabbed something to eat and headed home to rest a little before getting ready to go out again. 

On the way over Abby had felt a little nervous about this, their first outing together, mostly because of Kerry; their colleagues’ reaction to her and her own involvement with their boss. However, amidst those emotions, there was a strong need in Abby’s heart to proudly “show Kerry off”, as she would put it later, many times. And fortunately for her, Kerry was apparently, cool as a cucumber; no trace of apprehension in her face. 

After parking the car, Abby jumped out and quickly walked to Kerry’s side to open the door for her. “Wow…full service, huh?”

Abby smiled and helped her out. “Here, give me the present…” and as she finished her sentence, she extended her hand for Kerry to take in hers. And like that, hand in hand, they entered Susan and Chuck’s home. 

Now, Abby sat alone in a corner of the comfortable living room. Soft music, Phil Collins she thought, was playing on the stereo. 

“So, how are you?”

Neela approached Abby smiling, leaving Michael behind to talk to Morris and Ray. Moving a little to the side as to give Neela space to sit, Abby answered, “I’m good… how about you?”

“To tell you the truth, missing you…”

Abby smiled. “Come on… you have Michael to keep you company…”

“It is not the same Abby and you know that…I sort of miss our chats…I have not seen you in a while…”

“You’ve seen me at work…”

Neela crooked her head. The pair had been somewhat close before Abby had gotten closer to Kerry. They still liked working and sharing their time during their shifts but truth be said, Abby had become less available for Neela as her relationship with Kerry had deepened. 

“So, how’s everything with Weaver..?”

Abby remained silent for a moment. However, her heart betrayed her by allowing a smile to creep up which she tried to hide by lowering her head.

“Oooohhh…that good, huh?” –Said Neela teasingly.

Abby still would not budge. “Come on Lockhart, speak…”

Almost whispering, Abby starting talking. “What would you like to know?”

“Well, what I’d like to know and what you’d be willing to tell me are two very different things. Just talk to me…tell me anything…”

Abby inhaled slowly. Letting the air out, she started talking. “She makes me happy, Neela…”

“Oh, I already knew that…”

“Well, this is kind of new for me…I don’t think I had ever felt this way before…”

Neela shifted her position in the couch. “Go on…”

“That’s about the best thing I can say about her. She makes me happy. She is so…uh…amazing Neela…different, different from anything that you’ve seen…anything that you know about her…and sometimes at night before I fall asleep, I lay there in her arms and…”

“You feel safe…”

Abby’s face lit up in recognition. “Yeah… safe…”

Neela smiled feeling happy for her friend. “That’s how I feel when I’m around Michael…”

“Well, then you know what I’m talking about…and by the way, have you seen her? I mean, we came in, said hello and that was it! I lost her…”

“You haven’t, she’s in the kitchen with Cosmo…”

“Who the hell is Cosmo?” –Asked a baffled looking Abigail.

Neela leaned closer to her friend. “Susan’s baby…”

“They named him Cosmo..? Oh my God…”

“Oh, don’t be mean Abby; actually he’s a good looking baby…”

“Yeah…but still…Cosmo? I mean…”

“Oh shush! Come on, let’s go and see the baby…”

And Neela got up and Abigail followed. 

Abby could see Kerry even before she arrived at the kitchen. From the foyer, she could see her holding the newborn and the look on her lover’s face stopped Abby on her tracks. She had never seen that face, she couldn’t recognize it. There was an impossible tenderness and compassion that Abby had not ever witnessed before emanating from her new lover. She almost felt a pang of jealousy but quickly dismissed it to concentrate on the beauty irradiating from Kerry. She approached her slowly.

“Hey, you got a friend in there…”

“Hi sweetie...yeah, isn’t he beautiful?”

Abby kneeled to get closer to Kerry and the baby. Timidly, she held the baby’s head and looked up to meet her lover’s eyes. “Yes, he’s gorgeous…” –Added with a smile on her face.

“Yeah…” –whispered Kerry with a trace of pain in her voice. 

It was then. Right there and then. In the middle of that kitchen, with people buzzing around looking for ice, beer and potato chips that Abby knew. She knew that she could never deny Kerry anything. She knew that one day if God allowed it and Kerry asked her for it, she would bear their child; Kerry’s child. She exhaled audibly and leaned over to kiss the baby’s head. A moment later she looked up and Kerry smiled at her. Abby smiled back.

She knew.

The party had turned out well. Almost everyone from the day shifts down at the ER had attended. In a corner, Abby could hear Halleh and Morris singing while Ray, Neela, Michael, Pratt and Sam talked and laughed among themselves. Despite the chill in the air, Abby had decided to step out to the deck, for a much-needed cigarette.

“Hi…”

It was Luka.

“Hello…”

“So how are you..? I haven’t seen you in a couple of days…”

“Everyone keeps saying that…I’m good…”

Luka smiled to himself and nodded slightly. Abby caught the gesture. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing…”

“Luka…”

“Nothing, I was just agreeing with you…You do look good…and Kerry? I haven’t seen her…”

“With Cosmo, in the kitchen…”

“Cosmo?”

“Yeah, Susan’s baby…”-said Abby with a gesture of disgust in her face.

“Sounds galactic…”

“When I heard about it I thought of a mafia gangster…”

“So, she’s with the baby and you’re here…” –added Luka purposely.

“Yeah…I needed a cigarette…”

Abby had uttered those last words with a hint of anxiety that Luka picked up. “Are you okay?”

Abigail took a long drag from her cigarette and exhaled the smoke before speaking. “Yeah…it’s…”

“What?”

“You know when you’re about to get everything you ever wanted and you’re sort of afraid..?”

“Uhum…”

“Well, now you know how I feel…”

“You’re afraid? Of what?”

“It’s not that I’m really afraid Luka. I just had this moment before that…I don’t know…kinda blew me away…”

“In a good way or bad?”

“No, good, good…”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I follow you…”

Abigail turned around and leaned over the veranda. She closed her eyes and again, this time in her mind, the image of her lover and the baby invaded her memory.

“I just realized I want everything with Kerry…”

Luka remained quiet. If he was honest, he had to admit that a little piece of his heart was breaking. And it was not because he was hoping they would get back together again but because he had been unable to make this beautiful woman, happy and now, it was too late.

“Just now?”-were the only words he managed to say.

“Yeah…I saw her in the kitchen and she looked so beautiful and peaceful and…happy with me and the baby that…uh…I just knew…I want everything...her, a life, a home…”

“A family…”-Luka interrupted.

“Yeah…”

Luka smiled in the tacit understanding of what Abigail had just not said. She had meant children. “I’m really happy for you, Abby…” –He said, getting close to her. “You deserve all that…”

Abigail answered nothing. Sipping her club soda and smoking lazily, she smiled to herself. A couple of minutes later, they headed towards the warmth of the living room when a song came up on the stereo. “Oh wait…God! I love this song…I’ll be right back…”

Walking quickly Abby approached her lover who was sitting in a chair by the kitchen’s table. Without saying a word, she extended her hand towards the older woman.

“Dance with me..?”

Kerry looked up and locked her green eyes on Abby’s dark ones. Abby read the tacit question and softly said, “Please…”

Kerry stood up and walked with Abby towards the living room. Abby stopped and unthreaded Kerry’s crutch from her arm and left it by the door. “It’ll be okay in there…come…”

And taking her lover’s hands, she laced their arms and bodies together and started moving with the song. 

Kerry closed her eyes and buried her face in Abby’s shoulder. She wanted no distractions; she wanted to forget all the eyes upon them. All she wanted was to enjoy the beautiful moment she and Abby were sharing together. Pulling Abigail closer to her, Kerry wanted to convey her gratitude, her pride, her love for this extraordinary woman who had deftly brought her to the centre of that living room and in front of almost everyone they knew, had asked her to dance. 

The song, titled “Songbird” by Eva Cassidy was a song that Abby had not heard in a very long time; however, she could not find a better song to describe her feelings for Kerry Weaver. “And I love you, I love you, I love you…like never before…” sang Abby in a whisper before closing her eyes and shutting down the world around.

When the song was over, not a sound was heard. Abby ended the embrace and stared at Kerry’s eyes, mouthing “Thank you”. Kerry smiled in response and together they turned around to fetch her crutch. 

“Wanna go home…?” –Asked Abby softly.

Kerry smiled and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home…”

And hand in hand, as they had arrived, the new couple said their goodbyes and left.

To go home.

[End of Chapter 13]


	14. Flawless Imperfections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 14  
“Flawless Imperfections”

The party kept on going for another couple of hours although its tone had mellowed out and the few remaining guests gathered up in a corner of the deck. Luka leaned on the veranda and exhaled deeply. Sipping slowly from his already warm beer he passed the time in a relentless effort to peel off the wet sticker from the bottle.

“It’s not the bottle’s fault,” said Susan folding her arms in front of her chest. “Temperature is dropping…”

Luka turned around and attempted to smile at his colleague, “So…”

“What?” asked Susan with a hint of anger in her voice.

“Aren’t you going to say anything…?”

Susan ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know what to say…that was…something…I mean, what can you say? They’re adults; they seem to be happy…what’s left to say?”

Luka sighed in disappointment. Somehow he had expected Susan to say something different. 

“You look like shit…-said Susan- …I’m sorry…”

Luka’s response was a sad smile. 

“Will you be okay out here..? I’m going in to check on Cosmo…”

“Actually, I’m going home…enough self-pity…” -mumbled the Croatian doctor tossing the bottle into a nearby trash can.

“If it makes you feel any better Luka, I think she’s happy…and yes I know, it’s Kerry I know…but still, she looks very happy…”

“Yeah…”

The warm air blowing from the outlets was a welcomed sensation for the two women. After the obligatory initial commentaries about Susan’s baby, Morris’ unexpectedly good rendition of Etta James’ “At Last” and Neela’s beautiful dress, the couple fell into a comfortable silence. It was a 35-minute ride to Kerry’s home. The redhead, exhausted from the shopping and the pain on her hip, closed her eyes and enjoyed the music. Abby –behind the wheel- turned to look at her lover and smiled; she looked beautiful. Reaching over she grabbed Kerry’s left hand in hers and gently, rubbed the palm.

“That was beautiful you know…” –whispered Kerry.

Abby knew what Kerry was talking about. Her only response was to bring Kerry’s hand to her lips and kiss it.

“But we shouldn’t have done it…”

The young brunette nurse kept on kissing Kerry’s hand, “Why not..?”

“Because it might cause problems…”

Abby stopped the caress and stopping at a traffic light, turned around to face her boss and lover. “What are you talking about?”

Kerry recognized the hint of anger in Abby’s voice and opened her eyes to engage in the conversation she had started.

“All I’m saying is… this might bring some problems…”

“For whom? For you?” –Asked Abigail, visibly bothered by Kerry’s words and implications. “I thought being gay and out at work was no longer a problem for you…I mean, what’s the problem? These are our friends!”

The change from red to green prone Abby to step on the gas pedal with a bit too much force. She was getting angry by the minute but more than angry, Kerry’s attitude was beginning to hurt her.

Kerry breathed heavily and closed her eyes trying to gather her thoughts and words. “Sweetie…”

“What?”-answered an angry Abigail.

“Being gay and out at work is not a problem for me. It was a long time ago yes, but it isn’t now… you know that. I am long used to the gossip and the distasteful jokes about me and all that… I’m used to that…”

“So what’s the problem..?” –Demanded the young nurse trying very hard to control her feelings.

“That you’re not…”

“I’m not what, gay? I’m sleeping with you, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know if you’re gay or not…the fact that you’re having sex with me doesn’t make you gay… in any case…that’s not what we’re discussing…”

Abby turned to look at Kerry, silently demanding an explanation. 

“You’re not used to the jokes, the commentaries, and the gossip. You’re not used to being ridiculed, love. I am. You’re not. These people are my subordinates, they’re not my friends. They never were and they never will. Even when I was a resident and then an attending, I was never their friend… I’m different…I am a woman, I’m handicapped, I’m their boss and on top of all that I’m gay…how many degrees of separation do I need to describe for you so you can understand?”

Abby kept on driving, silently.

“Do you understand what I’m saying? By doing what we did tonight, beautiful and loving as it was for us, we told everyone in no uncertain terms that we’re together. Do you think that’ll go unnoticed? Do you actually think that no one will say anything to you tomorrow? I mean, it’s not only the fact that you are with a woman Abby…it’s also the fact sweetie, that I am the woman you’re with…”

“I don’t care what they say…”

Kerry smiled to herself. She knew her young lover would react that way. “Maybe not now but you might at some point and then what? What you’re gonna do, uh?”

“I’ll kick them in the ass…”

“Really?”

Abby did not answer. They had finally arrived at Kerry’s townhouse and got inside the chilly house, silently, one after the other. Kerry went directly to their bedroom while Abby made a detour to the kitchen to get the requisite hot tea for Kerry.

When she finally arrived at Kerry’s bedroom, she found the redhead doctor sitting at the bay window, gaze lost somewhere outside. 

“Here…I brought your tea…”

Kerry nodded, in silence. Abby went ahead and placed the hot cup of liquid on top of one of the night tables. Taking her jacket off, she walked again towards the window. Kneeling by her lover, Abby placed both of her hands on Kerry’s thighs and turned the older woman to face her, “I won’t leave you…”

Kerry turned around and cupped Abigail’s face in her hands. Abby leaving her was a possibility but it was not her most immediate concern. She leaned over and kissed her lover lightly on the lips.

“I like knowing that love, but…that’s not what worries me…” –Added the redhead.

“What is it then?”

“I’m worried about you…I don’t want anyone hurting you…”

Abby smiled timidly, got up and tugged at Kerry to follow her to bed. Silently she started unbuttoning Kerry’s blouse and slid her hands to unbutton her lover’s bra. Shedding both pieces of garments, she cupped Kerry’s breast tenderly and kissed them. Raising her eyes she softly said, “Just make love to me, Kerry…”

And together, half-dressed and half concerned about their future, they got into bed and pulled the covers. Kerry took her clothes and Abby’s and positioning herself on top of her lover’s awaiting body, whispered into Abby’s ear, “Always my love, always…”

[End of Chapter 14]


	15. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 15  
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Half asleep, Abby leaned on the admits desk, yawning. It was not even 7 o’clock in the morning and already, chairs were full to the rim. A slight headache and heavy eyelids were the only indications of her lack of rest throughout the night. After sex, Kerry fell asleep whereas Abby –tossing and turning- was only able to doze off for 3 hours so now already an hour into her shift, she felt completely exhausted. As she yawned away, she kept remembering Kerry’s words about their dance over at Susan’s. She still could not agree. As she greeted her co-workers as they dragged themselves in for yet another day of hard work, she discarded the thought and went ahead with her day.

Close to 6 o’clock that afternoon, Kerry was getting ready to get home. Her CD player let Tori Amos’ “A Case of You” filled the office with sound. As she was putting some folders inside her backpack, she heard the phone ring.

“Weaver here…”

Kerry started to nod her head, recognizing the voice. She kept on putting things away inside her backpack until something she heard, paralyzed her.

“She did what?”

The redhead slumped to the nearby chair. Her fingers ran through her fine red hair over and over, lightly scratching her skull as if the gesture would ease the information coming in.

“You did the right thing, Susan…”

She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She kept on nodding and while her ears registered the information, her brain denied it. She just simply could not believe what she was hearing. Exhausted, she closed her eyes and just nodded to the voice on the phone.

“Okay. Bye”

Ten minutes later she heard a knock at her door. “Come in!”

Before her stood Dr. Archie Morris and Nurse Abigail Lockhart. The young male doctor had a dark hematoma growing around his right eye while Nurse Lockhart wore a thick bandage in her right hand, covering the whole of the right hand. As the young employees stood there in silence, Kerry did not know whether she should cheer, cry or clubber them both with the aid of her crutch. Instead, she turned around and walked all the way to the space behind her desk and stared outside the window. 

“Sit down. Both of you. And shut up!”

The couple did as they were told. 

“I can’t believe this has happened. I cannot believe this. Dr Morris, I’ll start with you. While I understand that my sexual orientation is not part of your business, it seems to be something you find entertaining. I will not tolerate any more of your commentaries about my personal life or my sexual orientation inside this hospital. Those, Dr Morris, are grounds for a suit and let me assure you, I can and will file a suit against you the next time so, please consider yourself warned!”

Kerry breathed sharply.

“As for you Nurse Lockhart...You need to learn to curve your emotional outbursts and your reactions to more adult and acceptable outlets. This is not a school playground nor is it a boxing ring. I am –sorry to say- extremely disappointed in you!”

She breathed again, still looking out the window.

“Both of you will be suspended without pay for the next seven days. Both of you will have a written record of this incident in your files. Both of you will be re-scheduled for future shifts and both of you will be left out for any promotions for the remainder of this year.”

Kerry closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She hated having to do this. “That’s all for now. Go!”

Thirty seconds later, the red-headed doctor was again alone inside her office. Letting herself fall on her chair, she brought her hands to her face, covering it. A moment later, a faint knock on her door was heard.

“Come in…”

“They came?”

Kerry snapped to reality as soon as she heard Susan’s voice. “Yeah…”

“I sent them both home…Morris left but Abby is downstairs…”

“How’s her hand?”

“She has a gamekeeper’s thumb… Ulnar Collateral…”

“Damn…”

“For what is worth Kerry, he got what he deserved; he was a…”

Kerry cut Susan off, “Perhaps Susan but still, she should have handled it differently…”

“Well anyway, I got to go; I want to do Abby’s hand before I go...I just patched her up because I knew you wanted to see them…”

“No, Susan, that’s okay, go home. I’ll do her hand…and…thank you…uh…for everything…”

“Kerry, I meant what I said before; I think it’s great you two are together, really…”

The older woman smiled timidly at the blonde doctor. “Were you there when it happened?”

“Yeah…he really needed someone to…uh…teach him some respect. I didn’t hear what he said about you and Abby but whatever it was I guess it was too much for Abs. She dropped a chart, turned, called his name, he turned and wham! He didn’t even know what hit him…It was great, actually…”

“But how did she get so hurt?” -asked Kerry with heaviness in her eyes.

“After hitting Morris her hand landed on the edge of a cart and you know those bars..? Well, her thumb got caught up in there and it went backwards…”

“Shit…-mumbled the redhead-…is she in a lot of pain?

“Considerable...I gave her some oxycodone…not much, though…anyway I got to go. You’re coming?”

Abby laid in the gurney inside Curtain One. Even before she saw Kerry, she sensed her presence approaching the room. As soon as the door opened, the young nurse opened her eyes and sat up, bringing her legs to the edge of the gurney. “I’m sorry,” she said to the limping woman standing at the door.

Kerry did not answer. She walked to the side of the room and turned on the side lamp to watch the x-ray films of her lover’s hand. Shaking her head, she turned off the lamp and sat in front of Abigail.

“Ulnar Collateral Ligament Injury of the right thumb…perfect... –said the older woman shaking her head with frustration-…you know the kind of force you need to get injured like that?” 

“I said I’m sorry…”-muttered Abigail wiping errant tears.

“It’s okay… I heard you the first time…” –answered Kerry. “Give me your hand…”

Abigail brought her bandaged right arm on top of the examination tray. Kerry cut the bandage off with exquisite care and discarded it afterwards. “Oh Lord…” she whispered as she contemplated the battered hand. “Why did you go and do this for..?”

“I told you I was sorry…” -whispered Abigail.

Kerry exhaled audibly. “Sweetheart, as your boss I already said what I had to say…as your…uh…I hurt for you…This is exactly what I was afraid of…I knew you were going to get hurt sooner or later…” -whispered the older woman.

Kerry needed to manipulate the thumb to make sure there was no real fracture, displacement or rotation. She knew it was going to be somewhat unpleasant for the young woman but she had no other choice.

“I’m sorry baby…-whispered Kerry as Abby winced and pouted in pain-…I’m almost done, love…”

Once she was satisfied, she laid the hand on the tray and examined the bruised and inflamed skin. “Thank god you didn’t get any lacs or abrasions…just the expected ecchymoses…”

Abigail just nodded as the pain increased. Kerry looked at her lovingly. “The pain is back, isn’t it? 

“Uh-huh…” –managed to say the brunette, nodding her head and wiping again some tears.

“Okay…let me get you some more med for the pain and then I’ll take care of that cast…”

Kerry moved as fast as she could and in less than 15 minutes, almost the whole thumb spica cast was applied in the color Abby had selected; navy blue. 

“Okay…done…does it hurt still?”

“A bit…”

“I’m sorry honey…this is real damage…” -said the older woman with immense sadness in her voice.

Abby shrugged and remained silent. She understood now Kerry’s woes from the night before. “Can we go home now..?” -she pleaded softly.

Kerry smiled and kissed her lightly on the forehead, “Of course my angel, let’s go…”

The red glowing of the digital clock and soft light coming from the lakeside boulevard combined to form a strange pattern of lights and shadows inside Kerry’s bedroom which Abby looked at, as Kerry held her tightly. Snuggled closely against the redhead, Abby felt at peace albeit in a little bit of discomfort because of the cast. Kerry held her tight; one arm wrapped around her holding her in place, the other toying with the fingers sneaking from the cast.

“Do you have any pain, sweetie..?”

“Just a bit…”

Abby breathed heavily. In the car, she had managed to tell Kerry, after some gentle coaxing from her lover, what had taken place in the afternoon between Morris and her. Kerry had chuckled but still, her overall mood was still sombre, full of preoccupation which Abigail felt sorry about.

“Ker…”

“Uhm..?”

“I’ll be going home tomorrow, with all these days off ahead of me I guess, I’ll use them to do some cleaning at home…”

“Uh…”

“What?”

The redhead exhaled. A loss for words, she was struggling to let her feelings show. “You sure about that?”

“Yes…no…I don’t know…” answered the young nurse, disengaging herself from the embrace. 

“Are you okay, hon…?”-asked the redhead.

Abby closed her eyes and inhaled. She thought it would be best because at the end of the day, this was not her home and Kerry had not asked her to move in. However, despite all her rationalizations, she felt sad. “Yeah, I’m good…” she answered softly.

“Abby…”

“Yeah..?” -answered the brunette. 

“I was thinking…I think we need to talk…”

Abby felt a knot in her throat. She had been sensing that sooner rather than later this so-called “talk” was going to take place and the outcome was probably one she was not going to like. Funny, she thought, that the only time she had wanted to actually play house with someone, was going to be the only time she was going to be turned down. Sighing, she turned the light on her nightstand and sat down at the edge of the bed waiting like a lamb, to be slaughtered.

“Talk…” –she said.

“I think we need to talk about us…”

“I’m listening…” –whispered Abby hugging her knees in a clear posture of self-preservation. Her eyes, suddenly, stung with heavy tears wanting to be shed. She cleared her throat and gained some control but not enough to be able to hold Kerry’s gaze. “Go ahead Kerry…” she said softly.

“What happened today cannot happen again. It brought me to a very uncomfortable position in which I was forced to do things I didn’t want to do…like suspend you, for example…”

“Uh-huh…”

“Tomorrow I have an appointment with Anspaugh…I know he’ll want to talk about what happened today…”

“And?” –asked Abby.

“That this represents a conflict of interests that we need to do something about…”

Abby lowered her eyes and covered her face with her left hand. “So you wanna…uh…what? End this?”

Kerry looked at Abby disoriented. “What?” –she asked bewildered. “No!”

Abby let the air out of her lungs with a sound. “So you don’t want to end our relationship?” she asked still unsure. 

“No! God, no! What on earth gave you that idea?”

Abby could not answer. Losing whatever control she had been able to retain in the past minute, she turned her face away from Kerry and buried it against her knees. 

“Abby, sweetheart…Abby, c’ mere…” -said Kerry as she moved closer to the young woman. “No, no, don't sweetie, no…I don’t want to leave you…”

Abby let herself be hugged by the older woman as large tears rolled down her frightened face. She had been convinced that the redhead was either going to end their relationship or ask her to move out or somehow change the way they had been relating until then.

“I’m not leaving you hun and I don’t want you to go home tomorrow either…this is your home, with me, this is home…your home…”

The young nurse wiped the tears from her face quietly, nodding at Kerry’s words.

“Move in with me Abby…be here with me…be my family…be my…”

“Your what..?”

“My everything Abby…”

Abby smiled and kissed Kerry on the lips. After kissing for what seemed a long while, Abby broke the kiss and rested her head on Kerry’s chest who was by now, lying on her back. 

“Your everything…”

“Yes…”

“That’s very broad…”

“Yeah well…I didn’t know what word to use…girlfriend? No God, too high school…partner? Sounds like a law firm…”

“Lover…” interrupted Abigail.

“Sorry I can’t. It makes me think of us being married and having each other on the side, no, no, no, no…”

“Wife?” 

Kerry breathed in sharply and the young nurse knew she had hit a sensitive nerve inside the older woman. She loved the idea of them being each other’s wives –as odd as the word sounded- but somehow, it didn’t seem the appropriate noun to define them. 

“Sounds too…conventional..? I don’t know sweetheart, the concept is the right one, the word… I don’t know…” said the older woman.

“Can we get married? I mean, sometime..?”

Kerry opened her eyes and moved to her side, forcing Abby to do the same. The older woman, resting the weight of her head on the palm of her right hand, leaned on her side and faced her young lover. “You want to? Sometime?”

The conversation was becoming very intense and Abby felt the need to distance herself from the redhead. She moved and lay again on her back bringing her left arm to rest on the pillow. “I don’t know…maybe…isn’t that what we’re doing anyway?”

Kerry smiled. “Yes, in a way, yes…but it’s more complicated…”

“How complicated?”

“Well, because we cannot really, legally get married there are certain things we would have to do, certain understandings, decisions to be made, papers to be drawn…”

“Right…” -nodded Abby.

“But we don’t have to decide any of that now…we can; you know…there’s time…”

“But…”

“But what, baby..?”

“It’s more than just living together, right? I mean, how will other people know? How do we make it, I don’t know…official?”

Kerry felt her diaphragm flutter several times. She closed her eyes overwhelmed by the weight of Abigail’s words. Needing the contact of her lover’s body, Kerry moved closer and spooned the young woman from behind. “We can do whatever you want, my angel…”

“Like what?”

“We can get married in a church, we can have a civil union here at home, we can invite people, we can do it ourselves, we can exchange rings…whatever you want love…whatever makes you happy…”

“Rings…” –muttered the young woman.

“You want rings..?”

“Yeah…”

“So rings we shall have…”

“Soon…” –interrupted Abby.

It was now Kerry’s turn to feel a knot in her throat. Unable to articulate any words, she just nodded against Abby’s neck and in quiet acceptance; she pulled her lover closer to her. “I love you…” she whispered.

“I love you too, Ker…”

Five minutes later, Kerry was dozing off. As she was letting herself fall into slumber she heard Abby’s voice, “Mrs Kerry Weaver Lockhart…hmm…it has a nice sound to it…”

And a burst of muffled laughter from the young nurse was the last thing it was heard in their bedroom that night.

[End of Chapter 15]


	16. Sin Capricorn, Moon in Scorpio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 16  
Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Scorpio

“Crap…” was the only thought that came into Abby’s mind as soon as she opened the door to her abandoned apartment. It was not really abandoned; she had just not really lived there in the past 4 months. As she entered her old dwelling she was startled by the sudden realization of how dark and gloomy this apartment was. Kerry had mentioned it once, in passing, and Abby had discarded it as small talk. Now, however, she had to agree. It was dark and gloomy like her life was when she lived there. 

She closed the door behind her and opened the blinders to let some light in. She had picked that habit from Kerry who, every morning, opened the curtains of her bedroom window to let light –and life- as she put it, in. She took her jacket off, followed by her scarf. She threw them on the couch and walked to her bedroom. Opening her closet, she brought a suitcase out –the only one she had ever owned- and with difficulty, placed it on her bed. She opened it slowly, weighing the implications of her actions. This was it, no turning back, she thought. This morning she had called her landlord and had already paid the fee for early contract termination and now, according to the contract, she had only 3 days to vacate the apartment so, she had to get moving. Unfortunately, her cast made things increasingly difficult.

Slowly and with some pain, Abby started to open her drawers and empty their contents into the suitcase, when her cell phone rang.

“Hi, love…”

“Hi…”

“How’s everything going?”

“Slowly, the cast is not helping…”

“I was afraid of that…that’s why I told you that we better leave it for the weekend…”

Abby rolled her eyes. Kerry had been right, as usual, and while she wasn’t angry, she hated having to admit it. “Yeah, you were right…”

“Listen, just do what you can and I’ll take care of the rest tomorrow. I’ll hire some movers…”

“But Kerry, what’s the point of wasting money like that? I don’t have that much stuff to take with me anyway…”

‘It’s not money wasted, that’s what money is for. Just go home babe, relax, enjoy your free time…”

“Ker..?”

“Uhm..?”

“Did you talk to Anspaugh?”

“He postponed for Monday…”

“Right. Okay. I’ll see you home then?”

“Yes, in a couple of hours…”

“Love you, Ker...”

“Love you too…”

Flipping shut her cell phone, Abby sat on her old bed and with her left hand caressed the comforter that adorned her now, old bed. She remembered the last time she had used it. With Kerry, actually, and suddenly the young nurse decided that her time could be used in better ways. She got up, took her coat and scarf and left.

When she got to her lover’s office, Christina had already left for the day. ‘Perfect…’ she thought and knocked lightly at the door.

“Come in…”

When she opened the door, she found Kerry sitting at her desk with heaps of papers and folders around her.

“Sweetie…” –said the older woman, smiling.

Abby did not answer. Instead, she turned around and locked the door.

“Abby?”

Turning around, Abigail discarded her coat and scarf and walked silently to where her lover was; now standing, with a puzzled look on her face. 

“Love..?”

So concentrated was Abby on what she wanted to do that she did not reply to Kerry’s questions. As soon as she found herself next to her lover, she cupped Kerry’s face with her hands and kissed her hungrily at the same time as she pushed her pelvis forward, knowing all too well, the effect that subtle movement had on the older woman.

“Oh God…” whispered Kerry, who opened her legs instinctively. “What are you doing?”

Abby grinned mischievously. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Here?” –asked Kerry with a hint of terror in her voice.

“Yeah…here…” mumbled Abby as her mouth travelled to Kerry’s neck and her good hand, massaged Weaver’s left breast. “God, I love your breasts…”

“Oh, Lord…”

The young nurse was relentless. In a swift movement, she did with her lover’s blouse and bra and like a child, she latched fiercely to the erect nipples in front of her travelling from one to the other, hoping she would not neglect either of them. As she let her tongue roamed, painting invisible circles over and around her lover’s perky nipples, her left hand opened the top button of Kerry’s slacks and lowered the zipper in one swift motion. Immediately she inserted her fingers and massaged Kerry’s sex through the wet panties. The sudden touch of Abby’s probing fingers made Kerry groan and made her reach for Abby’s pants to bring them down but Abby pulled back, preventing Kerry from reaching her objective.

“What do you want, uh?” –whispered Abigail in her lover’s ear.

“You know what I want…” 

Abby effectively silenced her lover by inserting her tongue into Kerry’s mouth at the same time as her fingers moved inside Kerry’s undies, past her coarse pubic hair and right at her clit, now engorged and erect. “Oh God yes…you’re so wet…” –mumbled the young nurse as her excitement grew. 

“Abby…” –moaned Kerry- “Please, please…”

Abby could never really stand Kerry’s moans. Her sense of control always got lost at the moment Kerry started to ask her for release and Abby always, always complied. There was something edgy in her lover’s voice; a yearning, a craving, even a dangerous hunger that Abby found impossible to resist, to counteract. Feeling her own wetness and need grow, Abby snapped open her jeans and as fast as she could, she brought them down to her ankles. Bringing her sex next to Kerry’s open and wet labia, she could feel the heat coming from her lover. She looked down and immediately up, marvelling at the sight of her adored woman in such exquisite torture. She closed the gap and Kerry gasped at the touch. She lowered herself against her lover’s body and Kerry wrapped herself immediately around Abby’s body. 

“Tell me what you want…” –repeated Abby in a whisper.

Kerry squirmed beneath Abby’s weight. “Please…”

“No Ker please, tell me what you want…I love you, I want to make you come…tell me…” –Abby closed her eyes in agony- “…please…”

Kerry strained again in search of release. “I want you to…”

“What honey? What?” -asked Abby with angst. 

“To fuck me…”

Abby lost it. She brought her right hand to Kerry’s sex and inserted what she could of her fingers inside her lover who violently arched her back at the sudden and delightful intrusion. 

“Yes, yes…” –moaned Abby who rubbed and pushed her sex against her own hand. “Come, baby, come for me…” -whined Abby.

And Kerry let out a soft cry and convulsed several times, unable to articulate anything but long, laborious moans that pierced the silence of the office. Abby brought her eyes up and concentrated in watching Kerry come back to normal; get out of her sexual high. She found her beautiful; her breasts flushed, her face contorted still in the midst of her orgasm, her chest slightly sweaty. 

Kerry must have sensed Abby’s eyes on her because she came around quicker than she normally would. Opening her eyes, she distinctively recognized Abby’s eyes filled with lust and moved fast to return the gift.

“No, no, Kerry…” –complained Abigail.

But Kerry, as Abby had done before, ignored her young lover’s pleas. In a fluid motion, Kerry brought her open mouth to Abby’s and kissed her deeply while her right hand cupped Abby’s wet sex, making Abigail moaned.

In silence and blindly, Kerry moved them towards her chair and sat down, bringing Abby to straddle her, all the while keeping up the constant stimulation of her lover’s clitoris.

“Now you’re going to come for me, baby…”

Abby nodded furiously, eyes shut in passion. Kerry separated herself to watch Abby’s face. She always thought that it was somewhat pathologic how much she enjoyed watching Abby’s face minutes away from an orgasm. There was such power contained and suppressed in those exquisite features now contorted in torment that Kerry always feared –in a magical and absurd sort of way- that Abigail would explode in rapture. 

Knowing that Abby was very close to the edge, Kerry slid her fingers inside the incredible wetness and found Abby’s vagina already contracting in spasms. “Come for me love, come on…I got you…let go…”

And for the first time, something incredible happened. Something so unexpected that caught them both by complete surprise.

Abby let out a scream.

All movement stopped. Kerry was paralyzed by awe, Abby by completeness. As the realization hit them both, they held onto each other in silence and together, they rode the final waves of an orgasm like no other. 

Minutes later, when Abby regained some sense of composure she lowered her mouth to Kerry’s and kissed her tenderly, “I love you…” –she whispered.

“I love you too, my angel…”

And gazing at each other, they smiled.

Hours later, the couple was enjoying the evening together in their bedroom. Kerry, already in her pj’s, read a journal in bed, jotting down notes on a pad of paper. Abby sat in her beloved leather chair, covered by a blanket, half-dressed, engrossed in some reality show.

“Oh, eeewww…that’s so gross…” –muttered the brunette mostly to herself.

“And you’re watching this because..?”

“Because…”

Kerry smiled and kept on reading. When a set of commercials came, Abby stood up and finally gathered the energy she needed to change into her pj’s. “I’m going down to get something to eat, want something, tea perhaps?”

“No tea, some water?”

“Okay…”

When Abigail returned, Kerry had tossed the journal and was zapping channels looking for something less disturbing to watch. 

“Hey… I was watching that..!”

“You want to keep on watching *that*?”

Abby turned and caught a glimpse of some woman washing down a handful of worms with a glass of some very disgusting looking liquid. “Uh…no…you win…”

Nodding, Kerry kept on zapping. 

Abby sat on the edge of the bed, “Actually Ker, I wanted us to talk about something…”

“What hon, your newly discovered oral outlet for release?”

Abby turned to a deep blush and covered her face with her hands. “Don’t be mean Weaver…”

“No, I’m sorry…you’re right, that was mean…”

Abby turned serious and Kerry, sensing a mood shift, turned off the TV. Padding the bed, she signalled the young nurse to sit closer. “Tell me, love, what’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night…about the conflict of interests’ thing…”

“Uh-huh..?”

“And I was thinking that I found a way for that to be solved…”

“No, you’re not leaving County…”

“No, no…something else…”

“I’m not leaving County, am I?”

Smiling, Abby took her lover’s hands, “No, of course not…”

“So…how do you think we can work this out?”

Abby inhaled deeply. “I can go back to Med School that way, you will no longer be my boss and problem solved…”

Kerry looked genuinely surprised. It was –actually- an outstanding idea. “Wow…uh…yeah…it is…it’s a great idea…”

“So you think it’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, of course, it’s wonderful…” –said Kerry bringing Abby into a bear hug- “It’s perfect!”

“I have just one condition though…”

Kerry looked at Abby confused. “Condition?”

“Yeah, that I do this on my own…I pay my way…”

“But Abby…”

“No Ker, no…it’s either my way or nothing…”

“But you have no money, sweetheart…I mean, please don’t take this the wrong way but…you know what I’m saying…”

“I know, I know but…I can get a loan…I can ask Richard to co-sign the petition for me…”

“Richard? But Abby, this doesn’t make any sense…”

Abby brought a finger to Kerry’s lips, silencing her. “Ker…”

“But Richard? Honey, *I* wanna do this…for you…”

“And I don’t want you to. I can do this on my own and want to do this on my own…”

Kerry looked heartbroken. Abby took her lover’s hand and once again, engaged the redhead into the conversation. “Kerry, listen to me…”

Kerry brought her green eyes to meet Abby’s brown ones.

“I want to do this on my own because…because I want to start clean with you. I don’t want to have this kind of strings and obligations between us. Not these. I want us to start a life together from a clean place, not because of a student loan…”

Abby sighed deeply buying some time for herself.

“I realised this morning when I was at my old apartment that…that I really, really have a home here with you. And I want everything, Ker…everything. This is the first time in my life, the first time ever that I want to be with someone more than anything…the first time I feel I belong to something bigger than just me. I want everything with you…this home, a life, the whole enchilada…joint bank accounts and power of attorneys and God knows what other documents I’m sure you’ll want me to sign…I want it all…”

Kerry looked at her, mesmerized. 

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Kerry nodded. “I think I do…”

I want us to be a couple…a family…uh…you understand..?”

“Okay…okay…” –mumbled Kerry like a small child.

“No, I don’t think you do…Kerry, let’s be a real couple, let’s enjoy ourselves, let’s take vacations together and set mutual funds…”

“Uh…okay…”

“And later, if you want, we can…uh…”

“What?”

“Have children and be…parents…”

Kerry was completely speechless. 

“That’s what I meant when I said I wanted everything…everything…I want it all with you…all of it…”

Swallowing hard, Kerry seemed to have finally found a way to articulate words. “Uh…I don’t know what to say…”

“Is that good or bad..?”

“Good…I think…”

“Okay, good…”

“Children? Abby, you…uh…you want…children…with me..?”

Abby’s heart melted, one more time. Often, she marvelled at how often she felt this warmth in her heart caused by the mighty Kerry Weaver. She smiled broadly. “Yes, I’d love to bear your children, Kerry…our children…”

Kerry closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Abby looked at her and quietly asked, “You okay Ker..?”

Kerry opened her arms and hugged her lover tightly. “Thank you…” –whispered the redhead.

“For what?”

“For everything…everything…”

[End of Chapter 16]


	17. On The West End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 17  
On the West End

Sitting at the terrace of a café at The Cannery by Fisherman’s Wharf, Kim was completely absorbed in her own thoughts. It was Sunday, Kim’s favourite day and she had asked a couple of friends to have brunch with her. It was only 10 o’clock in the morning; the day was still, full of possibilities.

“Kim…?”

Kim was staring at the sea, at the bridge, at the blue of the sky, at the distant memories of her past. It was almost a silent reverie in the midst of her friends’ lively conversation. The slightly salty breeze caressed her naked legs and wrapped her body in comfort but not yet, in peace. Despite not being able to achieve the tranquillity she had been seeking for so long she just sat there; legs extended and interlocked at her feet, her right arm bent at the elbow, right hand holding her chin. 

“Kim!”

“Uh..?”

Suddenly coming around, her senses brought her back to the café, to her friends, to the reality of her life. 

“I… I’m sorry guys… I just… uh… I don’t know, got lost somewhere…”

Later on that day, Kim sat down by the immense Elm tree that towered in the middle of her garden and coffee in hand, sighed deeply. That old American Elm, the breathtaking view of the ocean and the Spanish tiles did it for her. She had asked her broker to find something in a nice neighbourhood but the Sea Cliff district, with its huge mansions, was totally out of her budget. However, the moment she pulled her car in front of the small house, Kim fell in love with it. Small compared to the nearby villas, this house stood alone in terms of charm and cosiness. And Kim had to have it. It did not matter that she had to put down every single cent she had ever earned and some more she hadn’t; that house had to be hers. 

And now it was a dream come true, four years in the making. 

Then why the blonde woman thought, why isn’t this enough?

The brownstone looked deserted from the outside. Kerry gazed at the crocuses that timidly, had started to flower by the entrance of her home. ‘Spring’s in the air…’ she thought and kept on crutching. 

“Honey! I’m home!” -yelled the redhead as she closed the door behind her getting no response. Putting down her backpack and hanging up her coat, she called out again. This time a faint answer came from the basement, “In here…”

Kerry smiled and walked to the kitchen. 

“Hey…”-whispered Abigail coming up the stairs.

“Hi, sweetheart…” answered Kerry, hugging her young lover. “How’s it going..?”

“It’s not…” answered Abby angrily.

Kerry smiled. Since Abigail had gone back to Med School, her mood had dramatically changed and the older woman had faced the brunt of it all. Loving one day and distant the next, Abigail was trying to cope to the best of her abilities with the demands expected of her. She hated the fact that she had to spend more time in the hospital than at home. She loathed the constant memorizing, reading, note-taking and testing that went on for what it seemed, an eternity. But above all, she despised not being able to enjoy her lover’s company and the comfort Kerry provided her. 

“Aawww…c’mere…”

And Abby lost herself in Kerry’s arms. They had not seen each other for the past three days except in passing and with midterms around the corner, the little time they would have together this weekend, needed to be devoted to the books. 

“I hate this…” -mumbled the brunette.

“Me too but we’re almost there baby, almost there…”

“Two more rotations and the boards and that’s it…”-added the student, closing her eyes and leaning her head on Kerry’s shoulder.

“What you’re doing now..?”

“Neonatal intensive, level III…”

“Right…okay…uh…how long till a break?”-asked the redhead cuddling the woman in her arms.

“Another hour at least…”

Kerry kissed Abby’s forehead, “Okay, go and work some more. I’ll make something for us to eat, draw you a bath and quiz you later…”

“Do they pay you to torture me or are you just *that* creative?”

Kerry chuckled. “I am just *that* creative now go, go…”-and with that, the older woman dismissed the brunette with a pad on her backside. 

A year had already gone by. Some months after moving in together, the couple appeared at the Cook County Clerk’s Office and filed for Domestic Partnership recognition; the closest thing to marriage they could aspire to in the state of Illinois. Afterwards, Kerry had called her friend Anna and with her aid, all legal documents were drawn. Everything from Durable Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy to Co-Parenting Agreement and Last Will and Testament was completed and signed. The only thing they had not done was perhaps, the simplest; the exchange of rings.

Over coffee and bagels, the two women had agreed that a ceremony was not something either of them wanted to do. Abby’s initial need for public recognition had subsided and she was perfectly satisfied with the knowledge that they were together and that legally, they had managed to protect themselves as a family the best they could under the circumstances. Nonetheless, for both women, the ring exchange was something that had remained meaningful. More than once they had strolled through malls and jewellery stores but had not been able to find anything they both liked; all seemed too common and ordinary. So lately, during her lunch breaks, Kerry had researched the internet for something less banal. 

And she had finally found it; Posey rings.

Posey rings, she learned, were rings with brief poems expressing love sentiments. They were very popular during the 16th and 17th centuries in Western Europe and somehow, they were making a come back. After browsing in no less than a dozen websites, Kerry decided she had finally found what she had been looking for. 

“I Am My Beloved and My Beloved Is Mine” read the scripture. Taken from Solomon’s Song of Songs, the passage reflected exactly their feelings towards each other. Plus, the rings were absolutely exquisite. Made of gold, the scripture was done in bas relief and in Hebrew, a language that had always enticed the older woman. 

“Keeerrrr…”

Kerry closed the little velvet box containing the rings and got up. Standing at the door of the basement stairs, she answered back, “Yes, love?”

“Umbilical artery catheter placement…”

“What about it?”

“I’m confused…”

Kerry grinned. Looking at her watch she concluded that her girl had been studying for too long and had become mentally tired or to use a more common term, Abby was…‘fried’. “Sweetie…come on up…let’s get you in the tub, come on…”

The afternoon was starting to die out in the bay area. The fog -dense and thick- had begun to cover the tips of the bridge’s towers and the light, that beautiful light forever present in San Francisco, had become pink with orange hues. Kim, still sitting in her perching station, looked down at the beautiful sight of her beloved city and breathed deeply. It had been just one more of those days, those days that sneaked up on her without permission or notice. Those days when her feet dragged and her thoughts stumbled, one on top of the other. Days where she could not even find a normal breathing pattern without making a conscious effort. It had been one more of those awful, sad, loathing days. One of those full of memories. Memories of Kerry.

They came every so often; about once every three or four months. They always started the night before when at least two REM phases of her sleep, were filled with dreams of Kerry intertwined with actual memories of events past. And they always brought her the same feeling of nostalgia and sadness she hated. 

She had discussed these dreams many times with her therapist, with her sister Katie, with her friends, even with her dog but at the end; they kept on coming. 

And the dreams were always the same. In them, Kerry always showed up and they were to meet and something always would happen and the meeting would never take place. 

And it was getting so old.

In days like these Kim felt defenceless. In the beginning, she attributed the dreams to the recent events but as time went by, she found herself running out of rationalizations. So, using her best ego-defence mechanisms, the young psychiatrist first denied then sublimated and later, joked about the whole experience lived with the redhead as it had never really happened. 

But four years had gone by and the dreams had prevailed. Finally, she gave up trying to fight them. So today, like many other days, her mind had travelled faster than light to Chicago, to a diner in front of a hospital, to a small and disabled woman, to a time full of innocence and wonder, to a scar found on a woman’s hip, to a voice calling her name in rapture, to a pair of green eyes…to Kerry.

Rubbing her eyes, Kim sighed. 

“Hello! Anybody home?”

“Yeah…come on in…!”

Smiling broadly, Renee opened the small patio door and entered the yard. A native of Wisconsin, Renee was Kim’s personal trainer and a friend of sorts. When Kimberly first moved to California soon realized that any self-respecting transfer to the bay area ‘needed’ a personal trainer more so, if the recent transfer lived in one of the most prestigious neighbourhoods in an already ultra-expensive city and intended to make a successful go in the superb Presidio Psychiatric Center. 

“How you doing?” -asked Renee.

“I’m good…” -lied the blonde.

Despite her looks, Renee was more than a well-tuned body. She possessed the kindest of souls, unmarred in its simplicity. She was also a great listener; an attribute that Kimberly loved for too often was she the one doing the listening. They had met in a grocery shop, picking mangoes; a fruit both of them knew very little about and they hit it off right away. From then on, a kinship of stranded souls started; a true friendship with no hidden agendas. There couldn’t be any; Renee had a long-standing relationship with Alice and Kim well, Kim had ‘something’ going on with Victoria, also known as Kiki.

“You’re alone?”

“Yeah, Kiki is still with her mom…”

“How was your breakfast? Did you go out with the girls?”

“Yeah, it was okay…and you? How was your day?

“Nothing’s special…uh…I didn’t see you this morning…”

Kim had spaced out again, as many times during that day. 

“Kim…”

“Sorry, I’m sort of distracted today…”

“I see… a trip down to memory lane once again…”

Kim nodded and said nothing.

“Dreamed about her..?”

Kim nodded again in silence.

Renee moved a chair and sat by Kim. Propping her feet up, she made herself comfortable.

“Why don’t you just call her?”

Kim turned to her friend and gave her a face of disbelief, raising her eyebrows.

“Just call her, Kim. What’s the worst that can happen? 

“I can’t call her…” –Answered Kim, quietly.

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t… I just can’t…”

“But why not? It’s simple; you pick up the phone and dial her number, that’s all. The rest is whatever you guys want it to be”.

“I was the one that left the relationship Renee, what am I going to say…‘Ooops, sorry, I didn’t mean it’?” –answered the blonde sarcastically.

“You could at least say that you’re sorry, yes. You could say something to the effect that you miss her… just say whatever is in your heart, Kim. It is that simple”.

Kim sighed. They had had this conversation many times before and it always ended up the same way; with Kim feeling somewhat encouraged to make the call but later not finding the strength to actually do it. 

“I can’t…”

“Okay Kim… you can’t…ok… one day, for your sake and everyone else’s I hope you do find the courage to just call her. Life’s too short Kim, way too short… whatever it is that you want to say, you should just say it…”

Kim nodded, once again.

Later that day, Kim stared at her computer. She had been trying to answer some emails but to no avail, for she simply, could not concentrate. In one swift, unexpected movement, she picked up the phone and with somewhat trembling hands, she dialled Kerry’s number.

“Yes, hello..?” –answered Abby.

Click. 

Abigail got out of the tub in complete naked wetness. Drying herself out with a thick terrycloth towel, she felt a little chill in the air and finished quickly, looking to put some clothes on. 

“Are you done?”-asked Kerry.

“Yup…”

“Come down when you’re done baby…dinner is served…”

“Okay, Ker…”

And Kerry was gone. Abby combed her hair and applied some moisturizer, absentmindedly humming an Elvis Costello song which she had heard the night before. When she felt she was ready, she walked towards the dresser and got clean panties, some sweat pants, a long-sleeve t-shirt and some fresh socks and got dressed.

Coming down the stairs, Abigail stood at the landing to contemplate the display in their dinner table. Wine, fresh flowers, linen napkins were all in place. She kept on walking, wondering what special occasion they were about to celebrate that she, as always, had forgotten about.

“Are we celebrating something special?” –asked the young woman as she opened the door to the fridge to get some water.

“Uh…yeeaahhh…kind of…”

Abby looked at her lover confused. “Are we really..?”

“Well…not really, not yet anyway…”

“Uh?”

“Here, take this to the table…” –said Kerry as she handed Abby a plate with mashed potatoes.

In a delightful peace sprinkled with gossip, the couple ate their dinner with gusto. Kerry had prepared some salmon accompanied with a fresh salad and for Abby less fond of greens, the potatoes. Their choices in nutrition had been a subject of much debate since they had moved in together. Kerry, the health nut, favoured salads, fish, grains. Abby, the carbohydrate lover, adored pasta, potatoes, bread and sweets. And so the drama unfolded almost every single day. However, Kerry had realized that it was a lost battle to convince her lover to upgrade her food fancies so; she always made one concession or two in every meal they shared at home. 

The CD player purred out the incredible voice of Andrea Bocelli singing “Romanza” and Abby felt incredibly satisfied and mellow. Savouring the wine slowly, she pondered the variables that had led her to that very instant and of course, after a minute of what she knew were very futile mental ruminations, she sighed in contentment. 

“Want to join me..?” –asked the redhead who, tray in tow, walked towards the den where a tamed fire was creating sparkles in the fireplace. Abby, silently, followed.

“This is nice…” –said Abby.

“You like it..?” –asked Kerry setting the tray with the wine and their dessert, on a nearby table. “Come, sit with me by the fire my love…”

Abby nodded and offered her hand for the older woman to lower herself to the floor. Once Kerry was seated, Abby crossed her legs and sat between her lover’s.

“So…what are we celebrating? You haven’t told me…”-said the younger woman closing her eyes and leaning back against Kerry’s chest in a gesture of subtle intimacy.

“Nothing really, I just wanted it to be special…”

“What?”

“This…”

And bringing the velvet box with her right hand out her pocket, she opened it with a slight movement of her fingers and presented it to Abby.

“Our rings…”

Abby looked at the two small gold rings and turned her head in amazement, “Oh my God…”

Kerry breathed deeply and smiled. “I thought it was about time…”

Abby took the small box from Kerry’s hand and touched both rings delicately. “They’re so beautiful Ker…Oh god…”-whimpered Abby bringing one hand to her mouth.

“You like them..?”-asked the redhead tightening her grip on her lover.

Abigail turned around and kissed Kerry. “I don’t even know what to say…wow…what does the scripture say?” 

“I Am My Beloved And My Beloved Is Mine…from Solomon’s Song of Songs…”

“From the Bible..?”

“Yes…from the Old Testament…”

Kerry let Abby admire the rings while she moved her body to face Abby’s. After a couple of minutes, Kerry took Abby’s hands and looked at her intensely.

“Love…I need to tell you something…”

Abby looked up and lock her gaze to Kerry’s. “Yes, hun…tell me…”-whispered the student.

“For almost all my life I wondered if I was ever going to feel truly loved. I thought I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough. And then George came and asked me to marry him and I did and…it didn’t last. Later, other people came…Mlungisi, Ellis, Kim, Sandy. And I still felt the same way. And then you came. And you changed everything, Abby. You…you made me whole…” –Kerry inhaled sharply, hands trembling- “…I no longer feel the same way I did. I…I no longer worry whether I am good enough or worthy enough. I am loved by you and that has changed my life. I no longer worry, all I do now is try…try to love you the best way I can…”

“Kerry…”

Kerry ignored Abby. “Because of that I need to tell you…ask you this…” 

Kerry remained silent for a moment in an effort to quiet the pounding of her heart.

“Abby, I’m yours. I know I’ll always be yours…My question is…Would you like to be…mine?” –whispered the older woman with a slight tremor in her voice. “I know it isn’t much…but…” –added Kerry taking the smaller ring of the box and placing it gently, on Abby’s left hand’s ring finger. “Would you…please?”

Abigail’s eyes filled with tears. Wiping them away, she looked at her finger and the ring, nodding. “Yes Ker, of course, I’ll be yours…”

Kerry nodded, silently. 

Seconds later Abby took the other ring and snapped it free from the box. Taking her lover’s hand, she placed the ring and whispered, “You’re mine now…”

“Yes…thank you…” –muttered Kerry as Abby drew her close for a kiss.

Kim had hung up. Kerry’s voice had sounded kind of odd but Kim had dismissed it. ‘It didn’t sound like Kerry though…’ she thought but then again four and half years had elapsed; enough time for some things to change.

But it had felt so good. 

The simple act of listening to Kerry’s voice brought a rush of adrenaline to Kim’s system, bathing her face with a violent rush of blood. She shook her hands violently and stretched her neck suddenly feeling uncomfortable and thrilled and excited and anxious, all at once.

She paced her ample room several times. 

Later, she opened the door and stepped outside and stretching her long arms, breathed deeply in an effort to calm down and regain some balance.

She had heard Kerry’s voice for the first time in four and a half years. She had called and Kerry had answered. Kerry was well. Kerry. Kerry.

“Kim?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you gonna have something to eat?”

Victoria Larralde had just finished preparing something to eat and setting up the table, called Kimberly to come down. Victoria or Kiki, as everyone called her, was an absolutely beautiful woman in more ways than one. A writer, Kiki worked for the San Francisco Bay Guardian; a progressive paper dedicated to the arts, culture and liberal politics. She was also a musician; an accomplished violinist who played with a small local orchestra. At five feet, seven inches, Kiki was shorter than Kim but as eye-catching as the psychiatrist was and together –a friend once had dared to say- they made one of the most stunning couples of the whole Bay area.

“Weren’t you going to the rehearsal tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m still going out but I didn’t know if you wanted me to serve you something before I left…”

Kim contemplated the proposal made by her girlfriend but instead of answering her she asked, “Kiki… could you please come up, I need to ask you a question”.

“Sure…. Just give me a sec…”

Kim continued her pacing. A part of her had accepted the way her life went on without Kerry but the other half of her could not. That other part of her was taking over and she knew it and suddenly, all the time that had elapsed, the harshness that had transpired and the distance that divides them no longer seemed to matter.

“Yeah babe, what was your question? –asked the writer as she came up the stairs.

Kim turned around to face Victoria.

“I need you to answer me honestly…” –Said Kim, quietly.

“I am always honest with you…”

“Empathetically honest…”

“Okay…”

Kim went on pacing sighing wearily in an effort to gather her strength. Victoria sat at the edge of the stairs and waited. She recognized the pacing, the nervousness; it was the ghost. It was Kerry.

“You called Kerry…” –muttered the weary woman sitting by the stairs.

The pacing stopped.

“I did…” –Answered Kim quietly- 

Victoria felt a pain somewhere inside her stomach. She knew this was bound to happen sooner or later and in a rather sick way, she had wanted it to happen. At least that way, she would know…she would know if there was any future at all for her and Kim. “And..?” -whispered Kiki.

“And now I don’t know what to do…”

“What do you mean? Didn’t you talk to her?”

“Uhm… no, not really… I just hung up the phone…”

‘Figures…’ thought the smaller woman.

“Yeah… so... I’m a chicken, big deal…”

“So what was your question then?”

“What do you think it would happen if I were to see her?”

“Uh… wow… uh… I don’t know…”

“No, this is the thing… if you were Kerry… how would you react?”

“Oh… uh… I don’t know Kim… I mean, I guess I would have mixed feelings…”

“Go on…”

“Oh come on, you’re the psychiatrist here Kim, you know perfectly well the gamble this represents…”

“And you still have always wanted me to call her…” –Said Kim.

“Yeah! For you Kim, for you! And… also for me, for us…” –Kiki whispered with a heavy voice.

“Yeah, I know… I’m sorry…”

“Kim… just go… If it doesn’t go the way you think you want well at least, you’d be able to somehow hopefully, leave that behind and start anew. You are a wonderful woman Kim, really. You are my… uh, friend and I see you every day and know you and also know that any woman would be immensely lucky to be loved by you. But you have to do this and let the chips fall where they may. I know you are probably a little afraid of Kerry’s reaction… so what? What’s the worst that can happen?”

“That she doesn’t want to see me or talk to me…”

“And what if she does see you and talk to you but tells you that she loves someone else..?”

“That’d be sad…”

“Yes, and you have to let that happen too if that’s the case…”

“Yeah… I know…”

“So… when are you going…?

Kim sat at her bed and ran her slender fingers through her hair. “If it was up to me I’d go tomorrow…” –She added.

“Then go…”

“I’m going, I’m going….”

[End of Chapter 17]


	18. Kaixo Askaldiko, Kerry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 18  
Kaixo Askaldiko, Kerry!

The digital clock had just spurred to life with a piercing sound. Abby banged it off and returned to holding Kerry who was slowly waking up. Abigail spooned the older woman and brought her closer to herself, relishing in the warmth of their bodies joined together. Five minutes later, the brunette opened her eyes realizing that their time in bed had run out and that if they wanted to make it on time, they had to get going now.

“Babe…wake up…” -whispered Abigail as she rained light kisses on Kerry’s exposed neck and shoulders. “Come on Ker… time to get up…”

An hour later, the couple was leaving their home happy to realise that it was not as cold as they had expected. 

“Did you grab your backpack?” –asked Kerry as she locked the front door of their home.

“Yeah…”

“So you’re on until when, Wednesday?”

“Yeah…” –answered Abigail in a weary voice.

“Christ…”

“It’s my last rotation Ker…after this one; all I have left are the boards…”

“Yeah, thank God…”

Together they got in the car and in silence, the women enjoyed the last minutes of company they had left, before separating for almost 3 days. 

“Can I go with you?” –asked the blonde doctor to her girlfriend.

“Sure…but it is only a rehearsal though, I don’t want you to get bored…”

“I won’t be…”

Victoria played in a small orchestral group called “The Celts”. No one, including Kim, could understand what role a Hispanic woman would have in a Celtic music group. However, Victoria understood her participation very well for it was part of her heritage, actually. Born in Venezuela, Victoria was the product of a mixed marriage. Her mother had been born in Caracas, Venezuela; her father, in Asturias, north of Spain. And that’s how the secret Celtic connection could be explained; true Asturianos are direct descendants from Celts…pipes and all. 

So, there she was, playing the music of ancestors she never knew.

Kim loved seeing her girlfriend play although she had not been able to decide what she liked best; Kiki’s violin playing or her haunting voice. It was probably the violin. Victoria was the concertmaster or First Violin in this small orchestra and as such, she was given the best and most demanding solos in every concert. And every time the slender beauty would get up and play, Kim’s heart swelled with unexpected pride. 

And tonight was no exception. 

The group had been trying to perform a new rendition of the old, traditional hymn called “Simple Gifts” and it just wasn’t coming along. Kiki, with her ever-present calmness, was sitting patiently waiting until Mike, the conductor, could get the rest of the strings “together” sort of speak. Victoria raised her olive-green eyes towards Kim and smiled shyly, to which Kim responded with a nod. And then, it happened. 

Victoria closed her eyes and her expression changed, it transformed. Her thick eyebrows furrowed and her face became almost a mask of distress. She brought her instrument under her chin and placed the bow against the strings and for a long while, remained motionless. Until the sound made her stand up and everything broke loose.

It was a spectacle of sheer passion. As if Victoria’ soul had been trapped and only liberated by the exquisite sequence of notes, her whole body moved along the perfect rhythm she created when the bow caressed the strings. Kim was in trance. Only in sex had she seen Victoria’s soul come through and now, in music. Her delicate arms moved in perfect harmony pulling, removing, and extracting the intensity of the instrument. Her breathing was even, controlled, impeccable.

When the short bars were over and Kiki had finished, her arms suspended in mid-air went back to their normal position and she sat down, drawn by the potency of the moment. Seconds later she opened her eyes again and again as before, she smiled at Kim.  
Kim smiled back.

Kim was never able to explain what drew her to the writer. Many thought that it was the obvious beauty and the rare temperance that had captivated the psychiatrist. Others thought it was the well-balanced mix of the two personalities that created a perfect mixture of depth, content and form. However, those that knew them well knew that the mixture was not as perfect; Kiki adored Kim, Kim lusted after Kiki.

And that night after the rehearsal, Kim with her inexhaustible charm and confidence convinced Victoria to stay over and the elements mixed once more along with moans, sweat and empty promises of eternal love. And the truth of the matter was that Victoria loved Kim. Pure and simple. They had met two years prior in a park where Kiki had just played along with The Celts. Like a regular groupie Kim, who had gone to the park to walk Chester, stood there until she saw Kiki walk towards her car and without hesitation, followed the slender beauty. Two movies, a dinner and a dozen roses later and Victoria was a goner. 

And now, two years down the road after having wonderful sex with the woman she loved more than anything in the world, Victoria’s eyes filled with tears as she lay in Kim’s bed. 

Half an hour later, the young writer decided that she could not play this same old tired game anymore. Luckily for her, the blonde next to her was not a light sleeper and Chester, curled up in a corner of the room, was accustomed to their movements. Sitting down on the edge of the bed Kiki sighed deeply and in the darkness, gathered her clothes and headed downstairs. 

Once she arrived at the kitchen she opened the fridge and got some water to drink. Pulling a piece of paper from the pad Kim always used for jotting down the grocery list, Kiki wrote a note to Kim and left it by the counter in a place she was sure Kimberly would not miss it in the morning. Once she finished, she drank the water, put the glass inside the dishwashing machine, gathered her violin and her jacket, and left.

Abby was not happy. NICU was her last rotation and the one she dreaded even more than Psych. Babies. Families. Drama. Almost everything she didn’t particularly feel comfortable with, in the same place at the same time. 

“Christ…” –thought the brunette running her fingers through her hair.

“Oh sod off!” –yelled Neela on the phone. 

“What was that?” –asked the brunette.

“Some stupid bloke! Just…never mind. What’s going with you? You look like shit…”

“I really, really, really don’t want to be here…” –answered Abby with a heavy voice. 

Neela looked at her friend and trying to bring some comfort rubbed her back for an instant. “Bloody hell..! What is this?” –asked the Indian beauty holding Abby’s hand to look at the ring more closely.

“Uh…”

“You got married!”

“Sort of…Yes…Kerry got them for us…”-said the young brunette smiling proudly.

“Oh Abby, it is beautiful…That’s Hebrew, right?”

“Uh-huh…”

“What does it say?”

“I am my Beloved and My Beloved is Mine…”

“Blimey…leave it to Weaver to do something like that…”

Abigail sighed in agreement and contentment. Yes, Kerry Weaver never did anything halfway. “Yes…” –added the blushing brunette.

“So…what happens now between you two?”

“Uh…I don’t know…what do you mean?”

Neela was about to answer when this tall, commanding woman called out to them. “Are you in for your rotation, I suppose?”

“Yes” –the young students answered.

Kim woke up with a slight headache. Reaching over to the other side of the bed, Kimberly realized that Kiki was gone but the blonde thought nothing of it; Victoria always left early during weekdays and this day, thought Kim was no exception. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she yawned and stretched her arms above her head as Chester opened his eyes and wagging his tail, walked over to her.

“And how are you this morning, my boy? How are you, uh?”

The Golden Retriever went for her face and licked her furiously, showing his happiness as dogs do. Another stretch and Kimberly got up, scratching her tummy lightly as she walked to the bathroom. “Let’s see what Kiki left us for breakfast, uh? -said the blonde to her canine companion.

Once she came downstairs she realized that the small light above the kitchen range was on and then, she saw the note left by Victoria.

“Kim,

I had to leave. I cannot do this anymore. I’m sorry but I just can’t. I love you and have loved you since I met you. You know who I am and what I can give to you but, somehow, that doesn’t seem to be enough for you. So, I’m leaving.  
Don’t call; don’t try to reach me because I will not answer your calls. Don’t come to my house; don’t come by the office or the rehearsals. Please. Go and do what you need to do. Go to Chicago, talk to Kerry and figure out what is it that you want, Kim.   
I’ll be here and if it is me what you want, you’ll know how to find me. If not, I wish you the best.   
Love you.

Kiki.- 

The blonde psychiatrist held the piece of paper in disbelief. Feeling as if something had broken inside her heart, Kim’s eyes filled with tears at the realization that she had hurt Victoria to the point of pushing her to leave. 

“Shit…” –uttered Kimberly.

Kerry got home a little after 6 pm, dragging her feet into an empty house. Hanging her coat, she brought her bag to the den and sighed; she hated being alone in the house without Abigail. There had been a time, in the distant past, where Kerry actually relished being alone in her comfortable home. But those days were long gone. Now, her house was home because Abby lived in it.

Looking at her watch, the redhead wondered if it would be appropriate to call her lover; the day had been busy and she had not had the chance to even send a text message. However shaking her head, she disregarded the idea; the young woman would probably be busy and the last thing she would need at the moment would a needy wife calling her in the middle of work. Instead, she chose for a good night text, a hot bath, something light to fill the tummy and an early night.

Kim found herself with too much time in her hands. She fidgeted around in her seat trying to avoid the inevitable wrinkles she would find later in her impeccable khakis. She looked out through the window and watched the clouds as the jet flew over the massive land below.

She felt nervous and anxious and happy and thrilled. She reclined in her seat and turning her iPod on she started imagining how the encounter would be… if there would be one. She sighed and closed her eyes. She had no excuses, no pretences, and no logical stories explaining her presence back in Chicago or County, no prepared speeches, no props. She just needed to see Kerry, at least one more time. She simply wanted to talk to her, look at her, experience her…share the same space with that feisty woman who had stolen her heart so long ago. 

But deep inside of her she also knew that she wanted to ask for forgiveness and a chance; one last opportunity to live out the love she still felt. 

She wanted to be back with Kerry if Kerry would take her back.

So, finally, after so much wasted time and stupid pride, Kim found herself in a plane towards Chicago counting the hours and minutes left before landing and calculating the time of her arrival and her possible course of actions, once there.

However, as soon as the plane arrived in Chicago’s Midway Kim began to regret her impulsive decision. Suddenly what had seemed a wonderful idea, felt like a major mistake. In the hopes to mend it the blonde tried –unsuccessfully- to go back right away as all flights were booked for the next few hours. Too tired to wait around and find a bit of her usual confidence left, Kim picked up her rental car and headed downtown.

Half an hour later and stuck in traffic, Kim took in the sights and sounds of the city which had always been her home. She glanced to her right and she could see in the distance, the churches that marked the beginning of the neighbourhood she had grown up in. A bit closer, to the left of that, she located Saint Joseph Hospital where she had been born and the place where both of her parents had worked as physicians, for a very long time.

Kimberly sighed remembering her father and how much he had loved this cold and windy place which welcomed him and his family after they fled their native Euskadi or as it is commonly known, the Basque Country. 

“Euskal Herrikoa naiz…I am from the Basque Country… –muttered the blonde to herself smiling-…Badakizu euskaraz?... Do you speak Basque?” –giggled Kim delighted.

‘The things one remembers…’ -thought the blonde as the traffic moved along a bit more.

Kimberly Legaspi was the only daughter of Basque immigrant Iker Legaspi and Patricia Woodward, a good Catholic girl from Ballwin, Missouri. Iker was the oldest of four children of whom only two –Iker and Ander- were brought to America when Kim’s grandparents, Mikel and Maitane Legazpi, fled the ravages of the regime of the Spanish dictator, Francisco Franco. The two youngest children, twins Argi and Argine were left under the care of Maitane’s sister, Bibine whom Kim always called “Auntie Bibi” and who to this day, still lived in the tiny town of Gautegiz Arteaga in the northeast part of Spain, right in the middle of Euskadi.

Iker had taken his family many times to Spain and specifically to the Basque Country in the hopes that Kimberly would not forget where she came from, where her ancestors lived for centuries. He also made sure she learned Euskara, the Basque language and also Spanish because as he always said, “…whether we like it or not, we are part of the Spanish soul…”

As she approached downtown and got closer to the hospital, Kim started to feel jittery again. It was like having ants inside her body; she felt she could not sit still at the wheel of the car. 

Finally, she got to the hospital. After parking the car, she decided not to go in through the ER ambulance bay but through the main entrance; she still didn’t feel prepared to encounter the Chief of Emergency Medicine. 

“Yes Ma’am, how can we help you today” –Asked the courteous, young receptionist.

“Yes, hi, I’m looking for Dr Weaver, Kerry Weaver..?”

“Yes, Dr Weaver… “

Hearing someone else mention Kerry’s name out loud –somehow- made the moment real, tangible. Kerry Weaver was no longer a figment of Kim’s imagination or a stubborn memory; it was a real person, someone who occupied a space in the world.

“Yes, Dr Weaver’s office is 805, on the eighth floor…”

“On the eighth floor..?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”

“Ok, thank you…”

“You’re welcome…”

Kim stepped into the immense lobby of County General Hospital and for a moment, hesitated about her next move. Breathing deeply, she gazed to where the elevators were and started walking.

Kerry sat in her office; coffee, on one hand, ethics committee report on the other. Having to read endless reports about projects that never quite came true, was one of the most detested tasks of being the Chief of Staff. Making decisions about new equipment or reviewing the curricula for new students or overseeing new employees’ results were concerns she took interest on but the ethics committee report was not.

Unable to change her circumstances Kerry sighed and kept on reading only to realize minutes later, that she had forgotten to ask something from Christina, her assistant.

“Christina, can you come in for a moment, please…?”

“Sure Dr Weaver…”

As the young secretary was about to step in Kerry’s office, Kim knocked on the door.

“Come in...”

Kimberly stepped in timidly opening the door of the small office.

“Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

The moment of truth, Kim thought. It was either talking and ask for Kerry or mumble some excuse and leave that office for good. A couple of seconds came and left and Kim found herself asking to see the mighty Chief of Staff of County’s General Hospital.

“I would like to see Dr Weaver, please…?”

“Do you have an appointment..?”

“Uhm…no, not really. Is she busy? Because I can come back tomorrow…”

“No, no, it’s okay… Your name Ma’am..?”

Kim did not hear the last question. She frantically tried to straighten the imaginary wrinkles in the white shirt she was wearing.

“Ma’am?”

“Yeah? Oh, I’m sorry…”

“Your name..?”

Kim breathed deeply and answered, “Dr Kim Legaspi…”

“Okay Dr Legaspi, just give me one minute, she will be with you in a moment. Just take a seat…”

“Thank you”-Quietly answered Kim.

The moment the young assistant closed the door behind her, Kim started to feel as if she was about to pass out; blood apparently had abandoned the rest of her body and had accumulated all in her head making the blonde feel hot and flushed. She opened one button of her blouse and inhaled deeply.

“Arnas egin Kim…lasai... –muttered the psychiatrist in Basque-…lasai…Breath Kim…take it easy…”

Unfortunately, all her efforts in controlling her breathing went flying out the window the instant she saw Kerry’s assistant approaching the door on her way back.

“Kaka zaharra…-whispered Kim as she felt her legs giving underneath her-…goitikatu…”

But she breathed in sharply and even managed to smile when Christina came back and announced that Kerry would come out in a moment.

Kim nodded, thanked the assistant and exhaled. 

For a second or two, the beautiful psychiatrist smiled to herself translating out loud but very softly, what she had uttered in Basque before, “Crap…vomit!”

And she could not help but giggle to herself.

(End of Chapter 18)


	19. Don’t Call Me ‘Ker’...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 19  
Don’t Call Me ‘Ker’...

“Dr Weaver… you-”

“Yes, Christina, I need the three folders I gave you last Friday, the ones with the budget for the meeting and also, I need you to get me Dr Lucas and what’s her name, the assistant?

“Mrs McCoy…”

“Yes, that’s the one…”

“Dr Weaver, you have a visitor…”

“I do..?” –Asked Kerry absentmindedly still reading from the folder in front of her. 

“Yes, Dr Legaspi is here to see you…”

Kerry’s green eyes left the paper and zoomed-in her assistant. She tried to say something but nothing came out of her mouth. Her mind kept trying to pair the idea of Lim Legaspi and the idea of her current life and it just kept coming back empty.

It took Kerry several seconds to actually comprehend what had just taken place. At the sound of Kim’s last name, Kerry’s thoughts kept on going, unable to stop and take in the new stimulus presented to them. 

“Dr Weaver, did you hear me..?

Still, Kerry was unable to answer. She just kept staring at her assistant’s face trying very hard to believe what she was hearing.

“Dr Weaver, are you okay?”

It wasn’t until Christina muttered those last words with a hint of concern that Kerry felt in capacity to answer.

“Yes, I’m sorry Christina, I’m fine… You said, Dr Legaspi...Kim Legaspi..?”

“Yes. Dr Weaver…”

When the young woman confirmed Kerry’s question, the redhead felt as if someone had reached inside her from underneath and had violently yanked her diaphragm. It was not an unpleasant sort of feeling but one only reserved for moments of great distress or immense joy.

The problem, she thought, is that she had no idea what she should be feeling; joy or anxiety. 

“Uhm… uh… okay… okay… I have a little time… uh… just give me a couple of minutes… I’ll go outside, ok..?”

Christina just nodded, obviously confused. Her boss was a quiet woman, reserved, perplexing at times but one thing she wasn’t and that was hesitant and this blatant show of hesitation in her voice was something the young assistant had never witnessed before.

“Sure Dr Weaver…” -and gathering some folders, Christina stepped out.

As soon as the door closed Kerry found herself in a struggle to maintain a sense of peace…even her balance, momentarily, was off. She breathed deeply in an effort to control her emotions but to no avail. She got up from the desk and put her jacket on feeling a little more secure as if the garment provided an invisible shield of protection. Clearing her throat, she grabbed her purse and looked for a small vanity mirror to check herself out; she looked cool although perhaps, a little flushed. Realizing she could not buy any more time, the small woman grabbed her crutch and slowly walked towards the door. Once in front of it, she inhaled deeply one more time and opened it.

Kim would remember for a long time what she felt that very instant. She stood up even before the door had completely cracked open and Kerry’s face appeared.

“Kerry…”

That was all Kim was able to whisper. Her voice had left her along with any awareness of her surroundings. Suddenly, the small sofa, the office, the coffee table in front of her, Christina and the whole hospital had vanished leaving only a small, red-headed woman with a crutch, standing by a door.

Kerry did not fare any better. Her reaction was a mixture of absolute delight, profound confusion and some traces of anger from years past. Nonetheless, as in the past, one little detail of this exceedingly absurd scenario got forever imprinted in her mind; the bluest and kindest eyes she had ever seen...Kim’s.

“Kim…”

Neither woman realized the amount of covert endearment obvious in the way they had addressed each other. If their body language had not betrayed them the longing in their voices, had.

‘Lasai...-thought the blonde-…lasai…’

“Please, come in …” –And Kerry opened the door a little further stepping aside as to let the slender younger woman in. 

Kim stepped inside and turned around as Kerry was closing the door behind them.

“Uh… how are you..?”-asked the psychiatrist in a gentle voice.

Kerry did not answer. 

“I know this is kind of… unexpected… uh… I’m sorry for barging in like this…”

“No, it’s okay…”

Kim tried one more time. “How are you, Kerry…?”

Kerry breathed deeply again, at loss for words...How does one answer such a question posed by someone who once was everything that mattered in one’s world? Slowly crutching her way back to her desk, she quietly answered, “I’m okay Kim…”

“Wow… so you are now Chief of Staff..?” -Asked Kim in an obvious effort to lighten up the mood.

Kerry smiled sheepishly. She was proud of that accomplishment but somehow at the moment and in the current company that fact seemed irrelevant. “Yeah…” She quietly answered.

“Do you mind if I sit down..?”

“No, God no, please do…”

“Uh… you’re probably wondering what am I doing here…” –Probed Kim trying to start up a conversation.

“Uh… yes… uh… I’m still trying to...you know…make sense of…-Kerry could not articulate any further. Instead, she let her hands talk for her as they moved to point to them both-…this…”

“Yes, I imagine… Uh… wow… I don’t even know how to begin… this seemed such a great idea yesterday…-said Kim smiling nervously- ...and yes, I know that you’re probably very surprised to see me here… after all this time…”

“Yes, the thought has crossed my mind…” –Answered Kerry.

“I…uh… was wondering if we could go somewhere and talk…”

“Talk..?”-interrupted Kerry wide-eyed.

“Yeah… I mean… there are some things that I would like to talk to you…”

“To me…?”-asked sharply.

There was a dangerous edge in Kerry’s voice which Kim could not help but notice. She had prepared –or so she had thought- for Kerry to be somewhat defensive at some point of their initial conversation. However, she never predicted it would happen this early in their interaction.

“Yeah Ker… why do you sound so surprised..?”

‘Ker’. Kerry felt like she was having small short circuits in her brain. ‘Ker…’ Those three letters no longer belonged to Kim even if she had coined the term of endearment. They belonged to Abigail now, not to Kim. 

“Ker..?” 

Kerry cleared her throat. 

“Kim… uh… I’m sorry… I really do not intend to be obtuse or anything but… I really do not understand what you’re telling me. I have not seen you in what, four years or so? The way we parted was less than… how shall I phrase it… desirable, mature? And now, all of a sudden, you show up here in my office to tell me you have things you want to talk to me about? And really, please believe me for I really do not want to be anything other than open-minded but, I simply do not understand...”

Kim’s face dropped. Granted, she never thought this would be an easy feat to accomplish but she simply had not contemplated this course of events.

“Kerry… uh… well… maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…I’m sorry…”   
–  
And she proceeded to stand up from the chair she had been sitting on.

“Kim, please sit… I don’t have much time but I really don’t think you came all the way here today to tell me that this –whatever this is- has been a mistake. You want to talk, let’s talk. Yes, right now I don’t understand your presence here in my office true… but…-paused the redhead to breath in sharply- …that doesn’t mean I don’t want you here…”

“Ker…”

At the sound of those three letters Kerry inhaled deeply once again and softly but with determination, interrupted the blonde.

“Kim, please don’t call me Ker…for you I’m Kerry…”

“Oh… okay…”

“Go ahead… You were saying…?”

The interruption had been intentional. Not only did it help to make Kim understand that Kerry was not prepared or willing to accept the bridges she was hoping to build to Kerry that quickly but also, it let Kim know that her former lover was no longer the shy, insecure, hesitant woman she once knew. Besides, something in her heart ached when Kim uttered that name; Kimberly no longer had the right to do so.

“A lot of things have happened since I left, a lot has changed… but… uh… some things haven’t Kerry… I know that this is probably too little, too late but… I still wanted to try…”

“Wanted to try…? Wanted to try what?” –Asked Kerry as she started to gather her folders for the incoming meeting she had to attend to.

“Uh… well… for starters, I need to know if you wanted to at least talk to me…”

“Sure… why wouldn’t I?”

Kim was about to start elaborating on her answer to Kerry’s question when the phone rang. Kerry felt relieved for her confusion instead of subsiding, had grown exponentially since Kim had started talking. After answering rather sharply, she hung up the phone.

“Unfortunately Kim, I have a meeting in exactly…–and she raised her wrist to look at her watch-…five minutes and I still have to gather my stuff…”

“Oh… uh…”

Kerry noticed the way that Kim’s face transformed for the second time in less than 5 minutes and felt bad about the way she had behaved. While it was true that she was really perplexed about Kim’s sudden appearance and less than clear intentions, it was also true that she was delighted to be in the presence of the woman. Suddenly, every single reason that could be used to explain why she had fallen in love with the blonde psychiatrist became blatantly obvious.

“I’ll be gone for a couple of hours but after that, if you want, we can talk…”

“Okay… great… should I meet you here or what..?” –Asked Kim rather anxiously.

“Let me get out of this meeting and I’ll call you, ok?”

It was safe to say that Kerry was absolutely dazed. For one, the impact of seeing Kim again had overwhelmed her. Kim. Kim with the widest, bluest, kindest and most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen. Kim, the woman who had forever altered her existence. 

Secondly, seeing Kim had brought back remnants of the most caustic pain that Kerry had ever felt in her life; one she promised herself not to suffer ever again.

Lastly, there was profound confusion and yes why not admit it, guilt. She loved Abby; she adored that extraordinary woman who -just short hours ago had accepted her ring. If that was the case, what the hell was she doing? Why did she feel even remotely drawn to Kim? What was happening?

For Kim, the brief encounter had left her hopeful but cautious. She still held onto her self-confidence, her never-ending optimism and her inner strength. The way she saw it was simple; she had gotten Kerry once, she would get Kerry again sooner or later. However, it was obvious to Kimberly now that this was not going to be as straightforward as she had originally expected. Kerry Weaver had changed, matured and grown. No longer was she the childlike woman she once knew when it came to matters of the heart. This was a confident, middle-aged woman who perhaps had ventured more into her own sexuality and had found herself a comfortable place to sit and relax. In addition, she had made an even bigger name for herself professionally and that Kim knew, only would contribute to solidifying her place in the world and her trust in herself.

Suddenly, for both women, life had changed… or at least, it felt like it was about to…in huge leaps and bounds.

[End of Chapter 19]


	20. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 20  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Kerry entered her office and locked the door behind her. The room was dark only faintly illuminated by her desk lamp. Slowly she walked to her desk and unceremoniously, dumped all the folders she had taken with her to the meeting, a couple of hours before. Sighing deeply, the older woman rubbed her eyes with the tip of her fingers, contemplating the implications of the actions she was about to undertake.

She had agreed to meet with Kim.

The redhead still could not completely believe what had happened in the course of the last three hours. Kim. In her office. Out of the blue. Suddenly, her world stopped making sense. She remembered Gregor Samsa, the character in Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” who woke up only to find himself transformed into a giant cockroach. Kerry could not help but chuckled, “At least I didn’t become an insect…” -mumbled the bewildered woman to herself.

Still smiling, Kerry realized that she needed to think for a moment about what had happened and more importantly, what could happen after meeting her ex-girlfriend. One thing was clear for Kerry; she felt drawn to Kim; once again entrapped by her inextinguishable charisma.

In silence, Kerry let the recent memories take her. Kim was more beautiful than ever. In her khakis, light blue blouse and black cardigan; Kim Legaspi looked subdued but sexy as hell, thought the redhead. And that hair…was it possible that it looked more spectacular than what she remembered? 

Breathing deeply, Kerry gathered her stuff and headed for the sixth floor; the floor where the NICU was located.

Meanwhile, Kim had decided to wait over at Doc Magoo’s only to find the Jumbo Mart on its place. Kimberly felt saddened; part of her history was gone. That had been the place where many a night Kim had taken her papers to work and above all, the diner had been the starting point of her short-lived but intense history with Kerry Weaver.

Finding herself with nothing better to do, Kim decided to go to the river shore and wait for the redhead’s call. Because she knew Kerry would call.

Abigail finished jotting down the vitals for baby Hendrickson when her eyes caught a glimpse of a limping figure walking towards the entrance of the unit. Inadvertently, the brunette smiled; Kerry had come down to see her.

Waving from the outside, Kerry called her attention.

“I’ll be back in a few…-said Abby to Neela- …please cover for me, will you?”

Neela nodded in agreement. “Go…”

Abby punched her code in and the heavy glass doors slid open. “Hi…”

Kerry smiled at her lover and opening her arms, approached her. “Hi, sweetheart…”

Abigail fell into the embrace, for a moment forgetting where she was. Kerry hugged her tightly and kissed her in the forehead in a silent but potent gesture of love. “How are you, babe..? How’s your day going?”

Abby regretfully peeled herself from the warmth of Kerry’s body and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m okay…”

“Walk me to the car? Can you?”

“Yeah…”

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Abby had grabbed Kerry’s heavy backpack and had placed it on her left shoulder to ease the load for her lover. Smiling at the older woman, Abigail rubbed Kerry’s back and held onto her hand as they walked together towards the elevator.

“Dr Jenkins hates my guts…”

Kerry tapped the call button impatiently. “No, she doesn’t…” –added softly. 

Abigail was about to answer when she noticed a hint of concern in Kerry’s voice. “Are you okay..?”

Kerry breathed in deeply, letting the air out slowly, pacing herself, buying time. 

“Yeah…I don’t know…”

Abby looked at her waiting for an explanation.

Kerry almost didn’t say it. Turning her face to the opposite direction, she closed her eyes and whispered, “Kim is here…”

“Who?”

“Kim Legaspi…She’s here…”

Abigail furrowed her brow in confusion. She had heard Kerry the first time but her mind had chosen to ignore the newly received information. “Dr Legaspi..? Here..?” Kerry nodded as the lift softly landed on the ground floor. The doors opened and Kerry stepped out. Abby, confused or altered or both, stayed behind. The redhead turned around and Abby walked out of the elevator.

“Uh…how?” –asked the young brunette.

“I don’t know. She just showed up…out of the blue…We talked… for a little while…”

Abby remained silent.

“She wants to see me…”

“When?”

Kerry curled her lips and quietly answered, “Tonight…”

“You’re going..?” 

“I am…”

“Oh…okay…”

When they reached Kerry’s car, Abby opened the back door and placed the backpack inside. “There…”-whispered Abigail.

“Babe..?”-asked Kerry.

Abigail breathed heavily, “Yeah, Ker..?”

“You okay with that..?”

Abby’s survival instinct kicked in and forcing a smile the brunette nodded in a casual manner. “Yeah…why wouldn’t I be?”

Kerry did not know what to think. On one hand, she was relieved; Abby had apparently understood her need to meet with her former lover. On the other, the lack of any reaction from Abby puzzled her. Frowning, Kerry opened her car door. “I’ll call you later..?”

“Sure…” –answered Abigail, folding her arms in front of her chest.

“Okay, I’m going…I love you…”

“Love you too…”

The redhead turned the engine over and waved to her lover. Abby waved back and turned around to go back to the hospital. 

And for the first time in their relationship, fear was felt in the women’s hearts.

Kim sat on the table and observed the guests arriving for drinks and perhaps an early dinner. They had finally agreed to meet in “Aria”; a beautiful and sophisticated restaurant in downtown Chicago that Kim didn’t know and that had become a favourite for Kerry and Abby. 

The blonde tried not to look too nervous but every minute or so and against her will, her eyes would scan the entrance looking for her ex-lover. How odd it felt, thought Kim, to be waiting for Kerry after so long. Suddenly, what seemed almost an impossible feat had at the end, turned out to be very easy. All it had taken was a plane ride and a rented car. That had been all. 

‘That and a death wish…’ thought the psychiatrist, chuckling to herself.

“I see old habits die hard…” –said Kerry as she approached the table. “Remembering naughty things..?”

Kim jumped in her seat. “Yes, no, no…no naughty things…not yet at least…” –whispered the blonde trying to be cute.

Kerry smiled wryly. “I’m sure…” and proceeded to take her seat. 

The waiter showed up almost immediately to ask them if they would like something to drink. 

“A Glenlivet on the rocks, please…” said Kerry. 

“And for you Ma’am?”

Kim thought for a moment; she hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in ages. “Uh…a Martini..? Thanks…”

“What? You abandoned the proverbial wine?”

Kim did not know how to answer. It wasn’t the question; it was the tone in Kerry’s voice that bothered her. Tempted to jump at the obvious provocation Kim decided against it, after all, she was expecting a certain amount of hostility. “So…how was your meeting…?” asked the blonde in an effort to neutralize the acid in Kerry’s words.

“It was the same shit it always is…That’s one thing I hate about this job…it’s a huge, long, never-ending meeting…”

“Yes, I can imagine…”

“So…” interrupted Kerry, “You wanted us to talk…”

Kim moved in her chair and cleared her throat. ‘Okay…too much for small talk…’ she thought as her fingers nervously played with the rim of the water glass.

“Yes…”-She answered. “How are you, Kerry..?”

“I’m good, busy but well, life’s been good to me…”

Kim nodded. “Yes, this new job must have made you happy, I mean, getting this new position…”

“Yes Kim it did but my life’s not just my job…”

“Are you with someone…? I mean, in a relationship..?”

Kerry knew that Kim would bite the bait. “Yes…” she answered cryptically. “I am…”

“Oh…”

Kerry left it at that. Two forces tore simultaneously at her heart; an almost revengeful need to make the psychiatrist squirm and another gentler one that almost compelled her to leave room for the blonde to pursue her.

“What do you want Kim?”

Surprised by Kerry’s direct approach, the beautiful blonde breathed in sharply. “I wanted to see if it was possible for us to have a second chance…I…I’ve been thinking about you…for a long time now…”

“Really?” –Kerry’s voice betrayed her. While she was surprised at the poetic irony of the situation, she was also touched by Kim’s words. 

“Yes…I know that…uh…it didn’t look that way but, that’s why I’m here. I could tell you lots of other reasons for me being here in Chicago but the truth is…I came to see you…”

“After all these years…? After everything that happened…?”

“Yes…”

“Why…?”

Kim started to talk about her dreams, her life in San Francisco, her friends, her work all the while cleverly omitting her relationship with Victoria. Kerry looked at her closely; the goddess of so many dreams asking for a second chance. It was almost impossible for Kerry to believe. But it was true. Right in front of her at arm’s length was Kimberly, Kim…the one that had taught her to feel, to surrender, to open up her heart, to become the person she was today. For a moment Kerry remembered how it felt to be kissed by this woman, to be in her arms, to come for her...to be loved by her. For a moment as Kim spoke, Kerry remembered the rapture, the absolute oblivion she felt when Kim made love to her and her body assaulted by the sudden memories responded with a slight shudder.

Suddenly, it all became too much for the redhead. She closed her eyes and covered them with the palm of her hands.

“You okay Kerry?”

Kerry shook her head. “I’m sorry Kim…I don’t think I can do this right now…”

“But…”

Gathering her bag and her crutch, Kerry got up. “I’m sorry…I’ll call you tomorrow…”

“Can we have lunch tomorrow” –asked the blonde, getting up from her chair.

“Sure…uh…lunch, tomorrow…” –whispered Kerry in a daze.

“I’ll call your office…” –said Kim as she leaned over to kiss Kerry squarely on the cheek. 

Kerry stood there making sense of the sudden contact of the blonde’s lips on her. “Okay…”

And as fast as she could, she started walking, getting away, running.

Once outside, Kerry stopped and inhaled sharply, almost gasping. By the sidewalk, the redhead stood breathing hard, desperately trying to make sense of her world. The image of the giant roach came to her head again. Breathing a bit easier now the older woman mumbled to herself, “…the roach would have been easier to handle…”

Abby had just finished bagging baby Mark Johnson but his prospects looked bleak. In desperate need of a heart transplant, little Mark had started to wither away by the relentless progression of his congenital heart disease. Abigail sighed and gently, caressed the fuzz of hair covering the baby’s head. Closing the top of the incubator Abby felt the vibration of her cell phone, clipped to the top of her scrub pants.

“Hi…”

“Hi, sweetheart…”

“You’re home..?” –asked the young woman not knowing what to expect.

“Almost…”

“That was fast…how did it go?”

Kerry breathed deeply. How could she possibly answer that question? “Okay, I guess…I developed a headache on my way over there and really could not stay long…”

“Oh…right…”

“And you? How’s your first day winding up..?”

“Depressing…These babies, most of them… are so ill…”

“Yes…”

“Ker..?”

Abby hesitated. She wanted to talk to Kerry, she wanted to tell her she was afraid, that she needed her but her nature, her old defences, the way she had always dealt with life’s unexpected and sudden twists, prevented her from doing so. “Just…you know…”

“I love you, Abby…”

Abigail closed her eyes and breathed in. “I love you too…” –she mumbled.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah…I’ll be here…” answered the weary student. “Come by when you can…”

“I will…Try to get some sleep baby, please...?”

“I’ll try…”

“Love you…”

“Me too…bye…”

And Abigail closed her phone. Feeling like a coward, she mumbled, “Fuck…”

By ten o’clock, Kim was standing in front of the mirror in her hotel room, making sure her clothes fitted her the way she wanted. She turned around and straightened her sweater. She combed her straight blonde hair and tied the pearl necklace around her long, slender neck. One more look; perfect. 

Kerry was downstairs, making her daily round through the ER. Susan was shouting orders to the interns and chairs was clearing, slowly but steadily. Nervously she took a look at her watch and realized it was almost time to meet Kim. Sighing heavily, she decided to go up to NICU to see her lover, for a little while.

As she reached the NICU floor and got off the elevator, she caught a glimpse of Abigail and decided to just stop and watch her from afar. The young student looked tired, weary, her small but strong frame somehow diminished under the blue scrubs. Kerry leaned against the wall taking in the sights and sounds. She missed her lover. But above all, she felt guilt. An enormous amount of guilt weighed her down, pressed inside her chest and made her feel rotten inside. She had not cheated on Abby but was genuinely disturbed by the way she had felt attracted to her ex-girlfriend. And what bothered her the most was the fact she really loved Abigail and that knowledge only helped to fuel her confusion even further. 

With a heavy heart, Kerry walked towards the unit and knocked at the door. Abby looked up and opened the door.

“Hi…” –said Abby with a smile.

“Hi, love…” –answered the older woman, engulfing her lover in a tight hug. “Can you come to my office for a while…-whispered Kerry-…please..?”

“Yeah… let’s go…”

When they got into Kerry’s office, they fell into a silent embrace that lasted several minutes. Kerry, pressed by a myriad of feelings, held on tight with her eyes closed and her heart pounding. Abby melted in her lover’s arms feeling a knot in her throat; for the first time feeling courageous enough to acknowledge the fear in her heart. As the immense realization sank in, Abby’s eyes filled with tears of desperation. She was not ready to let go of Kerry. She did not want to let go of Kerry. She wanted to ask, plea, beg if necessary. She wanted to escape and take her lover so no one, not one of the Kims of this world, could threaten her life anymore.

But she did nothing. Willing the tears away, Abby calmed herself and breathed heavily. Instead, she focused her attention on Kerry.

“You okay, Ker..?”

Abby’s voice startled the older woman. Peeling herself away from Abby, Kerry answered, “Yes, I miss you…that’s all…”  
Abby leaned in and kissed her lover, tenderly. “I got to go…”

“Yes, I know…”

“Can you come down to see me tonight…?”

“I will. Don’t know at what time, but I will…”

Abby nodded. “I’ll see you later then..?”

Kerry kissed her lover and nodded, “Yes, my love…”

And immediately after, Abby left her office to head to the NICU.

Kerry leaned against her office door and closed her eyes, exhaling audibly. Seconds later, she checked her watch again. It was time to go and meet Kim.

The pale, weak winter light flooded the table Kerry had picked when she made it to the restaurant and bathed the cutlery and cups with sparkles. The sun was shining and for a second, the redhead felt at peace basking in the light. ‘Yes…-she thought- …we should move to Florida…’ 

Smiling she took another sip of her tomato juice, and tapping the table, she waited for Kim to arrive. She didn’t have to wait long. Not a minute later, Kim walked to the table with a bounce on her step and a smile on her lips. “Hi…”   
–said the blonde softly.

“Hi…” whispered back Kerry, almost out of breath.

The redhead looked at her ex-lover in complete elation. There was no justice in the world, concluded Kerry…How can anyone look this absolutely beautiful all the time? And most importantly, how was it that this celestial being who belonged in Mount Olympus and not to these common and ordinary surroundings could possibly want me back?

She lowered her gaze and tried to concentrate on other things but the invasion on her senses continued when, ever so slightly, Kim’s perfume reached her nose. She couldn’t help it. She inhaled deeply. The aroma, a mixture of the blonde’s natural musky scent and her perfume, Parfum D’Ete by Kenzo, transported the redhead to another time in her life; a time when possibilities were endless. 

“How are you…” –asked the blonde with a soft smile.

“Good…and you? You look very…” 

She was about to say “beautiful” when coming to her senses, Kerry realized the implications of such a word. It would have been an unwilling revival of their second dinner together; the date that never was. 

Kim realized what had happened and couldn’t help but feel good inside. Her heart filled with pride and her soul, with joy. Perhaps it was not going to be as hard as she had thought the night before. Perhaps…there was a chance. Perhaps.

“You look very beautiful Kerry…”

Kerry shook her head sideways at Kimberly’s words. “No…uh…”

“God yes, you are…you always were…”

Kerry inhaled deeply as her heart pounded so hard, she could feel the palpitations in her temple. “What is this, Kim? Why now?”

“Kerry…uh…I never stopped thinking about you…I couldn’t. I tried. I left Chicago, I left the life I had, I left everything that reminded me of you but…I couldn’t forget you…”

“But why didn’t you come back earlier or called me or…God! At least answered my emails, my letters?” –whined Kerry in a low voice. “God I was so…I had never known so much pain till then…I…”

And deflated, Kerry stopped talking. Her words, she knew, would not convey the colossal distress of that period of her life. Closing her eyes, she continued. “I don't understand this now…you here…I’m sorry, I don’t…I can’t…”

Kim’s eyes filled with tears she did nothing to stop. She moved her chair to sit closer to Kerry. “I’m sorry…”

Kerry just nodded, unable now to stop herself from showing the pain. 

“Please Kerry…please believe me when I say that I’m sorry…please…I want to take that pain away, I want to be with you…please…”

Kerry could not talk. She was hearing the words but neither her mind nor her heart could register the meaning behind the sounds. 

“Please Kerry; please…look at me…”

Kerry raised her teary eyes to meet Kim’s.

“You know who I am Kerry, you know me…”

“Do I?” -whispered the redhead, “Do I, Kim? I thought I did until that day when you left me. I thought I knew. Because I thought I knew you, I never expected you to end me, us, that way…God…”

“You do know who I am Kerry and I’m here and I’m not lying to you. I want us back. I want to be with you, I want you to be with me…” –whispered the blonde, taking Kerry’s small hand in hers.

At the unexpected physical contact that felt like a lump of coal on fire, Kerry retrieved her hand. Kim looked down and shook her head.

“Unless nothing has really changed and you still cannot do this…”

Kerry felt how her blood pressure peaked. One thing was to be mystified by the experience and another very different, was to be taken for something she was not. Grabbing Kim’s hand forcefully, the redhead locked her eyes fiercely upon the blue gems in front of her and through her teeth answered, “Don’t you dare tell me what I can and cannot do, Kim…”

Kim felt the force of Kerry’s touch and could not help but leaned onto the redhead. Unconsciously staring at her eyes and lips, Kimberly silently asked for a kiss that Kerry in a similar gesture, granted.

It felt…weird, Kerry thought. As the nerve endings of her lips registered the exquisite sensation and her body reacted to the incomparable approach of her ex-lover, Kerry Weaver realized that she no longer missed those lips. However, a whole mechanism had already started within the confines of her being and unable to stop herself, she kept on kissing Kim.

“Let’s go…-gasped the blonde-…please let’s go…”

Kerry allowed Kim to help her get up and watched as Kim gathered their stuff in her right arm. 

Twenty minutes later, Kerry found herself entangled in Kim’s long, lean arms. Kim’s pursue was relentless and taking advantage of her superior height, she walked them towards the bed without breaking the kiss. Kerry felt helplessly trapped by the attack of the blonde’s hands, lips and tongue on her body. She felt Kim’s body on top of hers and the memories came all rushing in as if it had been yesterday, the last time she had felt that incredible sensation. 

But soon Kerry realized that something was not right. A voice…no, a hint of voice was beginning to be heard above all the excitement and the noise. 

Kerry opened her eyes just as Kim was frantically kissing her neck and had started to unbuttoned Kerry’s blouse. “No…-whispered the redhead- no…please…stop…” -begged Kerry.

Kim worked on the second button, oblivious to Kerry’s pleas.

“No, Kim, please stop… Kim…no…”

Shaking her head, Kerry gathered all her strength and in one swift movement, she pushed the blonde. “No! Stop! I can’t! No!” -she screamed, feeling violated.

Taking advantage of Kim’s reaction, Kerry sat down and in desperation started to cry. 

“Kerry sweetheart, what’s wrong? Kerry, talk to me…did I hurt you? Kerry?”

Embarrassed and ashamed at her own actions, the redhead brought one hand to her eyes and began to wipe the tears while the other worked on the buttons of her shirt, unable to close them. When she realized she lacked the coordination to accomplish such a small task, she held the ends of her shirt and kept them together with her fingers laced in the fabric. “I can’t…-said Kerry between sobs- …I can’t…”

“What’s wrong? Ker..?”

At the sound of those three words, Kerry reacted. “Don’t you…don’t you call me ‘Ker’! Don’t you dare call me that Kim, you have no right..!”

“But Kerry..?”

Still wiping the tears, Kerry stood up and grabbed her crutch. She walked a couple of steps and stopped throwing the orthopaedic aid several feet away in a fit of rage. “Fuck! -she yelled- Shit!” 

Kim looked at her in complete bewilderment.

“What the fuck am I doing? I can’t, I can’t do this…I can’t do this to me…to her…to us…I can’t…” -whined the redhead.

“What are you talking about?”

Kim’s question brought her out of her mumblings. “This! -Answered Kerry pointing at the two of them- This shit! I can’t! I have a life Kim, a life…I’m in love with Abby, you understand? I cannot do this to her, to me…” -and again, uncontrollably Kerry exploded in tears.

“Abby?”

“Yes…-managed to answered Kerry between whimpers-…She’s my wife…”

A confused Kim brought her hands to her face to cover it. Needing some time, she just sat there, breathing and trying to make sense of what had happened. Kerry sat beside her, in silence.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this…” started Kerry, a bit calmer now. “I loved you…once, Kim. I did. I loved you as I had never loved anyone. I…I would have given my life for you but…I was a coward, I know. But still, I hoped you would forgive me but…you didn’t…and you left…”

Kerry inhaled sharply. “And when you left me…uh…I was broken…destroyed…”

“Kerry…–interrupted the blonde-…but I’m here now…”

The redhead motioned for Kim to let her continued. Kim nodded.

“And then one day, out of nowhere, she came...she came and trusted me and believed in me and…loved me. And…she’s my lover, my wife…she’s everything to me. Abby’s my life and I can’t…I don’t want to…I don’t want to lose her…I love her…”

“But…” –whispered Kim.

“Don’t you understand Kim? I’m hers! I belong to her! I’m hers…my body, my mind…my heart is hers…that’s why I don’t want this…I don’t want you…I’m sorry…”

Emotionally exhausted, Kim let herself slump onto the mattress. Kerry wiped some more tears and finally managed to close the opened buttons of her blouse. Limping, she walked to the end of the bed and leaned over to pick up her crutch. Unsure of what to do next, she approached the blonde who lay motionless in the bed. 

“I’m sorry Kim, please forgive me…I just…I can’t…I’m sorry…”

Gathering her coat and her backpack, Kerry left the room. Once in the street, she inhaled deeply, taking in the coldness in the air. It was still early and the sun still shined. Walking slowly against the wind Kerry felt better, somehow free, safe. Yes, she had slipped but had not fallen; had stumbled but had not crashed. She had loved Kim, but no longer was she the ghost of times past. While she felt ashamed of her actions she felt at the same time relieved, at peace.

Crutching slowly along the river, she thought about Abby and her heart filled with pride and love; devotion and compassion. Never before a person had meant that much to her. Never before Kerry Weaver, MD, Chief of Staff on one the nation’s largest teaching hospitals, had felt compelled to define the meaning of her life by the love she felt for someone else. Never before until now.

When she got to the hospital she went directly to her office. Greeting her assistant, she asked her to please contact Dr Jenkins, head of the NICU. 

Once she got off the phone, she gathered some folders and placed them inside her bag. Shutting down the lights, she left her office.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Christina, I’m going home…”

“Have a good evening Dr Weaver. I’ll see you tomorrow…”

And walking slowly, Kerry Weaver left the hospital.

[End of Chapter 20]


	21. Allegro Ma Non Troppo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 21  
Allegro Ma Non Troppo

When the door closed, Kim let out a loud breath. Tears trickled down from the edges of her pristine blue eyes and a nagging sense of pressure inside her chest made it hard for the blonde to breathe. She raised herself and sat at the edge of the mattress staring at the carpet. 

‘So…that’s that…’ she thought after a long while and rising to her feet she picked up her jacket and left the room. Once down in the elegant lobby, Kim heard the warm sounds coming from the bar and decided a drink was in order. A minute later she found herself sitting in the ample bar surrounded by the caressing notes of Etta James singing, “At Last”. ‘At Last’, Kim thought. ‘At last, what?’ she sighed, rubbing the tip of her fingers on her right temple. 

Abby opened the back door of her home at about 8:30 that night. The house was quiet and dark, except for the distant rumbling of the TV upstairs and a table lamp that Kerry had left on in the living room. 

At least she knew that Kerry was alright; when she asked her supervisor, the not-so affable woman had only answered: “No, Dr Weaver did not mention any emergencies but you’re needed home Miss Lockhart, that’s all…”

Shedding her coat and leaving her bag at the entrance, Abby took her sneakers off and slowly, climbed the stairs. 

When she entered their bedroom, she found Kerry lying in bed asleep. Her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose and a copy of “Angels and Demons” on her lap, Kerry looked like a college student exhausted by the long hours of studying. Abby approached her lover in silence. Kneeling by the side of the bed, she took the book away and placed it on the night table but the motion, gentle as it was, was enough to awaken the sleeping redhead. “Sweetie…”

Abby smiled gently, in earnest. “Are you okay..?” -asked the student noticing the pinkish hue of her lover’s eyes.

Kerry extended her arms forward and Abby leaned to land on Kerry’s chest. For a minute or so, the couple relished in the comfort they provided for each other. When the older woman broke the embrace and Abby raised her eyes, she knew; Kerry had something to tell her.

Hours later, Abigail was sitting by the window, watching the lights of the city as they tingled in the distance. Sipping some tea, Abigail felt strange. Kerry had finally explained what had happened; the drinks and the conversation that never really took place, the lunch date, and the hotel room, everything. Nothing had happened, Abby realized, not only because Kerry had said so but also because she knew Kerry would not be the kind of person to lie about such matters. Kerry had been honest about what had occurred; she had spoken about the kiss at the restaurant and the kissing session in Kim’s room. Abby was at peace with that albeit a little jealous; it was hard for her to imagine Kerry kissing someone else. She swallowed another sip of her hot tea and sighed, rubbing her thigh as she always did when she had a lot in her mind. 

While a part of her was at peace with Kerry’s confession, something inside her chest did not feel right for the young student. Something was off. 

After they talked, they had gone to bed and had made love. And it was not the fact that they had made love that threw Abby off, was the quality of their lovemaking that had left the young student unbalanced. It had started normal enough but suddenly Kerry had taken an almost rough approach which Abby found erotic but peculiar at the same time. For one, Kerry was everything but rough during sex; if anything, the redhead exuded tenderness and control. For another, even the technique had been different. Because of her hip, seldom if ever, Kerry lay on top of Abby. This time and without any previous indication, the redhead had drawn both of their orgasms in such atypical fashion. 

And the intensity…it had troubled Abby.

It had been almost as if Kerry wanted to grab on to something that was just outside her reach. Once Kerry climaxed in a choked, painful moan, Abby -still feeling the aftershocks of her own intense orgasm- hugged her lover close, feeling the older woman cry in short sobs. Minutes later after some caresses, long tender kisses and a few reassuring words, Kerry had rolled over to her side and had fallen asleep, her face finally showing some resemblance of peace. 

It had been just so out of character for the normally gentle and tender Kerry Weaver. Not that Abigail was complaining; if anything, the change had fueled her passion during their lovemaking. But it had left the young woman with a feeling of uncertainty and doubt right on the pit of her stomach; a feeling she had never felt since she had been with the tender redhead.

She sighed, deeply. Raising her brown eyes, she gazed at the lights on the shore of the lake. Pale rays of the sun had started to peek over the horizon. Another day would soon be upon them. 

Sipping one more time, Abigail silently prayed the new day would bring again, peace.

In her boxer shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt, Kim roamed her hotel room. Debating whether she should go back or try to see the redhead one more time, the slender woman paced in front of the TV, not really watching it. She finally grabbed the control and shut it off smiling at the newfound silence. 

She wanted to see Kerry one more time. She understood the situation and no longer hoping for reconciliation, Kim was angling now for a shot at friendship; a chance to keep that wonderful and fascinating redhead, somehow in her life and its days. But Kerry had looked so pissed and hurt the day before that Kim doubted she even had a chance at that. 

A soft knock on the door brought her out of her ruminations. “Kerry” whispered the blonde as she opened the door.

“I…hi…” –mumbled the redhead.

“Come in, please…”

Limping slowly, the older woman walked inside Kim’s hotel room.

Abby changed into a fresh pair of scrubs and yawned. She was hungry, she realized and taking advantage of the 15 minutes she still had left before her shift officially was to resume, the brunette headed downstairs to the hospital cafeteria. 

Humming an old Dire Straits’ song, her eyes roamed over the doughnuts and the rest of the baked goods. She picked a couple of bagels, some cream cheese, a few slices of smoked salmon, two apples and two cups of coffee. Packing everything in a paper bag, the brunette headed for her lover’s office on the 8th floor.

“She’s not in Abby, sorry…”

Abigail turned her head at the sound of her name and realized that Christina was talking to her. “Excuse me..?”

“Good morning Abby…-said the young assistant with a smile-…she’s not in…”

Abby stared at the woman in disbelief, “she’s not..?”

“Nope, she came in early this morning, did some paperwork and left…”

“To go where..?” -Asked Abby, still puzzled.

“Oh…where was she going again? Uh…hold on…let me check…right, she was going to the Marriott, for a breakfast meeting…”

Abby suddenly felt stupid carrying the brown paper bag with food for the redhead. “Oh, okay…uh…”

“Would you like me to give her a message when she comes back…?”

“Uh…no…it was nothing important Chris…thank you, anyway…”

Abby walked in a dazed, not quite believing what was going on. When she arrived at the elevators, she dumped the bag into the trash bin and hit the call button several times. “Come on, you fucking shit…” hissed the brunette, as she charged again at the elevators doors. “Come on!”

Ranking her fingers through her hair, Abby took the stairs. Once she got down to the lounge, she opened her locker and got her jacket out. Storming out of the building, the young woman flipped open her cell phone and called Neela.

“Just tell her something, whatever, that I’m sick or something…”

“But Abby…”

“Please Neela…”

“Is Kerry alright…?”

Abby paused. “Yeah…she’s alright…” was her only answer. 

Ten minutes later, Abby walked down the stairs from the EL and stared at the main entrance of the Marriott hotel in downtown. Now that she was there, she wasn’t quite sure about what to do. Glancing around, the brunette walked a few steps and bought a pack of cigarettes at the newsstand. Nervously, she opened the pack, lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply; she hadn’t had a cigarette in over six months. 

A little more relaxed now; Abby finished her cigarette and ventured inside the hotel lobby. 

Her original intention was to sit down and wait around until Kerry showed up. But she didn’t have to wait long. In passing, she thought she caught a glimpse of red to the right of the room and turning, she located her lover, sitting with Kim, in a table at the hotel restaurant.

Abby furrowed her brow several times. Blinking, she struggled to make sense of the image in front of her. There, by a cosy table in the corner was Kerry, her lover, smiling at her ex-lover, Kimberly Legaspi. 

Abby shook her head and focused again. This time her eyes registered the two women getting up and hugging tightly, as they exchanged smiles and what appeared to be, soft words of affection.

In hindsight, Abby would have admitted that what she had seen was in itself, not so questionable. It was just two women, hugging. She would have admitted too that she knew what had taken place the day before. However, none of that knowledge really made any difference at that moment when she decided to approach the table.

“Abby?” -asked a wide-eyed Kerry at the sight of her agitated lover.

Kim turned around to meet the brown eyes that seem to bore on her skin.

Abigail stood there, unable to articulate a single word. Her chest started to heave, constricted as it was by the rampant emotions she had been feeling in the past hour. Her eyes left Kim’s blues and fixed on Kerry’s greens. From somewhere, from a small, dark spot inside her aching soul, the young student found a thread of a voice.

“Why..?”

Whatever Kerry answered in explanation or defence was lost to the brunette. She would remember later that she could hear a muffled noise of mangled words but something inside her brain prevented her from making any sense of them. After a few moments, Abigail decided she had had enough. She turned around to leave and felt Kerry’s hand on her arm.

“Don’t touch me…” -whispered the younger woman under her breath.

“But honey…” -insisted the older woman. Yanking her arm from Kerry’s hold, Abby turned around and violently snapped, “Don’t touch me, Kerry!”

Finally free, Abby left the restaurant and walked onto the street, where she was welcomed by the bright sun. 

Abby’s eyes stared at the water. The salty breeze carried a vague aroma of coconut and seafood. She inhaled deeply as she watched the waves in their relenting albeit soft, pounding by the shore.

“Are you going to tell me what happened Abby?”

“Mom…I really don’t want to talk about it…” 

“Aaabbyyy…”

“Mom, I said I really don’t want to talk about it…”

“Okay but you know, eventually, you will have to…”

Abby sighed and nodded at her mother’s comment. Yes, she knew that at some point she would have to face reality.

“I’m going out to do some grocery shopping. You wanna come with me?”

Abby declined, silently. She really didn’t even want to talk, much less move. Maggie leaned forward and kissed her daughter on the forehead; immediately after she left.

The young student sighed and turned to watch the water. 

Kerry had not been able to sleep. Sitting in her bed by the phone, she had not been able to will herself to get some rest. At five in the morning, the redhead had gotten out to bed realizing that staying in was a futile attempt. She took a shower, got dressed and left for the hospital.

By 10 o’clock that morning, after leaving a dozen or so of messages in her lover’s cell phone, the mighty doctor had to realize the sad truth that wherever Abby was, she didn’t want to be contacted. Standing by the window in her office, Kerry sighed deeply. Much too tired and distressed to really get any work done, she called Kim.

“And you haven’t heard anything from her, at all..?

“No, I haven’t…”

“Uh…I really don’t know what to say Ker…I’m sorry…”

The redhead heard the way her ex-lover had called her but declined to make any comments about it. If she was honest to herself, that little endearment in Kim’s choice of words felt strangely soothing. She closed her eyes and for a moment, she let herself remember that there had been a time in the past where Kim had been the one person Kerry could turn to for comfort and peace.

“Kerry…”

“Yes…” –whispered the redhead to the phone.

“I’m supposed to leave tonight…” –Kim paused, breathing deeply- “Do you want me to stay a bit longer?”

In the midst of her pain, Kerry managed a shy smile. She knew that Kim would say something like that at some point during the conversation. Buying some time, Kerry breathed in deeply, weighing the implications of her answer.

“Take me with you…” -answered the weary redhead.

“Okay…” 

Abby placed the phone on the receiver and slumped again on the bed. Taking the remote she started flipping channels aimlessly.

At some point during the day, she realized that she needed to at least call the hospital to arrange a leave of absence or a short break or some sort of arrangement. After talking to Neela who advised her about taking the unpaid leave, she had called her rotation’s supervisor and had arranged for the time off. 

She had also called Kerry. Knowing that she would probably find her in her office, Abby chose to call Kerry’s cell fully aware that she would get the voice mail. Leaving a brief message saying she would not be coming back in the next few days, she also asked Kerry not to make any attempts to contact her.

And after that, she had finally allowed herself to feel.

Maggie had been there to listen. She had suspected that this unannounced visit from her only daughter had been the result of some breakdown in her relationship with Kerry. Silently Maggie had listened, not really saying much. 

Maggie had never been quite convinced about the relationship her daughter had decided to establish with the older woman. Despite really liking Kerry as a person, she had never fully understood the choice her daughter had made. And it wasn’t even the fact that it was a relationship with a woman that troubled Maggie. It was simply that she never quite understood how their personalities would match, how would they complement each other enough to make each other happy.

Sadly, perhaps she had been right.

At around 9:30 that evening, Kerry found herself boarding a JetBlue flight that would take her and Kim to San Francisco. Kim had asked Kerry to arrange for some days off at the hospital and to go home to pack. “I’ll take care of the rest Ker…” had whispered the blonde, “It’ll be okay… don’t you worry about anything, okay..?”

Kerry had nodded and had done exactly what her ex-lover had requested of her. At some point though, she paused to check her cell phone messages and found Abby’s message.

And for the first time in the last 24 hours, Kerry Weaver sat down and cried.

[End of Chapter 21]


	22. The Great Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 22  
The Great Divide

The soft humming underneath the floor of the plane soothed her. Kerry turned around and found Kim asleep with an open copy of Joan Didion’s “The Year of Magical Thinking” on her lap and her reading glasses about to fall off her slender, almost perfect nose.

Kerry smiled. She recognized this person sitting by her side. She remembered. With care, Kerry removed the glasses and was about to get a hold of the book when Kim stirred.

“Hey…” –whispered the blonde half yawning.

“Hi… Sorry, I tried not to wake you…”

“No, it’s okay…” added the blonde as she stretched her arms and yawned. “When did I fall asleep?”

Kerry chuckled. “Right after you chewed the last morsel of food…”

“Oh”

“Uh-huh… some things just never seem to change, do they?”

Kim smiled sheepishly and nudged the redhead with her elbow gently. “Remember? It was so bad…”

Kerry smiled and nodded. “No, that bad… amusing, most likely…”

Kim smiled and getting up she asked Kerry if she wanted something to drink. When she returned she found the redhead lost in thought.

“All good..?”

“Uh… Okay, I guess…”

The blonde placed the soda cans in the small area between the seats and settled once again in her place. “Kind of chilly, isn’t it?”

Sighing deeply, Kerry answered. “Ha! That’s the understatement of the year…” and returned to her thoughts.

Abby closed the lid of her cell phone gently after listening to her messages. There hadn’t been any from Kerry. Despite being fully aware of the message she herself left on the redhead’s phone she was still somehow expecting to hear something, anything. But there hadn’t been anything and the emptiness she suddenly felt, was –she would recognize later- overwhelming.

Two days had already gone by since she arrived at her mother’s apartment in Clearwater. Maggie had really done her best to accommodate her, providing a comforting presence at all times and allowing Abby the privacy she needed. Her brother Eric, finally stable after his upsetting Bipolar onset, passed by to keep her company a couple of times unfortunately though, Abigail was much too emotionally removed to enjoy the family atmosphere.

“I’m going home tomorrow.” –she announced unceremoniously at the dinner table.

“Oh…That soon Abby?” –asked Maggie who was somehow expecting her daughter to stay longer.

“Yeah…I need to go back. I have to finish my last rotation otherwise I won’t graduate…”

“Okay” -answered Maggie taking a hold of her daughter’s hand. “You sure you’re ready..?”

“No Maggie…but… I still have to go…”

Maggie didn’t say anything, gently squeezing Abby’s hand in hers.

A few minutes after that, Abby went to her room to pack and exhausted, weary and incredibly overwhelmed by the turn of events, she turned in for the night.

Kerry woke up in a thick daze, not really knowing where she was for the first few seconds. Turning around she found Kim staring at the video monitor in silence.  
The blonde noticed.

“Did I wake you?”

“No, no…”

“You okay Ker..?”

In a bold move, Kerry took a hold of Kim’s right arm, raised it up and tucked herself underneath the blonde’s chin, repositioning Kim’s arm around her. “Is this okay..?” -asked the older woman.

Kim breathed in deeply and gently answered, “Of course it’s okay…”

Kerry closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, nestling in the other woman’s chest. Images of the past came rushing in and a feeling started to creep in. 

Safety.

In Kim’s presence, Kerry always felt safe. And it wasn’t only safety; it was a feeling of being relaxed, of letting go, of allowing someone else to take charge of things for a change. With Kim, the dynamic had always been quite different than the dynamic with Abby. With Kim, Kerry relinquished control and felt comfortable at it. With Abby, it was most of the time, the opposite.

And with pain in her heart, Kerry realised she had missed the feeling Kim provided for her.

As for Kim; she was genuinely surprised. As she felt Kerry’s fine hair gently tickle her neck, she breathed in. It had been so long since the last time she remembered having Kerry like this. She was suddenly transported to her old, little apartment in Temple Street. The one she decorated with tips Kerry had provided; the one that had seen them as a couple, going about the business of their days. Hugging Kerry tighter, Kim closed her eyes and thought that perhaps, just perhaps, there might still be a chance for them after all.

In the midst of the hospital’s interns’ lounge, Abby felt somewhat lost. She had taken the red-eye back to Chicago and the coldness had slapped her back into reality. Opening her locker, she placed her backpack inside and got some scrubs into which she changed quickly. Grabbing her lab coat and her stethoscope, she slammed shut the locker’s door and headed to the elevators. 

Once she got to the NICU floor with her characteristic humming and forced silence, she felt uneasy. As she was about to enter her supervisor’s office, Neela showed up to meet her.

“Hey…”

“Hey…”

“How are you? What happened?”-asked her friend.

“I’ll tell you about it later, ok? Have you seen Jenkins?”

“Yes, she’s there…”

“Okay, I’ll see in you in a bit…”

And with that, Abby stepped into the office in front of her.

“Well? What do you think? You like it?”

Kerry looked around the house and turning to meet Kim she smiled broadly “It’s very beautiful Kim…”

Kim smiled satisfied and placed the last of their bags in the living room. Their flight had gotten in on time and after picking up Kim’s car, the pair had stopped to get something to eat to bring to the house.

The moment they arrived Chester came running from the upstairs’ room and excitedly greeted Kim and gently, nudged at Kerry’s hand.

“And that’s…Chester… –Said the blonde with a sense of pride-…You gonna say hello to Kerry? Yeah, good boy… Go say hello…”

Kerry leaned and took the dog’s paw. “Look at that…”

“Yeah…we’re very well mannered…” –Added the blonde-…Want to eat something? I got us some croissants and some coffee…”

“Yeah that would be nice; I’m actually quite hungry…”

Kerry looked around taking in her new surroundings, immediately spotting the back yard and garden. 

“Just turn the knob Ker…” –Interrupted Kim without even looking up. Kerry smiled, recognizing her ex-lover. Kim looked up and smiled sheepishly. “Want some butter and jelly on your croissant, hun?”

Kerry didn’t answer stepping outside instead. The sun was warm and inviting and the cool breeze filled her nostrils with a slight scent of cinnamon and Rose petals. She walked a few steps to her left to admire the small herbal garden Kim had planted underneath a window. Rosemary, Chive, Coriander, Oregano, Kerry recognized. To the end of the small patch, Garlic and Cherry tomatoes. 

Walking a bit further, Kerry looked beyond to the majestic city sprawled in front of her. Yes, San Francisco was indeed, a beautiful metropolis; a patchwork of neighbourhoods that somehow despite their differences had managed to enhance one another.

“Like the view?”

The older woman turned around at the sound. “Of course…it’s breathtaking…” 

“Yeah… I thought you’d like it…”

Kerry nodded.

In silence, the pair ate the food in front of them. Kerry had finally managed to sleep more soundly once she had found comfort in Kim’s arms. Not able to forget the recent events and the pain they had brought, she had settled for finding some resemblance of peace in Kim, fully aware though that the gesture had not really been more than a futile attempt to forget and hide.

Kim knew it too. While she thought that perhaps there might be a chance to build something between them she was well aware that it was not going to happen any time soon. She had lived long enough to know better. People just don’t wake up one day and stop being who they are or reinvent themselves because they want to, she always thought. So there was a long road ahead of them both. 

But for now, they were sitting in the garden table, she and Kerry, and the sun caress them gently and the food comforted them and for a slight moment, life was full of hopes. 

So, she held Kerry close to her heart and waited.

Abby went back to the NICU just in time as a group of 1st-year students gathered around baby Mahoney. Abby looked at them and felt a mixture of compassion and relief; it was good to be almost out of the misery, she thought. Remembering the specific warnings and instructions given to her by her supervisor, Abigail decided to play it low, by the rules. As she started to follow the tight routine outlined for her, her pager went off. It was from Christina, Kerry’s assistant. Abby felt a sudden ray of hope and wet upstairs as soon as she had her first break of the day.

“And these are the piers and the Fisherman’s Wharf area…lots of tourists…” said Kim as she turned into a parking spot. “It’s nice though…lots of cute over-priced little shops, restaurants…”

“Oh good…I’m getting kind of hungry…”

“Yup, that’s why I stopped. I figured you’d be. Fancy some nice chowder?”

Kerry just turned and smiled at her companion. The day had been a beautiful mixture of familiar intimacy that Kerry had found soothing. Despite the immense sadness in her heart, the redheaded doctor had found some distraction and was actually enjoying herself; the change of scenery and the company had done much to relieve her pain.

After dinner, the couple returned home. Kerry looked visibly tired, ragged; the quietness had awoken the memories of the recent past. Kim sensed this change in her ex-lover’s mood and promptly opted to induce what she hoped it would be some healing conversation.

“How long have you been with Abby, Ker..?”

Kerry sighed deeply and unconsciously, covered herself with the blanket next to her. 

“Two years and two months…”

“If you don’t mind me asking…how did that happen? I mean, when I left County Abby was with Carter… or was it, Luka..? I mean, the last thing I expected was to find her in a gay relationship…with you!”

“Well, uh, actually neither did I to tell you the truth. It started as a friendship really and we were just friends for a while and it was nice you know? It was nice, fun…and then later, uh…things changed…”

“How do you feel now, you know, after what has happened?”

“It’s a…like a mixture of things…I just never thought, not for one minute, that we would be in the middle of something like this. Sure we don’t always get along; we fight sometimes but….not this…and, I just don’t know what to feel. I’m angry and hurt but at the same time, I miss her…” 

“Do you love her..?”

Kim asked the question already knowing the answer. She knew Kerry Weaver and she knew that Kerry never did anything halfway; if she had been involved with Abby for two years, there was love.

“Yes…”

Kim sighed audibly. The simple word felt like a dagger stabbing her heart. Impervious, she continued.

“What would you like to happen now with you and Abby?”

Scratching the crown of her head, Kerry paused and thought for a moment. Part of her wanted to be back in Chicago, in her bed, with her partner sleeping soundly by her side. But somehow that image and the reality that image evoked had been shattered.

“At this very moment…I don’t know Kim…I can’t deny what I feel for her but…what has happened has changed me and me…I just don’t know at the moment…”

Kim realized that Kerry had reached a point where she just wasn’t going to talk anymore.

“Okay so, what would you like to do now? Want to turn in for the night?

Kerry fixed her eyes on the piano at the back of the family room. She suddenly remembered that Kim had mentioned once –a very long time ago- that she knew how to play.

“Wanna play something for me?” –asked the older woman.

Kim turned around and stared at her piano. She had bought it not long after moving to the house in the hopes that playing it again would serve as a good distraction after what had taken place in her life. For a moment she contemplated the offer but after a second or two, she decided that she wasn’t really prepared to open up old wounds. 

Smiling kindly she answered, “I’m sorry Ker…maybe tomorrow? I’m kinda tired now…”

Kerry recognized a hint of pain in the blue eyes and simply nodded, not wanting to disturb her companion or the mood of the time shared. 

Later that night both women lay in their beds unable to sleep. Kim, upstairs in her room, curled up in a ball with Chester, reviewed the whole chain of events of the past few days and decided that while it was wonderful to be close to Kerry again, the current situation was the last thing she had expected. One thing was to try to win Kerry over and another very different was to wait for someone else to make a decision that might not bring her what she wanted; this was a completely different and unexpected turn of events. 

Kerry, on the other hand, was completely confused. While very much in love with Abigail, what had happened had hurt her in ways she was just starting to discover. First, Abby had shown a complete lack of trust in Kerry’s integrity and word and that was something Kerry found very difficult not only to understand but also, to forgive. Nothing, she thought, nothing in her behaviour was something she could actually feel ashamed of. Yes, she had been somewhat weak back at the hotel in Kim’s room but that weakness lasted minutes and she put a stop to it even before nothing really happened. Second, Abby’s refusal to hear her explanation that morning when she showed up at the hotel’s restaurant and her subsequent disappearance and apparent rejection, was to Kerry, a blow of incredible proportions as if Abigail had forgotten the person Kerry had always been. 

In addition, Kerry now found herself miles away from her home in the last place she had ever expected to be. What an amazing thing was to be with Kim again, she thought. In many ways, the dynamic was still the same. Despite the years and the pain brought by their abrupt and messy separation, the two women were still able to trust and enjoy each other. There were still clever exchanges, laughter, shared jokes and memories. In conclusion, there was more that brought them together that separated them and Kerry, sighing deeply, had no strength to deny the obvious.

After many mental ruminations, both women found some sense of peace amidst the emotional chaos and drifted to a sound sleep.

Abby opened the door to the empty house. The air inside was cool and it smelled like cinnamon and coffee; remnants Abby thought, of Kerry’s last breakfast in the house. Everything was tidy and clean and even her mail had been placed neatly on the small table by the entrance.

Abby sighed deeply as she took off her coat. Earlier that day she had gone to Kerry’s office and had received the envelope from Christina that Kerry had left for her before leaving for California with Kim. In it, Kerry had included a letter for Abby which the young nurse did not read until she got home.

It felt strange for Abigail to enter this house that until a few days ago had been the place she had called home. Suddenly it felt empty, lifeless. She kicked off her sneakers and went into the kitchen to prepare herself some coffee and read the note.

Dear Abby,

I never thought I’d be writing a note like this to you but you have left me with little choice. By the time you read this, I’ll be in California with Kim. I decided to take some time off because I am too overwhelmed by everything that has taken place between us. I still do not understand why this has happened as I know I haven’t done anything wrong. I have never lied to you nor have I incurred in any behaviour that could be deemed as questionable or lacking integrity. What happened back at the hotel you already know and all I was doing that morning was having breakfast with Kim with whom I want to maintain a friendship with -as being friends was mostly what we were-, before there was even the possibility of a romantic liaison. 

I find it appalling and offensive and downright hurtful that you have no trust in me because my behaviour has always been one towards you. But what perhaps has hurt me the most is that you would not even listen to what I had to say and disappeared, shutting me off completely.

You have no idea of what all this has done to me.

Perhaps you will never know.

In any case, this has changed things for me and therefore for us. For the time being, I don’t consider there is any “us” for I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is not capable of trusting me, especially when my behaviour has been honourable and proper. I will be in California for about a month. After that time, we’ll see. I guess we will talk and make up or talk and end this for good.

As I said before, never did I think I would write something like this to you.

I do love you and I know I always will but I just cannot allow my integrity to be put in doubt like this.

I am sorry.

K.

Abby would remember later how she neatly folded the letter and placed it back in its tidy envelope. She would also remember that sudden intake of air felt odd as if her lungs had stopped working and had decided to start again on their own accord. But the peculiarity she remembered the most that night alone in her bed, amidst sheets that still carried their combined scents was the fact that she had reopened the envelope, taken out the letter, brought the paper to her nostrils and had taken a deep breath hoping to catch a faint smell of her lover.

There had been nothing.

And then she remembered an oppressing sensation right at the pit of her stomach as if something needed to get out. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes; she knew it was stressed related so using all her concentration she willed her body to relax and sprawled in her bed, she fell asleep.

Unfortunately, the blessed oblivion she was after was not about to last.

[End of Chapter 22]


	23. Senza Di Te

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 23  
Senza Di Te

Kim woke up by a muffled noise. Chester climbed to her bed and started licking her face as if alerting her that something was not quite right. She quieted the dog down and paid attention to her environment searching for the noise she thought she had heard.

It came from Kerry’s room.

In a swift move, Kim looked for the wool socks she had discarded before going to sleep and put them on, getting out of bed quickly. The temperature had dropped in the last few hours and the young woman grabbed a sweatshirt piled by the bed. Immediately after, she headed downstairs to her friend’s room.

The light was on the night table. Chester nudged the door open and Kim walked in slowly not wanting to disturb Kerry. The redhead was sitting on the floor, by the bed, face buried in her small hands. Kim, ever so gently, sat down and put her arms around her ex-lover without saying a word hoping that the gesture would grant some comfort.

“I’m sorry… -said the redhead- …I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“You didn’t hun, Chester did…”

“I’m sorry anyways…” whispered Kerry as she wiped her nose. For a moment she seemed calm, collected.

It did not last.

The sobs came in waves. Kim hugged her even tighter still in silence. Fifteen minutes later, the pain seemed to have subsided and the psychiatrist thought it would be appropriate for them to go to her room.

“Come with me, Ker…”

“No, please…”

Kim took Kerry’s face in her hands, gently. “Let’s go, hun. It’s late and it’s cold. Come on…”

Too tired to resist, Kerry complied and let herself be guided to Kim’s room. The blonde pulled the covers and by the hand, led the redhead to the bed, tucking her in with tenderness. “I’m going downstairs to make some tea. Chester will stay with you and I’ll be right over, ok?”

Kerry just nodded and curled up in a ball, hugged the retriever. Five minutes later, Kimberly came back with a warm cup of tea. “Here, have some of this…”

Kerry sat up straight and took the cup in her hands, sipping carefully.

“I’m sorry Kim…”

Kim looked at her kindly. “You have nothing to be sorry about Ker…”

The older woman sipped a bit more of the herbal tea and put the cup back in the night table. Kim turned off the light and got in the bed spooning her ex-lover from behind. Wrapped in Kim’s arms, Kerry cried a bit more until finally, exhaustion took over and brought her much needed oblivion.

A couple of hours later, Kim was still awake. Holding Kerry close to her chest, Kim sighed and pondered the future. In the faint light, Kerry’s face looked serene for the first time in the last few days. Kim stared at the ceiling wondering what would happen in the next few days. Would Kerry go back to Chicago? Would she stay? If so, for how long? Would she be able to deal with this pain, leave it behind and go on? Eventually, she would -thought the psychiatrist, we all do sooner or later. Kerry, unfortunately, seemed destined to be caught in the same bind over and over again; misunderstood and with little chance to explain herself. At that thought, Kimberly felt a distinctive lump in her throat as she realized that she herself had –years ago- behaved exactly in the same way Abigail was behaving right now and suddenly felt ashamed of herself for having judged Abby so harshly.

Turning around Kim stared silently at Kerry’s sleeping face. She felt an immense wave of shame and sadness. She had lost Kerry once out of pride and a false sense of self-righteousness. How futile it all seemed now. She could have prevented so much grief and loneliness. If she had acted differently they would probably be still in Chicago, together, happy. If she had behaved differently she would have prevented what had happened in the past few days.

Closing her eyes Kim sighed and pulling Kerry to her, she kissed the top of the sleeping woman’s head. 

In defiance and with resolution, the blonde psychiatrist decided that this time things would be different.

Abby looked up as the last rays of sun pierced the horizon. She rubbed her feet together feeling the grains of sand between her toes and realized that it had been a long time since she hadn’t found comfort in such sensation. Then she remembered how Kerry -while enjoying the shore very much- had always been particular about sandy places avoiding if possible, any contact with the prominent element. 

Abby smiled first and then sighed deeply. Only a week had gone by since Kerry had left for California; mere seven days since her life had been entirely and irreversibly altered by Kim Legaspi. A week ago life was predictable in the repetition of its days. The only thing to really worry about was the end of the rotations and the final exams. Kerry was busy finishing the details of the hospital new wing’s budget to submit to the Board of Directors and the little time they had left, was spent at home. That apparent dullness had become essential for Abigail. The habitual and the customary that Kerry had brought to her life had developed into a backbone without which the younger woman felt dismembered. 

Who was she then, if not the one that loved Kerry Weaver?

Even her friends did not see her the same way anymore. The only two that had remained the same were Luka and Susan; everyone else had grown somewhat suspicious –even Neela- as if Abby was now more of a spy than a coworker. Abby mainly found this amusing, if not absurd. But all in all, life with Kerry had become foreseeable and comforting and she missed that.

“You okay?”

Abigail nodded, gently. 

“You miss her, don’t you..?” –pressed Luka.

Abby grinned bitterly. “Yeah…”

“What happened, Abby? –asked Luka, kindly-…you seemed so happy together…”

“Kim Legaspi happened…” –answered the student with such ache in her face.

While surprised at the sound of the psychiatrist’s name, the Croatian doctor quickly made sense of the apparent mess. He was one of the few people –if not the only one- who knew first hand, the impact Kim Legaspi had made on Kerry’s life in the past.

Nodding, he did not ask her any further questions.

“You knew about her and Kerry…” –said Abby quietly in a gentle whisper that sounded more like an affirmation than a question.

“Yes…”

Abby nodded despite the lump in her throat. “Tell me about them…” 

With the deepest kindness and the softest voice he could muster Luka proceeded to tell the tale few knew about. He found it harder than expected because while he didn’t want to completely shatter Abby’s hopes of reuniting with Kerry, he also needed her to understand the formidable adversary she was up against.

Kim started to fidget in her chair when the door opened.

“Want to come in Kimberly?”

Kim smiled and walked towards the door, closing it behind her. It had been a bit over two weeks when she had last attended her mandatory weekly therapy sessions and Vivian, her therapist, was particularly keen in knowing why.

“So let me see if I get this straight, your ex-lover Kerry –the one that caused all that debacle back in Chicago and the one that pushed you all the way here and the one you swore to me you would never call…is very likely sleeping in your bed as we speak, right?

“You put it in a way that just sounds wrong Vivian…”

“Whether it sounds wrong or not is completely irrelevant Kim and you know it…”

Kim looked down and straightened her blouse purposely avoiding having to provide a direct answer. 

“Kim..?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! That same ex-lover is very likely sleeping on my bed right now yeah! God! You make it sound like we have had sex or something…”

“And you have not..?”

“No!”

“But you want to, don’t you?”

Kim turned around and wide-eyed stared directly at her therapist. “I can’t believe you just asked me that!”

“And I can’t believe you actually have the audacity to deny something that has been so blatantly obvious since the first day you came into this office!”

Kim got up from her chair and pausing by the window, stared down to a nearby park. “It has, hasn’t it?” -whispered the blonde.

“Yes! And I really hoped that something like this would happen so we could move on…”

“That’s the thing Viv…move to where?”

For the next few minutes Kim explained the circumstances of her visit to Chicago, the fact that she had found Kerry and that Kerry was involved with someone else, the sudden trip and everything else that had taken place in the last week.

“So that’s it…go where, move where..? I mean, yes I want her and yes I want to try again and yes, of course, I want more than just friendship but…do I really have any right at this moment to interfere considering the way things are between them? There’s no definition in that relationship and even if it was officially over –which it might be for all I know- still…”

“Still what..?” –pushed the older woman.

“Still…is it my right to push things, Vivian? She might be the one I want to be with but…”

“But what Kim..?”

Kim did not respond right away. A heavyweight seemed to have fallen upon her heart and suddenly words seemed harder to come by.

“You were saying Kim?” –insisted the therapist fully aware of what was taking place.

“Uh…I may not be the right person for her…”

A few hours later, Kim was pulling the car into the garage of her beloved home. After her appointment with Vivian, Kim passed by her office to check up on a few things and then stopped by the grocers for some dog food, milk and cookies. After parking the car, she went into the house secretly hoping Kerry would be waiting for her by the door. 

She wasn’t.

Upon entering the psychiatrist found a note pinned to the corkboard that read “Went to walk Chester. Be back soon. K.” 

‘Oh, well…–thought Kimberly as she put the few groceries she had bought away in the cabinets-…I guess I have no more excuses…’

Kerry saw as Chester had looked up, barked and had lively run away towards a group of women sitting under a tree. “Oh Chester…” whispered the redhead realizing that now she had no other choice but to leave her very comfortable bench at the park and walk after the retriever. 

“I’m sorry, he usually doesn’t do this….and don’t worry, he’s completely harmless…”-whispered Kerry a bit out of breath.

“Yeah… I know you are, right boy? You know me, right baby? Yes you do…Yes, you most definitely do…” -Standing up, one of the young women extended her right hand towards Kerry. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me… I’m Victoria; Kim’s ex…”

There had been a reason -Kim thought- why she hadn’t chosen surgery or trauma. While she enjoyed certain DIY activities there were others such as plumbing, for which she didn’t seem to have the necessary mechanical dexterity so there she was, uncomfortably lying on her back, underneath the kitchen sink, swearing like a drunken sailor. The wrench was loose and despite her best efforts to tighten the pipe, it was just not happening. “Crap” she yelled finally. “Shit! Shit! Shiiiiiit!!!”

“Excuse me?” -said Kerry completely unaware of the situation.

“I’m sorry…”- added the tall woman as she stood up, “You’re Kerry, right?”

The dog dragged Kerry uphill a bit faster than she would have liked. Her head was spinning; her feelings, mixed. Chester was by now panting as they approach the house and Kerry just let go of the leash knowing that Kim was home and the garden door would be open.

“But what the fuck? I can’t believe this!” -heard Kerry as she entered the house.

“Having problems?”

“Crap! You scared me!” -yelled the blonde who started laughing as she hit herself with the very same pipe she had been trying to repair.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you…” -muttered the redhead. 

“She loves you, you know…”

The words remained branded in Kerry’s memory since the brief meeting at the park. Now, Kerry debated whether she should say anything to Kim about her encounter with Victoria. If she did, Kim would probably react in a defensive manner trying to convince Kerry that the relationship had not been all that important. If she didn’t, she thought, she still would have an advantage since there would be a precious opportunity to confirm what Victoria had said. Kim’s ex-lover had in fact, every reason to hope that this new beginning would never mount to anything so what she had said in regards of Kim’s feelings, had to be true. 

“You okay?”

Kerry just nodded and slowly, with some degree of effort that could be seen in her tired eyes, sat on the floor next to Kim.

“Yes…just a bit tired…”

“You sure?”

“Yup…So, what you’re doing…?”

“Well… besides banging my head against pipes, I’m trying to fix the leak…”

“Come here…” -said Kerry in a soft voice. 

Kim looked at Kerry wondering what the redhead wanted but got closer as requested. Kerry checked the pale bruise that was forming on the blonde’s forehead. With her fingers, she probed softly hoping not to cause more discomfort. 

“Yeah…you banged it good… You’ll have a nice shiner there tomorrow…”

Kim smiled but said nothing. She remembered she hadn’t finished so again, went ahead with the task at hand. “Could you pass me the wrench Ker..?” -said the blonde casually from underneath the sink counter.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing Kimmy?”

Kerry had used the term of endearment completely aware of the implications. When they were a couple they had called each other by those names; Ker for Kerry and Kimmy for Kim. The blonde felt a sharp tug on her stomach and smiled instinctively. Not saying anything, she extended her hand to take the tool from the redhead and when it was in her hand, Kim let her fingers lingered just a second more on Kerry’s hand in a sign of silent acknowledgement. 

Kerry smiled.

“The first time I ever saw Kerry cry, suffer… was that day at the ambulance bay. I had noticed the change. No one cared to observe or find out why. I did…”

Abby breathed deeply and despite the pain and the fear she felt growing inside of her, she continued listening.

“I remember the day when I saw them in front of the elevators. That’s when I knew they were together…”

“Why? What happened?”

“In itself? Nothing. They just stood there …Kim gave Kerry a key, they talked for a moment and then they parted…that was all. But the way they looked at each other… Kerry’s face…the smile on her face…it was like nothing I had ever since before on her. I can’t say anything about Kim because I never got to know her all that well…”

“Did she look happy too..?” –Asked Abby afraid of the answer.

“I wish I could tell you she didn’t Abby but she did, they both did. It was so obvious, so out there…”

“But…How come no one knew? I mean, I was here Luka, how come I didn’t notice? I mean, I did…later… the rumour mill…long after Kim had left…”

Luka smiled trying not to look patronizing. “You didn’t for the same reason no one else did…No one cared…No one cared whether she was happy or sad or anything. All you guys cared about was whether she was bitchier than usual, or whether she was staying up in her office or whether she was coming in or not and everyone just pretty much tried to stay away from her…It’s so ironic…” –Added Luka with bitterness in his voice.

“What’s so ironic?”

“That she was so afraid of all of you…Afraid that you would find out that she was a lesbian… and…meanwhile…none of you gave a shit about her…”

The tall doctor took a long sip of his beer in an effort to hide the sudden choking sensation he felt in his throat. 

Abby felt stabbed by Luka’s words; they were all true. “Tell me what happened then at the bay…that day…”

“I think that’s the first time I ever felt…I don’t know…different about Kerry. We were waiting for an ambulance. I made some small talk about waiting for thunder after lightning strikes or something like that. Very quietly she just said -and I remember her words because she sounded so broken-…she said: ‘Dr. Legaspi and I…It ended…’ 

Breathing deeply, Luka continued. “I felt quite in shock she had actually confessed that to me…”

“Why, because she was admitting she was having a relationship with a woman? –Asked the young student somewhat surprised.

“No…like I said… I already had noticed them and to tell you the truth, I was happy for Kerry…”

“Then, what was it?”

“That she had confided in me…”

Abigail nodded. Kerry Weaver had always been such a reserved, private person that becoming someone she confided in while it felt like a privilege, it also lay heavy on one’s shoulders.

“But I didn’t want to look shocked or anything so I just went on…took a sip of my coffee and asked her if she loved Kim…”

“Just like that? You asked her that?”

“Yes, I didn’t know what else to say… it felt kind of weird…like she needed something…”

“I bet she said yes…” –interrupted Abby.

Luka turned around bothered by Abby’s argumentative tone but the feeling soon changed to understanding when he saw the hurting on the young woman’s face. He sat next to her and hugged her for a moment. 

“No…she actually didn’t. Truth is she really didn’t need to. She looked up and met my eyes and her eyes were full of tears and her face was so…so deeply saddened and devastated…I swear, for the first time since I had known her I wanted to hold her and I don’t now…make her feel better I guess. Instead, I just said something stupid regarding moving forward instead of backwards…And that was it…”

Abby nodded. 

Luka held Abby a bit longer while Abby did her best to prevent the tears from freely rolling down her cheeks.

“Abby..?”

“Hmm..?”

“There’s something I still do not understand though…”

Abigail inhaled deeply. She knew what was coming. She knew Luka would ask her for more details and she would be forced to finally recognize out loud, that she had been the one responsible for their failure.

“I fucked up Luka…That’s what you need to understand…”

Luka separated himself from the young student and turned her around. 

“Abby…”

“I did…I did…-added Abigail softly- …this… this whole mess is really my fault…I was jealous…God I was so jealous!” 

Abby stood up and blew her nose. She then turned around to face the lake and the dying afternoon’s sun as it took a dip into the horizon.

“Jealous…-she chuckled softly shaking her head sideways in disbelief- …me jealous! I have never been jealous in my whole life! It was something I just didn’t do! Don’t you think it’s pathetic?” –She hugged herself and looked up smiling ironically. “I think it is…” –she muttered and continued very quietly. “But most of all I was petrified, paralyzed with fear… I was so incredibly afraid that Kerry would leave me that I…I…couldn’t say anything, do anything. That first day at the elevators…that moment…everything changed…”

“What moment? What changed?”

“Our life…my life…I was so sure all was fine…I was so sure of Kerry, of the life we had together…”

“Then how come all this happened?”

“Because I didn’t think I could…I thought that she…”

Luka massaged his scalp slowly; it was obvious he was not following his friend. “Abby, I don’t understand you…”

Abby turned around, pouting and nodding several times. “You were just going to say that you couldn’t believe that Kerry would run with Legaspi just like that, right?” –interrupted the student.

It took him a moment to catch on to Abby. He nodded and softly spoke trying to lower the temperature of the conversation which was rapidly rising. “Legaspi might have been important Abby but I know Kerry…well, I think I know her…She wouldn’t have been unfaithful to you…”

“I fucked up because I didn’t think I stood a chance against Kim…I thought Kerry would pick her instead of me…And me…I…”

Abby couldn’t say anything else. She wanted to cry, to scream, to moan loudly, at the top of her lungs. 

But she could not.

Luka saw her quiet pain but said nothing. He held her close and hoped that the gesture would grant his friend, some comfort.

The seagulls flew quite low. In the soft breeze, they made complicated manoeuvres that would have made a fighter pilot green with envy. The water had taken on that orange glow of sunny, summer afternoons and its scent permeated even the clothes the women were wearing. In the distance, the lights and the crowds of tourists bathed the shore with sound and life. 

Kerry walked slowly. The end of her crutch could be heard first as it impacted the wooden structure of the pier. She looked down and she could see the rubber end and right beside it, Kim’s shoes as they walked alongside keeping the same rhythm. 

“You have big feet…”

“I beg your pardon..?”

“You have big feet”

“I do not…”

Kerry pointed downwards and stood right next to Kim placing their feet together, “You don’t?”

Kimberly looked down. “Damn, I do!” and burst into laughter.

Minutes later the pair had reached the end of the pier and silently stared at the vast Pacific Ocean and the striking sunset before them. With the corner of her eye, the blonde noticed the smaller woman shivering slightly and in one swift movement, she took off her windbreaker and gave it to her ex-lover. “Here Ker put this on…”

Kerry smiled. “Thank you…” –she muttered.

Kim smiled.

About an hour later the couple had walked a big portion of the pier. Together they had entered the numerous tourists’ traps and had taken the compulsory picture in the cowboy attire, had smashed the penny into the cable car souvenir and had stared at the same sea lions for a lot longer than either had intended. Soon after all that, the pair became a bit hungry.

“Ker..?”

“Uhmm..?”-answered the redhead as she watched people walk by.

“I’m hungry…”

Kerry turned around and made a face of horror as she had done so many times in the past when the two women were a couple- “Oh okay…Ms. Piggy’s kinda hunger or more subdued..?”

“It’s more like Mr. Piggy…”

“Crap...let’s go then…”-chuckled the older woman as she tugged the tall blonde along.

15 minutes later, the pair ate their hotdogs in silence. Every so often the sound of laughter coming from the nearby playground would make them turn and smile at the small children running around. Biting the last bit of her dog, Kerry tossed the wrapping and the remainder of her drink into the trash bin next to them and sighed deeply.

“You okay?” –asked the blonde who noticed slight violence in the redhead’s movements. 

“I so wanted one…”

Confused, Kim looked at the bin. “What, a dog? You just had one…”

“No you eejit, a child…”

“Oh..? Really? –asked the blonde genuinely surprised at her ex-lover’s words.

“Really…”

“And…How come you never mentioned this before… I mean… when we were together?”

“Because back then I didn’t know I wanted one…”

“And you discovered this later..?”

Kerry breathed in deeply.

“Yes…I even got pregnant…”

The blonde turned around and her mouth opened involuntarily, earnestly looking at Kerry, hoping that her words had been just a lie.

“Close your mouth Kim, you’re eating…”

Kimberly finished chewing, swallowed and chucked the rest of the dog to the bottom of the bin; it suddenly felt sour in her mouth. “You’re pulling my leg Weaver…” -added the blonde as she took one final sip of coke.

“No actually, I’m not…”

[End of Chapter 23]


	24. Breaking Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 24  
Breaking Down

The alarm went off at 5:30 and the moment it started buzzing, Abby slammed it with all her might. She lifted her head up and extended her arm looking for Kerry and reality set in; she remembered Kerry was gone.

She closed her eyes and let herself slump into her pillow, face in. 

Unexpectedly, she felt the by now familiar oppression in her chest but by breathing deeply and evenly, she managed to stop the tears. Still calming herself down, she sat at the edge of the bed and rubbed her eyes. What a mess, she thought. Where had her life gone? How had she, single-handedly, destroyed the most precious thing she had ever had? 

Abby had no answers. 

Slowly she stood up and instinctively opened the curtains and the blinds letting the sun in…Just as Kerry had taught her to do so long ago.

She showered and got dressed but couldn’t face the prospect of eating anything while that dull ache at the pit of her stomach, lingered. It was her first day back to work after her last rotation had ended and all she wanted…no, all she needed was to work.

And while every cell of her body longed for her lover, knowing that she could forget what had happened in the midst of work, made her feel somewhat better.

At least for today.

No Kerry. No pain.

Many hours later her long shift had ended. She stopped by the supermarket to get some milk, bread, coffee and some ready-to-eat dinner and headed to her empty home.

Abigail opened the door noticing the same crackling noise that Kerry had asked her to repair no more than two weeks ago. She squatted and checked which of the hinges was causing the trouble. “I’ll have to bring in the toolbox” she muttered to herself and closed the door behind her. 

Taking off her coat, she sighed deeply. A few days had already gone by and the pain was still very fresh. For Abigail was more than just pain, it was guilt. The kind of feeling that still woke her up at night and brought her to face the demise and devastation her life had become. As soon as she entered the brownstone, she opened the French door leading to the backyard, sat on the stairs and lit up a cigarette remembering how difficult it had been to quit smoking.

And that she’d done it for Kerry.

“Fuck that shit…” murmured the brunette as she inhaled the bitter smoke.

After her cigarette, she went to the kitchen to put away the few groceries she had bought. Once she finished, she went upstairs and discarding her scrubs put on an old pair of jeans, a plain t-shirt and her worn-out sneakers. Sighing she remembered the door and headed downstairs to finally fix it.

With effort, Abigail hauled the toolbox out of the car. It was an oversized, heavy-duty, steel box she had inherited from her brother Eric once he had gone to the Air Force. It had been him who had taught her whatever she knew about small repairs around the house and basic car mechanics. Huffing a bit, she placed the box next to the door and sat on the floor with her legs crossed. Moving the door back and forth several times she realized that the horrendous squeak Kerry had mentioned was caused by the hinge being rusty and misaligned. She looked through the box and found some WD-40 and a hammer. She first hammered lightly trying to align the pin; unfortunately, the rust was making things a bit harder. She applied a bit of the oil and moved the door again.

“Okay Lockhart, *now* I’ve seen it all…”

Abby turned around so quickly that she banged her thigh against the door. “Shit! You scared me, Susan!”

“Well, you don’t call, you don’t pass by…You haven’t even stopped by the ER in over a week! Hell, I almost missed you!”

Abigail smiled shyly as she rubbed her thigh still. “Oh shut up you! It’s not like you have no one to keep you busy…Here help me with this…”

Between the two they carried the box back to the trunk of the car and went inside the house. The afternoon light was still bright but it was setting on the windy city. The women went to the backyard to have a drink and a chat.

“Don’t ask me how I know but I know you and Kerry…How are you holding up Abs..?”

Abby’s sad smile was immediately wiped. In the confines of the hospital she was able to hold her shields up and duck and manoeuvre her way out of all the well-intentioned questions like this one. But in here, in her home, alone as she was, there were no defences and no places to hide. She took another quick drag of her cigarette and just waived her hand hoping that would be enough to deter Susan from this line of questioning. Unfortunately, though, it didn’t work. “Really Abs, how are you..?”

And Abigail became undone.

Shaking her head, she brought her left hand to her eyes as if she needed to hide her shame. Her tears came seconds afterwards. She sobbed very quietly, almost without making any sounds which made the pain seem even more intense as her small frame quivered every so often. Susan immediately closed the gap between them and half-hugged the younger woman trying to bring some comfort. 

“I’m sorry Abs, I’m sorry…”

Abigail placed the cigarette in the ashtray and buried her face behind the palm of her hands. Susan let the whimpers run their course and just rubbed her friend’s back gently. Minutes later Abby regained some composure.

“I’m sorry…I’m just so…”

“Oh no Abs please…you have nothing to be sorry for…”

Tears kept rolling down the student’s face. She wiped them with her fingers but they kept coming. From somewhere she found her voice.

“I just don’t understand Susan…how could this have happened? I can’t stand it…It’s too much pain…” –whispered Abby as she tried frantically to stop the tears. “I need her…I miss her…” –paused the young woman wincing in pain as she pressed her hand against her stomach. “I don’t know how to stop it…I can't do this Susan, not without her. It’s like…like…I can’t make it go away…I can’t make this pain go away…” 

Susan grabbed her friend by the shoulders, turned her around and hugged Abby tightly. 

“There Abs…hush…it will be okay…Kerry loves you, she’ll be back…you’ll see…easy…easy…” -the blonde doctor muttered. “It will be okay Abs…I promise…I promise…”

Kerry had noticed Kim’s mood change in the car. After she had finished talking about Sandy, the pregnancy, the miscarriage and the final outcome of that failed relationship, Kim grew quiet. Once they got home, the tall blonde gently said good night and went to her room. 

About three hours later, Kerry got awoken by Chester who enthusiastically, jumped to her bed. The fact that the dog was freely roaming around only meant one thing: that Kim was awake and up and about.

After greeting the dog, Kerry put her robe on and grabbing her crutch, she headed out. She saw her ex-lover sitting outside, under the massive elm tree, coffee mug in tow. Something wasn’t right.

“Okay Legaspi, what’s up?”

Kim turned, surprised. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

Kerry grabbed a nearby garden chair and sat down. “Nope, Chester did…”

“I’m sorry… I should have been more careful…”

Kerry dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “It’s okay. So, what’s going on with you?”

Kim turned around and exhaled slowly. She was utterly at loss for words. If she told the truth she risked appearing foolish; if she lied, she risked being discovered. She sighed heavily.

“You want the truth or the standard answer..?”

Kerry smiled gently, even sweetly. “What do you think Kimmy?”

Kim grinned just for a moment; in seconds her expression turned sombre again. The redhead noticed and motioned to sit closer but the psychiatrist got up quickly, obviously avoiding any physical contact. 

“I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I know I don’t have the right since you and I are nothing, I mean, we’re friends but no more than that…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” –interrupted Kerry.

“I am talking about the fact that it makes me angry and jealous of what you told me earlier”.

“But what did I say..?”

Kim moved around to face Kerry giving her a look of disbelief. 

“Oh…that…”

“I know it’s absurd Ker, I know…”

“Uh…no, I wouldn’t call it absurd just…surprising…”

“Surprising? Why does it surprise you that much?”

“Well Kim, you dumped me. I made a mistake, major I know but still, you dumped me. So yes, it surprises me. What should you care whether I had other people in my life or whether I got pregnant or whatever..?”

“You know Ker…Sometimes I wonder if you really know what you meant…mean…to me…”

Kerry realized that the conversation had taken a turn into deeper waters. 

“Kim…you don’t have to…”

“No Kerry, I kinda do…”

Kim moved the chair closer and turned it around leaning forward on the back of it. Unconsciously she made sure there was some protecting distance between herself and Kerry.

“Kerry –whispered Kim- meeting you was an incredible experience. Yes, of course, I had known other people and had loved other people but…it was different somehow. In a way, it was kinda scary because it was overwhelming, irresistible…Did it ever occur to you why I fell for you so quickly?”

“No…actually I always thought it was kinda odd…”

Kim smiled for the first time in a while. “It was odd, it was! I mean, yes, of course by then I had had my share of crushes and disappointments and gonadic passions but…somehow…you were nothing like that. It wasn’t just sex; it wasn’t just conversation or intellectual stimulation. It was a lot more than that…”

“Uh-huh…so, if it was so much more than just sex or passion or whatever…then why? Why did you end me…ended us?

Kim ignored the question for so much more needed to be said. “You remember when we made up after that fiasco dinner thing with Christy and Kate..?”

“Oh God…How could I possibly forget such memorable event…”

Kim glared at Kerry, frustrated. “I wasn’t referring to the dinner…”

Kerry smiled sheepishly. “I know. I’m sorry…”

“You remember that night?”

“Yes…”

“Really. Do you remember the details? The way we made love, the intensity?”

“Yes…”

“Well, that was it. That night when you left the restaurant and I ran outside and then went to your home and knocked and knocked till you open…remember? That was it. That moment when you left I understood what you meant to me. I understood how essential you had become to me, to my life. I knew right then that I didn’t want to live without you…that you were it…that you were the one…”

“But…”

“Remember how the following weeks went? I never left your side. I would go down to the ER just to see you like if I needed convincing that yes, you were real and that yes, you were with me…”

“Yes…You wouldn’t leave me alone…God! Remember the time when we were in the lounge and you had finished your shift and you had this awful cold? I kept telling you to go home, that I’d go immediately after but no, you stayed and ended up waiting like for 3 hours… You wouldn’t leave…”

“I didn’t want to be without you…”

“God…yes…”

“Remember that weekend when I took you to New York?” -said Kimberly with a wide smile.

“Yes! God! You whisked me off just like that…Oh…I loved that trip…”

“Remember the subway..?”

“Oh shit yes! We almost got caught!” –added Kerry bursting into laughter. 

“But you see? It wasn’t the sex…I mean; don’t get me wrong that was…”  
“Incredible…” –muttered the redhead.

“Yes…but it was a lot more than that…”

Kerry turned serious with a sombre look in her eyes. “Then why? Why did you leave me? Why did you end us?” –she added.

Kim smirked ironically with a heavy heart. Defeated she answered, “Because I didn’t believe it was you. Because I was a self-deprecating and pompous bitch who thought I could leave you behind and get someone else…supposedly better than you…” Exhaling loudly she added, “And for that I will never stop being sorry…for you and for me…”

Kerry remained silent in awe of the words her ex-lover was uttering.

“I thought I could forget you, leave you behind. I packed up and left for Euskadi with my Mom and after that, I came here…never looked back. Changed my cell phone number, my email address and left instructions that no one should tell you about me in case you asked…”

“Wow…” –muttered the redhead who could not hide her bewilderment. “You really hated me…”

Kim was touched by Kerry’s words. “Oh God no Ker, no, I didn’t…” she added quickly approaching the redhead, crouching in front of her and placing her hands on Kerry’s knees. “God no…if anything…I loved you even more. I was just angry…hurt…”

“But…how could you have been so cold, so heartless? I mean, I tried… I looked for you. I called Christy and Kate and Janet…I even asked Romano…that’s how I found out you had left to come here…”

“Ker…I wish I could tell you there was an actual reason other than me being stupid and arrogant and self-righteous. I wish I could tell you that I had fallen out of love with you or that I had met someone else…”

“What about Lori?” –interrupted Kerry.

Kim exhaled loudly as she stood up. “Lori was my cousin…”

“What?” –asked Kerry almost in a shout.

“She was my cousin…”

“And you led me to believe that you had-?”

“Yes, I did…”

“I can’t believe this..!”

“I wanted to hurt you…”

Kerry sat in silence, deflated. Shaking her head slowly from side to side she felt like if she had been kicked in the gut. “You hurt me alright…That was…”

“I’m sorry…”

The redhead remained frozen. A flood of memories from that painful moment in time came rushing in. Her breathing pattern changed and her eyes got clouded not with tears but with sheer pain. This revelation felt like acid over torn flesh; it burnt her. The blonde approached her ex-lover once more. With care, she knelt right in front of the redhead who turned her gaze.

“Please look at me…”

Kerry could not. She felt betrayed once more just when she was starting to feel safe.

“Please…” –pleaded Kim.

After a few seconds, Kim forced the situation. Cupping Kerry’s face she forced the redhead to look at her and listen to what she had to say. It was now or… it was never going to be.

“I am so very sorry for having hurt you. I was selfish and mean yes… but that’s what we all do. You hurt me back then because you were scared. I hurt you because I was scared. I am sorry. Please…”

Kerry’s silence did not deter the blonde from continuing. “I know that I shouldn’t have done that. I know Ker. But we all do things because we are stupid and weak and selfish and clumsy. I behaved that way because I was frightened…afraid of the power you had over me, afraid of eventually losing you uh…God! I was just scared! But I loved you then, I adored you…and I love you now…” –paused Kim with a lump in her throat- “…so please, please Ker… please…”

“Please what?” –uttered Kerry softly; pain showing in her quiet voice.

The psychiatrist was startled by Kerry’s voice. Pleadingly, Kim moved closer to Kerry placing her hands alongside the redhead’s thighs in an unconscious gesture of protection.

“Please be better than I was. Please give me another chance…give us another chance…I promise you, I swear…I’ll never leave you again; I won’t hurt you…please… I know it would probably take you some time to trust me again but I am, and always have been in love with you…Please Ker…just give me another chance…”

Kim’s voice trailed off in the stillness of the night. Kerry remained motionless and silent. What could she possibly say? She thought. While she knew that Kim wanted another chance, she could have never guessed the extent and depth of her ex-lover’s feelings and that puzzled her. Defeated and mostly tired, Kerry placed her own hands on top of Kim’s and removed them from her face as she stood up.

“I need to go to bed Kim…”

The blonde got up quickly from where she had been kneeling and nodded. Her blue eyes in expectation searched for Kerry’s but the redhead turned her gaze away, unable to communicate anything. “Yes, right…I’m sorry to have kept you up so late…” –added Kim and walked away towards the edge of the garden.

Once in her room, Kerry took her robe off and turning off the bedside lamp, got in bed. Suddenly life had stopped being the comfortable place it had been in the last few days albeit all that has taken place with Abby. In a moment, the cosiness of Kim’s company had become an unbearable circumstance from which Kerry wished to escape. She still loved Abby and there still was a faint ray of hope that at the end, things would get better again. So objectively, she couldn’t even consider going back to Kim.

So safe in the knowledge of her own feelings was she that Kerry closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.

[End of Chapter 24]


	25. Tormented Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 25  
Tormented Souls

About four hours later she woke up disoriented and somewhat confused. The light coming through the closed curtains was dim and Kerry realized it was still quite early. She turned in the bed, arranged her pillow once more and fell back to sleep only to be awoken by a faint noise, minutes later. It was a murmur, like muffled voices coming from afar. It stroke her as odd as it was still too early for Kim to be up. Opening her eyes she tried to focus on the sounds. Quickly she recognized Kim’s voice and immediately got up. 

The air was still and a bit chilly. Carefully, avoiding to be heard, she opened the door and listened.

Kim was crying. It was not a silent, quiet sob. Her pain was coming through in open, shameless bawls of absolute grief. Kerry was taken aback as she realized that she had never seen or heard Kim cry before. Not even when they split up, on those few days before Kim left County General for good, she had never seen her ex-lover shed a tear much less, openly weep. 

Kerry felt deeply moved. Her first instinct was to run upstairs, hold Kim and soothe her with caresses, kisses and promises of a better tomorrow but two things stopped her; the fact that she really could not promise such things and two, the sound of another voice, unknown to her. Kerry focused harder. She then realized that the other voice had to belong to Vivian -Kim’s therapist- who kindly and patiently, talked to Kim in a gentle and soothing manner.

The redhead stood by the door a bit longer deciding what to do. A few minutes later went back to her room recognizing that this wasn’t the time for her to intervene. 

About an hour later, Kerry heard the front door being shut and immediately she walked out of the room. The house was eerily quiet and Kerry wondered if Kim had left with Vivian.

She hadn’t.

Upstairs, in her bed and curled into a ball, was the blonde sleeping. On the bedside table, there was an empty cup of tea, a discarded syringe and an empty solution bottle of what she thought had to be some form of sedative. The redhead concluded that Vivian had sedated Kim in lieu of her earlier heightened state of distraught. 

Without the aid of her crutch, Kerry approached the bed and still checked the discarded bottle of Lorazepam. Satisfied, she sat on the bed being especially careful not to wake up Kim. Gently she caressed the younger woman’s cheek and tucked the covers around the warm body. Leaning closer, Kerry breathed in and recognized the scent of lavender from Kim’s shampoo. Closing her eyes she recalled the first time she noticed the aroma and how much she missed it when they broke up; how much it had become a part of her life and how incredibly sad she felt when it was gone.

Opening her eyes she leaned even closer and kissed her ex-lover on the temple which caused the woman to stir a bit and to quietly moan. 

At that very moment Kerry became conscious of the fact that, while she loved Abby, she still felt something for Kim. Remembering the way she felt earlier when she had heard Kim cry forced her to accept that there was something, something she could not name or explain, and something that she thought dead…something that she now had to discover and define. 

Kissing Kim once more Kerry stood up, got dressed and left the house. She needed to talk to Vivian.

A few hours after Susan had left Abby was sitting in the leather chair in her bedroom, almost completely covered by an afghan throw, zapping channels endlessly. The phone rang several times but she didn’t bother to answer her friends’ calls deciding instead, to send them an email telling them she was okay and that she just needed to rest. After that, she just simply unplugged the telephone line.

She couldn’t feel joy or take an interest in anything. Exhausted and frustrated she turned off the TV set and just stared at that empty bedroom which had been the main backdrop of the life she so cherished and desperately missed. 

And the tears came once again.

This pain, Abby thought, was relentless and the worst of it was the way it made her feel about herself; worthless. It reminded her of all those times she’d woken up and her mother would be gone and the emptiness that followed. ‘How could she be of any value if her own mother abandoned her?’ –she thought. Wiping her nose she climbed unto the king-sized bed and covered herself all the way to her chin wondering where could Kerry be at that very instant. For a moment she thought about calling; how easy would it be to hear her voice again? But quickly after she discarded the idea knowing perfectly well that Kerry would either not answer her call or snap at her in anger.

And Kerry would be right to feel that way.

So turning off the bedside lamp, the young woman pulled the covers over her head and once more as she had been doing for the last few days, cried herself to sleep.

Kerry stared at the walls of the small lounge and she found it odd that it looked more like a regular living room than a patients’ waiting hall; pictures, ethnic crafts from other countries, a fish tank. There were photographs, lots of them; one with Kim.

“Kerry? Nice meeting you. I’m Vivian…” 

Kerry heard her name and turned to find Vivian Soeterik smiling at her. Kerry approached her and greeted her with a strong handshake. “Hi Vivian…thank you for seeing me…”

Standing by the door, Vivian waited for Kerry to come in and kindly offered some coffee which the redhead accepted. Kerry had called Vivian from her cell as soon as she had stepped out of Kim’s home making sure the therapist understood it wasn’t a request for treatment. Kerry needed to talk about Kim with someone who knew Kim well and no one seemed better suited than Vivian. 

“So Kerry…I finally get to meet you in person…”

“Yeah well…” -said Kerry a bit embarrassed. 

“What can I do for you?” –interrupted the therapist sensing some tension on the redhead’s voice.

“I heard Kim cry earlier…”

“Yes..?”

“I need to know why…”

“And you actually need to ask me why Kerry? For some reason, I find it hard to believe that you called me and came all the way here to ask such a question…”

Kerry remained quiet, disarmed by the therapist accuracy. “No, in fact, I’m sure you didn’t….”

“Vivian…–muttered Kerry-…I don’t know what to do…”

The therapist smiled kindly and walked towards Kerry. “Okay…let’s talk…” –added the psychiatrist rubbing Kerry’s shoulder in a gesture of affection.

When Kerry entered the house some hours later, only a faint light was showing from Kim’s room. Chester came running downstairs to greet her and immediately after, Kim.

“You’re home…”

Kerry found endearing the words chosen by the blonde and smiling softly added, “Yes, I’m home…”

“I was worried. I thought you’d left for good…”

Putting a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter she looked at Kim. “And why would I do that, Legaspi?”

Kerry had told Vivian her whole side of the story. She talked about the beginnings of her relationship with Kim, her failure in coming forward for the blonde, the end, her coming out, the devastation that followed. She also talked about Sandy, the miscarriage, the sense of failure that followed…Abby. 

She explained what she felt about Abby, how she still hoped that something would happen to bring back things to the way they once were but most of all, she talked about Kim. She spoke about how Kim mattered to her, how she felt her heart tugged by Kim’s presence, by her life, by whatever went on with the tall blonde.

“Kim loves you Kerry…she has from the first day she got here and she hasn’t stopped...You need to understand that…”

“Then…why? “

“At this point Kerry…why does that matter so much? Whatever happened, happened because she –like the rest of us- is weak and vulnerable and afraid? Who cares anymore?”

“I do…”

“Why? How’s that gonna change anything? What do you want, a guarantee, a written warranty that things will be fine? It’s not going to happen Kerry and you know that. People are flawed and unfortunately, do not come to us with written warranties or instructions manuals. The only thing I can tell you -as Kim’s therapist and as her friend- is that she has been unable to let go of you…Obviously because she hasn’t chosen to do that. She has remained in love with you so much so, that the only sort of relationship she tried to have with someone failed miserably because of you…because of that stubborn need of hers to NOT let go of you…”

Vivian continued.

“What you saw or heard this morning was the final breakdown of someone who has held hope for years. The fact that you didn’t say anything… didn’t react to what she told you, that…that broke her heart and that’s what you saw…”

“I wanted to go upstairs…”

“Yes…and what? Do what?”

“If you hadn’t been there I’d gone. What I wanted to do was to calm her down, hold her, and soothe her somehow…I do feel for her Vivian. I do. She matters to me…”

“Well, Kerry if that is so…”

“Then what am I doing here, right..?”

“Yes…” –answered the therapist.

Kerry was at loss for words. Unintentionally, the conversation had taken her to a place of rare clarity where it was no longer so hard to see ahead.

“Kerry…”

“Yes?”

“Listen, I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you what I think this situation needs…definition…”

Kerry nodded in anticipation.

“It isn’t just a matter of you choosing between Kim and Abby. All of you need definition to keep going in your own personal journeys. Definition is sometimes obtained by a conversation and sometimes it is achieved by making an extra effort and giving something or someone, a try. Sometimes we have to go to places to know we don’t really belong there…or to know that we do…”

“So you think I should give Kim another chance..?”

“What I think is that you need to explore and find out what you really need.”

“Kim you mean..?”

“I don’t know if it is Kim…and neither do you…unless..?”

“I try…”

“Yes…”

“If it isn’t Kim you will know. If it is, you will know that too but how can you know this ahead of time? You can’t...”

The therapist continued. “Plus Kerry, trying will liberate all of you in the long run. All of you are sort of stuck now. You are here wondering what to do, Kim is at home –sedated- waiting for you and Abby? Well, God knows where she is but wherever she is, I’m sure that whatever you decide will help her go on…with or without you…”

Kerry looked at up, thinking about the last words Vivian had uttered. It was true. She had not thought about Abby moving on without her. Somehow, unconsciously, the redhead had thought of the student as someone suspended in time; no history to be made after all this. 

“Okay…” –whispered Kerry.

Vivian smiled knowing that all this had helped. “Okay..!”

Kerry opened the bag and got some containers of food already made. “Here Kim… I got us some food…”

The blonde sat down on the edge of the stairs. Wearing a T-shirt, a pyjama bottom and an old sweatshirt, she didn’t seem too interested in eating. Kerry turned around and stared at her ex-lover with affection. She approached the blonde and with some difficulty, squatted right in front of her. “You’re not hungry..?” –added the redhead tenderly.

“No, sorry…”-answered the blonde in a whisper.

“Come on Kimmy…you’ve got to eat something…”

“I’m just not hungry Ker…”

And her face crumbled into million pieces. In quiet sobs, the young woman covered her face as if ashamed of breaking down one more time. “I’m sorry…”

Kerry knelt and took Kim in her arms. Kim resisted. “No please…I’m sorry…” –she murmured as she tried to detach herself from the smaller woman. Ignoring Kim’s pleas the redhead held her even tighter. “I can’t…” –said Kim. “Yes, you can hun…you can…” –interrupted Kerry. “You always could…” –said the redhead with a heavy heart. Kim stopped fighting and let go. Kerry felt the release of tension along with a sense of peace that seemed to engulf them both. The younger woman’s upper body quivered slightly against her own and Kerry could not help but remember how lovely it was to feel Kim again. Somewhere inside Kerry’s heart, a door had been opened and a torrent of feelings came rushing in.

“Shhhh…it’s okay hun...”

Kim was too spent to talk. The size of her grief was so vast that all energy seemed to have been drained in the few hushed moans just uttered. Overwhelmed Kim slumped against her ex-lover, hiding her face in Kerry’s shoulder. After a few moments, she regained her composure and motioned to separate herself from Kerry who with her arm across, kept her in place. “No, stay there, please…–whispered the redhead-...it has been too long since I held you like this…”

Kim felt her heart jumped and yielded. Kerry’s arms drove her even closer. “Too long…” -softly said the redhead, closing her eyes. 

Together they stayed like that for several minutes. In silence, both women recalled and recognized sensations and emotions suppressed by years of foolishness and fear. 

A few minutes later Kerry broke the embrace. Cupping Kim’s face with her small hands, Kerry leaned forward and without notice, kissed Kim’s lips gently, even timidly, in a reverse image of their first kiss. 

The blonde whimpered unable to hide her surprise and delight. 

In seconds the kiss was over. Kerry stared at Kim’s deep blue eyes and caressed the soft skin under her fingers. “Let’s try to work this out, ok?”

Kim separated herself from Kerry. “What?”

“Let’s give *us* another chance…”

Kim was at loss for words. She sat there, motionless. Wide-eyed, she was only able to repeat, “What?”

Kerry took advantage of the situation. “Kim…”

“You mean..?”

“Yes…”

[End of Chapter 25]


	26. And The Plot Thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 26  
And The Plot Thickens

“Oh God Ker…” was all the blonde woman could mumble. Kerry remained in place riding out the soft quivers of her ex-lover’s body. When she felt Kim had calmed down, Kerry moved back and gently kissed Kim. This time the blonde responded kissing back with a bit more intent.

“Thank you…” whispered the blonde when they separated. “I promise you this time will be different….”

“Hun…shhh…” -interrupted the redhead placing the tip of her finger on Kim’s lips. “Let’s go day by day and see where this takes us, ok? I need this to be slow because I cannot make any promises to you... I loved you once Kim -with all my heart and soul- and I was completely destroyed when it ended. It took me a long time to recover and believe again. And…”

Kerry’s voice quivered slightly.

“What?” –added the blonde.

“I don’t think I would survive loving and losing you again…I feel for you right now and…uh…I want to see where it takes me but…”

Kim’s eyes fixed on her ex-lover’s silently asking her to continue. Kerry did.

“…I need you to understand that I cannot promise you anything, Kim…”

“I understand…” –added Kim softly holding on to Kerry’s hands. 

“I mean Kim…I…I know I feel something for you…still…but…uh…”

“Abby…” –said Kim quietly.

“Yes, Kim…Abby…I still…”

“Love her…”-finished the blonde despondently. 

“I don’t know…Yes…I guess I do…”

Kim’s eyes welled up again. This time she wasn’t about to cry because of rage or sadness no, this time it was absolute love; pure devotion and admiration for this woman who couldn’t hide anything or pretend or simply lie. Still holding Kerry’s hands and allowing her own tears to roll down her flushed cheeks, she interrupted Kerry softly, “It’s okay Ker…I understand…”

“Do you?”

Kim nodded. “I do…” –she muttered.

“Okay…”

“Kerry, I love you. I have loved you deeply and completely since that Thanksgiving dinner, remember? That second date when you told me that you were straight but kept repeating how beautiful I was..?”

The redhead chuckled in embarrassment. “Oh Lord…” –she mumbled.

“Okay, well…–continued the blonde-…since *that* day…If you had only known what I felt when I touched your hand across the table that night…It was probably at that precise moment when you got into my heart and never left. I haven’t stopped for one single moment. I know it looked different than that, I know. I know that I left you, that I never gave you a chance to explain or correct or simply start again, I know that too…”

Kim paused to breathe deeply. It was obvious to Kerry that Kim’s emotions were making it hard for the psychiatrist to continue but she sat quietly allowing her ex-lover the time she needed to regain the composure lost.

“But I…–Kim stopped once more-…I have never stopped loving you. I tried to love someone else, Victoria…Kiki…and she loved me well but I…”

She stopped again trying to mute out the small sobs trapped inside her chest. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply still anchored to reality through Kerry’s smaller hands in hers.

“I couldn’t do it. So when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do anything else I went to you. I needed to try, at least one more time, even if I really didn’t have the right…even if there was someone else…even if you didn’t love me anymore…At the very least I had to let you know how I felt…”

The blonde smiled and sighed deeply before continuing. 

“I had to try…even if I never got you back…”

Kerry nodded.

“So Ker..? I did what I set out to do. I have told you…I have shown you…This morning…uh…I just…that was my last attempt…my best attempt and when you didn’t choose me I couldn’t cope…I’m sorry…”

“Oh no Kim…please, you don’t need to-”

“I do Kerry. I am not really any better now than I was this morning but I guess I finally allowed myself to consider the possibility that you and I might never be together again…that’s why I had to call Viv…I couldn’t cope on my own…the pain was just too great…”

“But Kimmy, sweetie…I may still cause you the same pain…”

“I know Ker… –said Kimberly nodding-…I know…But what choice do I have, huh? I have to be here and love you and play all my cards and if I don’t win then I don’t but at least I tried…So, it’s okay…I understand…”

The redhead sat silently for yet a while more. Her head was spinning and for a moment she panicked wondering if she had done the right thing or if it had been an impulsive reaction she would have to regret later. She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes and seconds later, she felt Kim’s long arms wrapping her in comfort and safety. The blonde pulled her gently allowing her to adapt to the dips and valleys of this body she knew but had forgotten. Once tucked in her ex-lover’s arms she realized that she was free; free to decide, free to choose. 

Kim was not forcing her to do anything; no one was.

The young student knew something was not quite right. Everyone kept saying that it was stress-related, that it would go away and that it was normal under the circumstances. She asked Susan to give her a complete physical exam; they ran complete blood works, x-rays but nothing really revealed anything.

But she still did not feel right.

For starters, that dull ache on the pit of her stomach lingered. While it was true, it was not constant; it was starting to bother her enough to stop her momentarily from working. She was also feeling very tired, exhausted; “a classical sign of depression,” someone said. And yes she had enough reasons to feel depressed but she refused to explain everything away that simply. Something was not right.

Later that day she paid a visit to Janet Coburn who was after Kerry, the physician Abigail trusted the most.

“So…how long has this been going on you said..?”

“Uh…I don’t know…as it is now, perhaps for the last ten days..?”

Abby closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “This hurts, right..?” –added the older woman as she palpated the epigastric region. “

“Uh-huh…”-winced the student quietly.

“Does it get worse by eating or does it get better when you eat?”

“I really don’t know Janet…I haven’t been eating much anyway…”

The older woman switched off the light, grabbed a small flashlight from her coat pocket and leaning towards Abby, examined both eyes. “No jaundice…”

Flipping the switch back on she sat on the stool and motioned for the med student to get dressed. “I really cannot say for sure Abs…Might be gastritis…Have you had acid reflux?

“At times…”

“How severe?”

“It varies…a couple of days ago it was really bad…”

“You’re smoking..?

“I had quit but…”

“You started again…How many a day?”

“Oh…I don’t know…a lot…”

“How about bloating, nausea..?

“Uh…yeah but everyone down at the ER keeps saying that it is stress…”

“And it still could be just that Abby…Can I ask you a personal question?

Abby inhaled deeply and answered without even waiting for the question. “We’re separated at the moment…”

“What? When did this happen?”

Abby chuckled sarcastically and answered, “…for about two weeks now..?” 

Coburn ran her fingers through her curly, dark hair and exhaled audibly. “It could be lots of things, kiddo. There are –certainly- enough stressors that could easily trigger an episode of erosive gastritis or something like it but…we won’t know until you get that checked with Gastro…”

“Gastro? You really think… I thought it could be just a mild case of indigestion…”

“For two weeks? No, let me refer you to…”

“Not Cordoba please, I really…we really didn’t get along well when I was doing my surgery rotation…” –softly pleaded the young student as she got dressed.

“Nope, don’t worry…I’m sending you to…yes, here she is…Goodfellow!”

“Who?”

“Karen Goodfellow. She’s new, nice and most importantly, very competent…”

Coburn handed Abby a referral note and smiled sympathetically. “Here you go…and Abs..?”

“I haven’t, don’t worry Janet…”-answered the student referring to her alcoholism.

The older woman smiled and nodded. “Where is Kerry…If you don’t mind me asking?”

Abby sat down on the stool and rubbed her forehead slowly. “I have no idea, Janet. Somewhere in California spending some time with her ex-lover Dr Legaspi..? I really don’t know…”

Coburn’s face turned into a mask of disbelief. “You are not referring to…”

“Yup I am…Good, old Kim Legaspi…–said Abigail with a forced smirk and a satirical tone-…Psychiatrist and Lesbian extraordinaire…” –added the younger woman with a sneer.

“I never knew…Wow!”

“No one knew…I mean, of course, I knew after I got together with Kerry…she told me about Kim but…not back then no…no one did…”

“But…how did that happen…Kerry…She just left you? Just like that?”

“No…I…sort of screwed things over…”

Janet stood up and placed her hand on Abigail’s shoulder. “You want to talk about it or you rather not?”

Abby looked up and shook her head silently. 

“No problem. You know where I am if you need me…”

Abigail just nodded. Walking to the door, she turned around and softly said, “Thank you Jan…”

“Anytime Abs…and Abby?”

“Yeah..?”

“Remember that time we had that conversation about your alcoholism and the chances we deserve..?”

“Uh…vaguely…”

“We deserve as many chances we need so…if you really screwed this one over…”

The younger woman just nodded with teary eyes. Smiling shyly, she waved and left.

She rinsed the last plate and placed it carefully on the stainless steel dish drainer which by now, was full of plates, pots, pans and glasses. With a clean kitchen towel, she wiped her hands and turned off the tap, realizing at that very moment that the whole house was very quiet.

Turning off the kitchen light, she locked the back door and headed towards the family room where the TV was on but muted. Leaning over the sofa she found both Kim and Chester asleep.

Getting a hold of the remote, Kerry turned the TV set off and sat across the sofa facing the sleeping forms. Sighing deeply, the redhead unthreaded her crutch and leaned back exhausted; what a roller coaster of a day it had been she thought but at least now, all was quiet. Kim was sprawled on the couch in her sweatshirt and pyjama bottoms and for the first time since that fateful day she showed up in Kerry’s office, her face displayed some resemblance of serenity. Kerry –for the second time in the day- stood up from her chair and sat next to the sleeping form and watched her intently. She let her eyes meander over the silky blonde hair; the minute blue capillaries that formed a fine mesh covering her pink eyelids, the lush, golden eyelashes. She couldn’t help herself; she had to feel. With the lightest of touches, Kerry ran her fingertips over the sleeping woman’s forehead feeling the tiny hairs, the smallest crevices and the softness and warmth of that skin. She leaned over and inhaled deeply. With her eyes closed, Kerry smiled and recognized the woman in front of her. She recalled that sometime in the distant past, having that being in her life was for her a greater feat than any professional milestone she had ever achieved. 

The blonde stirred a bit and moaned softly. Kerry waited for a minute and continued her ministrations which were aimed to amuse herself rather than for Kim’s benefit or wellbeing. Kerry needed to reacquaint herself with those crooks and crannies, the wrinkles and freckles; the questions and the answers. She needed to remember sayings and beliefs; points of views and creeds. Most of what she had forgotten was non-sexual in fashion because the sex…The sex was never forgotten. But sighing deeply Kerry also understood that only time would provide the opportunities to reclaim what was once lost. Breathing deeply she hovered over Kim and rained small, feather-like kisses until the younger woman rose from her sleep.

“I guess I fell asleep…I’m sorry…”

Gently caressing Kim’s face, Kerry smiled tenderly “No hun, no need to apologize…it’s been a long day…”

Kim leaned onto the caress, closed her eyes and grabbed Kerry’s hand, “Please don’t stop…”

“I’m not planning to…”

“Sleep with me tonight Ker, please…” asked the blonde opening her eyes. “I need your arms around me…I don’t mean-“

“I know what you mean Kimmy…”

“Please…”- implored the younger woman in a soft voice- “I’ve missed you for so long…I’ve missed you so much…”

And Kerry’s heart broke a little bit more. Just as it had early that morning and again, a few hours before; it just cracked further down. Scooping her ex-lover Kerry hugged Kim tightly against her and rocked her gently as if rocking a baby, “Of course my love…of course…”

[End of Chapter 26]


	27. My Heart Upon My Sleeve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine   
Chapter 27  
My heart upon my sleeve

She closed the chart and placed it back on the cart. Sitting on the stool, she keyed in her code and accessed the hospital’s internet portal and from there it was just a click to Medscape. She had spent a good part of her day trying to figure out what was the origin of the severe rash Mrs Cohen showed almost everywhere on her body and nothing was yielding anything…Could it be Rowell’s syndrome?

And then it started.

It was a sensation she could only describe as severe pressure on the upper abdomen, combined with a rush of saliva to her mouth and sudden and violent nausea. The first time the sensation made her bent over and after a few seconds, she was able to stand upright. 

The second time, however, she couldn’t.

“Abby, you’re okay? Oh my god..!” –said Chuny who rapidly tried to assist her handing her an emesis basin. 

And it came just in time. The young med student vomited several times until exhausted, felt the retching subside and whispering, asked the nurse for some moist wipes to clean herself. Once finished she remained motionless leaning against the edge of the counter, sweating and feeling generally miserable. Finally, Susan came over.

“What happened?” –she asked Chuny as she motioned for Abby to be taken to an examination room. Immediately Abigail protested, “I’m fine, I’m fine…it was just a little vomit…”

Susan completely ignored her younger colleague’s words and nodded as Malik carried Abigail to Curtain One. Once there, he placed the pale woman on the gurney, closed the privacy curtains and left. Susan was already taking Abby’s pulse as Chuny was assessing other vitals.

“BP is 80 over 60, Pulse Ox is 83-90…” –said Chuny.

“Oxygen at 6 litres per minute on can and 2 of norepi…” –said Susan as she extended her arm waiting for the oxygen nasal cannula so she could put it on, Abby. Once that was done and the medicine was in Abigail’s body, the levels on the monitor’s screen started to shift to normal values.

“Okay…okay…good…” –whispered the Attending as she stared at the monitor. She finally turned her attention to her friend. “How are you feeling Abs..?”

The brunette half-opened her eyes and shook her head. Her throat felt hoarse and the taste in her mouth was almost unbearable. With a whisper, she asked for some water.

“Of course…” –answered Susan. “Stay there, Chuny will get it for you. I’ll come over to check up on you in a bit, okay?”

Abby just nodded and closed her tired eyes.

On the west coast, a new day was dawning. Kim turned around and found Kerry deep in her sleep, slightly snoring. She touched her gently on her left arm and the redhead turned to her left side, facing away from Kim. A this the blonde smiled in awe; the little trick of many years ago, still worked. Slowly she got closer to Kerry and kissed her tenderly on the shoulder. “I love you Kerry Weaver…” –she whispered and turned around, she got off the bed.

Half an hour later the psychiatrist emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and ready for the day. She checked on Kerry who was still asleep and headed downstairs. 

When the redhead finally awoke she sat on the bed and looked through the window to the outside yard; there, in shorts and an old t-shirt, was her ex-lover playing with her dog and talking on the phone at the same time.

“So she said that, really? Oooh..cool!..”

The blonde nodded and smiled at the phone once again. “So when does she want me there..?”

Kerry concluded Kim was talking about some work-related matter and stretching; she stood up and headed to the bathroom to shower and finally, start the day. 

Abigail woke up disoriented. Turning around she quickly remembered what had happened and felt annoyed that everyone had made such big fuzz for nothing. Slowly she sat down at the edge of the gurney and took off the nasal cannula, the pulse ox meter and the blood pressure cuff being careful to turn off the monitors first. Luckily she was not undressed and all she needed to do was to put her shoes on and get back to work.

When she stepped out of Curtain One, Susan stopped her on her tracks.

“And what the hell are you doing up..?”

Abby looked at her friend and almost chuckled. “Come on Susan…Stop it…It’s not like I was crashing…”

Susan inhaled deeply, buying some time. “No Abby it’s true, you were not crashing. But your BP was quite lower than what it should have been after simple vomiting so…either…-Susan held Abby by the arm and led her outside where she spoke in a much lower voice- ...either you and Kerry are trying for a baby and you are pregnant or something else is going on. If so, you should tell me…”

Abigail did not know whether to laugh or cry. “Pregnant? Uh…Nope…definitely not that…” –said the young student in a very sarcastic tone. 

Susan knelt in front of Abby who had let herself slump on the outside bench as her eyes welled up. “She still hasn’t called..?” 

Abby, allowing her tears to run freely one more time just shook her head.

“Oh, Abs…then…something is wrong with you…”

Abby shrugged. “I don’t care at this point… –she added wiping the tears off her face- ...I really don’t give a shit…”

Kerry waved through the French doors and Kim nodded, smiling at her. The psychiatrist said her goodbyes on the phone and quickly stepped inside.

“Good morning sleepy head… –she said before kissing Kerry on the crown of her head- …you look like you slept well, uh?”

“I’m sorry…I can’t believe I slept so much…”

“It’s okay…no problem…It gave me time to do some things…”

“Yeah…that was work..?” –asked the redhead casually.

“This last call? Yes! Guess what?”-asked the blonde wiggling her eyebrows in a rather comical fashion.

“What?”-asked Kerry stifling a burst of laughter.

“I…Dr. Kimberly Patricia Legaspi, only daughter of Iker and Patricia Legaspi...-paused Kim to inhale-...have been selected for a 10-week research program in Boston with non-other than the fabulous Dr Joyce Levy!”

Kerry bit her bottom lip and unconsciously made a face that revealed her utter ignorance about who this “fabulous” doctor was. 

“You don’t know who Dr. Levy is, right..?”

Kerry smiled awkwardly “Nope… I’m sorry…”

Kim smiled, cupped Kerry’s face and leaned over. “May I..?” -she asked hesitantly.

“Please…”-whispered the smaller woman.

And Kim brushed her lips against Kerry’s very softly and tenderly, “Why are you this cute..?”

Kerry blushed and tilted her head. “Because God made me that way..?”

Kim chuckled and gently stroke Kerry’s cheek. “Dr. Levy is one of the world’s authorities on personality disorders and she chose me -along with 4 other psychiatrists- to form her team of researchers for a new study. I applied for that a year ago…and I got it! I got it!”

“Oh my god Kim…that’s excellent sweetie…” –whispered Kerry as she hugged the blonde.

But the hug didn’t last long. Kim separated herself from the redhead and started talking again. “I have a surprise for you…”

“Really..?” –asked Kerry arching an eyebrow. “And what could that possibly be..?”

Kim laced her long and lean arms around the redhead’s waist and pulled her closer. 

“When was the last time you went to a spa..?”-asked the blonde in a rather seductive way as she kissed Kerry’s neck right underneath the ear.

Kerry brought her arms around Kim’s neck and looked up. “Uh...I don’t know…About 44 years ago..?”

“You’ve never been to a spa?” –asked Kim wide-eyed.

“Uh…nope…you never took me to one…”-whispered Kerry who decided that she too could play the game of subdued seduction her companion was discreetly starting and bringing her right hand to the back of Kim’s neck, started to massage her scalp.

“True…uh…-moaned Kim very softly- ...I’d forgotten how good that felt…”

Kerry applied a bit more force to her fingers. “So…you’re taking me to a spa...or do I need to coax you a bit more..?”

Kim let her head drop and leant onto Kerry’s caressing hand. “Oh god...uh…”

Kerry chuckled and leaned to kiss Kim’s long and exposed neck. “I think you…-she kissed her lightly- …are taking me…-then she let her teeth rasp against the skin- …to this spa…”-and finally closed her lips and sucked the flesh lightly.

“Shit…”-groaned Kim who coming to her senses, grabbed Kerry’s face between her hands and crushed their lips together in a heated and searing kiss that had nothing of the tenderness she was capable of. 

“Oh god…–whispered the redhead-...come with me…” –she added as she tugged Kim to the sofa, forced her to sit down and straddled her in one fluid motion.

Kim followed suit as if it the last time they had made love had been a couple of days ago. The moment she felt Kerry straddling her thighs Kim grabbed the redhead by her soft but firm buttocks and pulled her towards her. “Better…-moaned the blonde as she worked on the buttons of Kerry’s shirt- …yes…much better...”

Kerry searched for Kim’s mouth again and took command of the situation by kissing the blonde quite passionately. Kim moaned loudly as Kerry’s tongue moved inside her mouth and her own hands became re-acquainted with that flesh she had so desired. 

Kerry allowed the exquisite sensation to take over her. It had been so long since she had felt Kim, heard Kim, and seen Kim make love to her. 

“Kim...”-whispered the older woman with some effort.

“Yes, my love..?”

“Take me…”

Kim nodded with darkened eyes and a flushed face. She held Kerry close to her and turning them around, laid the smaller woman of the sofa. Her initial intention was to entice her lover a while longer to make that first encounter more memorable but her body yearned to touch Kerry’s so she lay on top of the redhead who immediately engulfed her in a tight embraced and reclaimed her mouth in a deep kiss. 

That night in bed as she spooned Kerry who snored in peace, Kim remembered how she felt unable -the moment she laid on top of Kerry- to stop herself from reclaiming that body as her own property. Perhaps –she thought- she had been a bit rougher than she had intended or perhaps the whole thing had been too rushed. But the encounter had been inevitable.

The redhead stirred a bit turning around and nestling herself in the crook of the blonde woman’s neck. Kim looked down and smiled tenderly, kissing the ruffled hairs from Kerry’s crown. Letting her head drop back on her pillow, the blonde stared through the window to the distant bay and the lights of the Golden Gate Bridge and sighed.

Something had been off.

Somehow they had managed to frantically discard their clothes and had made love right there on the sofa. It had been Kim who had brought them both to a very intense and vocal orgasm that had left them spent, sweaty and somewhat satisfied. After a few minutes of kisses and whispers, Kerry had asked to stand up and had disappeared into the bathroom. 

And Kim had been left by herself sitting on the sofa wondering what was supposed to come next. A few minutes later when the blonde heard the water running in the shower, she realized that –at least for now- nothing else was to come next.

The two women entered the brownstone in silence. Abby shed her coat and took Susan’s and placed them both on the closet nearby. She then turned around and switched on the lamp on the console table.

“Better with light…-said the student-…thank you for coming over, Susan…”

“Oh Abs…don’t worry…Chuck and Cosmo are visiting his mother in Ohio…I literally had nothing better to do and a girls’ night out sounded…tempting…” –answered the blonde with a warm smile. “Plus…-she added- ...it is a rare opportunity to enter the Chief’s private domains…”

“Oh stop that…you make it sound she’s some sort of weirdo or something…plus you were here the other night…”

Susan just turned around and arched an eyebrow, “...and she’s not...weird..?”

“No…come on…in case you’ve forgotten Susan…you’re talking about my wife…” – and her smile was immediately erased. “Well at least for now...she hasn’t divorced me yet…”

And Susan felt sorry for having made such a horrible comment. “You’re right…I’m sorry Abs…I shouldn’t have said that. But one thing is true though…I was always curious about Kerry…”

As they walked towards the kitchen, Abby picked up the conversation; she found it odd that people thought such strange things about the woman she loved above all else.   
“Curious? But why..? I mean, she’s just a regular person...”

Susan sat on the stool by the kitchen island. “Come on Abby…Kerry was never been ‘one of the girls’ ...and I’m not referring to her being gay either...”

Abby took two bottles of beer out of the fridge, opened them up and handed one to Susan who looked surprised. “It’s non-alcoholic beer Susan...-said Abby answering Susan unspoken question-...want to sit outside..?”

The women moved along the corridor underneath the stairs when something caught Susan’s attention.

“Wow! When was that..?”

Abby smiled despondently staring at a framed photograph. “That is the day we went to the County Court to file for our Domestic Partnership..." -she inhaled sharply and whispered- "...the day we got married...” 

Susan turned with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry...”

Abby stared at the picture for a bit longer and wiped an errant tear. “Don’t be...I was very happy that day...”

They finally made it to the backyard deck just as the last rays of sun painted the horizon. 

“Oh this is so nice...” 

“Yeah...Kerry designed the whole thing...”

Susan smirked and took a sip of her beer. “Why is it that I’m not surprised about that..?”

Abby –despite herself- felt proud of Kerry.

Susan got all serious and moved closer to the young student. 

“Abby really... Why Kerry? I know you’ll probably think I’m a bitch for asking that but... I just never quite understood...”

“And you think the rest of us understand why you chose Chuck..?”-asked the brunette sarcastically. 

Susan opened her mouth as to say something and just laughed wholeheartedly. “Okay, Abby...Touché!”-added the Attending.

Abby sighed deeply, took another sip of her drink and looked at the darkening sky. “She makes me feel like I matter...I never quite had that before...”

Susan nodded silently prompting Abigail to continue.

“When I first met Kerry I was kind of fascinated. No one was like her Susan. I saw Kerry do things that were almost impossible simply because she knew more, she studied more, she...I don’t know...because she could...”

”So you fell in love with the woman because she was a good doctor..?”

Abby glared and Susan kept quiet.

“I guess I was always drawn to her because she was different and she never pretended to be like the rest...she never tried to be –like you said, one of the girls-...and that drew me to her...”

“But why I mean, what was so great about being different..?”

“There’s nothing great in being different in itself Susan...I just...I know what it feels to be different...to be on the outside...” 

“You? When have you been different..?”

Abby turned around, picked up her pack of cigarettes, lit one up and inhaled deeply. 

“I have always been different Susan. I grew up with a bipolar mother, a little brother whom I had to take care of and a father who disappeared when things got rough. I didn’t have the luxury of not thinking or not caring...I had to get things done...”

Susan looked perplexed. Abby picked up on that and motioned to continue.

“Maggie wasn’t always ill. She would comply with the meds for months and then, for some odd reason, get off them. It wasn’t automatic. I mean, it wasn’t like she would get off them one day and the next she’d be flipping out, no. It was hard to predict actually, so it made it really hard for me because I couldn’t know in advance how the next day was going to be. So I had to be prepared...”

“Prepared for what, you were just a child...what could you possibly have done?”

Abby smirked. “Prepared to wash our clothes and call our grandma and roam around the neighbourhood at night looking for food...”

“And how did you look for food Abby, in the garbage bins?”

Abigail cleared her throat willing away impending tears. “Actually, yes...”

Susan felt embarrassed and mortified; she would have never guessed that her idle words could actually be true. “I would have never thought...”

Abby took a long drag of her cigarette and just waved away Susan’s concerns. “So...like I said...I know what it is to be different, to be on the outside...I just couldn’t finish school and hang out at the mall or go to the movies or make out with Michael O’Brien no. Instead of that, I had to pick up Eric and take him home and make sure he had clean clothes and that Mom was safe and that we had something to eat before going to bed...”

By now, the conversation had turned into something Susan no longer joked about. While she knew about Maggie’s bipolar disorder it never occurred to her what that had actually meant for her friend’s life as she was growing up. She always thought they had had some sort of help from someone; their relatives, the government...friends. It never occurred to her that Abby had gone through such hardship.

“So when I first met her Susan, Kerry seemed like the one that had made it. To me she was the one odd case that had made a mark despite her differences...actually now that I think about it... probably...because of them...”

“So...you sort of felt like you understood her...”

“It was actually more than that. When you are not like everyone else two things happen; people behave differently towards you and you learn to deal with things on your own because most people around do not...or I should say...cannot understand you. I dealt with the first one more as a child and a teenager; once I left home I was just pretty much like everyone else because there wasn’t –you know- the crazy Mom thing to deal with...”

“Except when she shows up at the ER unexpectedly...”

Abby smirked. “Uh...yeah...”

“I’m sorry...go on Abs...”

“But the second thing...that’s the one that united me to her. We never talked about it until we first started to become friends... we did have various conversations about how was it that we always –somehow- gravitated to each other. It started right from the start...somehow...we would always find each other talking on the lounge, at Doc Magoo’s, on the L train...briefly you know, nothing major but...it always felt like if we knew beforehand that the other would understand...it was uncanny...”

“You mean you guys were like friends from the beginning..?”

“No...We weren’t friends...you and I have been friends...no...It was something else...I don’t even know how to explain it...Like I knew her and she knew me...”

“So...-interrupted Susan-...when you first started to become friends...”

“Uh-huh..?”

“This thing you guys had which no one knew about...became stronger, that’s it?”

“Yeah...Kerry was the first one to bring it out in the conversation and from then on, we felt even more at ease with each other...”

The brunette went quiet and stared at the sky already showing the first stars and a full moon. Susan looked at her and pressed on. “Okay Abs but...how do you jump from being friends to being a couple? I mean...I have tried to understand this from the beginning and I still...It’s different with a guy... but with a woman..?”

“I don’t know Susan... I guess like all couples in the world do? One morning you wake up and you start feeling things that weren’t there the day before...”

“Yeah...you’re right I guess...”-added the blonde.

“With Ker...-went on the nurse who inadvertently had used the pet name she had for her lover. Susan noticed, found it endearing but said nothing- ...I remember the first time I noticed things were changing...It was one day she didn’t go to work and man, that felt like a such a looooong day...I missed her so much I bought her a plant and left it at her office...-Abby stopped and covered her face with her hands-...God, I was such a dork!”

“Aaaawwww Abs...That was so sweet...”-said Susan wholeheartedly.

Abigail uncovered her face to reveal a crimson blush. “The second time was even worse...”

“Why, you brought her a puppy?”

Abby smirked. “Funny...”

“Sorry...why was it worse..?”

“Because...-snickered Abby-...I played the jealous, hurt, drama queen...”

“No...”

“Yeah...”

“How?”

“We went out to a gay bar...my suggestion by the way...and she started checking women out and I...uh...I hated it, I felt ignored and soooo jealous...and to top it all...I left! I left her there by herself...”

“Oh no, you didn’t...”

“Oh yes I did...by the time I got inside the cab outside the bar, I knew I had fallen for her...I, of course, I tried to fight it, deny it, suppress it, repress it but at the end...uh...I gave in...”

"And who made the first move, you or her?”

“We sort of both did. Few days later, she asked me to go to her home saying that we needed “to have a talk”...I got nervous but in a way, I was hoping that it would give me the chance to say something... and then she started to talk and was all troubled and nervous...repeating herself and stuttering and looking so afraid...and I knew...I knew what she wanted to say...”

“So you said it first...”

“Exactly...” –said the nurse wiping another tear that had shown up out of nowhere.

“Uh...okay...I have to ask though...you do understand that I have to ask, right..?”

Abby smirked at her friend. “Let me put you out of your misery Susan...I have never, ever had sex this good before, okay? Happy now, dear?”

Susan wasn’t expecting such answer and found herself out of words. Abby looked at her and laughed loudly. “That shut your mouth...”

However, Abby’s laughter was short-lived as her memory quickly brought her to the last time she and Kerry had made love and all the days that had gone by since she had seen her and unexpectedly, her eyes filled with tears. “God...I miss her so much...”   
–whispered the student leaning back against the column and closing her eyes letting her feelings flow freely.

And that night, like every night since Kerry had left, the young student prayed for a miracle to happen.

But that night –like every night since Kerry had left- she fell asleep thinking that God was obviously too busy to listen to her prayers.

[End of Chapter 27]


	28. A Daniel Come To Judgment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 28  
A Daniel Come to Judgment

As soon as she turned off the water tap she knew that Kim was playing. In a rather odd way, she felt relieved; at least an argument didn’t seem probable. She felt guilty for not having been able to feel or behave the way Kim had expected her to do but she just couldn’t bring herself to offer more.

Limping she moved across the room until she caught a glimpse of Kim through the open door. Kimberly was seated by the piano letting her fingers linger on the keyboard. The redhead stopped to watch as the younger woman smiled secretly as if remembering some naughty memory that only the instrument knew. And smiling still, she closed her eyes and started to play again.

The notes filled the house. One sound, two, three. The melody was simple yet catching, compelling. Kim played with her eyes closed while her fingers caressed the ivory keys gracefully, yet with some force. When that piece was over it was followed by a couple of small, really short Mozart sonatas that Kerry recognized immediately and marvelled at Kim’s execution.

The redhead watched in rapture and not wanting to disturb, walked slowly towards Kim and gazed in silence. Soon the sonatas were over and the blonde went back to play the initial tune.

Kim seemed to have gone somewhere else, away from their immediate reality. She swayed slowly in a movement that reminded Kerry of Ray Charles. The redhead grinned and was about to giggle when the psychiatrist broke the spell.

“My piano teacher used to say that I moved like Ray Charles…-Kerry perplexed was about to talk when the blonde interrupted-...don't look so surprised my love, I know the way your mind works…”

“Kim, I’m…phffft…uh…wow…I…”

“Never suspected I’d played like this..? Most people don’t…But thank you...”

“It’s beautiful…”

Still playing the same melody Kim smirked and chuckled a bit. “It gets better…”

“What do you mean..?”

“This piece..? The one I’m playing..?”

“Yes..?”

“It’s uh…I composed it...”

“Really?”

“Uh, hum...-nodded the blonde who sharply took in some air-...for you…”

Kerry found herself at loss for words. 

“Yup… It was called ‘Kerry’s theme’ originally but I changed it just in case you ever heard it by mistake…I didn’t want you to know…Now it’s called ‘Mine’...”

“Oh Kim…”

“It’s a story… or I should say, *the* story of us…”

“Uh..?”

“Yes...music can be used to tell a story too...”

“I know that Kim but...”

“Listen…this is the beginning…we were meeting each other…”

“Kim…”

“Shsss…listen…this is me...-she paused and smiled-... courting you, see how it gets more complicated..? And hear this...-she played some more bars- ...this is you...responding to me despite yourself...-she chuckled- ...and this is us…together…”

The music had progressed from a simple straight forward melody repeated in different octaves to a more elaborate piece with different harmonies interacting with the same single, simple tune. Kerry was in awe. Kim was delighted.

“And this is our explosion…the perfection of us…”

And then the expression on the blonde’s face turned bleak as the melody became less cheerful and suddenly, quite simple again.

“And this is our decline…our end…See how the two melodies sort of disintegrate into none? Like us…”

Kerry motioned to sit down next to Kim and the blonde moved a bit to allow it. She continued playing trying very hard to change the mood left by her last words.

“But the truth is Kim...we didn’t disintegrate. I am here and so are you...”

The psychiatrist smirked discreetly, closed her eyes and ignored Kerry’s last comment. After playing a few more bars, she simply said, “Not yet Kerry...not yet...”

It’s been said that major changes take only seconds to begin. 

The second alarm went off at 5:30 am. Abby stirred immediately, turned the alarm off and then stretched just a bit to turn on the night table lamp. She yawned widely and rubbed her eyes trying to will away her tiredness. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked outside through the blinds she had forgotten to close the night before, taking notice of the twinkling lights on the other side of the river, against the dark background sky.

Her eyes fluttered again for a few minutes only to focus again on the framed photograph next to the lamp on the table. She reached over and brought it closer at the same time wiping off some dust that had gathered on the glass in an almost unconscious gesture of preservation. 

The picture had been taken by Chuck, Susan’s husband and it showed them –Abby and Kerry- kissing goodbye before one of Kerry’s many business trips. Chuck and Susan had invited a group of people from the ER for Sunday Brunch and everyone was gathered around in the back garden having a good time. Around 1 pm Kerry stood up and went to look for the hosts to say goodbye. Abby was taking Kerry’s suitcase out of the trunk of their car when the redhead finally showed up on the driveway just as her taxi was approaching. The driver got off the car and took the suitcase from Abby who turned to say goodbye to their boss.

“You have everything you need Ker..?” –said Abby very quietly.

Kerry smiled softly and put her arms around the brunette’s waist. “Yes, my love...”

Abby nodded and buried her face on Kerry’s shoulder, silent.

“I’ll be fine darling...-said the redhead kissing her lover’s hair and hugging her tighter-...go on babe...-Kerry kissed Abby’s head again-...go on...Cosmo is waiting for you...”

Abby looked up and turned around to see Susan and the baby smiling. She kissed Kerry on the cheek and peeling herself from her lover, she walked the short distance towards her friend.

“Go ahead Abs...You know you want to kiss her...”-said the attending when the brunette approached her. Neela, Michael, Sam and Chuny were also there. “Yeah Abby...-said Sam-...go ahead...”

And Abby on an impulse, shouted for Kerry to wait for her. She hopped quickly to where the redhead was standing, leaned close to her lover, cupped her face with her right hand and kissed her on the lips. Kerry responded quickly and eagerly.

“I couldn’t let you go without kissing you goodbye...”-whispered Abigail.

“Thank you my love...” –muttered Kerry, smiling. 

Three days later when Kerry was back home, she discovered the picture all framed and on display right there on the night table.

“Oh my god...Abby! What the hell..?”

Abigail who knew what had caused such reaction was leaning on the door frame of their bedroom door. “I think it came out rather well, actually...”-said with a loving smirk.

“Who did this..?” –asked the older woman with a thread of panic on her voice.

“Chuck...”

“So nobody’s seen it..?”

Abby walked slowly, hugged Kerry from behind and rested her chin on Kerry’s shoulder. “Oh, no...everyone’s seen it...even Anspaugh...”

“Oh no...”

“Oh yes...he even said that I must be a very special woman to have you love me...”

“No, he didn’t...Abby!”

“Yup...you can ask Susan if you don’t believe me...”

Kerry turned around and sat at the edge of their bed with a caring look on her face. Abigail noticed, squatted in front of her lover, caressed her face and tucked a loose strand of strawberry hair. “You okay..?”

The older woman sighed heavily and a half-smile crept on her lips. With a trembling voice, she quietly mumbled, “Thank you...” and pulled the brunette for a soulful kiss that tasted of love, and longing, and gratitude and lust and need.

At the memory, Abigail closed her eyes and literally felt physical pain in the middle of her chest. She’d describe it later as being stabbed on the sternum; as if her soul, tired of aching for so long, had just started to shout loudly, mournfully. She took the frame and pressed it to her chest and waves of sorrow overtook her; once, twice, three times preventing her from doing anything but clench that picture and sob desperately as if the pain was this endless pit with no visible bottom. 

A whole hour went by. At around 6:45 am, Abby calmed down a bit but realized that she had no will to move, much less go to work. She quickly grabbed her cell and called Pratt who just as she had expected, told her to stay home.

She hung up and sitting at the edge of the bed, Abigail sighed deeply. She felt lonelier than ever before but mostly, she felt no hope for anything to get better...ever. She slumped onto the bed and started to sob again, quietly, almost ashamed of making noises that no one would hear. A short while after, the young nurse fell asleep once again.

Kim inhaled deeply taking in a blend of seaweed, salt and a nice smell of citrus oil which came from the thick paste the attendant was applying against the psychiatrist’s golden skin. Closing her eyes, the blonde focused her attention on the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks underneath while she felt the breeze blowing gently against her forehead. 

The pair had finally made it to the spa the following morning. Kim’s original idea was to spend the whole weekend but decided to pay the extra fee that would allow her to check out at an earlier date if things with Kerry didn’t get any better. 

And honestly, Kim really did not think they were going to improve.

The night before after playing her beloved piano some more, the blonde went upstairs taking advantage of Kerry disappearing into her bedroom. When the redhead went upstairs she found Kim asleep in the middle of her bed and after kissing her on the forehead, Kerry went back to her room. The moment Kim heard Kerry’s door close behind her, the psychiatrist opened her eyes; she just pretended to be asleep so Kerry wouldn’t feel forced to sleep with the blonde. Quietly, Kim changed into her pyjamas, lay on her bed and cried for a while before fallings asleep; the dream that had sustained her for so long it was –unbelievably- almost over. 

“Oh god, Kim...this is heaven...”

Kerry’s voice interrupted Kim’s concentration on the sound of the waves. “Yeah...it is...”-said the blonde with a faint smile on her lips. 

“You okay..? You’ve been awfully quiet today...”-asked the redhead raising her head and extending her right hand with the intention to grab Kim’s. The blonde who got a glimpse of Kerry’s hand approaching her closed her eyes and turned her head the other way again, pretending to be looking elsewhere.

“Have I..? No...I’m fine Ker...”-lied the psychiatrist who had decided not to confront.

“You can’t keep avoiding me forever, Kim...”

“I’m not avoiding you, Kerry...What on earth gave you that idea..?” –asked the younger woman with a grin on her face secretly marvelling at her own acting abilities.

When the massage was over, the two women were taken to a hot tub filled to the rim with marine water.

Kim’s neck rested on the edge of the tub while the rest of her body was immersed on the fast-moving pool of water. 

“Dr. Legaspi..?” –asked the young attendant.

Kim opened her eyes. “Yes..?”

“I’m leaving the loofah, the essential oils, the marine mix and some more towels in here...-said the young woman pointing at a wooden cabinet-...so if you do not need anything else, I shall be going then...”

“Kerry...do you need anything else, a drink perhaps..?”

“Uh...do you have any more of that fruity thing..?”

“Yes, of course...would you like some more as well, Dr. Legaspi..?”

“Yes please, Rosie...”

The attendant disappeared for no more than a minute and came back with two big glasses of a Fruit juice mix freshly prepared which she placed next to each of the women.

“Anything else ladies..?”

Both women looked at each other and in tacit understanding thanked the attendant. Whatever else they both needed at that moment, the young woman could not provide.

“Alright... Thank you very much ladies...Enjoy the rest of your stay...Bye...”

Both Kerry and Kim said goodbye at the same time and fell quiet for a minute or so. The truth was simple; both of them feel quite uncomfortable ever since they had made love no more than 24 hours before. Kerry wanted to show her affection for Kim but she did not think she could bring herself to be sexual again with the blonde. After all that she had lived; the loneliness that followed their messy break-up; the guilt and the self-deprecation that tormented her; the failed attempt with Sandy and finally, the bliss, the delight, the contentment and the absolute rapture she had felt thanks to Abigail, made the thought of sex with Kim...improbable.

However though, she still felt drawn to Kimberly, intoxicated...besotted.

Kim, on the other hand, felt that the sex had not only progressed too fast but it had pushed the redhead who felt forced to engage in it. So in conclusion, they both felt awkward and unable to bridge the increasing emotional distance that was slowly building between them. 

Despite that, Kerry made another attempt to get close –somehow- to Kimberly. 

Taking off her sunglasses and having a sip of the fruit juice, she closed the short distance between herself and the blonde and leaning onto her, she kissed her softly on the lips.

“Mmm...-hummed the blonde-...that was nice...”

“Yes...”-whispered the redhead who resumed her tender ministrations.

The truth was Kerry loved kissing Kim and that was one thing she didn’t feel terribly guilty about. Kissing Kim felt like going back to a well-known place that some part of her soul had never quite left behind. So as long as the connection was limited to their lips moving and caressing each other, the older woman was more than happy to oblige. 

They kissed a bit longer until Kim, suddenly, disentangled herself from the redhead.

“I’m sorry Ker...-said the psychiatrist almost heaving- ...it’s too much for me...”

And immediately after, Kim stepped out of the tub and disappeared into the large bathroom of the suite the pair was staying in.

Half an hour later, the blonde came out to the terrace, fully dressed and apparently, ready to head out.

“I’m sorry...I got to go...”

“Where are you going..? –asked the redhead surprised at Kim’s words.

Kim paused not sure of where she was going. “I don’t know...out...just for a little while...”

Kerry felt guilt-ridden. With compassion, she looked up to where the blonde was standing and softly whispered, “...I’m sorry...it was supposed to be different...”

The blonde sighed. Lots of things were supposed to be different thought the psychiatrist who was using almost all her psychological resources to stay calm and not break down again. 

“I know that I am not giving you what you need...what you want...”

Kim just wanted to run fast, away from that terrace, that luxurious hotel room, that town she actually loved so much. She would have given anything to have been able to fly, to disappear. She closed her eyes for a second and breathed in deeply trying to remember her father’s words taken from a Basque proverb, ‘...Igaroa, igaro...the past has passed...’

Kerry got out of the tub and put on the robe that she had left earlier on one of the lounger chairs. She closed the distance and cupped Kim’s face with her hands. “But I’m still someone that loves you...”

The psychiatrist smirked; her sadness prevented her from expressing the gratitude she was indeed feeling albeit laced with anger, frustration, rejection and a myriad of other feelings. Holding Kerry’s hands she brought them to her mouth and gently kissed the fingers. “I got to go...I’ll see you later...”-she whispered.

And kissing those hands once again, she turned around and left. 

Around 2 o’clock in the afternoon, Abby woke up for the second time that day. It was already afternoon and she realized that she had really spent a lot more time in bed that she had originally planned. She yawned and stretched her limbs, coming across the picture that had brought so much grief earlier on. With care, she wiped the frame and placed it again on the night table -where it belonged- and with a full bladder, she had no other choice but to get out of bed and at least, go to the bathroom.

Sitting on the toilet, she yawned again and raising her sad, brown eyes she noticed that two plants that Kerry kept on the window sill had died. After flushing the toilet and washing her hands, the nurse picked up the dead plants and threw them on the bin. Exhaling, she looked at herself in the mirror. “Crap...I look like shit...” –whispered the brunette to herself as she observed the puffy bags under the eyes, the darkness covering the eyes lids, the open pores and the dullness of her skin; like if her body had decided to bear on its exterior, the impossible ache her heart carried inside.

She brushed her teeth and washed her face all the time thinking about what to do next. The rotations were over and all it was left to complete was the Boards but the much dreaded nine-hour test was not to take place for another three months. 

So...What now?

Kerry was gone. Her wife was gone. For the last three weeks Abby had not seen her wife, had not heard her wife’s voice, had not touched her wife and those very simple facts hid a very simple but shattering truth...it was over...the dream was over...they were over. It was bizarre, absurd, illogical and sordid and unfortunately, it was also impossibly...true.

And while Abby had every right to protest and rebel against reality, she realized she had no way of altering what was happening. Soon her life would change again. Soon she would have to leave this house behind, this life, this love she felt...even the ring she still wore. Soon, none of that she took for granted perhaps more times than she should have, would be hers to forget again. The irony of it all thought the student. Sighing, she turned on the shower tap and headed to the walk-in closet. She opened one of her drawers and watched the neat rows of panties and brassieres she owned and grinned sarcastically; how quickly she had gotten used to Kerry’s neatness that she herself had become somewhat neat and precise.

The brunette grabbed a matching pair of panties and bra and went back to the bathroom. Minutes later, warm water rippled down her small body along with some more unshed tears.

Two hours later, she looked around the kitchen and the adjacent family room and all seemed in order; no old scattered newspapers and magazines, no dirty socks or old sneakers. She then went onto the lounge and the dining room and except for a bit of dust covering the wooden table, all was the way it should.

She pouted and sighed, deeply disheartened. She had packed two of her large suitcases and her trunk and had left only a small fraction of clothes in preparation for whatever would happen in the next few days. She had also packed a couple of boxes full of books, pictures, mementoes, music CDs, DVDs and other accessories and had already placed them by the back door.

Looking around, making sure all was in order, she felt almost like a thief covering evidence; as if she suddenly needed to erase any evidence of her life, of her presence in that house. 

Minutes later, the brunette took her car keys and left the Brownstone on her way to the hospital.

Three hours later, Abigail sat down on the floor of the family room, eating pizza and watching old episodes of “Friends”. She had stopped by the pizza place after having signed up for Transport Duty for the next 7 days at the hospital. Susan had tried her best to convince the student to stay home, rest and enjoy the freedom of the last remaining weeks as a student but Abby, as bull-headed as always, did not budge. She was not going to stay home and go crazy waiting for Kerry to come back and end their marriage. Despite the doom that she knew awaited her, she refused to wait for it without doing anything so, if she couldn’t work at the hospital, for the time being, she was going to make herself useful in the Rescue Chopper.

She finished the pizza and picked up the box, the empty bottle of soda and took it all to the kitchen. After disposing of everything, she washed a couple of glasses on the sink, made herself a cup of tea and left the kitchen, turning off the overhead light. Then she returned to the den, turned everything off and walked slowly to the main entrance to lock the door. A minute later, she was finally heading upstairs for an early night; she needed to report for Transport Duty at 7 am.

By the time Kimberly arrived at Cypress Point, it was around 5:00 pm and the afternoon light had started to die around the whole Bay Area. She parked the car and was somewhat surprised to see a few tourists still lurking around. She walked slowly and steadily, watching the hundreds of little pebbles that formed the carpet of gravel of the parking lot leading to the small house. Her brown leather boots with their rubber sole created a sharp contrast against the impossible grey of the gravel and to her own amazement; she had been able to think about something else besides the redhead for a full minute. ‘Progress...’ she thought.

When she made it to the Cypress, she inhaled deeply taking in the faint smell of the sea which she loved so very much. The air was fresh and dry and the sun provided enough warmth to give everything a bit of extra colour and flavour and Kim deeply touched, mentally thanked God for the beauty that surrounded her despite the formidable sadness she felt inside her soul.

Tears welled up slowly on Kim’s eyes. She had cried so much in the last few days that she didn’t really believe she could cry anymore. Nervously she turned around; almost everyone was gone. She wiped her face with a napkin she had found in her trousers’ back pocket and started walking to her car not knowing where to go next. As she sat behind the wheel, her cell phone rang.

“Finally Missy...”

Kim closed her eyes and sighed in a mixture of relief and annoyance. “Hi, Mom...”

“Where are you darling? I’ve been calling and calling...”

“Actually Mom...-said the blonde looking around- ...I’m about 10 miles away from you...”

“What? Are you in Monterey?”

“Uh yeah...got here early this morning. I was going to call you perhaps to have dinner tonight but...uh...things haven’t worked out as...-she paused not wanting to break down in tears-...planned, Mom...”

“You are with your ex, right..?”

Kim smirked silently; never had a word rang so true. “Uh-huh...”-was her only answer.

“Do you want to talk sweet pea?”

Kim’s face crumbled into a mask of pain. Leaning her forehead against the wheel, she let some tears trickle down her face, “I can’t talk about this now Mom...I will though...it just won’t be today, ok? It’s still too unclear...”

“No worries baby but I still think you two should come down to have dinner with me tonight...Regardless of what ends up happening I really do want to meet this woman...”

“Mom...Uh...”-protested the blonde.

“Honey...you’re in no shape to socialize I gather that but truth is, you need some food down on you and also -I’m sure- you would welcome the distraction. I have a very nice lasagne I made yesterday, some very nice wine, and some cake...it will be good...”

“Cake..? -asked Kim despite her tears-...what kind?”

“Chocolate fondant...”-answered the older woman with an edge of seduction in her voice.

Something that resembled a deep grumble came out of the psychiatrist’s mouth. Nodding, she agreed to go to her mother’s home later for dinner, along with the ‘ex’. Turning over the engine, she flipped open her mobile and rang the hotel.

“Room 500, please..?”

Kim waited to be connected while she adjusted the A/C outlets in the car and turned on her iPod. 

“Kerry? Hi...Listen...I know this will sound rather odd and short notice but...uh...would you like to go to my Mom’s for dinner with me? And no, don’t worry...I’m not pulling any tricks here...I know you and me...I know it might not work out after all but, she still wants us to pass by...” 

The blonde nodded a couple of times, told her to be ready as soon as she could, flip the cell phone shut and turned the engine.

“One last try...” –muttered Kim as she backed up the car and headed towards the hotel.

[End of Chapter 28]


	29. The Longing Of My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 29  
The Longing Of My Heart

Kim stopped the car in front of the gate and pushed the tiny remote control to open it. With the corner of her eyes, she gazed at Kerry who seemed somewhat uneasy.

“You okay..? You seem…nervous…”-said the blonde taking hold of Kerry’s hand. 

Kerry’s eyes found Kim’s and her heart melted a little. The redhead could not help but notice the yearning in those eyes. She really did want to love Kim who had a good heart and who seemed so genuinely ready to make every single dream, a reality. Gently squeezing the blonde’s hand, she answered, “I am a bit, yes…”

“No, no need to be Ker… You’ll like my Mom, I promise...I...however... –she trailed off as she drove her SUV into the parking area of her mother’s house-...cannot say the same about...Who the hell are all these people..?”

Kerry turned around and tried to figure out what Kim was referring to. “So we’re not the only ones invited tonight..?”

Kim frowned as she manoeuvred to park her truck. “By the number of cars parked in here apparently not...I’m gonna kill Patricia...”

Kerry was really confused now. “Who is Patricia..?”

“My Mom!”-snapped Kim as she slammed the car door. 

Kerry had to smile. She had never heard Kim refer to her mother by her first name and never had she seen her so annoyed at such small detail. Smiling, she gazed at the blonde who was closing the back door of the SUV and again, as before, the redhead felt that longing, that wish to love Kim. Inadvertently, she smiled at Kimberly who smiled back. 

“What..?”

“Nothing...you look funny when you get angry...”-answered the redhead somewhat embarrassed by having being caught staring. The blonde smiled back, close the door and walked to Kerry, “Thank you” she whispered and tenderly kissed the redhead on the cheek.

The couple was feeling much better now than earlier. Kim had regained some sense of confidence and balance whereas Kerry had decided to enjoy Kim’s company and worry less about where all this was heading so together, wine and flowers in tow, they knocked at the door.

“Baby!” –said the beautiful woman who opened the door and engulfed Kim in a tight embrace. When they parted, the older woman brought her right thumb to Kim’s forehead, made a sign that resembled a cross and kissed it. 

“Hi, Mom...-said Kim perhaps a bit self-conscious-...Amari egindako zorrak ez dira inoiz ordaintzen ...”

The older woman kissed her daughter again. “This is Kerry, Mom. Ker? This is my Mom, Patricia Legaspi...”

The magnificent blue eyes of Patricia Legaspi squinted, “Miss Weaver...Is that you..?”

“Doctor Woodward..?”

Kim felt like if she had been caught in one of those “The Twilight Zone” episodes. “You guys know each other..?”

Patricia answered loudly, “Of course darling, isn’t that right Miss Weaver..?”

Kerry was so much in shock she could barely make sense of the situation. “Uh Yeah...” -she mumbled. 

“Ms. Weaver, you okay..? I wasn’t that scary, was I..? You were always a great student anyway!” -said the older woman jokingly trying to inject some humour into the situation as Kerry did not seem to be responding. 

Kim took notice and approached her companion, “Honey, you okay..?” 

Kerry snapped the moment she heard Kim’s voice. “Yes, of course, of course... I’m sorry... I was just...uh...a bit shocked there for a minute...” Turning to her old teacher, Kerry approached her as to hug her, “Wow, Dr Woodward...”

The older woman opened her arms and welcomed the redhead who had been one of her best students and assistants, “This is a surprise, Kerry...”

Kerry let herself be hugged tightly and sensed the tacit endearment. “Thank you Dr. Woodward...” –mumbled the redhead. 

“Oh stop calling me Dr Woodward! I’m Patricia, okay?” -Said Patricia and lacing her right arm in Kerry’s left, walked the redhead to the inside of her home as her daughter watched flabbergasted.

“Mom..?”-whined Kim.

“Oh shush child... Just go inside and say hello to your cousins...Oh and Kimberly..?”

The blonde was about to explode, “Yes Mother..?”

“You should have never let this one go...”

Abigail looked down and wiped her boots off mud. The chopper was taking off and going back to base as the day’s runs had finally ended. She felt exhausted but satisfied; three runs, three great saves. She leaned back and closed her eyes feeling the vibration of the chopper’s blades through the seat. If she had to be completely honest she’d have to admit she loved the high speed, adrenaline-filled environment of the rescue transport because it made her feel relevant and worthy. Saving people in trouble somehow made her feel better about herself as if every new patient got her a bit closer to absolution.

When she got to the station she decided to head towards County instead of going home. She had been working for two days straight and she just couldn’t go back to that beautiful but empty brownstone. Once she got to the hospital she stopped by the ER where Luka was the Attending on Call. 

“Hey...”-said Abigail as she entered the Admits area.

“Hi... what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be off?”-asked the kind Croatian doctor.

“I’m on Transport Duty except that it’s not really duty as I volunteered...”

“You volunteered..? Why?”

Abby grinned wryly and exhaled –“Because I have nothing else better to do Luka and frankly, I don’t want to stay home and wait for Kerry...”

Luka nodded realizing that his suspicions had been –unfortunately- right; Kerry had not called. “You going on runs tomorrow again..?”

“Every day for a week...day shift though...”

“So you’re staying here tonight..? In Quarters?” 

“Yeah...They’ll pick me up with the chopper tomorrow morning... there’s a patient we need to transport to Cleveland...”

“To Cleveland? Where, to the Clinic?

“Yup...-said Abby peeling herself from the Admits desk where she was leaning against-...a couple of hours’ flight...”

The Croatian doctor smiled and signed two charts in front of him. “You want to get something to eat..?”

“I’m hungry but I’ll just go to the cafeteria Luka...I’m too exhausted to walk and after that, I’ll just go to sleep; I have to be up and ready to go by 6 am...So...-she trailed off-...I’m gonna go....”

She leaned forward and gathered her backpack, her gloves and her jacket. She smiled sadly and stretching her neck, she kissed Dr Kovac in the cheek. “Thank you for...you know...”

The male doctor just smiled and nodded watching her walk towards the elevators.

An hour and a half later, Abby was tucked in and a lot more comfortable than she had expected in the bottom bunk bed of one of the many off-duty rooms. She turned to her right side, pulled the covers to her chin and closed her eyes. 

The last image in her mind was one of Kerry smiling at her.

When Patricia finally let go of Kerry, Kim zoomed in as fast as she could. The redhead was sipping some juice, leaning over a rail, watching the distant Pacific Ocean. Coming from behind Kim laced her arms around Kerry’s waist and kissed the redhead’s crown. 

“Hi...” –said the psychiatrist very gently.

“Hi...”

Kim hugged Kerry tightly and inhaled deeply with a trace of nostalgia. “So you were Mom’s student at Northwestern then...”

“Yeah...what a small world...I still cannot wrap my head around it...”-said the redhead holding Kim’s arm.

“Me neither...”

“Your Mom...She was somewhat scary...In the beginning, I was petrified of her...”

“Mom? –Kim sighed and smiled- ...she’s still scary...”

“Kim...–said Kerry in a reproving tone-...she’s not...”

“Okay...she’s not...but she can be when she wants to...”

“Yes...she can...she did! I hated Gross Anatomy and I hated the fact that she seemed to spot that weakness in me and drilled me over and over again...”

Kim smiled in recognition. “Yeah...she can do that alright but the truth is, she only does it with people she likes, she doesn’t bother with others. So Ker, if she did it was because she liked you...”

“Yeah, I understood that a few weeks later but not right at the beginning...afterwards it was great...”

Kim had started to sway her body in rhythm with the music coming from the house and by doing so; she made Kerry’s body sway as well.

“That’s so beautiful...Is somebody singing?” –asked the redhead turning her head towards the house.

“Yup...-answered the blonde as she tightened her grip on Kerry’s waist-...that would be my cousin Kistine which also means...it’s time to sing! Come on!”

“Kimberly...I’ll take her, you go...they’re about to start and Aitor was looking for you to sing ‘Lau Teilatu’...”

Kim separated herself from Kerry and turned to her mother’s voice. ‘Lau Teilatu’’? Really? We haven’t sung that in ages...Did Unai bring the Txistu? 

The older Legaspi nodded smiling. 

And the trikitixa?-asked the blonde impatiently.

Patricia chuckled. “And what are you, the conductor? Just go, fetch the guitar and stopped controlling everybody, Kimberly...”

Kim smiled, embarrassed. She turned around and bowed her head for her mother to kiss her forehead once again.

“Yes, my darling...I love you too...” –answered Patricia kissing her only daughter once again and padding her backside as she walked away. The older woman walked towards Kerry. “You having a good time? Kim hasn’t smothered you to death..?”

“No...-answered Kerry smiling-...she never has...” 

“She can, you know...but the singing will keep her entertained for a while...”

“The music...Are these all from the Basque Country..?”

“Yes well, mostly, this one playing right now isn’t but they love it anyway...Before my husband died I made a promise I would do my best to keep the family together and for Kim to never forget where she came from...”

“That’s why you did the cross thing on her forehead when we first arrived...”

“Yes the blessing, yes...Iker taught it to her when she was little and I learnt it from Ama Maitane, Iker’s mother...I always loved the tradition, the history, the whys and wherefores of the culture...Besides, it’s easy, they are lovely people and they loved me from the start so...it was a joy to make sure Kim was never too far from her ancestry...”

“That’s wonderful...”-said Kerry with a hint of nostalgia in her voice which Patricia picked up.

Again like before, the older Legaspi laced her arm with Kerry’s and steered them both to the house.

“When she was growing up we were members of the Basque Society and Social Club in Chicago and she spent a lot of her free time in there. That’s where she learnt all those songs, along with her cousins; that’s where she learnt to play Jai Alai...see these pictures?”

Kerry leaned over to see a picture of a teenaged Kim, fully clad in the helmet, white trousers, red t-shirt, red sash and the characteristic xistera or basket so particular of the game and another bigger photograph of Kimberly, climbing the wall, catching the ball with the basket.

“Wow...look at that ...I didn’t even know women could play too...”

“They do at the amateur level, not professional...”

Kerry nodded and kept admiring the picture of her ex-lover with a strange mixture of pride and sexual attraction that puzzled her.

“I meant what I said before Kerry...”

The redheaded doctor looked up, confused. “Remember, what I said to Kim, about letting you go..?”

Kerry nodded in understanding. “Oh no Dr Woodward, I’m not...uh...that...”

“You forget Kerry Marie Weaver that I’ve known both of you for a very long time...Believe me when I tell you that I know my daughter made a terrible mistake...”

Kerry smiled with sadness. “I don’t know how to feel about what you just said...happy or sad...I guess, both...”

Patricia steered Kerry towards the lounge. “I am sorry Kerry...Her behaviour with you...that was probably partially...my fault...”

“And how could that possibly be your fault? I wasn’t there for her so she did the best thing she thought of doing...”

“What, lying? Do you think that’s the best thing she could have done? To lie?”-interrupted the older Legaspi.

“Well no, not lying but...uh...separating herself from me...”

“Oh come on Kerry, stop blaming yourself! Yes, so you failed her one time but Kim’s behaviour was systematic. She is my daughter, my only daughter and I love her so very much I’d give my life for hers...unfortunately...that’s not enough reason for me NOT to see her faults...And her faults in character are also my doing...”

Kerry was perplexed. ‘Had her old revered and loved teacher gone insane?’ or was this some sort of perverted test the older Legaspi had conjured up to gauge her worthiness as her daughter’s potential partner? It all seemed way too odd for the redhead but she did not abandon the conversation despite her reservations. “But Dr Woodward...How could Kim’s behaviour be your doing?”

The kind woman smiled wryly and took one last sip of her drink before answering. “Because I brought her up to believe she was better and superior to almost anything and anybody...”

Kerry was starting to get annoyed and for the first time in the last two hours, she wished to leave. Pursing her lips, she exhaled audibly. “I’m sorry Patricia, I still do not follow...”

“I had six miscarriages before we had Kimberly. When I became pregnant with her I did not do anything Kerry and I mean, nothing. I took a leave of absence from the University, Iker worked around the clock and my mother came from Missouri and Maitane came from Euskadi and we had hordes of people looking after me. And the months came and went and it was like holding our breath for 9 months until the day she was born...”

“October 4th, 1970...”-interrupted Kerry.

“Exactly...and when the nurse showed her to me and I saw that it was real, that she was fine, healthy and loud as hell...I knew...I knew that that little bundle of pink and blue –she had the biggest blue eyes I have never seen on a newborn- would hold my heart forever...”

“I still fail to see how you had anything to do with Kim’s behaviour...”

“Simple Kerry...we spoilt her. We did. Iker did and I did...I still do! That means that while she is an extraordinary woman with a good head on her shoulders and a beautiful heart, in some aspects, she’s still a bit of a child and well sometimes she acts like one! When you broke up, I kept telling her to answer your calls, your emails, you kept on leaving messages on her cell phone...even when we were away –all the way in Euskadi- I kept insisting but nothing...she thought she was in the right and the hell with the rest! Like her truth is the only one that exists or matters...”

Kerry sighed deeply and nodded in recognition. “Don’t be so hard on her Patricia...that’s part of her allure...”

“Maybe so but if she had been less stubborn and proud and self-centred you’d probably still be here tonight...-she paused-... but a lot happier, don’t you think..?”

Kerry closed her eyes, sighed and nodded, “Probably yes...”

“So while it is true and that it might be part of her natural charisma, it’s also true that she is somewhat selfish and I am somewhat responsible for that...”

Kerry looked at her old teacher with kind eyes. “Patricia, I believe you and your husband did a beautiful job of raising Kim. It was her heart, her spirit, her kindness that made me fall in love with her so deeply, so...absolutely. Everybody meets her and comment on how beautiful she is but few see her soul... I always did...”

“And now Kerry..?”

Kerry knew where Patricia was going to and decided to reciprocate in a candid way. “I still do Patricia...I still see her the same way I did back then...I still love her...”

“Yes...but...not in the same way, right?”

Kerry looked up to Patricia with hesitation and found understanding. “Kerry...You had the right and the obligation to go on with your life, it was only normal...That’s the way life is...-paused Patricia sighing deeply-...life is just a compendium of opportunities and we either take them...or we do not and if we do not then...we have to face the consequences. Kim failed to see that and sadly, her time has passed... ”

Kerry could not utter a word; her pain mixed with regret and anger got caught in her throat. She took another sip of her by now, completely watered down juice.

“Want another drink, Kerry..? I think we both can use something stronger...-said Patricia with a forced smile-...plus, you still need to show me that picture I am sure you carry in that bag of yours...”

And Kerry smiled recognizing the same compassion and heart she knew from her old teacher. She looked down and opened the top pocket of her leather belt pack. With care, she extracted a picture of about 4x6 of herself and Abigail. “I have no idea how you knew I had it but...yes...here it is...”

The older woman held the photograph in her fingers and observed the young woman on it. “She is very pretty Kerry...-said Patricia- ...when was this..?”

“The day we got married, a year ago...”

“She loves you deeply, you know...”

“How do you know that..?”

“Because she looks peaceful...no doubt in her mind...-Patricia sighed-...I am very happy for you Kerry, really...I am just sad for what will never be...”

Kerry looked at the picture a bit longer and put it back in the bag. “It’s a shame, isn’t it? Has it happened to you, Patricia..?”

“What Kerry..?” –asked the older Legaspi, wiping an errant tear from her left eye.

“Loving two people for entirely different reasons and having to decide and know that there is just one life and one life is not enough to love them both...”

Patricia Legaspi smiled tenderly and sat closer to the redhead. “No...mine was a one-shot deal. I fell in love with one boy, one day and never, ever again did I want, desired or even looked anywhere else...Unfortunately, he died way too early...”

Kerry smiled bitterly. “That’s how I felt with your daughter but...it was obvious that mine was not a one-shot deal...but...I don’t regret it. I don’t regret having loved her as I did and I certainly do not regret loving Abby...she’s made my life so...-sharp intake of air stopped Kerry on her tracks- ...wonderful...”

The older Legaspi smiled and passing an arm by Kerry’s shoulder, half hugged her. “I am so happy to see you again Kerry...I am so happy to discover you turned out even better than what I expected...”

Kim finally had a break in between songs and went to look for Kerry. “So Patricia, you’re planning to steal my girl the whole night?”

Kim’s mother laughed whole-heartedly. “No my angel...however...let me remind you of a tiny, almost invisible detail...”

“And what’s that, Mom?”

“She was my girl way before she was yours...”-whispered Mrs Legaspi who laughed openly and left.

Kerry looked at Kim dumbfounded, “I can’t get over all of this...In a way it’s true; I was the teacher’s pet...her pet...” Kim knelt before Kerry. “You're having a good time? You hungry, thirsty? Mom made you crazy?”

Kerry smiled tenderly and gently tucked in a loose strand of golden hair behind Kimberly’s ear. “How many questions you just asked, uh, four, five..?”

“Oh crap I did, didn’t I? Patricia always does that...” –added the blonde laughing. “No really, have you had a good time?”

“I’ve had a wonderful time...thank you for bringing me here...”

“Mom asked me if we wanted to stay...I said yes...I hope you don’t mind...”

“No...why would I mind?”-asked Kerry surprised.

For the first time in almost a month, Abigail felt somewhat content. She had had a restful sleep and was refreshed and ready for a new day of rescuing. She picked up her stuff and headed down to the ER to have some coffee and wait for the chopper.

Susan had just arrived not long ago. After going outside and getting some coffee from the catering cart, she went back to meet Abby.

“Hey, you...”-said the blonde attending when Abigail opened the lounge door.

“Hey...”

“I got your coffee...Vanilla Latte Abby..? That’s revolting...”

Abby smiled a mischievous grin and greedily took her first sip. 

“Abs...you actually look...happy?”

Abby gulped down a bit more of her coffee before answering. “I wouldn’t call it happy Susan...just distracted with a purpose”, which is better than feeling sorry for myself...”

“Have you heard from Kerry?”

Abby chuckled sarcastically. “Of course not Susan...if you were with “The Most Perfect Lesbian Ever”, would you call me? No! Of course not!”

“Abby, don’t say that! Kerry may be a lot of things that I don’t like but she wouldn’t do that...”

Abby shrugged as her transport pager went off. “Okay, I’m gone..!”

“When are you through with this transport duty thing, Abs..?”

Abby turned around as she put her jacket on and tied her long brown mane in a bun, “I dunno...When I am? See ya...”

And just like that, she was gone.

Sitting inside in the semi-darkness, she couldn’t will her hands to stay still. Another losing battle she tried to fight was her eyes which kept welling up and welling up without her consent. Frustrated she stood up and inhaled so forcefully that she could not stop the growl-like sound coming out of her mouth.

“Give it to me; I’ll make the call...”

“No, I’ll do it...How’s she?”

“The same...”

“Christ! She’s not going to make it!”

“Calm down, you have to calm down...”

“How? Tell me, how? You saw what I saw! How can you tell me to calm down? What if she doesn’t make it, uh? Then what?”

“She will...”

“Okay, okay, okay...-she paused, closed her blue eyes and breathed in deeply-...I can do this...I have to do this...”

And flipping open the cell phone, she pressed the correct sequence of numbers and then, “send”. 

After a few seconds, she heard the connecting sounds and a somewhat sleepy voice saying hello. 

“Kerry? It’s Susan...”

[End of Chapter 29]


	30. Commotio Cordis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 30  
“Commotio Cordis”

Abby checked the monitor and smiled; the tiny baby was holding on well despite her precarious state. She checked the lines and exhaled satisfied to find no kinks or obstructions. She slipped her right hand out of her rugged glove and just as she was about to slip it through the incubator’s window, she remembered she wasn’t sterile, that they were not in the NICU, that this baby had Tetralogy of Fallot and that they were on their way to the Cleveland Clinic as County could not offer the much-needed surgery.

She had no other choice but to watch the baby and make sure she made the trip even if she yearned to caress the sick infant. 

The chopper flew steadily and the young student leaned back on her seat and closed her eyes. Images of Kerry flooded her consciousness; as a baby, as a teenager, as a young adult, the last time they saw each other, sleeping, awake, naked, clothed, happy…sad. So many memories that she kept inside her head. Was that all she would keep of her wife from then on? –she wondered.

She hoped not.

Once they arrived at the Cleveland Clinic, the surgeons were ready and received the precious baby right away. Abby stared just one more time and for the first time   
–after having spent two hours with the little girl- the student noticed the distinctive hue on the hair fuzz covering the baby’s head; it was red.

Abigail’s eyes welled up but sighing deeply, she stopped herself from crying.

At around 1 am the music finally stopped at the Legaspi home. Most of Kim’s cousins left at around midnight and only a handful remained scattered around the fire on the backyard patio. Kerry was tired but at peace; even somewhat happy. Kim and her mother had made the time very enjoyable for her; showering with attention but not smothering her. As she nursed her drink she felt her ex-lover approach her, “You okay Ker..?”

“Yeah…I’m good… a bit hungry perhaps…”

“Oh no, we can’t have that, no…Some angulas or txipirones, hun?”

“Oh the angulas please…they were delicious…”-added Kerry with a smile.

Kim nodded, smiled and left for the kitchen. Kerry stared at the blonde as she walked away with that particular way of walking which was more hoping than walking. The redhead sighed deeply, again with nostalgia. 

Less than three minutes later, Kimberly came back with some bread, some bottled cider, a couple of glasses and a large plate filled with fried baby eels and fried squid. Kerry watched her as she set everything on the coffee table. “You got the txipirones as well, huh?”

“I cannot resist them…” –answered the blonde as she extended her right hand to the redhead for Kerry to move to the sofa.

Kerry walked slowly holding onto Kim’s hand and for an instant, all felt right inside of her; no anxiety, no guilt, no doubt. She allowed herself to be loved and to express freely whatever she was feeling inside.

Kim sat next to Kerry and filled the glasses with the golden liquid. Raising her glass, she waited for her companion. “Thank you for coming with me tonight…I’ve had a wonderful time…Topa Txin-Txin!” –whispered the blonde as she clicked the glasses together.

“Topa!” –answered Kerry who had already learnt the way of toasting in the Basque language. Kim smiled -touched by the gesture- but said nothing. She just sighed and took a sip of the cider. Kerry noticed.

“You okay..?”-asked the redhead as she chewed some of the food.

Kim nodded.

Kerry knew, almost as if she could visually observe the chain of thoughts inside the blonde’s brain, what was happening with Kim. So she moved to sit closer and leant over Kimberly to kiss her tenderly on the left cheek, “You’re such a lousy liar…”

Kim turned around somewhat flushed. “I am, aren’t I..? I’m sorry I just didn’t want this to...”

“…end? It doesn’t have to…Let’s just play it by ear, okay..?” –muttered Kerry caressing the blonde’s face. Kim’s eyes locked on Kerry’s and somewhat stunned, the blonde nodded.

“You guys are still hungry?”-Patricia’s voice pierced the night.

“Yes Patricia, aren’t you?”

The older Legaspi smiled. “Actually I am…what you got in there..?”

Kerry interrupted. “Txipirones and angulas, some cider and some bread…”

“And what about the Gateau?”

“What gateau? –jumped Kim-…We have gateau?”

Kim looked at Kerry who had absolutely no idea what they were referring to.

“Uh-huh…I made one this morning…nobody got it out of the box in the backroom?”

“You liar Patricia! You first told me you had made lasagna and it turned out you made pintxos! You said you had made Fondant and you made Gateau Basque…Mom!” –whined Kim.

“Oh, who cares Kimberly Patricia! Just go and get the cake!”

Kim stood up and glaring at her mother with a smile, hopped to fetch the dessert. Her mother looked at her from afar.   
“God…I love that kid…” –said the older Legaspi shaking her head and smiling.

Kerry looked up as if to say something but did not.

“I know you do too…–whispered Patricia squeezing Kerry’s hand gently-…I know you do too…despite of it all…”

The sound of the chopper blades was deafening. For reasons Abby failed to understand, the noise seemed so much louder today than it had ever been. Wright was tightening the harness around her and she struggled to listen to the description of the fire scene below them. 

When she was tightly secured, they opened one of the chopper’s doors.

“Remember Abby; don’t take any unnecessary risks, okay?”-said Wright.

Abigail just gave him the thumbs-up sign and then asked to be deployed. 

Once in the ground, she detached the hook from the harness and gave the pilot the signal to wind up the wire. She unhooked the security strap and freed herself from the harness. 

“Leave the helmet on Lockhart!” –she said at loud, mimicking Wright. Immediately after, she gathered her equipment and headed to the site.

She could feel the heat as she approached the old factory building. Lots of paramedics had been called and the firefighters were already hard at work. The building was an old cleaning products factory and while production was currently limited to no more than a handful of specialized products, some substances used in the process were highly volatile. Because of that, the young nurse was deployed on the other side of the large complex and instructed to just check the site for any victims and meet the rest of the teams for triage on the east side, even further away from the fire.

She located the entrance Wright told her about and climbed the external stairs as quickly as she could. Once on the landing, she opened the door and went inside. 

The heat was oppressing but not yet burning. There wasn’t any fire on sight but the heat could be felt through the A/C vents and the internal walls that divided the building inside. A quick look to the massive machinery room three stories down and Abby had not been able to locate any victims but just as she was about to leave, she thought she saw a pair of boots next to some barrels on the landing. Quickly she ran down the stairs and located an injured young man.

“Sir! Sir! Hello! I’m here to help you, can you hear me..?”

The young man opened his eyes and nodded. “Oh thank God…I can’t get up, my leg…”

As the young man talked Abby seized the situation, “Don’t move please…-she said trying to calm him down-…I’ll get you out of here in no time… just stay still…you have a fracture I have to stabilize, okay?”

Abby worked fast and effectively. Once she secured the leg and stabilized the fracture, she radioed the chopper, described the situation and told them where she was. 

Fifteen minutes later, she had finished fastening up the patient to the board and securing his leg. Wright and the other paramedic carried the patient and nodded to Abby.

“Lockhart, gather your gear and meet up the ground team on the east front, okay?”   
–yelled Wright before leaving.

Abby nodded, signalled once again and turned to gather her equipment. She didn’t bother with some of the discarded wrappers around and just concentrated and gathering the instruments and whatever other material she ended up not using.

It was like a tremor she thought but she really did not pay much attention. She continued rolling the gauze and closing a couple of plastic containers when she felt it again; a distant shake and a rumble…intense vibrations that reminded her of the choppers’ blades. 

And then it all went blank.

Susan hated mornings like this one. Something was not right. She looked up and observed the scene from her office window and the regular controlled chaos of her ER was running its regular course. For some reason, the attending felt compelled to mentally account for all her staff; no one was missing and she knew where everyone was.

She had already been notified of the fire but rescue transports were not taking casualties to County as other hospitals were closer and better equipped, so taking a sip of her lukewarm coffee she turned her attention to the charts in front of her.

For a few minutes, she went on checking procedures, analyzing the stats and little by little, constructing her monthly report. All this was done against the habitual noise of the ER.

Until a new sound pierced her concentration; the transport radio-alarm.

“County Station, County Station this is Paramedic Six, over…”

Sam activated the microphone and answered. Susan stood up and left her office towards the desk.

“County Station, this is Paramedic Six, we have a casualty from the fire, over…”

Susan grabbed the microphone. “Paramedic Six, this is County, we are not on the list of first responders…You need to take the patient to Mercy or South, over…”

“We are aware of that County…-there was some crackling noise that prevented Susan from hearing the message-…so we are heading your way, over…”

“Paramedic Six, could you repeat, over?”

“This is Paramedic Six, listen…The patient…she asked to be taken to County…She is one of yours…Abby Lockhart…Over…”

Susan felt her knees go weak. For a few seconds she could not make sense of what she was hearing. Luka noticed and took over.

“Give me the details Paramedic Six...”-asked Luka insistently.

“Female, around 35, semi-conscious, found on fire site after explosion. No burns, some smoke inhalation. Flail chest on palpation with possible pulmonary contusion and massive bruising on upper two quadrants. Compound fracture on right humerus, puncturing wound near elbow. Fracture on right clavicle…Cyanotic, Hypotensive, low pulse ox of 76. Possible haemothorax… Rales on breathing despite King LT on place... ETA is 5 minutes…Over…”

“Oh god Abby…” –whispered Susan. Luka swallowed hard and helped Susan who literally felt as if she was about to faint. With some help, the Attending sat on the stool trying to catch her bearings. 

And then she remembered the feeling that had been nagging her at the pit of her stomach all day long. 

“Shit…”

Kerry’s eyes fluttered slightly. She tried to move and in the fog of her sleep, the redhead remembered what had taken place and the reason why she couldn’t freely move; she was not in her bed and she was not alone.

Kim moaned and Kerry turned around yawning. It was still very early and the pair had not been asleep for long. Closing her eyes Kerry felt strange; like a thief. She thought of her wife, Abigail and felt…yes, like a thief, a cheater, a crook. This was not the bed she should be laying on and this is not the woman that should be holding her.

But somehow she did not feel guilty. After having some gateau and cider, Patricia kissed the women good night and left them by themselves in the family room. Everyone else had either gone home or gone to sleep so the pair were left alone for the night.

Both had eaten and had enjoyed generous amounts of cider by 2:30 am. Kim was happy, perky and yes, flirtatious and Kerry was responding.

At some point in time they started to giggle for no apparent reason and after a few minutes of that Kim turned around, cupped the redhead’s face and kissed her squarely on the lips.

That stopped the laughter. After the quick kiss, Kim pulled back and looked at Kerry, expectantly.

And Kerry kissed her right back and whatever had been held back till then, was no longer. 

The two women moved quickly to the bedroom and years of love, lust, wonder, anger laced with hope and forgiveness dissolved in kisses, caresses and quiet moans that brought them both to bliss.

Some hours later and despite of it all Kerry was convinced; she did not feel guilty about having had sex with Kim but neither did she feel she was in the right place. She still loved Kimberly and that was a fact that would never change…but the love of her life was Abigail and to her –she decided- she would go back.

And finally feeling completely at peace, the redhead yawned and settled deeper into those arms that held her tight…for now.

She had no idea what was pestering her. She felt she was too tired to react or simply put, could not be bothered to fully wake up and open her eyes. From afar a familiar voice kept calling her name and talking to her as if with anger and inside her head Abigail felt like saying, ‘I’m asleep you moron, I don’t want to wake up so leave me alone…I’m not answering you…’

But slowly and completely against her will, the brunette came to consciousness. 

When she opened her eyes she found it hard to focus at first. All she kept seeing was this giant egg-like thing that wobbled in front of her. She felt like laughing. But then her eyes managed to focus completely and the whole scene in front of her came alive.

It was Wright.

He kept shouting her name loudly and Abby found that harder to deal with than the excruciating pain she felt all over. She finally managed to hold his arm and pulled him to her, “Shut the fuck up…” –she whispered.

“Fat chance darrrrling” -he said rolling his ‘r’ to annoy her more. He smiled and surprisingly, tenderly stroke her forehead as he leant closer to the nurse, “Hang on Lockhart, I swear I’m gonna keep you alive…”

She opened her eyes and managed to smile. Before falling into unconsciousness once again Abigail found a way to speak, “Take me to County…”

He smiled and signalled for the board to be lifted. He knew who Kerry was and asked the pilot to head to County.

Abby slipped into unconsciousness again as her blood pressure dropped, breathing became laboured and some bluish hue, crept along her face; she was starting to become cyanotic.

“Fuck!” –cursed the paramedic.

He opened Abby’s uniform and cut through her white t-shirt. “I knew it! Goddammit!”

“What?” –asked the younger paramedic.

“Look at this shit…”-said Wright pointing at the massive hematoma that by now covered most of the brunette’s upper chest. He palpated gently and confirmed the fractured clavicle and the flail chest. 

“She has flail chest…that means she probably has pulmonary contusion…We need to secure her airway…Get me the King LT!” –yelled Wright.

He secured the airway with an artefact known as a supraglottic airway, which was gentler than a regular tracheal intubation and provided the same positive pressure ventilation she needed. Once the airway was in place, Abby’s numbers climbed to less dangerous levels. The prognosis though looked bleak and they knew it.

He bagged her slowly, pacing the rhythm, making sure that she got the oxygen she needed but not too much that would make matters worse. His eyes were fixed on the monitors next to the brunette, whose breathing had become more laboured, presenting now specific sounds known as rales on auscultation. With the aid of the stethoscope, the paramedic concentrated on her breathing.

“Jeff, ETA..?” –asked Wright still listening to Abby’s breathing.

“About seven minutes!”

“I’m calling County now…”

And as he talked over the radio, his right hand caressed very gently the young nurse’s forehead.

Susan ran to the bathroom and nearly did not make it; she vomited the half-digested breakfast she had eaten not long before, completely. Afterwards, she stepped out of the stall and washed her face and mouth. She took a couple of sips of water and felt good enough to splash her face with some more.

Once her body seemed to be under control, she prepped herself as Luka was heading to the elevator.

“Did you call Lucien..?”

“Yes, he’s probably upstairs already…”

From that moment onwards, everything happened with such speed Susan recalled, that it reminded her of those old movies that ran at a faster speed than normal; it was just absurd that her friend Abby was at the centre of all this tragedy.

When the chopper landed, the giant Wright pushed open the door and jumped out pulling the board that carried Abby. From afar, Susan could see the blood-stained uniform and Abigail’s face. 

“She doesn’t look good…”- whispered Susan who found herself unable to move to greet the gurney. Lucien and Luka walked ahead. Chuny held Susan’s arm. “She doesn’t look good Chuny…Oh god, Abby…” –and the Attending’s hands began to shake. 

“Dr Lewis…-said the nurse-…this is Abby, our Abby…she’ll fight this, you’ll see…”

The few words spoken with such security calmed Susan. In seconds Lucien and Luka were back. 

“No time for X-rays Luka, no! I’m taking her directly to the OR and that’s that! The fractures can be seen by the naked eye, I don’t need to waste more time!”

The surgeon closed his eyes to control his emotions. He breathed a couple of times evenly. “Anspaugh has been called, so has Mitchell from Ortho. I don’t know what I’ll find but I’ll work as fast as I can…this…-he paused unable to go on for a moment-…really doesn’t look good…”

“But Lucien! That is absurd we have time, she has time!”

Luka kept looking at Dubenko awaiting more as if the surgeon had been hiding vital information from him. It was only when Susan spoke that the Croatian doctor came around.

“Enough you two!” –demanded Susan who had taken one of her friend’s hands and held it in hers. Slowly she leant and placed her forehead against Abigail’s and silently, prayed. After that she stood up again and whispered, “Abby doesn’t need this violence, so please…-Susan stopped as her words got choked in her throat-…she’s had enough for one day…”

And everyone remained silent.

Half an hour later, Susan was sitting in the lounge fidgeting with her cell phone knowing she had to make that call she dreaded so much. She was so numb she truly did not know what she was going to say, what she was going to answer the moment she told Kerry about Abby. 

Luka came into the lounge and taking one single look at his colleague he knew Susan had not called yet.

“Kerry? It’s Susan...”

When her cell phone rang Kerry knew something had happened. It was her personal cell the one that had rung and only a handful of people had its number. 

“Susan, what happened?”

“Its Abby, Kerry...she’s...badly hurt...”

“Hurt? Hurt how?”

Kim had awoken with the cell phone ring too and was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to the redhead. 

“She was on transport duty and there was an accident on-site...She was found unconscious and they just brought her in-“

“Is she alive? Susan! Is she alive?” –yelled the redhead impatiently.

“Yes...she is but...”

“But what? Talk Susan, this is my wife we’re talking about! Talk? What?”

“I have to be honest Kerry...-Susan’s voice cracked-...it doesn’t look good...”

Kerry felt as if her head was spinning. She simply could not accept what Susan was telling her. She kept thinking that it was just a bad joke or a nightmare; it just could not be true.

“Put someone else on the line Susan!” –yelled the redhead angrily.

The attending was only too happy to oblige and immediately handed the phone to Luka.

“Kerry...” -said the tall Croatian.

“Luka, tell me what’s going on?”

“Abby is injured, Kerry. There was some sort of explosion and she was apparently thrown against some machinery by the blast wave...”

“Goddammit Luka, tell me what her injuries are!”

“Flail chest, severe pulmonary contusion, fractured right clavicle, compound fracture on right humerus...when she came in she was hypotensive, hypoxic and cyanotic...”

“Was she conscious..?”

“No...Lucien suspects some diaphragmatic tear and probably some liver laceration...obviously, he couldn’t know ahead of time...”

“You didn’t do an MRI..?”

“He didn’t want to waste more time Kerry...He...uh...He wanted to get going right away...I’m sorry...”

“Oh God...”-whispered Kerry who almost dropped the phone. Kim took it away from her.

“Luka? This is Kim Legaspi...”

The Croatian doctor was somewhat surprised. It was still early in California and while he knew that his boss was staying with her ex-lover, he never suspected Kim to be next to Kerry. “Hi Kim...” –he answered shyly.

“Listen, I think she’s in shock now...let me give you my cell phone number just in case –for whatever reason- you cannot get a hold of her...It is 415-379-4002, you got it?”

“Yeah...Kim...she needs to come right away...It doesn’t look good...” –he said almost like an afterthought.

“I’ll have her in a plane in no time Luka...”

“Thank you. I’ll call as soon as I know something more...”

Kim said her goodbyes and turned to Kerry who still remained motionless. Just when the blonde was about to try to get some reaction from the redhead, Patricia came into the room.

“I heard Kerry on the phone...”-said the older woman as she approached the couple. 

“Mom, I think she went into shock...”

“Go to my car and get my medical bag out of the car honey, go!”

The blonde did as she was told. In a couple of minutes, she was back. “Here it is Mom, what do you need?”

Patricia motioned for Kim to wait. “Kerry, honey? Listen to me, you need to come back because Abby needs you...your wife needs you...”

Kerry didn’t move nor did she make any eye contact. It was as if her psyche, too battered by the horrendous news, had shut down.

“Kerry come on, hun...remember the picture you showed me last night? She needs you right now Kerry...Kerry...”

Nothing.

Time for more forceful measures thought Patricia.

“Kerry, this is the last time I am going to say this...Abby is your wife and she needs you now. She needs you to react and go to her because she needs you to take care of her now...Kerry...Kerry!”

Still no reaction.

“So you are going to let her die, Kerry? She will die, Kerry, is that what you want? If that is what you want then you never really loved that woman!” –yelled the older Legaspi.

“Mom! How can you say that?”-asked Kim almost in horror.

Patricia ignored her daughter. “Tell me, that’s the thing? So you don’t care? You don’t care if Abby dies? So you are a liar then? A liar? Okay, Kerry! You are a liar then! Let’s go Kim; I don’t like wasting my time with liars!”

“I’m not a liar...” –whispered the redhead.

Patricia smiled and crouched in front of the redhead holding her hands. “I know you are not sweetie, I know you are not...I just needed you to come back to us because we have work to do...you have work to do...”

Kerry’s eyes were completely filled with tears that had started to spill onto her face. “Patricia I can’t lose her too...I can’t...”

“You won’t Kerry but we need to get going, okay? We need to get you there so you can help her, okay hun..?”

Kerry nodded and did not let go of Patricia’s hands. Turning around she looked at Kim who could not hide the myriad of feelings that were painted on her face.

“I’m sorry Kim...I love her...” –whispered Kerry.

The blonde just nodded acknowledging the gesture from Kerry but also realizing that whatever she had hoped for was never, ever going to become a reality. Unfortunately, though, she did not have the luxury to let her feelings come afloat; Kerry and Abby’s accident had taken centre stage and her feelings would have to wait.

Patricia led Kerry to the bathroom and came back. Holding her daughter from behind the older Legaspi rested her chin on her daughter’s shoulder. “I am very sorry my love...”

Kim sighed and closed her eyes. Turning around she allowed herself a moment of grief which her mother understood by engulfing her daughter in her arms, “Me too Mom...you will never know how sorry I am...”

(End of Chapter 30)


	31. On Your Beam Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine   
Chapter 31  
On Your Beam Ends

Two hours after takeoff, Patricia turned the page of the book she was reading and caressed her daughter’s hair. Kim had fallen asleep with her head on her lap just as she always did when she was a child. She looked up and observed Kerry who also slept, sitting across from them. What a pity that their dreams had been shattered by a single phone call she thought, but caressing Kim’s golden hair, she also knew that this was the beginning of a new stage in both of their lives, even if they could not see it.

The fastest way to get the redhead back in Chicago was not a commercial jetliner, concluded Patricia. Between the times it would take them to get to the airport, the check-in, the security points and the regular delays of every major airport, Kerry would be lucky if she made it to Chicago in 7 hours and that was just too much time under the circumstances. Luka had called once more –right after they had left the hotel- to announce that indeed they had found damage in both the diaphragm and the liver and that the young nurse was holding on, albeit precariously. In lieu of the situation, Patricia called her brother Julian who owned and ran a charter flights company and in less than two hours from the original phone call, the three women were taking off from San Francisco International Airport.

“So, they fell asleep..?” –Julian asked Patricia as he came out of the cockpit.

Patricia disengaged from Kim replacing her lap with a nearby pillow. Tucking in both women with the blankets, she walked to meet her brother.

“Yes, they’re both out…I know they went to bed late last night…we all did…”

“Want some coffee, sis?”

“Oh god yes Julian, thank you…Is good old George flying solo..?”

“Well, the auto-pilot is…George is just verifying some data…So Pat…this is the girl, huh?”-asked the tall man pouring coffee.

“Yeah, this is “the” girl…The woman your niece pined for almost five years..?”

“She’s gotta be something really special…”

“She is Juls…it turned out she was one, my students, back in Chicago…”

“No way, really? Wow…that’s some coincidence…”

“It kind of makes you think about the serendipity of things…”

“But what happened then, with them I mean…?”

“Your niece’s stubbornness, that’s what happened…”

“But why?”

“Because Kerry made a mistake and Kim, instead of understanding and forgiving, pretended she didn’t care for Kerry anymore…eventually, of course, Kerry found someone else…”

“And that’s why we are here…yeah…Kim can be rather…bull headed at times…”

“That’s an understatement! You remember that time we were at your house…Lori must have been like 3 and Kim was like 5 and she didn’t want to eat a piece of meat because a little fat it had in it?”

“Oh my God yes!”

“Remember? ‘Kim, eat it. No! Kim…? No! Why not? It’s shit! It is not shit Kim, it’s fat. No, it’s shit! No, it is fat. No! It’s shit!’

“And then…wham!” -said Julian bursting into laughter. 

“Exactly …That cured her of that. But it took a good smacking for that child to get her to reason! She was terrible!"

The siblings fell into a comfortable stillness which was interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone.

It was Kerry’s.

“Hello”

“Kerry, its Susan, she’s out of the OR…”

“How’s she?” –asked the redhead.

“She is critical but stable…here’s Lucien…”

“Kerry? Lucien…”

“Lucien…how’s she?

“Delicate Kerry but alive…I found a tear on the diaphragm and repaired a hernia in the liver…she also had some contusions…”

“What about the flail chest?”

“She did have a massive haemothorax…I inserted a chest tube and it’s draining as we speak…”

“Lucien…what do you think and please, be honest with me…”-asked the redhead with a heavy heart.

The surgeon closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his brown, wildish hair. He pulled his glasses and let them rest against his forehead. Rubbing his eyelids he exhaled loudly preparing his words. “Kerry, people do come out of scenarios like this but sometimes they don’t…Abby is young and strong and if she doesn’t get pneumonia or any other complication she probably will recover but…”

“…you don’t know for sure, right? Which means, she may still die…”-interrupted Kerry.

“Yes…”

The woman leant back on the chair, defeated. “Thank you, Lucien…I should be there in a bit…thank you…”

And Kerry closed her phone.

Two hours later, Susan sat next to Abigail’s bed in the ICU. Her shift –mercifully- had finally ended and she could stay with Abby at least until Kerry arrived. Susan observed her friend and despite years working as a Trauma doctor in a major metropolitan hospital, Abby’s battered body was a painful sight to see even for her. Gently she took the nurse’s hand in hers and noticed that the hand was one of the few visible places that showed no bruising, abrasion or laceration albeit small. 

The blonde doctor knew there wasn’t much she could do except keep Abby company. She watched the steady rhythm of the ventilator machine, the screens, and the constant drip of one of the IV lines. She then watched the bruising which was by now turning the skin of Abby’s upper chest, right collarbone, right rib cage and breasts into a deep purple which looked almost blue. On the right side of her neck, Susan could still see some dried blood marks and underneath, around her right upper arm, the massive bundle of blood-stained bandages covering the Ilizarov frame that needed to be in place to reduce and fix, the compound open fracture of her right humerus.

“Dammit Abby…you had to go and play superhero on me…”-whispered Susan as she gently wiped away the dried bloodstains. She figured the bandages were bloody enough; there was no need for more blood.

A few minutes later, she heard Lucien approach the room.

“How’s she..?”

“The same…”

“Kerry should have been here already…” –said the surgeon who was worried about Kerry not coming back on time. Susan knew the nervousness for she was feeling it herself. 

“You don’t think she’ll make it through the night, do you?”

Dubenko closed his eyes and sighed. Leaning against the rail of the bed he finally let his guard down. “No…I’m sorry…”

Susan closed her eyes and whimpered very quietly. She held Abby’s hand and again like before, prayed with all her might. 

“Kerry’s here. I’m going downstairs to meet her…”-said Dubenko as he read the message on his pager.

“Lucien, let me go. I’ve known Kerry for a long time and we may not be the best of friends but…”

The surgeon nodded. “I’ll wait here…”

“Thanks…”

Susan left the room and composing herself, went to look for Kerry.

Didn’t have to wait for long.

“Susan, where’s she?” –asked Kerry visibly agitated as she stepped out of the elevator.

Taking her boss softly by the arm, Susan tugged at Kerry and sat her down in some chairs nearby. 

“Susan...please tell me she’s alive, please...”

“She is, Kerry…she’s alive…”

“Oh, thank God…I thought…”-whispered the redhead whose hands were shaking.

“I just wanted to prepare you Kerry…I know you’ve seen hundreds of people like this or worse but it’s different when…”

“When it is someone you love…”

“Yes…I was a bit shaken when I first saw her…”

“Is it really bad..? I mean, I know about her injuries, what she came with but…”

“Well, the bruising is extensive…her upper chest, part of her shoulders, her breast area, the right rib cage…-Kerry nodded-…plus, she has an Ilizarov frame on the right upper arm, the chest tube and the incision…”

Susan continued. “She’s on a ventilator and she will be for at least the next three days, Kerry…Dubenko wants to let the body recover as much as possible plus...this is also to help her breath because once she wakes up, she’s going to be in a lot of pain...”

“Okay…okay…” –said Kerry with a thread of a voice.

“So just take it easy, okay..? I’ll be here the whole night, in case you get tired and want to lie down for a bit…Remember she is a fighter Kerry…she’ll pull through…”

“Thank you Susan…really, thank you…” -Kerry offered. She then inhaled deeply and paused for a moment getting whatever strength she needed, from somewhere inside of her. Immediately after, she stood up and walked towards the room.

The two blonde doctors watched the limping redhead as she walked away and entered her lover’s room.

“Hi, you must be Susan Lewis...I’m Kim Legaspi…”-said Kim extending her right arm towards the attending.

“Hi, yes, hi…-answered Susan surprised by Kim’s words-…I’m sorry this is just…”

“Overwhelming…”-offered the psychiatrist.

“Yes…”-said Susan running her fingers through her hair.

“I’m gonna get some coffee, Dr Lewis, would you like some..?”-asked Kim, softly.

“I’ll go with you…”

When Kerry entered the room, Lucien looked up and nodded. Kerry tightened the grip on her dependable crutch as she neared the bed and the image of Abby’s broken body came to a better view.

“Oh god…” –she gasped.

“It’s okay, Kerry…”

The redhead could not stop the tears. They rolled down her cheeks on her own accord and she did nothing to pretend she was not crying. The surgeon handed her a box of tissues and allowed her to move closer granting them both, the privacy they needed.

“I need to go upstairs Kerry…I’ll check on her before I go tonight, ok?”

The redhead walked to the right side of the bed. “Okay, Lucien…-she whispered-…thank you for taking care of her…”

Dubenko smiled, nodded and left.

Once the surgeon was gone, Kerry lifted the light blanket covering her wife’s body. With a lump in her throat, she watched the bruising, the inflammation, the cuts and abrasions, the incisions. Gently she checked the chest tube which was still draining a small amount of blood and thought about the scar it would probably leave behind. She covered Abigail again and with exquisite care, caressed the nurse’s pale cheek as her eyes focused on the small cut on her lower lip.

Kim came into the room quietly. Kerry noticed and half-smiled. “Look at this Kim…How is this possible..? Look at this cut on her lip…my poor girl…”

Kimberly thought it was the oddest thing but quickly understood the trick Kerry’s mind was playing on her. It was a simple way of protecting her. In the midst of such horror, Kerry’s mind had chosen to focus on a minute detail providing a diversion from the massive injuries that were so obvious. Smiling in understanding, the blonde came near and squeezed her ex-lover’s arm. “Yes Ker, it’s awful…”

Kerry nodded. Out of nowhere, her voice filled the room again.

“I’m sorry Kim…”

The blonde inhaled and removed her hand from her ex-lover’s arm.

“I know Ker…uh…-she decided to change the subject; she needed not to be reminded again of the end-…what did the surgeon say?

“He is really not saying much…She’s way too…-the redhead paused, catching a breath affected by the implications of her words-…frail…”

“She’ll survive Ker…she’s young, she’s strong, and she has every reason to want to fight…”

“Maybe…maybe she would if I hadn’t left…”

Kim pursed her lips and stopped talking. Time to go, she thought. She could understand them ending. She could accept and expect Kerry’s lack of attention towards her and she could even oversee the lack of consideration towards her feelings but the self-deprecating, guilty conscience was too much to bear for the blonde. She had wanted to leave the hospital the moment she realized –with an immense ache in her heart- that she had “disappeared” from Kerry’s awareness and in fact, no longer, mattered.

“Ker…-said the blonde-…I got to go and meet up with Mom…”

“Yes, of course…”-answered Kerry barely looking at Kim for an instant.

“We’ll pass by tomorrow morning before we get back, okay? Have a good evening and hang in there…she’ll pull through…”

The redhead looked up and saw her ex-lover at the door. She could see the pain in Kim’s eyes so devoid of joy they were. She felt sad she couldn’t make that good woman happy and that their lives were not meant to be lived together. 

Kim waved, smiled sadly and left.

Kerry’s eyes filled with tears again and minutes later she realized she had not even said goodbye.

The sky blue seemed to part as the jet flew through it. They had left at around 10 am, right after having breakfast and stopping by the hospital. Both of them had stepped in, had gone to the ICU but only one had left feeling at peace; the other had left the hospital feeling shattered. 

Abby was still alive and still holding on, albeit in a coma. Kerry was gracious and even somewhat happy to see them both but her demeanour had been way too removed and emotionally empty for Kim to empathise. It was –Kim felt- as if the redhead had become unable to feel anything for anyone else because all her feelings had been trapped and concentrated on Abby. Fortunately, though, her mother sensed the emotional turmoil her daughter was in and quickly said her goodbyes, prompting their quick departure. The blonde just smiled sadly, kissed her ex-lover lightly on the cheek, whispered goodbye and left with her mother.

Now in the plane, the psychiatrist could not believe that the whole thing was now, effectively, over. Her brain refused to accept that the hope that had started that night at Doc McGoo’s when the redhead had asked her to stay was now, gone. It all seemed illogical and such an incredible and devastating waste of dreams and most importantly, of love. 

Kim sighed and closed her eyes. She hugged her legs even closer to herself and leant back against the seat.

“You have a headache?”

The psychiatrist opened her eyes and looked at her mother. “Yeah…actually I do…”

“Not eating doesn’t help…”

“I know Mom…I know…”

“Come here…”

And Kim unbuckled her seat belt and sat next to her mother who cradled her daughter providing the comfort needed. Kim started to sob quietly, burying her face on Patricia’s shoulder. “Shhhh…Yes my darling…let it all out…”

And Kim did. Several times in the next few days, the blonde broke down in the arms of her mother who just held her lovingly and silently wished for her only daughter, to find someone who would finally make her happy.

Little did she know that her wish was about to come true soon enough.

Kerry sat next to the bed. The gentle hissing of the ventilator was the only noise. She had taken a shower, a nap and eaten some food and now all she had ahead of her was the endless hours of the night. She looked at Abby and noticed the dry skin around her mouth and the chapped lips. With care, she applied some lip balm on the lips and around the mouth and sighed deeply. How much longer she would be unconscious, the older woman wondered. Dubenko had told her that they would try to bring her out of the induced coma state in the morning but that in itself was not necessarily good news; Abby might not respond to the meds and even if she did, she might not be able to breathe on her own. 

Kerry sighed again just as Susan was coming in.

“Hey, Kerry…”-smiled the blonde and then looked at the chart. The brunette had been running a low fever and had been put on an aggressive course of antibiotics to prevent a very possible pneumonia threat.

“She’s been running a fever…shouldn’t they have isolated her? Where’s Moretti?”

Kerry took Susan’s arm gently. “Susan…she’ll be okay…she won’t catch pneumonia…”

Susan read the silent plea in her boss’ eyes. “Okay…” 

Putting the chart in its place, the attending rubbed Kerry’s back and invited her for a coffee.

Five minutes later, the doctors were sitting down in the cafeteria.

“Susan...?”

“Yeah…? -asked the blonde as she poured extra cream into her coffee.

“Why was Abby on Transport duty? I know she passed her rotations with flying colours, I know she finished the last written exam and all she needed to do was to wait till the Boards...Why was she on that building? I just don’t understand it...”

Susan sighed. She had to tell the truth and the truth would probably make Kerry feel guilty. She decided to lie.

“Uh...I don’t know Kerry...”

“What do you mean you don’t know Susan? You have to know! She’s a nurse in your department and you have to sign the authorization esp-“

“Kerry –Susan interrupted- don’t tell me what my job is, okay? Yes, I signed the authorization and yes, I do know why she was on Transport duty a couple of days ago...”

“So?”

“You...”

Kerry furrowed her brow. “Me?” 

“Yeah...”

“But why?” –asked the redhead genuinely curious. 

“Because she was convinced that you were coming back to end your marriage with her and she couldn’t stay home and wait for that to happen, Kerry...”

The mighty chief of Staff could not believe Susan’s words. “You’re serious..?”

“Yeah...sorry...”

“She told you this...”

“Well yes...she called it...what was it? It was some idiotic name...oh yes! ‘Distracted with a Purpose...’”

“So this means that in a way...this is my fault...”

“No Kerry, don’t go there. All couples have problems and you did what you needed to do...Abs wasn’t at her best either...”

“Thank you Susan...” –said Kerry, sighing deeply.

“No problem Kerry...for what it's worth, I think you’ve made Abby the happiest she’s ever been...”

“Perhaps but...I shouldn’t have left...”

Susan took another bite off her muffin and remained quiet; she was too drained to engage in a conversation such as that one and after a couple of minutes she left for the ER.

It was a rather cold morning. Kim woke up but refused to open her eyes; there was very little that held her interest. Just as she was falling back to sleep, she felt a warm little tongue licking her right temple; it was Jake, her mother’s miniature schnauzer that had climbed onto the bed and had decided it was time for Kim to wake up.

“Hey, Jake...hey boy...” –said the blonde still unwilling to fully wake.

“Come here boy...–said Patricia to the dog as she walked over and sat on the bed-...sit here with me Jake...”

Kim covered herself with the sheet and the blanket.

Patricia smiled and started to rub her daughter’s back. “Honey, I have to go to the office...you wanna come with me?”

“No Mom...thanks...”

“Okay but then you need to walk the dogs though... I don’t have the time...”

“Okay...”-answered the blonde, her voice muffled by the covers. 

“Oh and by the way honey...tomorrow night? I’m giving a dinner party for some people from work...”

Kim uncovered her face and frowned. “Mom...”

“What’s so bad about that my angel, really? The worst that can happen is that you drink some wine, eat some good food and listen to –mostly- stupid people praise themselves...”

“Can I think about it?”

“Okay...”

“Who’s coming, anyone, I know?”-asked the blonde leaning on her left elbow.

Patricia looked up remembering the names of those she had invited. “James, Olivia, Betsy, Nina, Paul, Stewart and Lorraine...”

“Who the hell are Stewart and Lorraine..?”

“Music department...remember I told you about their offices..?”

“Oh right...”

“Well, Stewart is the newest guy they just hired and Lorraine, she’s Drama but she really mostly teaches Music...she’s quite nice...”

Kim lay down and covered her head again. “I’ll think about it Mom...”-said the blonde softly.

“Okay, my angel...I got to go...”- and kissing her daughter goodbye, Patricia left.

The three doctors sat outside, right in front of Abigail’s ICU suite. Dubenko along with Moretti were examining Abigail and administering the drugs needed to start the long process of bringing the young nurse out of the coma. When they were done, they motioned Kerry to come in.

Susan moved and sat next to Pratt. “Did you know if Kerry finally call Abby’s mother?”

“I have no idea…I’m sure she did though…”

“It just seems odd that Maggie is not here…”

“When Kerry comes back, you can ask her, okay…?” –snapped Greg.

Four hours later, the first signs of consciousness arrived. The young brunette started to whimper and periodically move her fingers. Kerry sat down right next to her and very gently, started to caress her face as she spoke softly.

“I am here my angel, I am here…you take your time…no rush…take your time…”

On the outside, a small group of ER staff had gathered. They had been coming over from the first moment Abby had arrived but the news of her coming out of the coma was the first good news they had had since her accident. Fortunately, her extubation had gone well and just as Dr Moretti had predicted, Abigail resumed breathing on her own immediately. 

Unfortunately, waking up from a coma was proving a less straight-forward affair. After the whimpers, Abby finally managed to open her eyes but seemed unable to focus properly. The lights were dimmed and that seemed to help. Later, however, the whimpers became painful moans. 

Kerry felt her heart break completely. She leaned over and kissed the chapped lips, the eyelids, the cheeks, and the forehead. That seemed to calm the nurse down but after half an hour, the Chief of Staff realised that while it was very likely that Abby had regained some degree of consciousness, it was also very probable that she was feeling too frightened and in pain and that her cries, now much louder and increasing in frequency, were a combination of disorientation, fear and physical pain.

But Kerry remained put, caressing her wife’s face, talking to her, encouraging her without pushing. The gentle touch on her face seemed to appease Abigail and the crying finally, became less intense.

“How is she doing Kerry...?”

“Calmer Kevin…Thank God…She seems to react well to gentle physical touch…”

“Don’t we all..?”-asked Moretti with a smile. 

Kevin Moretti was a character Kerry Weaver knew very little about. Hired during one of the most tumultuous times of her tenure as Chief of the ER, she had never really had the chance to get to know him but at this moment, a lot of her faith fell on him.

“Kevin, do you have a moment..?”

He motioned for her to leave the room. “Yes Kerry, what can I do for you..?”

While it was true that Kerry had seen her fat share of patients like Abby or even worse, she rarely had the time to follow up on them. Once they were wheeled off the ER, they pretty much became closed cases and rarely did the good doctor, have the chance to find out what happened to them. Unlike Dr Moretti, Kerry had little experience with comatose patients and while she knew that coming out of a coma, albeit chemically induced, was not like Hollywood would let everyone believe, she also realized that she did not know what to expect.

“I know you are probably asked this question hundreds of times in a month but…”

“You want to know what to expect, right?”

The redhead nodded and for a moment the love he saw in her eyes reminded him of his ex-wife.

“I wish I could tell you exactly how this is going to progress but every patient is different, Kerry…”

“I understand that Kevin but I dunno…you’ve seen lots of patients like Abby…”

“Yes I have…All I can tell you Kerry is they need their loved ones, they fair much better if they know someone is there with them, taking care of them, waiting for them. They are a lot more aware than regular science would lead you to believe and only about 25% return to normal life but…”

Kerry’s face started to show signs of panic. 

“But…-said the bald doctor with a gentle smile-…your Abby doesn’t belong to that category because hers was an induced coma, not one caused by external injury…hers was controlled…”

“Shit Kevin…you scared me…”

“I also have to be honest Kerry and point out that yes, it was induced but recovery might take a while…”

“How long is ‘a while’..?”

“Anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks or more Kerry…but, hang in there, she’ll be fully conscious soon and once that happens, you’ll be able to help her better…”

“Thank you, Kevin…”

“Oh and Kerry..? One more thing…”

“Yes…?”

“Love her…”

Kerry felt her legs gave in a little. Kevin Moretti was almost a stranger and those words, coming from him, disarmed her. Her eyes watered and all she could do was nod and smile.

“Thank you…”-she whispered.

Kim was doing her best. She had finally decided to partake in her Mother’s dinner party as some of the guests were old friends of the family. Unfortunately though; one of them decided to bring his girlfriend along and that –according to Kim’s words- proved to be ‘insufferable’. After much discussion, Kimberly left the small group and headed to the kitchen to get away.

“Oh-My-God…I’m utterly speechless…-said the blonde as she looked for the gin, the vermouth and the olives-…and that seldom happens…”

“Well, at least it has helped to get you to breathe again darling, even if we had to restore to Palin and her views on Foreign Policy and Russia…”

“But Mom, this girl’s views are…are…uh…preposterous! Who in the right mind could possibly think Palin is mildly prepared to hold that position, for crying out loud!”

“Well honey…-said Patricia who was busy in the kitchen with the caterers-…apparently Lorraine agrees with you…didn’t you see her stand up and leave in the middle of it all?”

“She did? I didn’t notice, no. I was too busy fighting… Which one is she, the brunette with the glasses, right?”

Patricia pointed to the garden. “Yeah…the one on the patio…”-added the older Legaspi, as if in passing, hoping her daughter would bite the bait.

She did.

As soon as she finished stirring her Martini Kim stepped out onto the garden that led to the patio…to meet, Lorraine. 

Patricia smiled. 

It was nothing, just a tiny, baby-step. 

But all stories start with one tiny, baby-step. Perhaps this one would do too.

(End of Chapter 31)


	32. Even At The Turning Of The Tide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 32  
Even at the Turning of the Tide

As she walked across the garden and into the patio, Kim almost stopped and turned around. ‘What am I doing, prowling?’ –she thought but kept on walking realizing that no, she wasn’t prowling; she was too old and too tired to prowl anymore.

“Hi…”-said the blonde softly.

“Oh shit, you scared me!”-said the brunette almost spilling her drink and placing her hand on her chest.

“I’m sorry…”-said Kimberly, apologetically.

“No, no, no I am sorry…You’re Kim, aren’t you? Patricia’s daughter..? I’m Lorraine Calligari by the way...”

“Yup…-answered the blonde extending her arm for a handshake-…that would be me…”

The brunette was as tall as Kim but less lanky. With a thick New York accent, her demeanour was bolder, outward, and even a bit abrasive but her green eyes were kind and inviting.

“I recognized you from the pictures your mother has in her office…”

“Yeah…every so often she asks for new ones…”

The brunette smiled and took a sip of her red wine. Kim felt at ease and comfortable; at least she didn’t have to listen to James’ moronic girlfriend. “You were smart escaping when you did…”

“Huh?”-asked the brunette.

“James’ girlfriend..?”-said Kim discreetly pointing to the house.

“Oh my god! Yes! I’m sorry I just can’t…I lost the ability to endure bullshit a long time ago…I can’t…It was either that or I was gonna throw my drink at her face to shut her up and if I did that…-she smiled a bit- your mother wouldn’t invite me again and it’d be kinda weird at work and James would fire me and you wouldn’t want to know me and it’d be a mess…”

Kim looked at Lorraine seriously and then burst into laughter.

When Kim stopped laughing she heard Patricia calling out for dinner. “I think is time to eat…You coming?”

“God yes, I’m starving! That Chinese girl might be derailed but I’m still gonna eat…”-said Lorraine as she walked past Kim.

“You know Lorraine..?”

“Yeah?”-asked the New Yorker turning around.

“I’d still want to know you…”

Lorraine smiled broadly. “Good, I was hoping you’d say that…”

Abby lay asleep. The neurologist had passed by and had made his first post-coma assessment and it had turned out better than what Kerry had expected. While not entirely conscious and still in the midst of the slow waking up process, she was slowly regaining her neurological skills which meant that there had not been any brain damage.

Kerry was exhausted. She had spent this day like the three previous ones; next to Abby’s bed providing whatever her wife needed. She would exercise the legs, cleaned her, bathed her and turned her over every so often in order to prevent bedsores. When the Orthopaedic surgeon came to inspect the Ilizarov frame and retire the bandages, she was there. When Moretti and Dubenko passed by the last time, Kerry watched as they retired the chest tube and modified the feeding formula in preparation for solid food intake in the near future. So now, close to 8 pm, the redhead felt spent.

“Kerry?”

The Chief of Staff heard Susan’s familiar voice and stepped out of the ICU suite. Visibly tired, her limp seemed more pronounced.

“Go home...”

“What?”

“You heard me Kerry; go home...I’ll stay with her...”

“But...”

“But nothing. Take my car, go home, shower, eat and sleep. Simple. So, go. Now.”

The redhead was too tired to argue. “Thank you Susan...thank you for everything...”

The blonde nodded and smiled shyly. She gave Kerry her car keys, told her where the car was parked and smiled as her boss waved goodbye. Funny how things worked out she thought, she had never liked Kerry Weaver and there she was...feeling genuine affection for a woman who had in the past, given her so much grief.

She then went into the bathroom and changed into sweat pants, a t-shirt, a thick navy blue sweatshirt, socks and tennis shoes. She took her makeup off and settled in next to her friend with her laptop, her blackberry and tons of work to fill the hours.

Every so often Susan would turn, check the monitors, the lines and Abby’s sleeping face despite the fact that the student was stable and in no immediate danger. The swelling in her right arm had subsided and while she would have to wear the metal frame for around 6 weeks, the whole arm had regained a healthy pink colour. All was left was for Abby to fully regain consciousness.

“So you’re spending the night, then..?”

The blonde attending looked up and saw Gates, her ER Resident, standing by the door of the suite. She turned around, checking on the student and stood up heading to the door.

“How’s she?” –asked the resident who had just ended his shift.

“She’s much better, thank god...”

“And Kerry?”

“I sent her home...”

“YOU sent her home?”

“Yeah, I know... It sounds weird but she really looked exhausted and she wouldn’t go home so I –literally- gave her my car keys and asked her to go. She had been here for the last three days straight...she only went home to shower and change...”

“You want some company?” 

“No, I’m fine. I have lots of work to keep me entertained and you must be tired ...thanks though...”

“Well, I’m going then...you want something to eat or some sweets or something? I can bring it up for you...”

“No thank you...I ordered something from the cafeteria...Thank you...”

And she waved the resident goodbye and went back to the suite.

“Oh my God Abby, you’re awake!”-shouted the blonde the moment she stepped in the room and Abby’s brown eyes focused on her. Abigail looked confused but wide awake. She looked up at her friend and her eyes filled with tears. 

“Oh my god, Abby...” –whispered Susan who kissed her friend’s forehead. “Thank you God...thank you...thank you...”-said Susan holding her friend’s hand. “You okay, are you in pain?”

The nurse was much too weak to say anything. She just waved or nodded as making up words seemed to be a big effort at the moment.

“You hungry? Comfortable, uncomfortable?”

Abby realized that Susan was too emotional to stop asking questions. With great difficulty, she managed to mouth enough words to convey to the attending that she was fine but very tired. Talking was not only exhausting but hard; she seemed to lack the necessary coordination to move the facial muscles at the correct speed so her wording was slow and deliberate. She finally managed to ask about Kerry.

“Okay, okay, got you, hun. Kerry is home. She had been here every night since you had the accident but I told her to go home, to have some sleep...”

Abby asked Susan if Kerry had come back to Chicago. 

“Of course Abby, she’s back, didn’t you...don’t you remember? You woke up two days ago...she was here, with you...”

The nurse started to visibly cry now. She hadn’t fully woken up until now and no, she did not remember Kerry or anything else much.

“Oh Abs, please don’t cry, please don’t cry...Calm down, please, okay?”-said Susan who wiped Abby’s tears as they fell onto her face. “Kerry came back immediately Abby. The moment I knew about your accident I called her and she was here in a few hours....”

Susan continued to wipe her friend’s tears in silence. These were tears if not quite of joy, they were tears of release; perhaps there still was a chance for them.

An hour later, Abby slept again. Susan looked at her wristwatch and shook her head, pursing her lips; it was just too late to call Kerry. She tucked Abby in, checked the lines, the feeding tube and the pump; all were working correctly. Turning off some of the lights, she left a small one on and settled into work.

Every so often Lorraine would hear as Kim inhaled deeply and gripped the fork and the knife so tightly, that her knuckles would whiten. Those were the moments when she would either create a diversion or gently, touched the blonde’s arm as to appease her. 

It worked, for most of the evening.

Until it didn’t.

“Are you for real? -shouted Kim from across the table at the same time as she stood up- Are you aware of how incredibly stupid you sound?”

“Kimberly Patricia!”-shouted her mother.

“Sorry Mom but this is insulting! –Kim paused for a moment and then turned to the woman who had been monopolizing the conversation- I do not know if you understand this but gay people are not paedophiles, are not deviants and are not any of the things you just mentioned! Your shameless gay-bashing only serves to prove how ignorant and complacent most people are!

Lorraine tightened her grip on Kim’s arm trying to contain her. Kim felt Lorraine’s touch and moved her hand to hold Lorraine’s in a gentle and very intimate show of silent connection and most importantly, of mutual attraction. After gently squeezing Lorraine’s fingers, Kim continued.

“I am sorry because I barely know you Lan but you have personally insulted at least one person across the table from you...Me! I am gay!” -said the blonde who disengaged from Lorraine and left the table.

Lorraine put down her knife and fork and folding her napkin tidily, stood up as well. “Actually Miss Chan you’ve insulted two people on this table tonight for I am gay as well, and while I may be a bit more contained than Ms Legaspi, I have to entirely agree with her. Now if you’ll all excuse me...”

Turning to Patricia who could not believe her eyes, Lorraine said, “Pat, I’m sorry. I’ll go and check on your daughter, okay?”-And quickly left the table.

Pacing herself, the brunette climbed the stairs of a house she’d never gone to before. 

Once upon the landing, she realized she had no idea where Kim could be.

“Kim..?”-she asked out loud.

“In here Lorraine...”

At the end of the hallway, Lorraine found the blonde’s room. She was sitting on a reclining chair, looking at the distant ocean. The brunette leaned against the door frame and took a look around the ample room.

“You do know I don’t live here anymore, right..?”

“Well, that’s good to know Kim otherwise I would have thought that you had a rather odd attraction to the Powerpuff Girls...”-said Lorraine containing a chuckle and making a comical reference to some toys in Kimberly’s old room.

Kim just turned around and smirked. “Ooohh...funny...” 

“So...what do you say...wanna come down?”-asked Lorraine.

“Is that horrendous woman gone..?”

“Yup...I heard the front door open and close when I was coming up...”

“You sure?”

Lorraine had to smile. Unknowingly, Kim had just pouted like a child. “Uh yes...I’m sure; I heard them saying goodbye...”

“Okay then...”

“Okay...”-whispered Lorraine, playing along.

Kimberly turned around. “You making fun of me?”

“Me? Nooo...noooo...”

“You are..!”

Lorraine looked straight into the eyes of Kim. “Okay, okay...actually yes I am, but that’s only because I like you...”

Kim smiled. She definitely liked this Lorraine woman; direct, straight-forward, no non-sense. “Good...because uh...I sort of like you too...” –said Kim blushing as Lorraine nodded and smiled. The older woman noticed the blush but decided not to act on it; she just simply relished on the fact that she could make this beautiful woman blush.

“Kim?”

“Uhm..?”

“You might need to apologize to your Mom...”-said Lorraine in a lower tone of voice and with an empathetic demeanour.

“Yeah, I know...”

“It’ll make her happy...”

“Yeah...-and she turned to go down the stairs. Three steps later, she stopped and turned around again-...thank you...”

The teacher and musician smiled and looked at her tenderly, “You’re welcome...”

Kerry felt so exhausted when she got home that she didn’t eat anything. She went directly upstairs, took a shower and thirty minutes later, the redhead was sound asleep. Feeling refreshed she was wide awake by 5:30 am. She got out of bed, took a shower and after checking some of her emails on her laptop in the kitchen, decided she could get ready to go to the hospital.

When she walked into the suite, it was only 7:30 and all was quiet. Susan sat asleep on the reclining chair, covered by a blanket.

Kerry unthreaded her arm out of her crutch and stood next to the bed. Gently she caressed her wife’s face and noticed a pinkish hue that wasn’t there before; Abby was definitely improving.

“Kerry...”-whispered Susan.

At the same time that Kerry heard Susan mentioned her name; she felt a tug on her long sleeve. She knew Abby had awoken.

“Oh, honey...-whispered Kerry-...oh god...”

Susan watched as both women held onto each other. Abby’s eyes filled with desperate tears and she tugged at Kerry so strongly that the redhead almost lost her balance. Kerry leant forward and opened her arms to engulf her wife completely yet tenderly -with care- as a whimper, choked her throat and escaped her mouth.

Susan put her tennis shoes on but could not separate her eyes from the scene in front of her. Kerry was so extraordinarily delicate and tender that the attending felt touched as if she was discovering a brand new person she never imagined existed. The redhead sat on the edge of the bed and held her wife close, muttering sweet nothings and kissing Abby’s face over and over again -wiping with her soothing kisses- the tears and the pain.

Susan then concentrated her attention on Abby and finally, understood. The attending finally grasped the reason why Abigail, so apparently harsh and even aloof at times, had fallen for this woman that they all knew, that very few liked and almost no one, could ignore. Her young friend had her eyes closed and was distinctively crying but the fear in her face had disappeared and had been replaced by peace and a sense of belonging. She was finally home; Kerry Weaver was her home.

She silently left the room giving them the privacy they deserved.

After perhaps five minutes, Kerry separated herself somewhat from Abby and looked at her. She still cradled the young nurse in her arms, gently.

“I’m so very sorry for hurting you...I will never forgive myself for all this...”

Abby tried to speak but again like the night before, she found it very difficult to move her mouth to speak fluently. Nonetheless, she made the attempt and her wife reassured her to go on. “I...sorry...”

“No, my love...you have nothing to be sorry about...I left...I shouldn’t have left you...”

Abby made an attempt to speak again but Kerry silenced her with a kiss. It wasn’t a soaring kiss like those of cheap soap opera actors. This kiss was meant to ask for forgiveness and to promise for the future, whatever she felt she had not delivered in the past. She broke the kiss and realized how much she had missed her wife’s lips, the taste of her mouth, the way those pouting lips fit in between hers, so perfectly. “I love you so much...I never knew how much I loved you until now...”

Abby winced and just as Kerry was placing her to lie again on the bed completely, she whispered, “I love you...too...”

The sun was orange in the City by the Bay. Kim had been home for no more than 30 minutes but it seemed longer to the blonde who couldn’t wait to be on her way. She gathered some toiletries and placed them in her large weekend duffle bag, along with some sandals, her hiking boots and the black Etienne Aigner black pumps, ‘just in case’ she thought. She turned around and since she could not find anything else to fit in the bag, she closed it.

Just as she was ushering Chester to the back seat of her SUV, her cell phone rang.

“Where are you?”

“I’m about to leave the house...”

“You’re not gonna make it...”

“I am going to make it...”

“Nah, you won’t...traffic is horrible...”

“You want to bet money that I will make it on time..?”

“Okay, how much then?”

“Twenty...”

“Twenty bucks? Is that all? You are ‘el-cheapo girl’ Kim, I swear...”

“Okay fine, fifty then...”

“Deal!”

“Okay, I’m leaving...I’m ready to go...”

“Ya better be here on time Legaspi...I swear it’d be the last time I invite ya...”

“Blah, blah, blah...you’re full of it, Calligari...”

“Yeah, yeah...whatever...Drive safely, will ya..?”

“Of course...of course, I will...See you in a bit...”

“Okay...bye...”

“Bye...”

Closing the lid on her phone, Kim smiled. 

Two and a half hours later the two Legaspis were arriving at the World Theatre on the California State University at the Monterey Bay Campus. Patricia wore an apple green taffeta dress underneath her black long coat whereas Kim wore a black wrapped dress, with a delicate stone necklace and they both look stunning. Lorraine had found them tickets for the Annual Orchestra & Choir Festival at the University in which she was to debut as a Conductor of the University Philharmonic Orchestra and Choir.

They entered the hall through one of the stage doors and showed their backstage badges and per Lorraine’s instructions, they asked for her. Two minutes later, Ms Calligari came to greet them. Clad in a black smoking suit with a matching black silk blouse, Lorraine looked subdued but strikingly elegant. Her hair was up in a bun and the single rosebud that adorned her lapel looked beautiful against the black. From afar the musician smiled and waved.

Kim swallowed hard. She was not a sucker for visual beauty but she would have to admit to her mother much later, that the sight of Lorraine at that moment had trapped her. 

“Hey! You guys made it!”-said Lorraine hugging Patricia and then turning to Kim whom she kissed lightly on the cheek.

“Don’t you look elegant...”-said the older Legaspi.

“You think? I bought this suit last week just for this...”

Kim was quiet but smiling broadly. The way she saw it was simple; if she opened her mouth she’d make a fool of herself.

“You mean it, Pat? Don’t you think I look fat? Shit, I’m so nervous...”-said Lorraine shaking her hands.

Patricia –who knew her daughter better than anyone- turned to Kim. “She doesn’t look fat, does she, Kim?”

The blonde turned around and for a fraction of a second, glared at her mother. Immediately after turned to Lorraine, “Oh god no, you crazy Calligari? Of course, not...”

“So you think I look nice?”-asked the brunette smiling.

Patricia decided that it was a good time to leave the two women alone and decided to walk ahead; Kim –however- had a different idea. 

“Oh, I got to go...”-whispered the blonde the moment she saw her mother walking away.

“You look very beautiful”-said the brunette as Kim walked by.

“You think so? You like the dress..?”-asked the blonde turning around in a seductive manner.

For some reason that she had been trying to fathom for the last few days, Kim felt compelled to shamelessly flirt with Lorraine. She did it all the time; on the phone, at her Mother’s house, through emails and texts. However, there was a difference; this wasn’t the sort of empty flirt designed to make her feel good. No, this was altogether different. This time Kimberly actually wanted to appear pretty and desirable and lovable. This time –and perhaps for the first time in her adult life- Kim wanted to show all her colours, all at once not caring about the consequences. 

Lorraine fixed her olive-green eyes on Kim’s blues. “You know I do...”-added gently.

And Kim felt disarmed. “I got to go...”-she muttered.

“Okay...See you later then..?”

Kim turned around, “Of course...you owe me money, remember..?-she said smiling  
-...Good luck Calli...”

“Thank you..!”

Three minutes later, Kim was taking her front-row seat, next to her mother. 

“Gee, thanks, Mom! Why did you leave me in there?”

“Because you both seemed to need the time alone...”-answered the older woman as she turned around and waved a couple of times; she was amongst students and faculty and ran into many of them.

“Well...no...I didn’t need to be alone in there...”

Patricia turned around smiling. “Kimberly...you actually think I’m going to buy into that bs you’re trying to feed me? You liked that woman, you reeeeaaallyyy like that woman and that’s okay my darling...I was hoping you’d find someone to help you move forward...”

Kim remained silent as a violent crimson crept all over her face. “Is it that obvious...?”

“Yes and she knows it too...but then again, she is as besotted as you, so you two look like a pair of idiots...”

“Mom...”

Patricia turned around and faced her daughter. “It’s true! You two look like a pair of idiots! Last weekend, remember on Friday night when you both came over?

“Yeah..?”

“All that woman did was look at you from afar...”

“I know...I did the same...”

“Isn’t that kind of idiotic, honey..?”

Kim smiled broadly. “Thank you, Mom...I love you...”

“I love you too my girl...”-said Patricia as the lights in the concert hall dimmed and the ones on the stage became brighter. 

The curtain opened and it showed the orchestra fully assembled, all dress in black. The concertmaster, a young woman in a long black skirt and blouse tuned the orchestra and took her seat again. The stage lights dimmed almost completely until the sound of clapping and one single spot-light signalled the entrance of the conductor, Lorraine Calligari.

Kim remembered feeling transported. For a second or so she remembered Kiki and thought it odd that she was interested –again- in a musician. But as Lorraine walked towards the podium baton in hand and with a very serious demeanour unknown to Kim, the psychiatrist realized that this feeling she was starting to feel for the mature woman whom all eyes were upon tonight, was entirely different than whatever she had ever felt for the young violinist. Whatever this was, it was a lot more fervent and deep that anything she had felt before...even for Kerry. For a moment her thoughts travelled to Chicago and to Kerry; who was hers no more, and for an instant, a pang of pain pierced her heart. But she inhaled deeply and her eyes focused on the woman who –only meters away from her- robbed her of every smile she had inside of her without even trying.

Lorraine raised her arms and all went still. The piece started with a single drum and the strings, the brass and the percussion sections joining in one single note that sounded like a scream. Then all violins, violas and cellos –along with trumpets, flutes, oboes, clarinets, trombones and even a piccolo- developed a melody in a very powerful staccato that dissolved into a gorgeous tune that was almost ethereal.

Kim was in awe. Lorraine was not only a consummated musician but a delicate yet incredibly powerful conductor who knew exactly what she wanted from her students and had the ability to get it. For a moment, the blonde’s thoughts transported her –along with the brunette- to another place and time where they could be together, kissing, embracing, touching, talking, smiling and most importantly, laughing. In her mind’s eye, Kimberly caught a glimpse of what her future could be; someone that genuinely loved her, someone who could really accompany and support her, someone to conceive and raise children with...someone to go through life with.

The thought scared her a bit. But just as her fears were taking hold she was able to watch –just for a couple of seconds- Lorraine’s face smiling to the violin section and Kim’s fears, floated away.

No one who could smile like that could possibly hurt her.

And at that moment, she finally knew.

She had found the end of her journey.

(End of Chapter 32)


	33. Come What May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 33  
“Come What Come May…”

“Don’t overdo it Abby, careful...pace yourself...”

She took the deepest breath she could handle and exhaled as hard and as long as she could. The pain was intense.

“Okay, okay...good...see? Look at that! Much better! Any pain?”

“Yeah...in here...”-said the nurse pointing to her ribcage, underneath her right breast. 

“Well yes... that’s where the rib cage suffered the most damage...”

Abby nodded, exhausted. The respiratory therapist picked up his equipment while the brunette sat on the chair, too spent to move much. When he was done, he stopped for a second and sat next to Abigail.

“You’re tired of being here, aren’t you?”

“Words cannot express...”-said the nurse half-smiling.

“If you continue like this, you’ll be taken out of supplemental O2 and once that happens, if the bones have healed, you’ll go home...”

“I know...just...tired of being here...”-whispered Abby.

“Hi...”-said Kerry approaching.

“Okay ladies, I shall leave you alone...Abby...See you tomorrow...Dr. Weaver..?”

Both women nodded and smiled.

Kerry bent forward and kissed Abigail. “How are you, my angel..?”

“Missing you...tired of being here and in pain...other than that, I’m great!”

“Aaaaawww...well, here I am...all yours...”

Abigail smirked and sighed. “Not that I can do anything about that while in here...”

Kerry looked at her wife with devotion. 

“What?” questioned the younger woman.

“I was thinking love...uh...I think we should get married...”

Abby furrowed her brow. “We ARE married...”

“Uh yeah...but we never really had a party, did we?”

“Uh, no...no...”

“I was thinking that we should have one big party at the house...right after you get out of here...We can have that blessing we talked about and we never got around to do...”

Abigail smiled. In the two weeks, since she had fully regained consciousness, all Kerry had done had been trying to compensate for whatever she thought she had not provided for her wife in the past. It was starting to be too much for Abigail.

“Ker..?”

“Yes, my love..?”

“Is this like the sick kid Disney World trip thing..?”

“Abby!”

The nurse chuckled and extended her left arm towards her wife bringing her face to hers. Kerry leant forward and allowed the intimacy. The brunette kissed her openly and a moan escaped the redhead’s mouth. “You don’t have to do anything special for me Ker...the only thing I want is you, that’s all...”

“But love...I want to...”

“No... we are fine, I am fine...I just need you, okay? You...”

“Okay...”

The redhead felt a lump in her throat but disguised the pain she felt in her chest by kissing the brunette. 

“Babe..?”-asked the redhead.

“Uh-huh?”

“I just came from talking to Kevin and Lucien...”-said the redhead helping her wife to the bed.

“And..?” -asked the brunette hoping for an immediate release order but wincing in pain.

“Well...they are going to put you through some tests on Thursday and Friday. If they find what they hope to find, they’ll take you out of the supplemental O2. If you can manage that, then –provided of course I’ll bring you every day for all your therapy sessions- you may be released on the weekend...”

“You’re kidding...-said the nurse whose eyes welled up-...I’m going home..?”

“Yes but...why are you crying? You okay?”

The brunette wiped the tears that rolled down her face and smiled, overwhelmed.

“Peanut...what’s the matter...?

“Just hold me, please?”

Kerry leant forward and took her wife in her arms. The position was awkward at best with the metallic frame on the way and Kerry’s own physical limitations but despite the pain and the discomfort, the redhead could not think of a better place to be at that moment. Silently, she understood the tears Abigail was shedding.

“Yes love, you’re going home...”-whispered Kerry, adding nothing else. She had seen the boxes, the suitcases and the trunk Abby had packed days before the accident in preparation for what she thought would be, their final break down, so she understood where the tears were coming from.

So she held Abby tightly in her arms trying to convey what her actions in the past had denied, hoping against hope that the future would allow her to keep the promises made.

“Yes my heart, you’re going home...”

Kim felt intrigued. No matter where she looked there were all these kids; tall, short, chubby, skinny, Chinese, Spanish, Italian, Russian, American, Greek. They were all carrying musical instruments; violins, electric guitars, drums, keyboards, cellos, a trombone. She looked everywhere but could not find Rehearsal Room 144 and just as she was going to leave, she found it right at the end of the hall. 

Through the small window on the door, she could see Lorraine sitting by the piano. Taking advantage that her friend had her back to the door; she slipped in and sat right at the back of the huge rehearsal room. 

The sound could have been deafening if it hadn’t been so well-orchestrated. Lorraine at the piano sang along a group of girls who stood behind and around her while another group of boys sang opposite to them. The rest of the musicians gathered around these two groups and the energy was so intense, it was almost visible. 

No wonder -Kim thought- Lorraine’s demeanour was so youthful and light disguising her real chronological age of 48; full ten years older than Kim. Kim had begun to understand that youth and wonder were as important to this woman as the music itself so teaching these youngsters was not just what she did but what she loved.

The piece finally stopped and when it did the whole room full exploded in laughter. Lorraine at the centre of it all, bent over the piano and Kim could hear her hearty laughter all the way at the back of the room. Someone must have warned her to Kim’s presence because she suddenly raised her head and asked, mostly to herself, where Kim was.

“In here...”

“Oh my god! What are you doing here?”

“Came to see your work...”

The brunette could not hide her joy. Flushed but pleased, she walked to greet the blonde with open arms. Once together, Lorraine wrapped her arms around the blonde for just a moment and before separating completely, she kissed her like she always did, lightly, on both cheeks.

“This is a surprise...”-whispered the teacher.

“Good one, I hope..?”-asked the blonde.

“You know it is...”

Kim became quickly shy. Lorraine had a way to disarm the blonde that both confused and delighted her. She came up with a very plausible excuse; “I came to pick up Mom for lunch...”

“And what about work...do you ever work, Legaspi? –asked the musician cheekily.

“Of course I do...I will be working here all next week...”

“Here? How come?”

Kim realised that behind them, a group of at least 20 students had gathered and were listening very attentively to their every word. Her eyes moved around and Lorraine caught the unspoken signal immediately.

“Okay, okay enough you guys! Let’s go back to work!”

Turning to Kim, she lowered her voice to almost a whisper, “You staying the weekend..?”

“Uh-hum...”-answered the blonde nodding and smiling like a teenager.

“So...talk later..?”-asked Lorraine saying a lot more than what she had actually said.

“Yup...”

Lorraine smiled again, leant forward, held one of Kim’s hands, gave it a gentle squeeze and kissed the blonde on the cheeks. Someone whistled from afar.

“Don’t you go there Danny...uh uh...she’s Dr Woodward’s only daughter...”

“THE Doctor Woodward? The Terror?”

“Yes Danny THE Dr Woodward that teaches Neuroanatomy and Neurophysiology and believe me, you do not want to get on the wrong side of that woman!” -yelled the New Yorker as she walked away from Kim, who laughed wholeheartedly.

“Oh no... You don’t! Okay, let’s get back to work then...”

Kim walked to the door and just before she was about to open it she turned around once more only to find a pair of green eyes, following her every move.

She smiled and Lorraine smiled right back.

The sun shed a crisp, bright light against the bluest sky Abby could remember. The green on the tree leaves seem more intense and the air smelled like summer; balmy and inviting. Secure in the new car that Kerry had brought for her, Abby felt somewhat at peace. 

“You comfortable enough..?”

The brunette turned and gazed at the redhead, “What do you think? The last time I was out here, in the world, I thought my life was about to go down the drain and now weeks later, here I am with you...”

Kerry felt so touched that she only managed to squeeze her wife’s fingers gently and smiled; she had decided that from now on more than her words, her actions would demonstrate what she felt for her wife.

“Okay...here we are...home...”

She pulled onto the driveway and parked the shiny, brand new Honda SUV right behind Abby’s old truck. 

“I guess I should sell the old truck now...give you the money, huh..?”

Kerry turned around and ignored the comment. Opening her own door she asked Abby to wait for her. When she opened Abby’s door she helped her wife turn around and before helping the brunette step out she leaned on Abby’s lap, placing her forearms next to Abby’s thighs.

“Hun, you don’t need to give me anything...I bought the car because I wanted to give it to you as a gift...”

“But Ker, a car is not a gift! A car is...a car!”

Kerry cupped Abby’s face. “I almost lost you, my angel...I almost lost the only thing that really matters to me, you. Nothing else matters except you, you understand?”

Abby pursed her lips and nodded looking at her wife’s eyes. Inhaling quickly, she managed not to cry again. She felt fear and she couldn’t deny it. While it was true that she had prompted their recent separation, it was also true that if Kim had not shown up or if Kerry had not been so vulnerable to Kim’s presence, none of this would have happened.

She held on to her wife’s hands but at the end could not stop the tears rolling down her face; as much as she hated it, crying seemed to come to her much easier now after the accident, than ever before.

“My love...-whispered the redhead wiping the tears with her thumbs-...what is it..?

Abby needed to shout, to loudly ask Kerry not to leave her again. She needed to say how lonely, rejected and abandoned she had felt; how empty her life had become after their separation. She wanted to tell Kerry how meaningless all was and how little she valued anything, even her own life. She wanted to talk about her anger, her jealousy, her rage at the thought of anyone kissing or touching her wife. She needed to talk.

But she couldn’t.

The only thing she managed to do was to hold on to Kerry again as she had been doing for the past three weeks. 

The redhead wrapped her arms around Abby’s smaller body and gently pulled her to herself. “Let’s go inside my love, let’s go...”

A couple of hours later, Abby lay asleep on the sofa in the family room. After some lunch, the nurse felt tired and with Kerry’s help, she lay to read the paper and nap. Only hours after being released and three weeks after the accident and the major operation that followed, Abby still tired easily. To take care of her wife, Kerry had asked for an unpaid leave of absence of a month in which time, Donald Anspaugh would cover for her. Today was the first day of that forced vacation and while she would take Abby to the hospital for her physio and respiratory therapy sessions, technically, she was out of work for a month so she had plenty of time to take care of Abigail and to attempt to repair the damage she had caused.

Kerry was not naive enough to believe that because Abby had awoken and all seemed fine between them, her recovery was only physical in nature. What had happened before their separation, during the three weeks Kerry had been with Kim and the accident itself, had –inevitably- hurt them both and if they wanted their relationship to survive, they had to face the pain. 

And she had seen it already, the pain behind those brown eyes; imminent, piercing even menacing. She knew Abigail would want answers and would demand loyalty and would even –despite herself- feel anger and resentment. So sighing, she put away the open newspaper that had fallen on top of Abby’s tummy, gently removed the cotton socks off her wife’s feet and wiped her forehead off the small beads of sweat that covered it; it was summer and it was warm and all Kerry wanted, was for her girl to be comfortable.

Once she did all that, she sat on the other end of the sofa book in hand and delicately, kissed one of Abby’s feet and smiling, she leaned back and read for a while.

“I need you to chop them finer...”

“Finer? But Mom...

“You guys need some help..?

“You know how to chop tomatoes really small?

“Uh...I think I can manage...”

“Go then...dazzle me...”

“Okay then...”

Lorraine settled her wine glass on the granite countertop and took the knife off the blonde’s hand. “You may want to give me that...”-she added as she took it away from Kim all the way smiling cheekily at the psychiatrist who was far from amused.

She sat on the tall stool and started to systematically create really small and tidy cubes off the ripe tomatoes. “Is that good Pat..?”

The older Legaspi wiped her hands on the apron and turned to inspect. “You’re good Lorraine...who would have thought that you’d be good at something else besides making a lot of noise in those rehearsal rooms of yours...”

Kim chuckled. 

“And you’re very welcome Pat...Geez!”

And the three women burst into laughter. This was the second Friday in a row that the trio had gotten together in Patricia’s home to enjoy a meal. This time they were making Mexican food and Patricia was in command of the kitchen.

“Kim? Could you please get the barbacoa out of the fridge?”

“Yeah, sure Mom...”

“Is this barbacoa barbacoa, like from Mexico barbacoa..?”

Patricia turned around and laughed out loud. “Lo...how many times did you just say the word ‘barbacoa’ in there?”

“Okay, okay...so I’m a Dodo, fine...”-said the New Yorker somewhat embarrassed. Seeing that, Kim came to the rescue.

“Mom…leave Calli alone…”-said the blonde who stood up behind Lorraine, placed her hands on the brunette’s shoulders and lightly caressed them with her thumbs. It was the first time she deliberately touched Lorraine and the electricity between them was almost palpable. 

Lorraine felt as her breathing stopped for a moment and something inside her trembled; such was the magnitude of the reaction of her own body to the sensation of Kim’s hands on her shoulders. She closed her eyes and breathed in sharply and in a fraction of a second, she regained the lost composure. “Yeah Pat…leave me alone…”  
-she added, pouting.

An hour later, the trio was sitting outside on the patio, enjoying some drinks. The night was cooler than usual and Kim had started the fire. 

“So Lo…how come you never told me you were rehearsing with the orchestra?”-asked Patricia.

“Oh…uh…I guess because I wasn’t sure I was going to get it…”

“What do you mean, get what?”-asked Kim.

“The opportunity to conduct…it’s done by an election. The students vote for the teacher they want to conduct the orchestra…and I won!” –said the brunette with a grin.

“But Lo, what I mean is…I see you every day and I…I just never knew…It never occurred to me you could do that…It was incredible…”

“It really was…”-added the blonde.

“Oh stop…I just…I dunno…it’s what I do...”

“Oh my god…I cannot believe my eyes…you’re shy? Noooo…this is not happening!”

“Mom! Stop it! You’re embarrassing her!”

The older Legaspi stood up and tapped the brunette’s head, “Okay okay…I’ll go and get some dessert for the shy Maestro here and for the rest of us, mere mortals!”

Kim almost could not contain herself. Her heart was filled with conflicting emotions; she wanted to both stand-up and kiss Lorraine and wait for Lorraine to make the first move. She decided on the latter.

The brunette looked up and gazed right into Kim’s eyes. “She really has a knack for making me feel like an idiot…”

Kim smiled and nodded. “Uh-huh…”

“And you love it, don’t you?”-said the New Yorker as she stood up and slowly started to walk towards Kim. 

The blonde could feel her heart starting8u to pound. “It’s amusing…”-she answered softly.

Lorraine smiled cheekily as she always did in the presence of Kim. The truth was she couldn’t help it. Kimberly made her feel alive, happy, and optimistic, even…giddy, like if she was always about to let out a burst of loud laughter. “So you like to see me suffer, then..?”

‘If you only knew how much YOU make me suffer Calligari…’ -thought Kim. 

“Me? Nah…I’m not that mean…”-answered the psychiatrist.

By now Lorraine was leaning forward, her hands on either side of Kim, supporting herself on the armrests of the chair. “I think you are…”

“And why would you say that..?”-asked the blonde surprised at her own bravado, looking upward at Lorraine’s face which was only a few inches away.

“Because you haven’t stayed still long enough for me to kiss you…”-muttered the older woman as her green eyes travelled -like lightning- from Kim’s eyes to Kim’s mouth and back.

Kim’s heart felt like it was exploding. For a few seconds, the blonde thought about what to say but those words got forever lost as she never got to answer back. Instead and on an impulse that she was not able to explain later, she quickly moved slightly upwards, cupped Lorraine’s face and kissed her on the lips; like that…on a whim.

Patricia, who was coming with the desert and some more wine, stopped right before she reached the door to the outside patio. She had seen through a window what had taken place. Smiling, she stood there for a moment, waiting for the kiss to be over.

Kim broke the kiss. “Do you still think I am mean?”-she whispered looking flushed and somewhat hesitant and uncertain, as if afraid she’d done the wrong thing.

Lorraine looked at the blonde with what Kim could only describe as adoration. She stood there for a moment, breathing in deeply while her eyes roamed all over Kim’s face. She leaned in, closed her eyes and kissed Kim taking command this time and making the blonde moan with a short and sweet kiss delivered with passion and gusto. 

“No…-she answered, breaking the kiss-…I never really did but I knew it would make you feel guilty…”-answered the brunette smiling.

“Oh you…”-said Kimberly, giggling.

“Here we go girls…”-said Patricia pretending she’d seen nothing. The women separated quickly –all flushed and bothered and hoping the older woman had not noticed. Patricia placed the plates and the wine on the table.

“What? You’re gonna pretend like nothing happened? About time you two kissed!!! So now that the first kiss is out of the way, let’s have our desert…shall we?”

“Mom! Pat!”-yelled both Lorraine and Kim at unison. 

“What?”

And the three women burst into laughter one more time that evening.

They all started to arrive at around four o'clock in the afternoon. The first ones there were Susan, Chuck and Cosmo who the moment he saw Abby, went for her arms and was less than amused when he could not nest in them.

“I’m sorry baby…”-said Abby trying to create a diversion for the little boy.

Almost the entire ER staff passed by bringing flowers, fruit, prepared food, gift vouchers, chocolates. By 6 pm and despite the nap taken earlier, the young nurse was exhausted and in some degree of pain. Kerry noted and quickly went upstairs to prepare the bed and a syringe with some pain medication. 

Susan also took notice. “You’re in pain, aren’t you..?”

The student nodded. “It’s okay, Ker went upstairs to prepare the meds for me…”

“Where’s the pain..?”

Abigail smiled sadly. “I think the question would be what doesn’t hurt… but answering you…it’s mostly here…-she pointed to the whole of her rib cage- especially when I breathe in deeply…It gets bad…”

“Like it is now, right...?”

The brunette did not answer. She just smiled wryly.

The guests left quickly prompt by Susan who –in no uncertain terms- let them know that Abby was tired and in pain. Kerry administered the pain reliever and turned on the TV in the family room for Abby to watch while she restored some order in the house.  
About an hour later, the redhead was done and slowly, the women headed upstairs for the night.

After some difficulty, the pair made it to their bedroom. Abby sat on the edge of the bed, catching her breath in short inhalations while Kerry drew her a bath. She came back minutes later to start the process of getting the brunette into the bathtub. 

“You okay, honey?”

“Yeah…it’s just hard work catching my breath…the pain doesn’t help…”

Kerry nodded and kissed her wife on the forehead. Gently she reached down to Abby’s torso and unfastened the Velcro straps that kept together with the supportive rib brace that Abby had to wear. With care she removed the orthotic and bending forward, she then took off the loose t-shirt Abby was wearing, being careful not to get it entangled in the metallic frame around her upper arm. 

Offering her arms for support, Kerry motioned for Abigail to stand up and the younger woman did, slowly. The redhead kissed her gently on the lips, smiled at her and quickly bent forward again to remove the sweat pants, underwear and socks the brunette was wearing. She then covered Abby with a thick terrycloth robe and helped her to the bathroom and to the warm tub.

“This is the best place to be…apart than your arms, of course…”-muttered Abigail after she had finally managed to get inside the tub and the comfort of the warm water and the gentle jets.

“Uh hum…-hummed the redhead who was busy sorting out dirty laundry for her regular Sunday wash-…this is unbelievable…-continued the redhead-…where do all this comes from, my God? I was just at the hospital…so much dirty laundry in 5 days!” The redhead continued sorting the clothes by colour until she looked up.

“Abby...honey...what’s wrong?”

The brunette’s face was distorted in a grimace of pain. The redhead approached her quickly and held the student in her arms. She then felt Abby tremble. Breaking the embrace Kerry held Abby, placing one hand at the base of her skull on the back of the head, “What is it? What? Talk to me...”

Abby held Kerry’s blouse and pouted, desperately trying to stop her own tears. She tugged hard and pursed her lips in a clear expression of repressed anger. 

“What honey, say anything, whatever you need to say...”-prompted Kerry.

This time the student actually opened her mouth and inhaled and just when she was about to start talking she stopped, closed her eyes and covered them with her hand. 

“I know you are angry and I know you are afraid...I’m here Abby, I’m not going anywhere...no matter what you ask or say to me, you understand? I will not leave you...”-whispered Kerry.

Abigail wiped her tears again and brought her hand to Kerry’s face caressing her, “I love you so much...-she said with sadness-...I will never be able to explain how much...”

Kerry nodded.

“I wish...”

The redhead nodded again, “What you wish my darling..?”

Her eyes welled up again. “I wish...I...”

Kerry decided to help her wife along. “You wish what angel? You wish the accident had never happened?”

Abby shook her head, “I’m not talking about the accident...”

“You wish we had never separated? Say it, honey, it’s okay...”

The student nodded as tears rolled down once again.

“I am sorry Abby...you will never know how sorry I am for that...You have every right to be angry at me and you have every right to say whatever you want to say...”

The tears turned to sobs. “But I pushed you away...”

“Yes Abby you did...but I still should have stayed and stick it out with you and fix whatever it was that was not working. But instead, I chose to play the victim and went with Kim...I chose myself before you...before us...and I am sorry...I really am...I guess in a way, I was looking for an excuse to go with her...”

By now, Kerry was visibly emotional. Her hands were shaking showing the fear that her heart contained. Back in California, she had stupidly hoped to come back, locate her wife and resume things where they had left them. Simple. Now she realized that what they both had done had hurt them both...greatly. “I am sorry my angel...”-muttered the older woman.

Abby was calmer now, nodding at her wife. She caressed Kerry’s cheek again, wiping the tears off the pink flesh. She inhaled and asked one single question she both needed and dreaded asking.

“Did you..?”

Kerry knew the question was coming. She had no choice but being honest.

“Yes...twice...”

The student retrieved her hand and brought it to her face covering her eyes. Silently she cried with abandonment. The redhead bowed her head and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry...”-whispered Kerry.

Abby finished crying after a few minutes. She tried to regain some control of herself wiping her face with the washcloth. “Are you going back to Kim?”

Kerry looked up obviously baffled by the question, “No! No! I don’t want Kim, I want you..!”

“Are you sure?”

“Abby...how could you ask me that...When Susan called me I had already decided to come back...to you...-Kerry paused composing herself-...When you pushed me away I needed someone to make me feel I had some value because you had discarded me just like that...without any reason...”

Kerry went on. “I guess –in a way- I needed to find the closure she never gave me before...I just never thought I’d be so vulnerable...”

“Why did you say it had only happened twice..?”

“Because it only happened twice and while it doesn’t make it less painful, it makes it...”

“What? Better?”

Kerry looked up and for the first time, felt anger at Abby’s words. She breathed in deeply and continued. “No, that’s not what I meant. I was there for three weeks Abby and if I had been taking advantage of a situation I would have done it a lot more times believe me; she was certainly willing! -the redhead raised her voice- But I couldn’t or wouldn’t because I love you and I was with you and even if it looked completely different, I went to California mainly to stay with a friend not to fuck her!”

The older woman wiped her face and stood up. “I understand that you feel angry and hurt Abby, I do...But this mess...This is both of our faults, not just mine...I also have reasons to complain and bitch and I’m not doing it so please, be fair...Call out when you want out of the tub...”

The afternoon could only be described as glorious. The blue of the sky turned yellow, orange and pink all sprinkled with the clouds white and puffy. The dogs ran across the surf chasing the seagulls that made a lot of noise as they took off. Lorraine wasn’t happy about it and worried the dogs would hurt a bird so she called Loopy, her faithful and terribly smart Jack Russell. The dog heard her and ran back, leaving the retriever behind who jogged slowly to Kim. 

The two women stood looking at the dogs and their very different personalities. “Hmm...I think we have the wrong dogs...”  
-said Kim softly.

“Really...why?”

“Yeah...-answered Kim-...you should have Chester and I should have Loopy...I mean Loopy is smart and quick and my poor Chester...”

“What? He’s slow and dumb like me..? You cheeky woman!” -said Lorraine pushing the blonde in jest who laughing kick the surf and splashed a bit of water on the brunette. Lorraine moved to try to evade the water and when she recovered went after Kim who had already started to run. 

After a few minutes of running around like a pair of teenagers either Kim slowed down for Lorraine to catch her or the brunette ran faster but she finally tackled the blonde and together they went down straight into a sandbank.

“Oh God...that was stupid...-said Lorraine half-jokingly-...ouch..!”

Kim, who was on her back still laughing, turned around the moment she heard the older woman complain of pain, “You okay Calli..?”

The brunette had landed on her stomach and to prevent hurting Kimberly she had put her hands forward. “I think I hurt my wrist...oooouuuuccchhh...”

“Let me see...”

Lorraine turned around and half in pain and half laughing sat on the sand allowing the blonde to examine her wrist. Kim held it delicately and turned it around in several different positions to assess the damage if any.

“Does this hurt?”

“Shit yes...”

“And this..?”

“No...”

“This..?”

“Ow, ow, ow...oooowwww...and you’re a doctor? Shit! OW!”

“You’ve sprained it...no fracture but it still needs to be immobilized...”  
“You’re kidding...how am I gonna work? Are you sure?

Kim looked at Lorraine lovingly. “This is my fault Lo, I’m sorry...”

“No...If anything it was my fault, I shouldn’t have tackled you...I’m not 15 anymore...”

“No, you’re not 15 anymore...-said softly the blonde, kissing the injured wrist-...But I can assure you...you are better, wiser and infinitely more attractive now than when you were 15 years old...”

“Well...hey...you put it that way, I’m not going to argue with you...”-answered the brunette with a smile that hid a bit of the pain.

“You’re in pain Lo...let’s go to the ER to have this splint fitted...”

“Do we have to?”

Kim leant forward and kissed the brunette squarely on the lips, “Look at it this way Lo...if you’re a good girl and go to the ER with me...I’ll spoil you rotten this week, okay..?”

“How could I possibly refuse such an offer?”

“You cannot...”-smiled the blonde as she offered a hand to the brunette.

“Your mother is going to have a field trip with this...”-muttered the brunette as she wiped some sand off her blue, cargo shorts.

“Ha! You can’t even begin to imagine Lo...”

Three hours later, mother and daughter were in the kitchen preparing dinner while the brunette and the three dogs sat in front of the TV. The two women had gone to the ER and the New Yorker was now wearing a black, neoprene and Velcro splint around her right wrist. 

“I don’t think she will be able to work this week...you have to be careful Kim, she needs her hands...”

“Mom...I feel bad as it is, okay?”

“I’m sorry, you’re right my darling...”

“Mom...I was thinking...”

“Yes...”

“But I haven’t even asked you the question yet...”

“I know...the answer is yes baby, of course, Lorraine can stay with us for whatever time you want...Now, let’s make one thing clear though...”

“She’ll sleep in a different room, Mom...”

“That’s not what I was going to say Kimberly; you’re both very much adults so you can sleep wherever you want...”

“Oh...sorry...”-answered Kim smiling sheepishly.

“What I was going to say is that she is YOUR girlfriend meaning, YOU take care of her, okay? Not me, you! I’m not going to deal with ‘But Mom you make this so much better than me...’ or any of that crap, okay child..?” 

Kim walked to her mother and clung to her, “I love you Mom...you’re the best...”

“I love you too my darling, I really do...Now go and see how Lo is doing, I bet she’s probably in pain...”

And the blonde hopped happily to the den while her mother watched her from the kitchen and silently raised a prayer to whatever Saint that cared to listen.

(End of Chapter 33)


	34. The Course Of True Love Never Did Run Smooth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine   
Chapter 34  
“The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth”

The lights tingled outside. Kerry could not remain asleep. After Abby’s bath, she helped the brunette out of the tub and into bed, where she dozed off almost immediately. She then went downstairs, checked her mail, had something to eat and watched the late news.

At around midnight the redhead went upstairs to the bedroom. Abby slept soundly –even comfortably- despite the immobilizing brace that kept her right arm with the metallic frame around it, safely in place. She arranged the pillows around her wife, covered her and got into the bed.

Not even two hours had elapsed when the redhead woke up again. She had been having nightmares and apnea sleep which she never really had unless she was extremely upset. To try to calm herself down Kerry went downstairs and made some herbal tea. Afterwards, she sat in the family room and turned on the TV but really did not feel like watching anything. Slowly she turned off all lights and dragged herself upstairs again where she sat on the window sipping the tea.

How did they get to where they were? -Thought the redhead- how something that was so beautiful and good turned so sour and hurtful? Kerry sighed deeply, at loss for answers. She remembered that Madonna song from the movie “Evita” called “You Must Love Me” and unwillingly, she started to cry, silently, despondently. 

The redhead mourned for aches that lay buried deep in her heart; aches that for years she had refused to face. She cried for the pain of having being abandoned by her mother; for the memories of the constant ridicule from school children and high school peers because of her disability and the struggle to convince teachers that she could train as a doctor despite her physical challenges. She sobbed quietly while her memories took her to the death of her adoptive parents, her years of loneliness watching friends and acquaintances get engaged and married while she remained single and unattached. She cried for the end of her marriage. She cried feeling exactly the same she had always felt; disposable, unimportant…so easily forgettable.

In one single lament, the redhead mourned for all those attempts that never amount to anything; Ellis, Kim, Sandy…and for the fear that now grip her heart...now, when she had finally found some sense of balance, safety and peace. 

She sobbed a bit more until finally, ran out of tears. Her eyes hurt, her body ached and her spirit shattered. She went downstairs, turned the TV once again and lay on the sofa where –around 4 am- she fell asleep thanks to a sleeping pill.  
Three hours later, Abigail woke up in a daze. She was being weaned off the pain meds during daytime but she still needed the nightly tablet of Clonazepam to control the immense pain in her chest, rib cage, collar bone and upper arm. Once she was somewhat more conscious, she realized her wife wasn’t next to her and that just   
seemed odd to the young woman; Kerry was far too conscientious to leave her alone for too long…something must have happened.

With difficulty, Abigail sat upright and turned around bringing her legs to the edge of the bed. In one painstaking movement, she stood up. She felt wobbly and in terrible pain but she went on. She walked slowly and steady, inhaling deeply first, to control the pain which stabbed her as she breathed in and second, her legs which were by now, somewhat weaker due to the lack of use in the last month, since the accident.

She turned around and realized that one of Kerry’s crutches was next to the bed and at that moment, she really panicked; Kerry would never leave it there unless she was about to go to sleep. She walked to the entrance of their bedroom and called out hoping the redhead would hear her but there was no answer. She then thought about the bathroom, checked it but could not find her there either.

Slowly she manoeuvred the stairs. One step at a time was the most she could do. When she was halfway down, she wished she had put her rib brace on realizing she needed the support, but she was almost there and turning around at this point was not an option.

She finally reached the landing and slowly the student leaned on one of Kerry’s fancy canes she used when going out which was neatly placed along with other canes and a couple of umbrellas, by the entrance hall. Slowly she walked through the hallway, along with the dining room and finally reached the entrance of the family room and in there lay on the sofa, Abby found her wife.

But next to her wife she also found a prescription bottle of Clonazepam…empty.

Kim was busy changing the bedsheets of the bed on one of the two guests’ rooms in her mother’s ample house. She opened the windows, put some fresh flowers she’d picked up from the garden in a vase and once the bed was made, she went to the bathroom to check if there was clean towels, soap and shampoo.

Lorraine was in pain and couldn’t really do much with her right hand. The doctor at the ER had diagnosed a 2nd-degree sprain which meant that Lorraine needed to completely rest the joint for at least 48 hours, keep it immobilized, iced and possibly elevated. That all meant no work for at least the first 3 days.

The brunette was not happy. After dinner, Kim had asked her to stay and she had accepted only because she knew she really could not do much on her own for the next two days. In addition, the proximity would give her the opportunity to get to know Kim better. Nonetheless, the perspective of being prevented from doing what she loved the most was daunting; they were in the middle of rehearsals for a new piece by Arturo Marquez, the well-known Danzon No.2, and all she wanted was to rehearse.

“You okay?”-asked Kim.

“I’m not happy…”

“I know...I’m sorry...”

“I told you it wasn’t your fault...”

Kim sat next to the brunette who, clad in sweats and a long-sleeve t-shirt, pretended to watch TV.

“You’re pouting...”-said the blonde.

“Yeah well...” 

“Is there anything that I can do to make you happy again...not that you don’t look adorable with that pout...”

Lorraine –leaning back on the ample armchair- separated a bit from the blonde who had leaned forward towards the brunette. With her left hand, she caressed Kim’s face. “Where do you come from..?”-she whispered, mostly to herself.

“From the same place, we all come from...Camelot...”-answered the blonde, softly.

“Camelot?”

“Yes...-she said shyly-...when I was little my Mom used to read me poems about Camelot and used to say that all of us, who were good and fair, came from Camelot...”

“So the bad and the unfair..?”-asked the brunette cheekily.

“...Came from somewhere else...”-answered the two women at the same time, giggling afterwards.

Lorraine turned serious again and with a hint of nostalgia in her olive-green eyes, resumed her caresses on Kim’s face. The blonde closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, breathing deeply.

“Camelot then...”-said Lorraine quietly.

Kim opened her eyes and took hold of Lorraine’s hand, caressing it. 

“On either side the river lie,  
long fields of barley and of rye;  
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;  
And through the field the road run by to many-tower’d Camelot;  
And up and down the people go,  
gazing where the lilies blow round an island there below;  
the island of Shalot...”

“Lord Tennyson...one of my favourites...”-whispered the brunette.

“Mine too...-Kim paused-...Lorraine..?”

“Uh-hmm..?”

“Can I ask you a question...rather personal...?”

The older woman broadly smiled for the first time in a while. “Kim...considering the way we have been invading each other’s personal space in the last two days the phrase ‘personal question’ is a bit obsolete at this point, don’t you think..?”

“Okay...just wanted to make sure...”-said the blonde with a joyful smile.

“Ask anything you want...”

“Why are you alone..? Not that I am complaining...thank God you were...are...were... Oh, I don’ know! Were!”

“Smooooooth Legaspi...”-said the musician moving her hand as if she had been touching a smooth surface.

“Oh come on, Lo, don't be mean...”-pouted the blonde becoming self-conscious and covering her face. Lorraine bent forward and uncovered Kimberly by showering her face with kisses. “You’re pouting...You disarm me when you pout...”

“And you disarm me all the time...-said Kim quite seriously-...no one has ever done that to me...”

Loraine kissed the blonde again; she couldn’t resist that face and those lips. After a few gentle pecks, she went on. “To answer your question...-whispered Lorraine-...I...uh...I lost my partner of 15 years...She died 4 years ago...”

“Oh, wow...now I feel really bad for asking...”

“You shouldn’t...I was either going to tell you myself or you were going to ask sooner or later...”

“I’m really sorry Lo...”

The brunette closed her eyes, sighed deeply and leant back on the armchair, buying time for herself. It was a topic she preferred not to talk about. Now though, there was no way around it.

“Yeah...it’s okay...thank you...”-said the brunette who unconsciously disengaged from the blonde and stood up providing an invisible barrier between her previous life and this new one, this one that seemed about to start with Kimberly. “She...uh...her name was Camille...she uh...she died four years ago from SLE complications...”

“Systemic Lupus...-“

“Yes, Systemic Lupus Erythematosus yes...I even got to learn that God-forsaken name...”-added with pain in her voice.

“I’m really sorry Lorraine...”-added the psychiatrist tenderly.

Lorraine nodded and winced; she had forgotten the sprained wrist. “She got diagnosed two years before she died...It was a very violent onset and for some reason, the treatments that work for everyone else didn’t work for her...so eventually she... died...”

Kimberly had no idea of what to say or do. Her first impulse was to hold the brunette recalling clearly what her mother had always told her about connecting to people in a physical level however, something stopped her; she sensed that Lorraine would not welcome such connection at the moment.

“So...sorry...didn’t mean to bring the conversation down...that’s why I am -or was- single when we met...I haven’t had a relationship since she died...”

“Is that why...before...that’s why you asked where I had come from...right?”

The musician nodded. “Lots of people have tried...I tried...it never worked...But you...”

The blonde nodded and stood closer to Lorraine who was leaning against a bookcase, trying to close the physical distance between them. “Is this okay..?”

“Yes...”

And Kim moved very slowly, “And this..?”

The brunette answered by wrapping her left arm around the blonde’s waist and bringing Kim even closer. “And this..?”-Lorraine asked, half smiling, bring her face less than an inch away from Kimberly’s.

“Uh-huh...”-said Kim in a sigh right before she felt Loraine’s full and soft lips on hers.

And moments before she let herself fall into that kiss, she prayed to become the woman that could make Lorraine Calligari happy, once again.

It could not have taken her more than a minute. Perhaps not even 30 seconds. For the student though, it had felt like a lifetime. She dropped the cane and walked as fast as her shaky legs could take her all the while calling Kerry’s name out loud.

Nothing.

She felt the pain sharply on her right lung but she continued. By the time she reached Kerry’s side, Abby felt so much pain and was so out of breath that she really could not call out anymore. She restored to just shaking the redhead who wasn’t responding. 

At this Abby really panicked. Terror –she would admit later- made her forget everything; not only her extensive training as a nurse and as a medical student but any resentment, complaint, grievance and criticism she had ever harboured towards her wife. Their separation, the anxiety, the threat Kim had represented and whatever had happened between them two...all was forgotten, abolished, obliterated.

Tears had started to peek in her brown eyes and while one part of her brain was shutting down ready to admit that she had lost once more, another was gearing up for one last try. Abigail inhaled the maximum amount of air her battered lungs would hold in and shout Kerry’s name as loud as she could at the same time as she shook her with all her might.

It worked.

Kerry opened her eyes and tried to focus slowly. “Abby?”

The brunette couldn’t move much. She looked up and the moment Kerry came into consciousness the student let out a moan and a sob that scared them both.

Kerry still groggy sat upright and held the brunette by the arm. “Honey! Abby! What happened? Are you okay? Talk to me!”

Abby sobbed uncontrollably and grabbed Kerry’s arm and face in desperation, still trying to convince herself that the redhead was alive and well. Kerry sat on the edge of the sofa and from there; she let herself slipped down to the floor. Once there, she held the student as close to her as she could. “I’m here my love...”

Abby’s face rested against Kerry’s chest. With closed eyes, Abby trembled. Her hands, shaky as they were, grabbed forcefully the material of Kerry’s pyjama top and pulled and tugged.

“I’m here my love...We’re fine...”-said Kerry soothing.

“I thought you were dead...”-whispered Abigail.

Kerry furrowed her brow trying to make sense of what Abby had just said. 

“I thought you had taken the pills...I thought you had left me again...I thought...”

And then it hit the redhead. She remembered having taken the last pill and leaving the empty bottle next to her. She changed her position on the floor and pulled the brunette even closer to her, almost carrying her like if she was a child. Abby wrapped herself around her wife’s body and despite the metallic frame, the couple found a comfortable position to hold onto each other.

Like that they remained for at least, half an hour. No one talked. Kerry buried her face on Abby’s neck, breathing in her scent and caressing the blonde fuzz of hair that covered the small of her wife’s back. Abby clung to Kerry and closed her eyes. Her forehead rested in the crook of Kerry’s neck and on her forehead, she could feel the gentle pulsing of Kerry’s jugular reminding her that all was well, that both of them –despite life’s bitterness- was alive.

“I love you...”

“I love you too...”

And tightening their embrace, they remained.

“And what are you doing here? Yes, I’m talking to you, Maestro..!”

“Me?”-answered Lorraine as he walked by in front of Patricia’s office.

“I thought you’d be in ‘Chez Legaspi’ lounging alongside my hedonistic daughter...”

“Well I was...-said the attractive brunette smiling- but your ‘hedonistic’ daughter actually had to work today...”

“Ah! That explains it...”

“So I figured I could come in, check my mail and pick up some scores I need to study...”-she said pointing to the bag she was carrying.

“And Kim?”

“You know, Pat..? I don’t know...She told me to meet up with her here in about 2 hours...I guess we’re taking you to lunch..?”

“Oh you are, are you? Excellent..! By the way, how are you feeling, any pain?”

“Some...nothing horrible though...hey listen Pat...want to have some coffee? I really need some coffee...”

The two women headed up to the cafeteria, crossing through the east garden from which a bit of the ocean could be seen. The sun was inviting, gentle and the air smelled like magnolias and sea breeze. Patricia walked looking downward, smiling, her blonde hair blowing slightly in the breeze.

“I am falling in love with your daughter...”-said Lorraine softly.

The older woman smiled broadly and laced her arm with Lorraine’s. “I know...”

“How do you feel about that..?”

“Me? Oh, Lo, I’m thrilled...”

“I know we haven’t been together long...we’ve just met but...”

“When are you proposing?”

“Patricia Legaspi!!!”

“What? You’re gonna play dumb with me? You cannot deny you have thought about it...”

“Well yeah...but...”

“But nothing...”

“It’s still too early...”

“Perhaps...but you know and I know you will propose to her and she will say yes...”

“How can you be so sure? For all, we know she might not like me once she gets to know me better...”

“I really don’t think that could happen, Lo...”

The musician inhaled deeply and smiled. She felt well, at peace. “I never thought I could be this happy again Pat...not like this...”

Patricia laid her left arm across Lorraine’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “I think it’s going to be wonderful to have you in my family...”

“Thank you...” 

“So...when are you proposing again..?”

And both women laughed openly.

Abby leaned on the bathroom marble counter. She stood there for good 5 minutes closely inspecting the bruises on her own body; the signs left behind by the blast and the impact of her body against the machinery of that old factory.

Slowly, she looked at her face that while it had not directly suffered, it was showing some signs of psychological and physical stress. She then turned her eyes to the metallic frame that surrounded her right upper arm and she wondered as she observed how wires, rods and screws came in and out of her body, healing her. She took off her sleeveless shirt and observed the yellow-greenish trace left behind by the enormous bruise that just weeks ago covered, like a mortuary blanket, the entirety of her chest, breasts and rib cage area. Now, all was left was a sickly, hideous green and yellow stain that refused to clear to show her skin.

She ran her left index between her breasts and pressed directly on her sternum and feeling a sharp pain almost immediately, she stopped and sighed, deeply. 

“You okay darling..?”

Kerry walked to the bathroom and stood behind her wife, helping her put on the t-shirt once again.

“I’m okay...I just can’t believe...this...”-she said quietly as she pointed to her torso and arm.

The redhead brought her arms to Abby’s waist and embraced her from behind perching her chin on the student’s shoulder. “This...is so much better than it was, sweetie...give it time...”

“Still hurts if I press...”

“Then don’t press...” -said the redhead with a smile. 

Kerry had brought her hands to Abby’s belly and was caressing it lightly. She tightened the embrace, bringing the younger woman closer to herself. “I’ve missed you so much...”

“Why?”-asked the brunette furrowing her brow.

Kerry, genuinely surprised at the question, separated herself and stopped the caressing. “What do you mean why? You’re my wife Abby and I love you! 

Abigail felt Kerry’s arms leave her but before they left her altogether, she caught them and brought them back to where they were before. She laced them together by the hands and placed her own hands on top, unconsciously preventing them from leaving her again.

“Don’t be angry Ker, please...”

“No...no...I’m not angry my love...it’s just...I don’t understand...”

Abigail held onto Kerry’s arms around her waist and Kerry tightened the embrace. The student leaned back completely on her wife’s chest and relish on the warmth and softness she felt. “I’m sorry...”

Kerry just kissed Abby behind the ear in silent acknowledgement. 

“I thought you’d run to her and leave me for good...”

“I already told you that I do not wish to go back to Kim, darling...I will always care for her, in a way, will even love her but...it’s never being like what I feel for you...”

“Ker...I just don’t understand...why would you choose me..?”

“What?”

“Kim is so...so beautiful and intelligent and accomplished and...and...I don’t know...all those things I will never be...”

“That you will never be? Abby, you ARE all those things and much more..!”

The brunette shook her head denying what Kerry was saying. “Not like her Ker...not like her...I’m not as perfect as Kim is...”

Kerry was beginning to understand what lay underneath all this. 

“When you told me that Kim had come to visit you, I...I shut down...I gave up...I knew in my heart I was going to lose you...”

“But my love...I never gav-“

“It had nothing to do with you Kerry...it was me...It was me thinking I had already lost you because no one in their right mind could possibly want me or stay with me when they could be with someone like Kim...Besides...everyone leaves...”

Kerry disengaged her arms from Abby’s waist and turned her around, “Why you say that?”

“Because no one ever stays...everyone leaves...My parents, Eric, Richard, Luka, John...”

“But I’m not them..!”

By now, Abigail was on the verge of tears. The redhead wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and brought her close to herself. “I’m not like them...”

Kerry breathed in deeply as she organized her ideas. Holding Abby’s head in her hands, she forced the younger woman to look at her.

“Now my heart, I need you to listen to me, okay?”

The brunette nodded like a small child.

“When you came into my life I was in awe of you. I couldn’t understand how someone as beautiful and as smart and as vibrant as you are could possibly want someone like me...plain, older than you...disabled...weird...”

“You’re not weird...That’s not how I see you...”

“But it is how I have always seen myself and then you came and loved me and wanted me and suddenly, you gave me a sense of worth I never had before...”

“Kim gave that to you too...”

“Yes, but then she took them away, didn’t she? But you didn’t. You stayed with me and wanted me...How could you possibly think Abigail that I would give you up? You’re my hero, my rescuer, my angel...You are the only one...Do you understand? Kim may be all those great things you said yes...But you are those and more...”

“I’m not...”

“Abby! What can I do or say to convince you? No one can give what they don’t have! You have given me the only real sense of love and belonging I have had since I was young! You have given that to me...You have given me that and more, since that first day at the beach in St. Maarten, remember? If you are not those things...if you don’t have them inside of you...How can you give them to me?”

Something clicked inside the student’s heart. Perhaps it was Kerry’s desperation glimpsing in her green eyes, or perhaps it was the jagged tone on her voice, or maybe it was simply that –despite everything that had happened to them in the last months- they were still a couple that loved each other but something finally made sense to Abigail. Out of words but with a full heart, the brunette impulsively leaned in and kissed her lover who clung to her tightly. Their embrace and the kiss they shared were passionate and soulful and regretful and loving and healing. It was their silent way to say to each other ‘You are loved, you are not alone...’

Both recognized themselves in the other and recognized each other in ways they had forgotten; the taste of their mouths, the way their lips moulded, the way their hands laced with ease and how their bodies pressed to the other’s in unison. 

No one had to say a single word. They both broke the kiss at the same time and looked at each other conveying the desire and need they both felt. In silent telepathy, they slowly walked to the bedroom where Kerry undressed her wife, slowly and tenderly. In her lazy and calculated movements, she seemed to be saying that there was no need to rush anything; that all good things come to all, eventually. Once she had undressed Abby she helped her to the bed and undressed. 

Abigail’s breathing faltered a bit; she had not seen her wife naked in a long time. Kerry lay next to her and gently, even more so than usual, initiated their lovemaking who perhaps lacked the impulsiveness and the raw passion of other times but it burst with devotion, generosity, loyalty and deep love. When both reached their climax, the pent-up angst of so many weeks materialized in gentle sobs that combined gratefulness and need. Kissing their tears away, the two women smiled, embraced and gave themselves to the most peaceful sleep either of them had had in many, many weeks.

The couple parked right in front of the house. Loopy jumped out of the SUV and wagging his tail, impatiently waited for the two women to approach the main door. Finally, Lorraine opened it as Kim picked up the mail from the box outside.

Lorraine stepped in and dropped the bag she was carrying on a nearby armchair. She then went into the kitchen and put some water in Loopy’s bowl.

“Here you go Loops...”-said the brunette as she placed the bowl in its regular spot and the dog got closer to drink.

“Honey..? Here’s your mail...”- said Kim as she handed the envelopes to Lorraine.

“You hungry or something...I can order us a pizza...?”

“Uh...not yet...I’m okay...You hungry?”

“Getting there...Just feel like munching on something...”-said the New Yorker as she opened the fridge. “You wanna go out for dinner? We can go to Stokes...have you been there?”

“Uh no... Mom has mentioned it several times but I have never actually gone there...”

“Okay then, it’s settled...I’ll shower, get ready, pick you up and go...”

Kim approached Lorraine and when the brunette turned around, the blonde was right there, next to her. “Are you taking me out on a date..?”

The brunette smiled and pulled the blonde towards her. “Yeah...I am...”-said very quietly leaning in to kiss Kim.

Kim closed her eyes and felt her body go heavy and somewhat, limp. She laced her hands behind Lorraine’s head and pressed herself against her. Lorraine increased the intensity of their kiss and brought her right hand to the small of Kim’s back, a movement that made Kimberly moan. 

After a few moments more, Lorraine broke the kiss. “You have any objection to me taking you out to dinner..?”

“Uh...nope...no...”-Kim paused for a moment and inhaled deeply. Kissing Lorraine always left her breathless and weak. She was conscious of how much a cliché that seemed to be but it was actually true; kissing the brunette was so intense that often left her out of breath.

“You okay?”-asked the New Yorker caressing the blonde’s cheeks with tenderness. 

Kim smiled gently. “Yeah I am...of course I am...I’ll be going then...”

“Be ready at 7 o’clock, okay? I’ll be there on the dot...”

When Lorraine’s navy blue Lexus sedan pulled in front of her, Kim smiled. But when the New Yorker got out to greet her and open the door for her, Kim’s knees buckled. The brunette was wearing a tailored made chocolate brown suit that fit her perfectly, accentuating her figure. Kim, on the other hand, had decided –after a long agony and some arguments with her mother- for a simple cut, sober red dress that made her look radiant. They kissed, got in the car and left.

Four hours later, the couple was arriving at Lorraine’s. Kim had already told her mother that she would –very likely- spend the night over at Lorraine’s to which her mother said quietly under her breath, “Finally!”

Now, the pair was sitting on the sofa, sipping wine and giggling like a pair of college kids on their first date. Lorraine started talking about wine, a subject which fascinated them both but that somehow seemed completely inappropriate at the moment. She went on and on talking about the Montepulciano and the Brunello and the Primitivo until Kim moved closer and smiling tenderly, just leaned in and kissed her softly. “I’m sorry...I’m nervous...”-said the brunette sheepishly when they separated.

“I’m nervous too...”-whispered the blonde. 

They moved in closer. 

“I haven’t done anything in such a long time...I may not be...”

“Shhsss...no...”

And this time Lorraine gathered enough courage to lead them on. She tipped over Kim and touched their foreheads together. “You look so beautiful today...”-whispered the older woman who had her eyes closed and her mouth open, agape at the intensity of the moment.

Kim moaned and like Lorraine, could not keep her eyes open. Somehow, by closing her eyes all seemed to become even more real to the blonde. She started to feel Lorraine’s voice go through her, reverberate inside of her. She then felt the brunette’s hands disengage from her own hands, caress the tiny hairs on her arms and continue all the way to her shoulders and neck. How soft and lovely those hands seemed to be; how delicate and sublime. 

“I know it will probably seem very soon to you...-whispered the brunette against Kim’s ear at the same time as she tipped Kim’s neck and stroke it gently-...but I know I love you...”

“Oh my God...-whispered Kim in a choked groan-...you love me?–said the blonde not really believing what was being said. 

One handled the other. They entered the bedroom which was only illuminated by a single, gentle table lamp. The same hand squeezed the other and caressed a face, a pair of lips, a neck, a chest. The other hand followed in due course by undoing buttons, a zipper, a brassier hook. Hands together disposed of silk and wool and nylon and lace and where a new inch of golden or pink skin was uncovered, it was discovered. Together, hands and feet and legs and breasts fell on an ample bed dressed in 400 thread cotton sheets that smelled of hopes and longing and happiness and lust. Together, Kim and Lorraine toured valleys and mountains and peak and terrace, discovering a mark here, a freckle there, some peach fuzz and an apricot’s softness disguised with the taste and smell of a woman’s skin. And together they edged each other, pushing, tugging, lapping, stroking until one or two, blended their passion in one single choked scream that opened up flood gates and hearts.

Panting, the brunette let herself fell on her back at the same time as she pulled Kim to her. “I love you, Kimberly Patricia...”

Kim, too spent to do anything else but snuggle up to her lover, wrapped herself around Lorraine’s body and whispered, “I love you too, Lorraine Alessandra...”

In silence they stayed for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth and the impossible softness of their bodies together until Lorraine pulled the covers over them.

“You comfortable?”

“I cannot possibly be better, Lo...”

“Kim..?”

“Yeah, Lo?”

“Would you marry me?”

“Oh, God Lorraine...”

“Please marry me..?”

“Yes!”

(End of Chapter 34)


	35. I Love you. I Love You Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 35  
“I Love You...I Love you Too...”

Patricia observed her daughter closely. They were having a late lunch of pasta salad and tuna steaks and all seemed normal, ordinary even, but something didn’t seem right to the older Legaspi. While Kim’s face betrayed her completely revealing perhaps more of what had obviously transpired the night before, something else was hiding behind that quirky expression and those smiling eyes.

The older woman let time play its part. Sighing deeply she took a sip of her white wine and kept on enjoying her lunch in peace.

“So you’re not going to ask me anything, Mother?”

“Uh…there are some things in life my sweetheart that are perhaps, better left… unknown..?”

“Mom, I wasn’t referring to…uh…that…”

“Okay so what else am I supposed to be asking about then, the food?”

“Lorraine proposed to me last night and I said yes!”

“No, she didn’t…”

“Oh yes, she did…”

Patricia brought her hands to her face, covering her mouth. “You’re getting married?”

Kim nodded as she smiled, “I am Mom..! I’m getting married!!!”

The older Legaspi stood up and hugged Kim tightly, very tightly. It seemed almost impossible to believe that her daughter’s life had changed so much in so little time; no more than 3 months before Patricia had nursed Kim out of deep depression and now Kimberly was as happy as anyone could be. 

“You sure about this sweetheart..?”-asked the older woman as she separated a bit from her daughter.

“Yes…I don’t know why Mom but…I am…I know in my heart Lo is the one for me…”

“Thank God, thank God…”-whispered Patricia who held her daughter close once again and let a single tear escape her eyes. 

“I wish Aita was here to enjoy this moment…I think he would have liked Lo...”-said Kim referring t her late father Iker, as her mother tightened her embrace.

“He is my darling…He always is…”

The rehearsal was going well enough. The piece, Danzon No. 2 by Arturo Marquez was coming along beautifully.

“Okay in that bar…have you noticed how everything kinda stops for a nanosecond or so..? What follows though, is staccato not legato…’pam-pam, pam-pam’...Like that…got it?”

The orchestra played a few more bars. “Marianne…yeah…the piccolo needs to be fortissimo not shy, okay? Again…” 

Fifteen minutes later the class was over. “Guys…before you go…Can you come over here for a moment?”

Lorraine gathered her older students around her. “Okay…I need your attention for just five minutes…Well, we’ve known each other for a while, haven’t we? What fours years, now?”

“Since Freshman year Professor Calligari…”

“Yeah…okay well…I believe all of you knew me from the time when I lost my partner, remember?”

All the students nodded their heads in silence.

“Okay... so it happens that…”

“You just found someone new…”

Lorraine smiled, shyly. “Yeah…I did…How do you gu-”

“Dr. Woodward’s daughter, isn’t it?

“Yeah but…” she answered, blushing. 

“Hey…Professor! Why you shy? That woman is hot!”

“Okay, okay Danny…uh…you saying THAT is just TOO weird and in any case, that is REALLY NOT open for discussion…I am telling you all this because…”

“You want us to play at your wedding..?”

Lorraine chuckled. “Actually I do but before that…uh…I need to propose…that’s why I need your help…”

The group of students cheered and applauded. “But why do you need our help? Proposing is easy Prof, you just get on one knee…”

“Ha ha…very funny James…No, I need your help because I am writing a piece for her and I thought it would be nice to play it and then, propose…”

“Aaaawww…that’s sweet…”-said some of the students.

“This is the thing though…this is not a full orchestrated piece…It’s for one violin, two cellos, piano, flute, percussion, keyboards and pipes…”

“Small ensemble…pipes?”-asked Jonathan, who played the French horn.

“Yeah…well, I’m calling it “From Camelot” and it has some Celtic tone to it…it has to do with a conversation she and I had once…so, what I was thinking was that perhaps we could draw names..? And whoever got their name picked could play…what do you think?”

“Shame not all of us can play…”-said the Cynthia, the first violin.

“I know…I’m sorry…I just didn’t have the time or the energy to write a full-bodied concerto or sonata…”

“So when is this supposed to happen?”

“What, the proposal or the name drawing?-asked the New Yorker, laughing.

“Either…both..!”

“We can do the name drawing…now? The proposal…well…I guess as soon as we all know the piece, I suppose…”

By the end of that day, Lorraine had a small ensemble to play along with her. All she had to do now was to finish the piece and buy the ring. And happily, the brunette headed home for a long afternoon of composing.

The drops of sweat rushed down her temples. The pain was unbearable. She inhaled deeply in the hopes to tame it, ride it or control it; something. She closed her eyes and opened them again realizing that the sensation was more intense than she had predicted. She turned around and locked her eyes to the green eyes that looked at her intently. Kerry’s expression grounded her and her hand in her head calmed her.

“It’s almost over, my angel…”

Abby closed her brown eyes acknowledging her wife’s words and when she opened them again, a grimace wrinkled her face.

“Almost done Abby, hang in there…”-said the surgeon.

“Oooh…oooowwww…”-said the student who could not refrain herself from vocalizing the pain. “Oh, goooooodddddd..!”- She yelled holding onto Kerry’s hand.

“All done Abby…”

When the surgeon removed the last pin and said those words, Abby let out the tears she had been holding. Kerry leant closer and soothed her with soft kisses and tender words, “Shhhss…it’s over my angel…it’s over…no more pain…it’s over…”

Two hours later, the couple was having lunch. Abby felt much better. Her arm had been placed in a very high tech brace now that the metallic frame was gone and she had been given some pain medication. Her range of motion was far from what it needed to be and she was quite aware of the amount of physical therapy she still needed to do but, nonetheless, the student was happy and in good spirits. Readily she ate the sushi rolls with gusto, washing them down with generous amounts of non-alcoholic beer.

“Ker..?”

“Yes, honey?”

“I want to do my Boards next month…I feel I’m ready and I don’t want to waste more time…”

Kerry finished chewing a piece of sashimi, took a sip of her sake and wiped her mouth. “You sure angel? What’s the rush?”

“Well, there’s no rush as such but…I just want to get it out of the way…”

“Out of the way? Out of the way of what?”

“Just out of the way…I feel like I have been a doctor-but-not-quite since…forever…”

Kerry took another piece of tuna, bathed in the thick soy sauce mixed with wasabi and ate it greedily. Japanese food was a passion for the redhead. “That’s true…I can empathize with that…”-said the older woman when she finished chewing.

“So, will you help me study?”

“Of course…I’ll even do the paperwork to make sure we get County so we don’t have to drive anywhere else…”

The younger woman leaned closer to the redhead. “Do you mind if I kiss you right here..?”

The older woman swallowed the morsel she was eating, turned around, shrugged her shoulders and pouted her lips waiting for Abigail to kiss her. 

Once they did Abby broke the quick peck, smiling. “Thank you…”

“Pam tan-tan…Pam tan-tan…tada tada tada da da…yes…pipes enter…here…yes…”-said to herself Lorraine as one hand played the piano and the other marked notes on the score. “Now...the violin...taaadaaa laaa laaa laaa laaa...yes, here...”

When she was about to pick the violin, her cell phone rang, “Cara mia...”

“Hi, baby...”

“How are you, mio sole..? How was your day..?”

“Miserable...I miss you, Lo...”

Lorraine smiled; she could imagine the blonde pouting. “I miss you too...”

“I never thought I wouldn’t enjoy being in the city...”

“Well...it’s not the city’s fault you fell in love with a suburban girl...”

“I know...”

“Come on honey...Friday will be here in a jiffy...”

“Did you just actually say ‘in a jiffy’..?”

“Don’t push it, Legaspi...”

“Okay, okay...but seriously Lo...we need to work this out...”

“Well honey, I can’t move anywhere right now, unfortunately. I signed a contract for three years...After that though, I’m all yours...”

“Hmmm... that sounded uh...good...I know though, I know you can’t move anywhere...I guess I will have to move there once we...”

Lorraine chuckled. “What’s the matter? You can’t even say the word?”

“You like doing this to me, don’t you?”

“Do what? I haven’t done anything!”

“Plus...it’s not like you gave me a ring or anything...that proposal was kinda...”

“Kinda what?”

“Kinda subpar...substandard...”

“...cheap, lousy, unacceptable..?”

“I didn’t say that...didn’t mean it that way...”

“I know Baby! I was just teasing you...”

Kim smiled broadly. She revelled in the impact she had on the brunette and how easily her heart and soul came exposed to her.

“Lo..?”

“Yes, Kim..?”

“I really wish I didn’t have to sleep by myself tonight...”-said the blonde with a deep sadness in her voice. She knew Kimberly wasn’t referring to sex; she was referring to everything that transpired when the two were together. Lorraine looked at her watch; if she were to leave in the next 30 minutes, she’d be there by 8 pm.

“I know baby, I know...”-whispered the older woman mentally calculating the route to take to avoid the heaviest traffic.

“Anyway...Friday will come soon and I’ll come over and I’ll be with you again...”

“Yes, honey...”

“Were you working when I called?”

“You know me Legaspi...I’m always sitting here practising, studying or writing some new piece...”

“Yeah...piano or violin..?”

“Actually both...”

“Wow. Okay. I’ll let you go so you can go back to work. I’ll call real quick tonight at around 10 pm to say good night, okay?”

“Okay...I love you, cara...”

“I love you too Lo...”

Once she hung up, she got moving. She called Patricia.

“Hey there! Need a favour...”

“Hey, Maestro! What do you need? Shoot!”

“Your daughter’s exact address...”

“Ooohhh..woohoo...someone is staying the night?”

“Pat...you’re embarrassing me...”

“Yes? That’s the idea...Ready to write it down?”

Once she had copied the address, she said her goodbyes quickly and mapped-quested the journey. She went into her bedroom, got the weekend bag out, put some pj’s, makeup, shoes, toiletries and tomorrow’s clothes in and closed it. She then packed up some food for Loopy, his water bowl, his bed and his favourite sweater, just in case. She combed her head and brushed her teeth. Quickly, she discarded her blue cargo shorts and Yankees’ sweatshirt and changed into worn-out jeans, a white t-shirt, a brown suede jacket and a green scarf. Put her old brown cowboy boots and off they went.

A bit over two hours later, she parked her car right in front of the small but very cosy looking, little house. She put the leash on Loopy and backpack in hand and Jack Russell on the other, she knocked the wooden door.

“Oh, my Gooooood!!! Oh my God!!! You’re here!!! You’re here!!! -yelled Kim as she threw herself in the arms of the brunette.

Lorraine, who could not contain herself, burst into laughter and held her lover close. 

Exhausted, relaxed and satisfied she let herself fall forward onto the arms that awaited her. Closing her eyes, she could hear and feel the beating of her lover’s heart as Kerry held her tightly. Kerry’s strong hand cradled her to her chest and soft fingertips caressed her scalp and soft hair. Sighing deeply, she felt the coolness of their bodies as a sheen blanket of sweat covered them both.

She settled even further into the embrace not with desperation or fear, but with intensity and depth; never before she could recall feeling such a bond or connection. At that moment she wanted everything and she wanted it now, at that very instant. She wished the will of the world to be at her command. 

“You okay? You seem...restless...”-asked the redhead with concern.

The student perched her chin on the redhead’s chest, sighed deeply and gazed at her lover’s eyes, movingly. “I love you so much...”

“I love you too...–whispered Kerry-...you sure you’re okay..?”

Referring to their lovemaking, Kerry felt intrigued. There was not a norm in their sexual encounters but there usually was a mood, a tone of tender passion they both displayed without ever having talked about it. However, their rhythm tonight had been...odd.

“You in pain, my angel? Are you worried..?”

Abby kissed the freckled skin under her and nodded. “I’m okay, really. Ker..?”

“Umm..?”

“Let’s have a baby..?”

The redhead would remember that instant for many years to come. Her heartfelt as if it had been opened up like a ripe fruit that cannot stop itself from exposing its seeds. Her eyes –acting on their own accord- filled with tears that spoke of an old longing and immense gratitude. In seconds, her soul painted a series of images foretelling her future and something she could not name yanked her insides like a tremor. Trembling hands took hold of Abby’s face.

“You mean that..?”

“Yes...we have everything except a baby...and going through all those days without you...-whispered the brunette-...really, really changed everything...”

“But...”

“No buts Ker...-the student said softly as she laid her head on her lover’s naked breasts and Kerry embraced her once again- ...I can’t think of anything or anyone else that has ever made me feel like I feel when I am with you...”

“Honey...”

“I feel safe and I feel loved...-the student closed her eyes tightly clinging to Kerry-...And I want our children to feel that way too...”-said Abby with a chocked voice.

“Thank you, my love...thank you...”

“Plus...I want to do this also...for you...I want you to be a mother...like you always wanted to be...”

“I love you...God, I love you so much, Abby...”

“I love you too Kerry...more than I...I just do...”

Kim felt chilled in her bed. They both lay naked after having spent the last three hours making love. Lorraine had dozed off but in her sleep, the brunette was obviously cold; her body was curled up against Kim’s. The blonde stood up and pulled the covers over her lover. She then dressed in loose sweat pants and a long-sleeve t-shirt, turned the table lamp on and leaning towards the New Yorker, she kissed her shoulder softly.

“Hmmm...I’m sooo tired...”-slurred the musician.

Kim let her lips caress the skin, rebelling in the exquisite sensations brought by the softness of Lorraine’s skin. “I’m sorry Lo...I just can’t seem to get enough of you...” -added the blonde as she gently touched some loose strands of hair.

Lorraine chuckled, “I hadn’t noticed...”

“The thing is Lo...you make me happy...you managed to make me happy at a moment in my life when I just didn’t think I’d be happy again...”

The brunette opened her eyes and listened attentively, “...Why?”

“Because I thought I had lost the best chance of happiness I had ever had when I finally lost Kerry...”

Lorraine sat upright and started looking for her top. “I’ll get your pj’s from the bag...”-interrupted Kim.

Kim got Lorraine’s long-sleeve pyjama top and put it on her lover as if Lorraine had been a young child. “I don’t think anyone had put my pj’s for me in about...uh...40 years or so..?”

“I’ve always been very...I dunno...maternal..?”

“Want to have children?”

“Oh God, yes! Lots...four or five...You?”

“I always wanted to but Cammie and I...I guess we just thought we had a whole lifetime to have them which of course...we didn’t...”

Kim crossed her legs and sat squarely in front of her lover. “Lo...did you really mean what you said to me...Your proposal..?”

“Cara...How can you ask me that? Of course, I do! I know it’s kinda crazy because we haven’t known each other for more than what? Three, four months? But I love you, Kim...I love you with all my heart and I promise you, I’ll make you happy...”

Kim looked at Lorraine and smiled; she actually did believe that Lorraine would make her happy.

“What kind of a life do you want with me, Lo..? I mean...where do you see us in say...five years from now?”

The brunette sighed deeply and smiled broadly.

“Are you blushing..?”-asked Kim.

“Maybe...”

“But why?”

The older woman sighed again and took Kim’s hands in hers. “I am because I have done nothing else in the last two months but imagine our life together...”

“And tell me mia bella, what do you see..?” -whispered Kimberly as she caressed the brunette’s cheek.

“I want to marry you and live with you and come home to you...I want children with you and I want them all to look just like you...”

“Nooo...I want them to look like you too..!”

“Seriously...That’s all I want for me...The rest I leave up to you...whatever you want...We can live wherever you want...you can work or not work...we can have ten kids or one kid if that’s what you want...whatever you decide, Kim...”

Kim felt her heart rambled inside her chest; no one had given her such an immense gift of not just love but also, freedom. Touched, she became shy like a small child when showered with affection. 

“What..? You okay..?”

“Yeah...-answered the blonde as she buried her face in her lover’s chest-...I’m just...”

Lorraine engulfed her in her arms, closing her eyes allowing the powerful emotions elicit by her own words, take over. Something inside of her felt as if she was cheating on her dead partner and mentally, she asked for forgiveness. “You’re shy..?”

“Yeah...I’m just...I dunno...”

“But cara, this is me you’re talking to...”

Kim raised her head and faced Lorraine once again. “I know...I’m just...overwhelmed, I never thought...I just never thought...”

And Lorraine understood what Kimberly was trying to say. “It is possible, mia gioia...”

And they kissed with passion and abandonment and ardour and yearn. The kiss turned raw and to the point; their words had fuelled the passion inside of their bodies and quickly they had started to discard pieces of clothing in a desperate attempt to feel everything that was out there to be felt.

“Don’t move...”-whispered Lorraine whose face hovered above Kim’s.

“I need to...”-answered the blonde struggling to cope.

“I’ll take you there...”

“Please...”

And minutes later both bodies convulsed against the other like waves crashing upon themselves. Sweat covered them both and a musky fragrance filled the room.

“I love you...”

“I love you too...”

(End of Chapter 35)


	36. Rites Of Passage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 36  
“Rites of Passage”

All seem ready. The rehearsal had gone beautifully and both the Danzon and Lorraine’s own “From Camelot” had turned out perfect. She had dressed in dark grey trousers and an impeccable white blouse with a crimson red silk waistcoat that looked stunning on her. 

She felt nervous. Stupid reaction, she gathered. But still, she felt nervous; she wanted all to come out alright. She had brought the ring, flowers and enough coke for a school toast. Finally, her cell phone rang.

“She just got in…she’s parking the car…”

“Thank you, Sandra…”

The brunette smiled and flipped off her cell. “Okay, she’s here…everyone’s ready?”

Karen rolled her eyes and smiled, “We have been ready for the last half an hour Professor…”

Kim knocked on the door and entered. “Dr Legaspi…the person we were waiting for..!”

Kim was a bit embarrassed; the only thing Lorraine had mentioned was to come by and have the opportunity to listen to ‘Danzon No. 2’ before they went on the road for 3 weeks, starting next week. “Hi, guys…”-said the blonde shyly.

“We decided to let you in our latest piece, the Danzon No. 2 by Arturo Marquez. We hope you like it…-added the brunette, smiling-…so get comfy, okay?”

Kim nodded, smiling.

Lorraine turned around and made a funny face to the musicians in front of her who mostly smiled, thrilled to have been let in the secret joke. The New Yorker raised her arms and as always, all went still. The clarinet led the piece in a melody with obvious Latin undertones which quickly combined strings, percussion, piano, full brass and soon the entire orchestra in a gripping sequence. 

Kim was enthralled. For moments she wished she had the piano score in front so she could follow it and yet, the rhythmic nature of the music made her wish she was somewhere in the Caribbean with Lorraine, dancing the night away.

Soon the piece was over not before thrilling her to the point of cheering when the music stopped. 

Lorraine signalled and all her musicians stood up and took a bow. She then smiled broadly at all of them and mouthed, “thank you”. Lynn, the pianist, brought her a case and Lorraine opened it, taking out her precious Gian Bautista Guadagnini violin made in Milan in the 1700s. That violin alone cost a lot more money than its owner would make in several years but it was one of those things that Lorraine never talked about. The exquisite musical marvel had been a present from her affluent grandfather Gian Alberto Calligari, who made a fortune importing Italian goods to America right after the II World War. He came across the violin and purchased it initially for himself but later gave it to Lorraine when she turned six years old; “Per te, Principessa mia…” -had said the old Gian Alberto to the budding violinist. “Grazie mille Nonno, grazie!”

The sound of the keyboards, one cello and the drums filled the room. Kim was somewhat startled for she wasn’t expecting anything else to be played. Only a few bars until the violin took over and inundated every space with a melody that –if sound waves could be turned into solid matter, they would have become condensed milk; sweet and sticky with a sugary feeling to it that made one almost want to eat it in long strings…like mozzarella cheese. 

Lorraine turned around and walked towards Kim as she played. Danny approached the blonde and brought her to the conducting podium as Lorraine kept on playing. Seamus played the pipes flawlessly.

When it ended, Lorraine remained motionless for a few seconds as her eyes closed letting out a breath and smiling. Still holding the precious instrument, she looked down and brought the bow to her left hand as her right hand slipped into her pocket and grabbed the tiny velvet box. She looked up slightly and caught a very brief glimpse of her girlfriend’s baffled face.

“Lo, you okay..?” –asked Kim half amused and half concerned.

Lorraine ignored the question and grinning cheekily –as she always did around the blonde- slowly bent forward and knelt on one knee.

“Oh my god…-whispered Kim-…oh god…”

“Kimberly Patricia Legaspi…”

Kim brought her hands to her mouth, covering it. “Oh god…” she kept repeating.

“Will you marry me…?”

Immediately after saying those four words, the brunette flipped open the tiny box to reveal an exquisite rose gold, handmade, engagement ring adorned with diamonds and moonstones.

Kim still was not able to coordinate a coherent sentence. All the blonde was able to do was to nod her head over and over again. Finally, something impelled her to answer.

“Oh god, Lorraine…Yes! Of course! Of course, I’ll marry you!!!”

And with that, both women hugged each other and quickly kissed on the lips while no less than 30 music students clapped and cheered.

Lorraine still knelt. She took the ring out of the box and gently with slightly trembling hands, placed it on Kim’s left ring finger. “There…now it’s official…” –added the brunette with welled up eyes that she cleverly hid behind her smile.

“I love you Lorraine…thank you…”

“I love you too Kimberly…No need to thank me…thank YOU for making me happy when I thought I’d never be happy again…”

And they hugged once more while from afar, all the way from the back of the ample rehearsal room, Patricia Legaspi smiled and wiped a tear of happiness.

“She’s happy Iker…our girl is finally happy…”

Kerry watched her from afar and for some reason, she felt like something had dislodged inside her heart. It ached. 

This sensation of oppression tugged at her soul. She looks so small, thought the redhead. Abigail’s face turned reddish as she lifted the weight curling her arm up and seconds after, released it. Her blue t-shirt showed patches of sweat, proof of her effort. 

The redhead could not help but feel guilt. None of this would have happened if she had not gone to California with Kim. If she had been wiser if she had stayed…somehow they would have found a way to fix their insecurities and their flaws and they would have gone back to their regular life.

But truth was, Kerry had acted in a selfish manner and she knew it. As much as she liked to think of herself as proper and decent –which she undoubtedly was- she was also just an ordinary person with regular passions and shortcomings and as such, had acted accordingly.

It had not been a passing fantasy she needed to live. It had not been a walk on the wild side. Going with Kim was a stupid way to feel loved without having to work much at it. Abby had doubted her and had rejected her by disappearing and those two facts had felt like a blow to her self-esteem; they made her remember that old feeling of being so easily forgettable that accompanied her for most of her life.

So she chose what almost everyone would have; safety and love. Kim was right there offering a wealth of acceptance and love and she jumped at the opportunity. However though, soon she realized that go back to Abby she would for loving Abby, was the purpose of her life. She knew in her heart, even when she was being held by Kim, even in the midst of their conversations and their exchanges and the love they shared, that going back to Abigail she would ultimately, do.

Sometimes, as she always said, one needs to go somewhere to realize one does not belong there.

So walking towards the elevators she stopped by the gym and looked through the windows. She caught a glimpse of her wife and while her heartfelt guilt, it also felt the deepest love she had ever felt. Suddenly, as she saw the brunette smile momentarily in passing conversation, Kerry realized that she needed to do more. “I know I can love you better than this…-whispered the redhead under her breath-…I can love you much better than this…”

Lorraine looked at her folded shirts and counted them again. Once she was sure she had enough, she neatly placed them in the suitcase. “Loops…you can’t go…I’m sorry…”  
-she whispered as she moved the dog who was sitting inside the open suitcase in a blatant form of protest.

The news of her impending trip was making waves in her home. Loopy had camped out inside one of Lorraine’s suitcases and refused to move. Chester was stationed at the entrance of the brunette’s room and Kim looked positively miserable sitting alone on the terrace.

Once she finished packing Lorraine headed outside. Kim was perched on one of the garden chairs, beer in hand, staring at the seashore. The older woman knelt before her lover who gazed down at her.

“You finished packing, my love..?” –asked the blonde as she tucked a strand of her hair behind Lorraine’s ear.

“Uh-hum…”-answered Lorraine nodding.

“Okay…”

“You look so sad…”

Kim smiled gently. “It’s stupid I know but…now that I’ve found you I don’t seem to want to let you go…”

“But…It’s just three of weeks, mia cara…”

Kim pouted, visibly shaken. 

“Hey…what’s happening..?” –asked Lorraine.

Kim took the brunette’s hands and squeezed them, softly. “Can we get married when you come back..? I don’t need to spend years as your girlfriend to know it is you who I want to be with…”

Lorraine smiled, deeply touched by Kim’s words. “Of course tesoro, of course…anything you want…”

“And I want us to get pregnant right away too…”

Lorraine chuckled, stood up and held Kim tightly. “Whatever you want, carissima…”

Kim closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of Lorraine’s arms holding her, surrounding her, protecting her and the overwhelming sense of peace that came from within her. “Ti amo, Lo…”

“Ti amo anch’io, Kim…con il tutto mio cuore…”

Kerry closed her eyes. She still had another hour before arriving back in Chicago. 

“But…you’re coming back tomorrow night..?”-asked the young brunette when she first learned about her wife’s sudden trip.

“Uh-huh…”

“And they’re planning to build something down there..?”

She hated lying, especially after all that had happened. “They are considering an offer and they sent me to see how good of an offer it really is…”

“Well…-said Abby yawning-…maybe we can move to Florida... Mom would love that…”

“Yes…I bet she would…” She kissed Abigail who was quickly falling asleep in her arms and thought about the arrangements that would be needed if all worked out as planned. She felt as Abby’s breathing pattern turned from regular to paced, and then deep, and she knew her wife had fallen into slumber. 

“Kerry is everything alright..? Is Abby okay?” –had asked Maggie obviously worried about her only daughter.

“Yes, yes Maggie…I just wanted to talk to you and Eric about our future plans…that’s all…”

“But…why isn’t Abby coming down with you, then..?”

“Because this is all a surprise for her…” 

She had met them at the airport and after some light lunch at Maggie’s, Kerry went on to explain the reason of her visit.

“We want to have a baby…”

“Okay…”-acknowledged Maggie, nodding in understanding.

“But I was wondering if we could try to have one that would actually carry both of our sets of genes…”

“What do you mean..?”

Eric smiled. “In other words…you need me…”

“Yeah...” –smiled the redhead.

“So you two..?”-asked Maggie confused.

“Oh no! Well…yes and no…I mean yes because it would be my egg and his sperm but no because we wouldn’t…you know…”  
The three of them laughed a nervous and uncomfortable sort of laughter. 

“I have already had a whole battery of tests and while I’m older, apparently, with close care and a watchful eye, I could carry it to term and…I really want to try…for her…”

Maggie watched Kerry closely. The redhead had lowered her gaze and a slight sadness had tinted her green eyes. “I love your daughter Maggie. I never loved anyone this way so…absolutely. I have given her all that I can…and I don’t mean just my feelings…I mean as much as I can…you need not to worry about her financial future…she’s...completely taken care of…”

“Kerry you don’t have to…”

“What…disclose what I’ve done for your daughter..? I know I don’t have to Maggie but I want to…I want you to understand where I’m coming from. She has a fund on her name; stocks, bonds and…the Brownstone is now half hers…she’s covered…I have tried to provide her not only with my love and support but with everything else I could think of…except a baby…and she wants one…”

“She actually said that..?”

“Yes…and I cannot think of one single reason not to go through it…”

“Okay well…uh…I think…that there’s nothing for me to say…if Eric wants to do it, I’m all for it…I have been wanting to be a grandma for the longest time…”

“I don’t see why not…-interrupted Eric-…I can’t wait to be an uncle myself…”

So now, on her way back to Chicago, Kerry could not help but to smile and imagine the moment of telling Abby, not only that she’d decided to carry the baby but that Eric would be the father, making the baby, a true Weaver-Lockhart child.

Kim opened the door of the house and chuckled when she saw both dogs pining and panting. “Yes, I’m home, I’m home…”

After greeting “the children” as they both called their dogs, Kim went on to change and have a cup of coffee when the phone rang.

“Hi, honey…”

“Hi, Mom…”

“All done…”

“What do you mean, all done..?”

“I did what you wanted me to do…”

“You got it?”

“Yup…”

“The beach lot..?”

“With a Pastor for the blessing and all…”

“Oh, shit…”

“Kimberly, I just don’t think it’s appropriate to say ‘shit’ after I just mentioned the word ‘Pastor’…”

“Yeah…sorry…Oh God…”

Patricia chuckled quietly. “So all we need is to get those invites out…the catering service is done and so is the music…”

“The music..? And who is doing the music..?”

“You know Kim…for a Psychiatrist; you can be incredibly thick at times…”

“I can..?”

“Yes…Isn’t Lorraine a musician..?”

“Well yes but…”

“But nothing…just give it up child…”

“You’re right Mom. I’ll shut up now…”

“At what time are you coming tomorrow..?”

“Around noon…Wanna have lunch..?”

“Only if you pay…”

“Of course Mom…”

“Okay…”

“Okay…”

“See you tomorrow then…”

“Yes, Mom…tomorrow then…”

“Kim? 

“Yes, Mom...?”

“I love you, my darling…”

Kim smiled broadly. “Thank you Mom…-the blonde inhaled sharply-…I love you too…you’re the coolest Mom there is…”

“True…I am…”

Everything seemed to tingle. The light, warm and inviting, bathed everything with a yellowish brightness that made Kerry Weaver glow in delight as she regarded her beautiful wife, closely. 

Had she noticed her eyes before? She wondered. Had she seen the streaks of chestnut brown laced with hints of green? Had she seen –Kerry wondered- that small scar on her right cheek close to the nose or the blonde fuzz of hair on either side of the brunette’s face? Had she seen the slight lines around her lips or how perfect her eyebrows were..?

She probably had but she could not recall. For a moment the redhead felt like she did when they first started to date when all was new and unbearably thrilling…like lightning. Her breath faltered for a moment, caught in her throat.

“You okay Ker..?”-she heard her lover ask.

Kerry could not answer immediately, inhaling sharply, instead. “I love you so much…”  
-whispered the redhead captivated by what she was feeling.

The younger woman looked a bit confused, a bit flattered, a bit uncomfortable. “I love you too…”-she answered pouting and rolling her eyes. “You okay..?”

Kerry nodded with a cryptic smile. She leaned slightly forward and opening her backpack, she extracted a brown folder. Silently, she opened it, grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to Abigail.

The brunette took a look at it and after only a few seconds, her eyebrows arched in surprise. “Ker…what?”

The redhead handed her another document. “But, what is this..?”

Smiling, Kerry continued. She took yet another document and gave it to her wife. This one had all sorts of seals and marks and signatures. It took Abigail a bit longer to gather what this one was about. When she finally read enough to understand, she could not contain her reaction. “Kerry, what are you doing..?”

The redhead was about to hand her another document when her lover stopped her. 

“No…Wait, stop. What are you doing?”

“Loving you…”

Abigail was completely unprepared for such an answer. “No, really…”-whispered the brunette.

“I love you Abby…This was just some ways to show you that…”

“By transferring the ownership of your home to me?”

“It is your home too…”

“Uh…but…”

“I needed to know that –no matter what comes our way tomorrow- you are covered. The fund…-Abby lifted the document that assigned her a hefty fund that was deposited in a Swiss Bank Account-…you can use at any time…The stocks and bonds you can check with Alison Weaving…”

“Your financial advisor…”

“Our financial advisor yes…in case you want to change something of your own personal portfolio…”

“But this is...”

“And the Deed…”

“I can’t accept this…”

“You can and you will Abby. The Brownstone is ours, yours and mine and that’s the end of it. All is needed is for you to sign that transfer deed…”

“But…why..?”

Kerry dropped the folder for a moment and took Abby’s hands in hers. “Because I love you Abigail and because I never want you to wonder again as if you didn’t belong anywhere. That house is your home and it will always be…”

Abby lowered her gaze, overwhelmed. “Don’t cry my darling…this is a moment to celebrate…celebrate that you are alive…that you are well…that tomorrow you will officially become a Medical Doctor…that I love you…that I am the luckiest woman on earth for having you love me…”

The brunette’s eyes still welled up against her will. “Kerry…”-she whispered, shaking her head.

“There’s one more thing…”

“More..?”

Kerry opened the folder once again and handed her one single sheet of paper. Abby took it and read from the top. It was a medical report signed by Janet Coburn, clearing Kerry for IUI and IVF procedures.

“Holy sh…”-the expletive was left at that.

“And one more…”

The final piece of paper was a copy of a service agreement between the Midwest Sperm Bank and Eric Joseph Wyczenski, for long term sperm storage with sperm wash for Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).

The younger woman brought her right hand to cover her mouth and the tears that had welled up before, rolled freely down her flushed cheeks. She shook her head in disbelief.

“It is true my love…Eric agreed to donate so you and I may have a baby…one that hopefully will look exactly like you…”

“Uh…-gestured Abby with her hands, at loss for words-…I dunno what to say…”

“Remember the day I said I had a meeting in Miami..? I lied…yeah, sorry… I went to talk to Maggie and Eric and then I arranged for Eric to come here and leave the specimen at the bank…I’m all cleared by Janet to have a shot at IUI so…whenever you want…we can…try to get pregnant…”

Later the two women found themselves dancing in the darkness of their home to Ella Fitzgerald’s “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”. No one talked; they just let their feelings take over. Kerry, a bit taller than Abby, let her hands roam on the brunette’s back and torso leisurely, knowingly. Abigail held onto Kerry and in the darkness with her fingers, found her lover’s face and drew her face to hers for a long kiss. Both women swayed and kissed and caressed each other until –rubbing their faces and lips together- they took the other’s hand and silently walked to their bedroom.

“Let’s practice making a baby…” –said the brunette, in a sultry manner.

“Like we needed any practice…”-answered the redhead.

And both chuckled cheekily.

The afternoon was dying in the Bay area. The orange light crept between the blinds of the bedroom and made the tiny hairs of Kim’s lower abdomen looked like tiny sparkles. They had made love all afternoon and the blonde was asleep now,   
half-dressed, sprawled on her lover’s bed. Lorraine came into the room and leant over the bed so she could kiss the exposed skin. The older woman kissed once, twice and when she was about to kiss a third time, she felt Kim’s hand on her head, raking through her abundant brownish hair. “Are you trying to take advantage of me, Lorraine Alessandra..?”

The New Yorker planted a kiss and smiled against her lover’s body. “No…I was just loving you…”

“I love you Lorraine…I love you so much…”

Lorraine detected a hint of anxiety in Kim’s voice. She crawled back to the head of the bed and cradled the blonde in her arms. “You okay Tesoro..?”

Kim nodded and closed her eyes. “I just missed you, that’s all…It’s funny…sometimes I can’t even recognize myself…I’m not like this…”

“You mean…you were not like this…”

“Yeah…why is this now? Why do I feel so stupidly…-she paused-…miserable and lonely when I am not with you..? I was not like this…”

Lorraine brought her to her chest and wrapped her arms around Kim. “Because that’s just what happens when we find a kindred spirit…The world seems to make sense only when we are around them and when we are not we feel sort of…lost…”

“But you don’t seem as miserable as me…”

Lorraine had to chuckle; somehow she knew the comment was coming. 

“Well…there are two reasons for that Legaspi…one, I’m older than you so I sort of accept some things easier than you do…”

“Okay…that can be perfectly true…”

“And two…I have had my share of real loss in my life so –while I don’t expect it- I have become a bit used to feeling…incomplete…”

Lorraine spoke very matter-of-factly and that single, little fact, made Kim feel very sad and incredibly shallow; Lorraine did know about loss.

“I’m sorry…”-whispered the blonde.

“Why..?-asked the musician furrowing her brow-…What happened in my life was not your fault…”

“No, I meant for being…I don’t know…shallow..? Here I am whining because you went away for three weeks and you…”

Lorraine smiled against Kim’s blonde mane and hugged her even tighter. “Tesoro…just be thankful, that’s all…no need to feel bad…”

Kim shrugged and held on to her lover for a bit longer. “Lo...?”

“Uhm..?”

“I want to invite Kerry to the wedding…”

“So..? Invite Kerry to the wedding, then…”

“You don’t mind..?”

Lorraine separated herself from the blonde, “And why would I mind..?”

“Uhm…well, perhaps not mind-mind but…you know…it could seem…weird..?”

“Not for me…I have not met her and she has never done anything to me…The only thing I think about when it comes to Kerry is why on earth did she let you go…-the brunette pause then shrugged-…although, thank God she did..!”

“I left her…”

“Oh..?”

Lorraine had never actually asked Kimberly about her previous relationships waiting instead, for the blonde to talk about them when ready.

“Back in Chicago, I was wrongly charged with something and there was a hearing and unfortunately, she didn’t behave as I thought she should have as the Chief of Emergency Medicine and as my partner so I…left her…”

Lorraine did not say anything sensing that was not the end of the story.

“However though…she did apologize and she did try to explain her behaviour which was…partly…understandable…”

The brunette nodded.

“But despite everything I didn’t give in…So I left her, I left County, Chicago and never saw her, talked to her, answered any of her calls or emails or anything…”

“So you’re going to ask her to come to your wedding after…how many years..?”

“Uh…no…I did see her…”

“Oh…”

“Ten months ago I went to Chicago and located her…”

“And obviously that didn’t…”

“Obviously…”

“What happened? Why did it not work..?”

“Because in the years we had not seen each other, she managed to fall in love again and when I got there, it was already too late…We did spend three weeks here…My Mom met her and it was nice although it was mostly as friends…we really didn’t…well…twice but not…you know…”

“Okay…”

“But then she was called back because her partner had been in a horrible accident and almost died and well…at that moment I knew…”

“You’d lost her…”

“Yes…”

A weird silence descended upon the pair. Lorraine cleared her throat. 

“Do you regret it...?”

“What? 

“Having lost her…”

“I was very depressed for two months afterwards. I had this thing in Boston that I had applied for over a year –a great research project- that I was supposed to attend to…”

“Didn’t go…”

“Nope, couldn’t…I spent my days at Mom’s hiding from the world…The first time I did anything barely social was the day I met you…”

“Perfect timing, then…”

“Absolutely…”

“You sure there are no regrets, mia cara..?

Kim exhaled and shook her head. “No my darling, not even a tiny bit of regret…Kerry will always be someone special, someone I will always love but…not in the way I love you…God…no…”

And Lorraine smiled and Kim brought their faces close and like that, half naked, in a warm afternoon, they kissed for a very long time.

(End of Chapter 36)


	37. Quiet The Dragons Of Worry And Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 37  
“Quiet the Dragons of Worry and Fear”

The rain crashed against the windows while the wind blew furiously outside creating whirlwinds that, like little demons, sneaked their way through corners and stairs. Kerry hugged herself and mentally thanked God for being indoors and away from the rain. She opened the blinds and looking down, caught a glimpse of an ambulance coming through the bay. At that moment, Christina softly knocked on the door, Kerry answered and the young assistant came in and placed some correspondence on top of Kerry’s desk.

“Today’s mail, Dr Weaver…”

“Thanks, Christine…”

“Dr Weaver…Abby called and said she’s only working till five…”

“Oh excellent…Thank you, Chris…”

The assistant nodded and left. Kerry sighed and sat to check the incoming correspondence. An overnight FedEx envelope caught her attention and flipping it over, she was even more than surprised to learn it was from Kim.

Inside she found two envelopes; one small, creamy one that simply read “Kerry” and a bigger one, in fine linen paper with a ribbon around it. This one caught the redhead’s attention and she wasted no time in opening it.

Kimberly Patricia Legaspi & Lorraine Alessandra Calligari  
Request the pleasure of the company of

Dr Kerry M. Weaver & Dr Abigail M. Lockhart

As they celebrate their love by a  
Commitment Ceremony  
On Saturday 21st of July, 2008  
At 2:30 pm at  
Asilomar State Beach, Conference Center Area

RSVP by Saturday the 14th of July to 17 Neptune Road  
Monterey CA 98745

Kerry looked at the piece of paper and read it over and over again. “Wow” –said the redhead- “Wow”. She then opened the other envelope and read the note written by her ex-lover.

“Dear Kerry,

Yeah, I know I should have probably told you before and by now you’ve probably said “wow” at least three times…”

“Two, actually…although that doesn’t diminish my surprise…”-said the redhead at loud as if in conversation with the blonde.

“We have spoken many times ever since you went back and while we brushed onto my personal life; our main topic of conversation has mostly been Abby and her wonderful recovery. Please, do not be angry at me…I just did not want to appear selfish or uncaring or even worse, aloof. I met Lorraine around 2 months after Abby’s accident and I really did not feel it was proper for me to talk about how happy I was while you were having such a difficult time. I met Lorraine at my mother’s (of all places…) and we clicked from the start. She’s a Music Professor at the University and a really kind, intelligent and interesting person whom I really hope you get to meet someday. 

Please do try to consider coming over with your wife…”

Kerry felt something inside she could not identify; it was the first time ever that Kim has used the word “wife” to refer to Abby. It felt odd because it warmed her heart but separated her from Kimberly…all at the same time.

“…Abby. I have not seen her in a very long time and in a way, it would be a bit like celebrating her life too. Lorraine really wants to meet you both and my mother…well, you know Patricia... she just LOVES YOU. Like I do…

Yours,   
Kim.”

The redhead leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes, rubbing her eyelids with her fingertips.

“You okay Ker..?”

The redhead snapped back, opening her eyes and arms to welcome her wife. Abby leaned forward and kissed Kerry on the lips, lightly. “You alright? You seem tired...” –asked the brunette caressing Kerry’s cheek.

“No, I’m fine…just surprised…Look at this…”-answered the older woman handing the invitation to her lover.

“Wow…”-said Abby as she read.

“Yup…my feelings exactly…”

“Kim’s getting married…”-added the brunette locking her eyes with Kerry’s.

“Uh-huh…”

“And she’s inviting us…”

“Yes…that came with this…”-and Kerry handed Abby the letter.

After reading it, she folded it back and placed it again tidily on its small envelope. “Wow…Uh…that was…fast…”-added the younger woman as she leant on the edge of her wife’s desk.

“Why are you wearing scrubs, Abigail Marjorie..? Weren’t you wearing your nice black trousers this morning..?”-asked the redhead as she lifted her wife’s lab coat all the way to Abby’s waist.

“Chest tube spit on me...”

Kerry still looked at her with suspicion. Abby grabbed Kerry’s hands, made her stand up and pulled her to herself lacing her arms around the redhead’s waist. Smiling she looked slightly upwards, staring at Kerry. “That was the save of the day…the trousers got ruined though…”-whispered the brunette as she regarded Kerry with a loving look.

“What?” You looking at me funny Lockhart…”

“Funny? I am looking at you with loving eyes...”-said the young brunette with a tender grin.

“Maybe not funny but you’re looking at me like you have something on your mind…”

“Maybe…-added Abigail smiling cheekily-…but before we get to…that…”

“Before we get to what?”

Abby just briefly frowned at Kerry. “Don’t play dumb with me Kerry Weaver…or you actually thought I wouldn’t notice..?”

“Notice what?”

“The way you swiftly changed the conversation…”

“When?”

“Just when I gave you back Kim’s wedding invite…”

“Did I change the conversation?”

Abby nodded slowly, pouted, smiled tenderly and leaned over for a quick, gentle kiss. “You know you did and you did because you don’t know how to feel about that invitation, right..?”

The redhead opened her eyes wide.

“It’s okay…If I were you I think I’d be feeling a bunch of things at the same time…like…”

“Like what?”-pressed the redhead.

“Disbelief...genuine surprise…”

“I’ll say...” –asked Kerry.

Abigail smiled and grazed her lips against Kerry’s once again. “A bit…cheated, maybe?”

“Hmmm…” –nodded the redhead, for a moment looking saddened.

“I guess she didn’t keep her promise, huh..?”

“Her promise? What promise..?”

Abby brought her right hand to Kerry’s face, caressed it gently and answered, “the promise to love you forever…”

“Uh…that promise…she never made that promise to me…”

Abby looked at Kerry, pressing. “Well…actually she did…”

“But obviously she couldn’t keep it…”-said Abby.

“Obviously not…”-whispered the redhead dropping her gaze as if in remembrance.

“I’ve felt that when Carter found Kem…”

Kerry snapped back in less than a second and locked her green eyes on her wife’s. “You did..?”

“Uh-huh…”

“But that was last year…Last year you were with me…We got married last year…”

“Uh…yeah…”

“But you never said anything…”

“Well, things were a bit different…for starters; he didn’t invite us both to his wedding…”

“True…”

“Plus…-paused Abby tucking a loose lock of red hair behind Kerry’s right ear-…I loved you, I was happier than I had ever been…”

“But you still felt..?”

“Yeah…weird…I felt like he had lied…like all his promises were a lie…even when I no longer cared for those promises…weird…”

“But still, you never said anything…”

“I didn’t want to make you feel in any way unloved or unsafe because nothing of what I was feeling in regards to Carter’s wedding really mattered at the end…I had moved on and my life was complete…happy…”

“Yeah…that’s how I am feeling...It doesn’t really matter but still...I’m sorry…”-she said as she brought her foreheads together.

Abby closed her eyes, feeling her wife’s minty breath on her. “You have nothing to be sorry about Ker…Kim was not only the first woman you loved but someone who will always be your dear friend so…it’s okay to feel those things…”

“Thank you my love…thank you…”-muttered Kerry an instant before she kissed her wife with some intent as to imprint the feelings of gratitude and love she was experiencing. 

A few moments later, the women separated and smiled at each other.

“So...?”-asked Abigail.

“So…what..?”

“Are we going..? You want to..?”

“Is it not going to be weird..?”-asked Kerry.

“Nope, I promise…”

“If that’s the case…we’re going then…”

Abby pecked Kerry’s lips again. “Thank you, Ker…”

“No my angel…thank you…”

Patricia remembered later she heard something like the gushing of wind getting squeezed and an incredibly loud thud that startled her for a second or two, making her spill her hot drink.

“Shit”-yelled Patricia as she narrowly avoided getting burnt by her tea. “That girl is in so much trouble…Kimberly Patricia Legaspi!!!”

The older woman put her drink down and set off course to look for her daughter. “Kimberly!!!”

Kim was so furious that she also slammed the door to her bedroom with such a force, that the pin inside one of the hinges, snapped like a twig.

“Holy Lord!!! Is that child going to continue doing this?”

A minute later Patricia opened the door to her daughter’s bedroom. “Have you gone mad Kimberly Patricia? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Leave me alone Patricia!!!”

“What? In case you have not noticed Kimberly, THIS IS MY HOME!!! So you better either get on with the program here or leave this very instant!!!”

“You throwing me out Mother?”

“You better start talking and stop slamming doors!!!”

“I’m old enough to do whatever I want, Patricia!!!”

“And you know what, child? SO AM I!!! So out!!! When you calm down and act like a normal person again, you may come back! So now, go!!! GO!!! OUT!!!”

Kim took her leather jacket and stormed out of her mother’s home. Patricia tried to remember the last time she had seen Kimberly in such altered state but her memory failed her; while Kim –contrary to popular belief- was not the easiest person to get along with, she was rarely violent in any way. Something –thought the older woman- must have gone pretty badly.

Just as she was heading back to the patio with her tea to grade some tests, the door bell rang. “I bet she forgot her keys…”  
and expecting to see her rabid daughter, Patricia was surprised to see her future daughter in law, standing at her door, looking miserable.

“Uh-huh…so it was you…”

“I swear Pat I didn’t do anything…”

Patricia leaned back and opened the door completely in a silent gesture of welcome. Lorraine walked in and Patricia noticed for the first time since she knew the fellow teacher, a real expression of sadness. 

Patricia took pity on the younger woman who looked so distraught and kept quiet. Lacing her arm with Lorraine’s she took her first to the bar, where she offered and served something stronger than the tea she was having and then led her to the patio. After both women had taken a seat and the fire was lit, she asked what had happened.

“I guess what happened was that I was stupid and she thought…or got…the wrong impression of something…”

“Care to elaborate..?”

“I stayed a bit behind working on a very difficult scherzo with Cynthia, my first violin…you know…the concertino…”

Patricia nodded.

“I had left Kim a message saying that I was going to be a bit late because I knew that Cynthia was having difficulties with this so I brought my violin and we played together until the girl -bless her- finally got the exact sequence perfectly so when she did…I was so happy I hugged her and then kissed her on the cheek…”

“And don’t tell me…my idiotic daughter came in just at that moment…”

“Yeah…”

“And..?”

“At first, nothing. I didn’t think anything of it because for me was like kissing a daughter, I mean…Cynthia could be my daughter and it was affection for a student…It was me feeling so proud of her…you know, right..?”

“Unfortunately my students are seldom that bright for me to want to kiss them…”  
-answered Patricia with great sarcasm. “But I do understand the feeling yes…you feel so proud for their accomplishment…”

“Yes, exactly!”

“But then..?”

“Cynthia left and I picked up my stuff. Kim looked weird…not her usual smiling self but still, I didn’t put two and two together…”

“Oh…so you didn’t even get the hint..?”

“Apparently not…”

“Oi…bad sign…that probably made her even more furious and even more convinced she saw something that was just wrong…”

“Oh yeah…when we got to the car she let me have it…She told me that she couldn’t marry me like this, that I couldn’t be trusted, that someone sooner or later was going to find out and I was gonna get my butt kicked and that of course, I would deserve it…” 

“She said all that..?”

“Yeah, and of course, that didn’t go well with my Italian temper and…”

“You had your first fight…”

“Yes…unfortunately…”

“She’ll calm down…”

“I know she will…what worries me is the underlying reason for it…I was not really doing anything bad Pat and while I understand many of the unwritten laws of marriage, I refuse to let my life be changed that much! These are my dear students, these are people I have seen grow before my eyes…I will not stop myself from showing affection simply because Kimberly is too insecure to understand and accept this!”

“I agree…I just don’t understand this insecurity though if anything, Kim has always been obnoxiously arrogant and cocky…  
’Ms Thing’, you know?”

Lorraine nodded.

“Did anything happen..?”

“Not that I know of…”

“Not to defend her Lo but Kim is lots of things and one of them is constant…she does not change her usual self and starts displaying odd traits without a reason…”

“I’m trying to remember if there was anything in our previous conversations or anything that I inadvertently did or say…unless…”

“Unless..?”

“In the backroom I started to put some old photos and stuff from when I was with Camille…stuff I had not gotten around putting away or donating or…you know…”

“Okay…”

“Last Saturday we were home and she was taking a nap so I went to the room and kept on separating stuff…”

“What are you going to do with most of it..?”

“Some I am sending to her sister and mother in New Jersey and a few things I am keeping…some pictures, the letters…We talked a bit about that, Kim and I…”

“Do you think that you keeping those things is affecting her..?”

The brunette sighed. “I don’t know…maybe…but that would be absurd though…”

“Perhaps but it would explain this whole thing…Maybe this is just fear…fear of not being good enough…fear you’ll never forget your ex…fear…”

“Hmm…dunno…it seems far fetched though…I’ve never done anything to make her feel this vulnerable…”

The older Legaspi brought her right hand to Lorraine’s right thigh, “You have to remember -my dearest- that adults are really just children with money…don’t ever forget that…”

Lorraine smiled broadly and nodded to the words. “You are right Pat but…uh…some of us seem to have less money than others, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely Maestro…absolutely…”

She felt tired. Actually not tired; exhausted. Her feet hurt, her eyes were half open and sore and all she desperately wanted to do was to slip into her bed and sleep. She still had another hour to go.

“Kinda makes you wish you were back in Med school, doesn’t it..?” –asked Susan Lewis reviewing a chart.

“You have no idea…”

“Come on…I’ll buy you some coffee Abs…”

And together the two women headed out to get some coffee from the Mart. 

“How’s Kerry..?”

“Beautiful…”-answered the brunette, smiling peacefully.

“Okay…Let me try that again…How’s Kerry..?”

“Beautiful, I said…”-answered Abigail, this time sighing.

“Are you for real..?”

“What? 

“Okay stop…you’re freaking me out now…One thing is for you to be in love with your wife…perfectly okay…Another thing is you finding your wife beautiful…no problem! But you saying this twice with that moronic expression on your face…that’s something else…”

“Uh…I dunno Susan, what do you want me to say? She is beautiful…and pregnant…”

“What, did you just say pregnant as in P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T?”

The brunette stopped and turned around, smiling broadly. “Yup…as of this morning…we’re P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T..!” 

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Aaaabbyyyyy..!” –shouted Susan loudly as she engulfed her old friend in a heartfelt hug. “Oh my god! But…but…”

“We discussed it when I got out of the hospital…Being without Kerry all those weeks…then the accident…all those days when I wasn’t sure if things were ever going to go back to normal for us…It all made me…change…”

“But I thought that Kerry was not even going to try again and now…wow…”

“And you don’t know the best part…”

“There’s more..?”

“The baby…the baby is actually our baby…”

“Okay, I remember you saying that your sex life was amazing but there’s no way on earth that you got Kerry pregnant, Abs…”

“Funny, no…Eric did…” 

“What?”

“We used his sperm which he gracefully donated…we did IUI…And on the very first attempt…tah dah!”

“Oh my god…so he or she can be like a little Abby or a little Eric..?”

“Or a little Kerry…”-added Abigail smiling and genuinely thrilled. “Actually…I’d love if he or she ended up looking like Kerry…

“Wow…this has got to be the best news ever…I mean…not that long ago you guys were separated and then…the accident…and now…”

“Yeah…”

The friends walked inside the Jumbo Mart and got their coffees. Minutes later, they crossed the street and sat on the bench outside the ER.

“Did I tell you that I was really mad at you that day..?”-said Susan, quietly right before she started to sip her coffee.

Abby shook her head in silence, allowing her friend the time to talk. 

“First I was petrified…I was so frightened that you would die that I threw up all my breakfast right after I heard of your injuries…”

“I’m sorry Sue…”-said the brunette briefly squeezing her friend’s arm.

“But afterwards I was angry, I was livid…”

“But…why..?”

Susan drank some more of her black coffee buying some time. “Because in my mind you had no business being in that transport playing superhero…I hated you for playing Wonder woman when you were just a regular girl…and, my friend…”

Abby saw the fear and the silent plea in her friend’s blue eyes. “I promise I won’t do it again…I’m sorry…”

Susan pursed her lips and nodded. “Thank you…in any case things have changed now…-said the blonde with smile-…you guys are pregnant and you’ll both be mothers soon and knowing my boss the way I know her…” “…transport duty days are over…” –said the two women at unison. The smile faded from her lips and Susan grew serious again remembering how very close she stood from not ever having moments like this anymore.

“Thank you for telling me Abby and no, don’t worry….I won’t tell anyone. Does anyone else know...?”

“Nope, besides Kerry, Janet and you…no one…not even my Mom knows yet…”

“Thank you, Abs…”

The two women smiled but said nothing. None of them very good at expressing in words what they felt, they just allowed their smiles to reveal their feelings.

And together they went back to the hospital.

It was 6:30 in the afternoon when Lorraine finally parked her blue Lexus on the half-empty parking lot. She had spent a good portion of the afternoon worrying about Kimberly first and looking for her, second. Finally, the brunette remembered something said in passing conversation and headed to the old Cypress Point where she was hoping she’d find her lover.

She did.

Kim was sitting in one of the benches, staring at the sea. The gentle breeze made her long, blonde hair, glide through the currents a bit like a kite’s tail. Despondently, the blonde kept kicking the gravel with the point of her leather boots.

“You’re going to ruin your boots if you keep that up…”

“I don’t care…”

“Okay…fair enough…”

“You found me…”

Lorraine got closer to her lover but remained quiet trying to decide how to best approach, Kimberly. After a few moments, she determined that it would be best to be direct.

“You actually think I’d do such a thing, Kim..?”

Kimberly shook her head, taking painful notice of the fact that her lover had called her ‘Kim’.

“What is it then that you are so afraid of..?”

“Life…”

“Of life..?”

“Never been really afraid of it…till now…”

“But why, what happened..?”

“Nothing happened…I just…uh…what would I do if I were to lose you..?”

“But I’m not going anywhere…”-said the New Yorker with some irritation evident in her husky voice. 

“But eventually…”

“Eventually…eventually yes Kim, life is like that! Eventually, something will happen…one of us will get ill or we will separate or there will be an accident…we will separate yes, eventually…”

“I cannot bear that thought…”

“And what are you going to do, huh? Hide under a rock and not live..? That’s the way life is…”

Lorraine sat next to Kimberly but said nothing. Years ago she had been in that same spot where Kim was except that Camille had been recently diagnosed and lay –gravely ill- in a hospital bed. “I know the fear you’re feeling…”

Kim just looked up for the first time facing the older woman.

“It was a Thursday afternoon, two days after we had to rush Cammie to the ER…She had been diagnosed not that long ago…”

“What happened?”

“She almost died that day…”-answered the brunette with a deep ache in her voice Kim felt completely incompetent to erase.

“When they managed to get her breathing again, I stayed for a while more holding her hand until her Mom asked me to go home and get some rest, so I went…that’s when it hit me…”

The blonde took her lover’s hands and remained silent. 

“I stayed home for three days. Didn’t move much I remember…just sat there in the reclining chair in my room doing nothing, trying not to think or feel…I couldn’t get up so I didn’t go to work, change, sleep, I couldn’t bring myself to see Cam…heck, I couldn’t even eat…I thought that maybe if I didn’t get out if no one could find me…nothing would…the pain, the unknown…the fear…none of that would find me…I thought it would go away…pass me by…”

“But it didn’t…”-whispered Kim.

“Ha…of course not…” –chuckled dryly the brunette. 

“I’m sorry Lo…”

“You don’t have to be sorry, cara…you just have to live, that’s all…Let’s live our life together and try to make each other happy and hope that when the pain catches unto us…”

“Please don’t say it…”-whispered the blonde.

“When the pain catches unto us, we may feel we have lived long enough…”

“You lived long enough with Camille..?”

“No…but I was happy and would not change one minute I lived with her for the world…even if that would have prevented me from feeling the horrible pain of losing her…”

“You still love her..?”

“I will always love her…”

The blonde was a little taken aback by such categorical answer and her somewhat fragile heart begged her to ask. “You love me..?”

Lorraine smiled that one smile that always restored balance in Kim’s world. “You know I do…I adore you, Kimberly…”

“So you love us both…”

“Yes although in very different ways…Camille was my past…With her I learned to be the person I am today…You…You are my present and hopefully, my future…”

“You still want to marry me..?”

Lorraine shook her head and remembered a fragment of one of her all-time favourite movies, ‘The Goodbye Girl’. “You really love a romantic scene, don’t you? Of course, I want to marry you...with every fibre of my being...”-muttered the brunette very lovingly.

“Can I ask you a favour..?”

“Anything, tesoro...”

“Kiss me...”

And she did.

(End of Chapter 37)


	38. Fait Accompli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Chapter 38  
“Fait Accompli”

Kerry sighed contented. She yawned as she watched people come and go from the United Airline’s check-in lounge at O’Hare. From afar she could see Abby in her worn-out jeans, white sneakers and white blouse standing in line and glancing every so often towards Kerry’s direction as if making sure all was fine. Patricia had offered to pick them up and put them up for the week of their visit. Kerry flatly refused the offer of stay but accepted the airport pick up; a week –in her view- was way too much time to impose on her kindness so they made reservations in a local hotel instead.

Abby was excited, thrilled. She had never wandered too far from Chicago except for the times she’d gone to Florida to ser her mother Maggie, so the perspective of a week-long visit to California sounded fabulous. But, despite her youthful eagerness, the brunette was changing.

“She’s driving me crazy, Janet…”

“Oh…I think it is rather cute…”

“But I’m not a paraplegic; I’m just a little pregnant…”

“Let her…it’s adorable…”

And Janet looked up and gazed at the brunette who was fast approaching their table with a tray full of food. 

“Here you go Jan…”-said the young doctor as she gave Coburn her chocolate muffin. Turning to Kerry, Abby smiled and passed her the fruit bowl, the oatmeal and the bottled water. “Hun…I got you the oatmeal instead…the granola muffin looked too starchy and the English muffins just didn’t look fresh…I’ll be right back with our coffees…”

And off she went again.

“See what I mean..? I wanted muffins…English or otherwise but nooooo…God forbid I have a gram more of fat or a tad more of sugar!”

“I think it’s the cutest thing…”

And Kerry made a face, mimicking her fellow doctor.

The changes were obvious. For starters, her patience had exploded. Kerry first noticed it after the accident, once the brunette had woken up from the coma and had started the pulmonary toilet routine which involved several unpleasant practices. To everyone’s surprise, Abby did not even flinch. All she requested was for Kerry to be there and hold her hand; she did not complaint, did not moan or whine…nothing. She let the nurse insert the tube to vacuum the secretions or allowed the therapist to batter her forcefully to loosen up the phlegm. Later, her temperance in the face of the daunting regime of physiotherapy or her sheer stoicism when in pain had startled her wife.

“Honey, you want some Diclofenac..?”

“No Ker…I’m fine…”

“Abby, you’re not fine my angel, I can see you -and hear you- wince miles away...why are you so stubborn..?”

The brunette just shrugged, closed her eyes and tried to will the pain away.

Once back at work, the same kind of situations that used to make her livid, did not even face her any longer. Phones ringing, Frank’s moaning, students’ inertia or Luka’s regular moodiness were details she did not even notice anymore. Her concentration was unbreakable and her sole intention, loud and clear; to treat as many patients as she could as efficiently as she could. This single-mindedness allowed Abigail Lockhart to clear more patients than Morris and Barnett combined which in turn, made her superiors take notice.

“Kerry...do you have a moment..?”

“Sure...come on in...”

“Please don’t think of me as nosey or anything but...Is everything okay between you and Abs? I know it’s an odd question to ask but...”

“Why, yes, everything is quite fine Susan...Is she slacking or something?”

“No! God no...-answered the blonde Attending-...quite the contrary, look at these numbers...”-added Susan as she handed a folder to Kerry. “And that’s just the last month...see the consistency..?” 

Kerry took the folder and examined the data. “Wow...these are better than my numbers when I was an intern...”

“I think it’s wonderful...I mean, she was always good but...uh...this is incredible...”

Kerry leaned back on her chair and nodded; she understood Susan’s vague concern.   
“Everything at home is wonderful Susan...to tell you the truth; it is the best it has ever been...”

“Okay...could it be sort of like... a ‘Carpe Diem’ kinda thing..? It happens...people do change after major traumas like that...”

Kerry pursed her lips. “I dunno, perhaps...things have changed at home...she’s changed...with me especially...”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since I became pregnant Abby has been...like in over-drive? She wakes up early now, she makes us coffee, runs my bath, drives us, cooks...”

“Cooks?”

“Cooks...It’s like this completely new person that has decided to take charge of everything and particularly, of me...”

“Aaawww...Kerry...”

“Well yes, don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful but it can be a little...”

“Infuriating..?”

“Disconcerting...”

“I remember Chuck being like that...He wanted to do everything...”

“Yeah but Chuck is like that already Susan, Abby isn’t...or wasn’t...I mean, things at home had always been sort of ‘tacitly defined’...I used to cook, we both did the grocery shopping, we both cleaned, driving was mostly something I did whereas any DIY project at home or repairs, Abby did...now, she does almost everything!”

“Well, Kerry...perhaps all you need to do is welcome it and enjoy it...with a baby on the way, I’m sure you will appreciate the extra help...”

And the help was appreciated; baby or not. As they took their seats in the plane Abby stood up and made sure their bags were secured in the overhead compartment. “You need anything, Ker..?”-she asked pointing to the bags.

“You...” –answered the redhead rather loudly.

The brunette looked somewhat surprised and smiled shyly. Closing the compartment, she sat next to her wife, took her hand and answered, “You have me...”

Kerry turned around to face Abby. “I know I do it’s just...you’re different now...”

The brunette looked a bit disconcerted but soon caught up. “Because I have to be...”

Kerry was about to protest but Abby placed her hand on her wife’s mouth. “It’s not my duty, that’s not what I meant...”

Kerry’s expression relaxed.

“What I meant is...I have to because things are different now and mostly because...you’ve changed me...”

The redhead furrowed her brow in confusion. 

“You don’t need to stand always on guard Ker, you’re not eternally on duty...I think you’ve taken care of us...of me...long enough...-the brunette paused caressing her lover’s hand-...By taking care of me, by supporting me, by protecting me, feeding me...loving me...you’ve taught me that I can be a lot more than this woman to whom all these bad things have happened to...so...I want to do the same for you...”

“But honey...I’m fine...”

“No, Ker, please listen...I need to do this because it is the way I need to love you at this point in our life...I don’t know how to explain it...it is...whatever you want to call it..I’ve changed...you’ve changed me...our separation changed me...the accident changed me. I am married to you and you are pregnant with our baby and God! This is the best moment of my life... The minimum I can do for you is this...”

Kerry nodded and leaned in to kiss her wife and for the first time in her life, she completely disregarded her surroundings. After the quick peck, she nestled in Abby’s chest and open arms and closed her eyes. 

And she felt safe.

“Do I look alright..?”

Lorraine turned around and gazed at her girlfriend from head to toe...”You look gorgeous, tesoro...you always do...”

“You think this sweater...with the jeans..?”

“Hun...of course you look fine, don’t worry! Come on...let’s go...”

Fifteen minutes later the couple was arriving at Patricia’s house. Kim opened the gate with the remote control and the blue Lexus sedan quietly entered the parking area of the ample house. 

“You nervous, cara..?”

Kim fidgeted a bit. “I guess I am... a little...it’s a bit...surreal...”

Lorraine backed up the car and turned off the engine. “I guess it can be a little weird...your ex, her partner and your fiancée all together...You’ll be fine, though...”

“Oh I know, I know...I guess it’s mostly Abby...we...I dunno...”

“What you mean..?”

“Well, we never really...synched...”

“I’m sure she will not hold anything up against you...-added the brunette, causing Kim to smile gently-...and if she does I’ll be here to defend you...just hold my hand, okay..?”

The blonde leaned forward and kissed Lorraine. “Okay...”

“Are you okay..? You seem really quiet, Ker...”

“No...I’m fine...”

“Nervous..?”

Kerry hesitated. She sighed and admitted defeat, “Yeah I guess...”

“I’ll behave...I promise I’m not gonna punch her in the face...-Abigail paused, her expression perfectly serious-...well, maybe just a little kick underneath the table but you know, nothing too awful...”

Kerry turned around, dumbfounded. The brunette turned around and the two of them burst into loud laughter as their taxi arrived to take them to Patricia’s.

“No, seriously though...there’s nothing for you to feel nervous about, wubber...”

Kerry lifted her eyes and smiled broadly. “You hadn’t called me that in a long time...”  
Abigail leaned forward and brushed her lips to Kerry’s. “I know, I’m sorry...”

“No need to apologize...”-whispered the redhead.

“Let’s make a deal...I won’t apologize if you stop being nervous, okay..? Just hold my hand and don’t let go...”

“Okay...”

An hour later, the five women were sitting on the comfortable patio chairs of the Legaspi residence, admiring the sunset and trying to enjoy each other’s company. Patricia had sensed the tension and had monopolized the conversation from the beginning trying to ease up the almost tangible apprehension in the air. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working; ‘...different measures...’ she thought.

“Okay...Kerry, Kim...with me, please...?”

The blonde and the redhead looked at each other and stood up like naughty school children that were been sent to the Principal’s office. 

“And you two? Find something to talk about...”

“Yes Sir...”-answered Lorraine sheepishly. “Okay...-she said turning to Abby-...wanna have a drink..?”

“I’ll take anything non-alcoholic...”

“I think we can manage that...come on...walk with me..?”-said Lorraine and the two brunettes walked through the garden to the bar.

In the meantime, Kim and Kerry walked behind Patricia, quietly. Kim -gallant as always when it came to Kerry- held the swinging kitchen door to let the redhead in. 

“The fish and the seafood are inside the fridge...could you please get it all out..? I’ll be right back...”-said Patricia as she went upstairs.

The two women watched Pat leave and then, both looked at each other and chuckled. Kim approached Kerry and touched her on the arm. “Hey...you good..?”

Kerry nodded gently, “Yeah...I’m just...I dunno...it all feels a bit surreal...”

“Yeah...I said the same thing to Lo...Lorraine, I mean...”

The two women stared at each other, “You happy?”- They both asked at unison.

After a shy smile, Kerry motioned for Kim to answer but Kim shook and cocked her head, “No, you go first...please...”

“I am happy, Kim...Abby makes me so very happy...I’m just...I’m sorry that I couldn’t...that I couldn’t love you...If things would have been different...If I had never fallen for Abby...”

“I know...I am happy too, really complete...I adore Lorraine with all my heart but...I know if I had never met her... I would have...I would have done anything in my power to get you back...”

“And I would have gone back to you, Kim...”

Kim smiled and pursed her lips, hesitant.

“I will always love you, Kerry...”

“I will always love you too...”

Kim opened her arms and hugged the smaller redhead tightly. “Thank you...”-whispered Kim. “No...thank you...”-answered Kerry.

Five minutes later outside in the garden, Abby and Lorraine were standing and leaning over the patio rail. “Okay...that was...”

“Odd...”-added the young doctor smiling shyly.

“Yeah...so you’re a doctor too..?”

“Yup...just graduated not long ago...and you’re a musician..?”

“Yup...Is it me or this whole dinner thing feels kinda...”

“Weird..?”

Lorraine nodded.

“I thought it wouldn’t be but...I mean...Kim and Kerry have their history in which I am somewhat involved...”-said Abby softly.

“And I’m not but I feel like I’m supposed to do something...”

“Me too...”

“But I dunno what it is...”-whispered Lorraine smiling broadly.

“Me neither...”

And the two brunettes burst into laughter for a few moments. When the laughter subsided, Lorraine went on.

“Could you do me a favour, Abby..?”

“Sure Lorraine...”

“Could you please –somehow- let Kim know you don’t hate her..?”

The younger woman turned around in surprise. “She thinks I hate her..?”

“Well...perhaps ‘hate her’ is too strong a phrase...dislike her...you know, because of what happened..?”

Abigail took a sip of her non-alcoholic beer and smiled. “No, she shouldn’t feel that way...what happened was my fault...I screwed it up...”

“Why you say that..?”

“Have you taken a look at your girlfriend? She’s...perfect! She’s beautiful, intelligent, funny...”-added Abby who chuckled mid-sentence.

“You gonna tell me or do I need to torture you to get it out..?”

Abby shook her head and motioned the older woman to wait for a moment. “I’ll tell you...–she managed to say between chuckles-...I used to call her ‘Lesbian extraordinaire’...”

“That’s funny..!”-added the musician laughing.

Abby went on. “Truth is Lorraine, I thought that Kerry would not choose me if she could have Kim because Kim’s all those things I thought I was not...”

“We all are those things to someone if we are lucky enough to be truly loved...”

Abigail took another sip of her drink and sighed. “Yeah...I’ve learnt that since then...So...she really should not feel that way...”

“Perhaps you can tell Kim that yourself..?”

“Tell me what?”

Abby opened her eyes open wide and almost choked on the beer. As her spotless luck would have it, Kim herself had approached them and they had not noticed. Abby inhaled deeply and turned around.

“Tell you that I don’t hate you or dislike you –or in any way- hold you responsible for whatever happened between Ker and I, Kim...”

“Oh...”-managed to whisper the blonde.

“In fact, I owe you an apology for not even looking at you that day at the hotel lobby...I was just too...”

“Oh God Abby no...-Kim touched Abigail’s arm, gently-...please don’t apologize...I guess I could have gone after you...I could have explained that nothing had happened...I am sorry for not doing anything...”

From afar, Kerry looked at the scene with some degree of anxiety. 

“Relax Kerry...-said Patricia rubbing Kerry’s shoulders-...relax...they’re doing fine...”

“You think Patricia..?”

“I know so...”

Kerry turned around and smiled at the older Legaspi who was smiling at her, very kindly. “I’ve missed you...”-said the redhead.

“I’ve missed you too...By the way, that picture you showed me of Abby does not do her one bit of justice...she’s beautiful...”

Kerry glanced quickly to where her lover was and smiled, “She is beautiful, isn’t she..?”

“And you both look so happy...it’s amazing to see her now...considering the last time I saw her she was in a coma...”

“I know...I thank God every day for her...”-said the redhead still looking with pride and love in her heart.

Abby’s eyes left Kim’s for a moment and locked on her wife’s across the garden. Seconds after, she regarded the blonde again. “All is well now Kim...In fact, it’s better than it has ever been and in a way, in a very odd way –she paused looking down for a second and shaking her head as in disbelief- I feel that if you had not shown up, my life with Ker...perhaps...would not be as...as...well, as it is now...”

“You mean that..?”

“Come on Kim...you know I do...”

The blonde psychiatrist nodded, “Thank you, Abby...”

The brunette smiled and nodded, shyly. Looking up, she watched Kerry turning to gaze at her. “And if you’ll excuse me I better get going...Ker looks like she’s about to have a heart attack...”

Walking the distance between the edge of the patio and the redhead, Abby smiled. 

“You okay?” –she asked the redhead as soon as she was close enough.

“Yup...you..? All is well..?”

“Of course it is Ker, see..? I told you I wouldn’t hit her...”-said the brunette with a grin.

Kerry slid her left arm around her wife’s waist and kissed her lips quickly. “Okay...”  
-answered Kerry, smiling.

“Ker...let’s tell them...”

“Tell them what..?”

Abigail smiled and just cocked her head.

“Oh...tell them...that...”

“Tell us what?”

Abigail turned around and opened her eyes wide. “What is it with the Legaspi women, you guys have ESP or something?”

“Uh...no...-Patricia chuckled-...just good timing..?”

Kerry looked confused.

“Who has good timing..?”-asked Kim.

“Us...”

“See?”-said Abby to Kerry.

“Says who..?”-asked Lorraine.

“Abby...”-answered Patricia.

“Why?”

And eight pairs of eyes turned to look at the young doctor who smiled, bewildered.

“WE’RE PREGNANT!!!”-shouted Abigail as she held on to Kerry.

“WHAT?” –asked Kim, Lorraine and Patricia at the same time and in the distance, the distinctive sound of laughter and joy could be heard across the miles.

Kerry could feel Abby’s even breathing and her long fingers as they gently brushed her hand as they swayed lazily to the music. The glorious sunset could be seen beyond the waves and the air brought a scent of salt and food. The redhead opened her eyes and turned her head to rest it on her lover’s shoulder as Abigail accommodated her, tenderly.

Kim and Lorraine’s wedding had turned out to be a memorable occasion. They arrived at around 2:15 but the ceremony itself did not start until around 3 o’clock or so. A pastor from the Metropolitan Community Church in San Jose performed the blessing which had the University of California at Monterey’s Philharmonic Orchestra and Choir as a backdrop with a large number of glorious musical numbers.

Kim looked radiant. Her dress was pale pink adorned with black lace, loose on the body and to the middle of her thighs. Lorraine chose a very pale grey dress that looked almost silver although she later changed into a multicoloured silk 1950’s vintage sarong dress from Hawaii. Together, the two women looked stunning but their beauty was only surpassed by their glee; it radiated from them, from their smiles, from their laughter, from their body language. Both Kerry and Abby felt it and rejoiced in it.

Around 7 pm, both women were tired and ready to head back to their hotel. Both brides had already left for their two week honey in Tahiti and the Cook Islands and the party had started to dwindle. The song ended and Kerry and Abby parted, smiled and holding each other’s hand, walked slowly to the table. Kerry had one last drink of champagne while the brunette picked their small purses and Kerry’s silk shawl. Together they went to say goodbye to Patricia and finally left for the hotel.

(End of Chapter 38)


	39. My Cup Runneth Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
Final Chapter  
“My Cup Runneth Over”

It was snowing outside. The winter day all white and fluffy was quickly dying. 

Inside, the room was warm and inviting. On the night table, Abby had placed the plate full of butter cookies and the cup of hot chocolate Kerry had requested. The brunette stood next to the bed and watched as her lover gently slept.

Or so she thought.

“I’m awake…no need to tiptoe…”

“Oh…I thought you had finally fallen asleep…”-whispered Abigail as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“Nah…I tried…no matter what position I lay in I just can’t…”

“I’m sorry Ker…”

“I’m sooo tired…”-said the redhead as she raked her fingers through her fine red hair.

“I know…I’m sorry, wubber…”-said the younger woman who lifted her wife’s t-shirt and massaged the expanded belly. “Want me to pamper it..?” 

It was week 37 and Kerry was about to burst. Her body was readying itself for delivery but the sheer size of her belly paired with her already weakened hip, made things a bit more difficult than would be for most mothers. Janet Coburn had suggested an early C-section but the redhead had completely refused citing the baby’s immature lungs. 

“No Janet, no. I can stay in bed if I have to but this baby will stay inside until it’s time…”

“Then I may have to admit you before time…even if we don’t do the c-section…”

“Janet? You’re serious..?”

“Kerry, your hip is becoming less and less stable and the degree of pain you are in because of the pressure and the extra weight, is increasing…What are we going to wait for, for you to become bedridden in your home..? I don’t think so. You don’t want the early c-section? Fair enough but I’m admitting you on the 16th and that’s that…”

Kerry opened her eyes and smiled faintly. Abby stood up and went to the bathroom to look for the cream. Seconds later she came and sat between Kerry’s sprawled legs and applied some cream on her hands and then on her wife’s distended belly, with tenderness.

“I love it when you do that…”-whispered Kerry with closed eyes.

“I know…”

From the moment Kerry started showing, Abby made a point of spending time with their baby and her wife and rubbing cream on the skin and playing music for the unborn child, became her two most favourite activities during Kerry’s pregnancy. It was an amusing sight to see. Abby –so grounded in reality and its miseries- transformed herself into someone different and for a short while, she actually believed in fairy dust and magic spells and enchanted tales and often, read to the baby.

“You reading tonight..?”

“Of course...tonight we have...-she paused to read the title of the book-... “The White Pebble”...”

And Kerry opened her eyes as she felt Abby’s head leaning back on her right thigh. The redhead turned to her left and her deep green eyes watched the snowflakes as they fell relentlessly outside of her window. 

“Once upon a time there was a princess who was going to have a birthday party...” (1)

Kerry smiled as she felt the baby moving inside of her. “Oh yes...that’s your Mom reading you a story...calm down...”-said Kerry tenderly.

“It jumped..?”-asked Abby sitting up propped on her right elbow.

“Like clockwork...”

“Ker...you think he...she...will always be this excited to hear my voice..?”

Kerry sat upright and leaned back on the head of the bed. Abigail’s question unknowingly had touched her heart and her eyes welled up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Kerry waved her off to calm her down. “I’m fine...it’s the hormones babe, I even cry with commercials now...-she paused to cup her wife’s face with her hands-...yes, my love, our son or daughter will always be this excited to hear your voice...”

“How do you know..?”

Kerry inhaled deeply and wiped the errant tear with her fingers. Smiling, she placed her right hand on Abby’s chest covering the skin directly above her heart. 

“Because I know your heart...So go on storyteller, keep on reading...we want to know what happens at this birthday party...”

Abby leant over her wife, kissed her lightly and went back to her spot on Kerry’s thighs but this time, she held on to the redhead’s hand and didn’t let go.

“...The king and the queen had sent out a great many invitations...” (2)

And the redhead smiled.

(1) & (2): “The White Pebble” from the “Bluebird’s Garden” by Patten Beard.

Patricia was sitting downstairs on the kitchen counter listening to the radio, typing up a lesson plan and having some coffee with a pastry. As she stopped typing for a moment on her laptop, she heard the electric gate being opened and looking at her wristwatch, she realized her daughter was home after saying goodbye to Lorraine who again, had to travel with the orchestra for the next month.

The couple had settled nicely. After returning from their honeymoon, Kim had put her house up for rent. It was too beautiful and charming a house to sell it and the way she figured it, they could always use the rent money they’d get towards the kids’ education or their future retirement. Lorraine had agreed. While they were not exactly tied up for money –both women had inherited funds from their late parents- neither of them earned a big salary so now, with added incentive, they decided to save up for the future. 

Lorraine did not own any real estate in the US. Her grandfather had left her a villa in the Italian town of Montepulciano together with a vineyard from which she perceived a lump sum of money every three years or so, as a result of the production of a very fine but with a very local, red wine.

They had decided to settle in Lorraine’s small and cosy home till Patricia, intervened.

“What? And what’s the point of that? This house has six bedrooms...six! Plus a guest house which we have not used in ages! I can move to the guest house because there is enough room for just me and you can live here and have lots of babies..!”

“But Mom...no...We don’t want you to move from your home...”

“Hun...it’s time to downsize...the guesthouse is huge and it has everything I may need, really...Plus, there are lots of things that are not just mine but ours...your piano, your father’s books...”

“All that would stay intact...”

“So...see? No problem my darling, you both want to have a family right away and you’ll see, in a moment, you’ll have this house filled with babies and noise and fun...It’s about time...”

Kim walked to her mother with tears in her eyes. To hide them, she hugged Patricia and buried her face on her mother’s shoulder. “Thank you Mom...once again...for everything...”

So now, they both lived in the big house. The older Legaspi moved her bedroom and the contents of her home office to the much smaller guest house; a cottage standing next to the big colonial house Patricia had inhabited since she and her late husband Iker, had moved to California just after Kim had started her Premedical degree in Chicago.

“Hi, Mom...”-said Kim who leant over allowing her mother to kiss her on the forehead, ‘Amari egindako zorrak ez dira inoiz ordaintzen...’ –whispered the blonde which translated meant, ‘The debts made to one’s mother are never paid...’

“Hello my darling...-said Patricia softly-...she gone..?”

Kim shrugged and nodded. She absolutely felt miserable and abandoned when Lorraine left with the orchestra.

“Feeling down..?”-asked Patricia without looking up.

“Yeah...”

“Hmmm...”

“Why do I always feel this way every single time she goes on tour...it’s not like she’s gone for months and months at a time...it’s usually no more than three weeks...this is...absurd...”

The older woman bit her lower lip in concentration and finished typing. She sighed. “Perhaps because you’ve always been accompanied by someone... all your life..? Have you noticed..?

“Have I..?”

“Yes...Your father, myself, your grandparents, your innumerable cousins, your school friends and let’s not forget, the obscene amount of girlfriends you had...Suddenly, you feel alone and being married well...it’s not like you can go jump into someone else’s bed now, can you..?”

“Mom!”

Patricia turned and gazed at her daughter directly and above her reading glasses. “Or you’re gonna tell me, in my face, you didn’t do that...”

The younger woman sighed in frustration but mostly, in embarrassment. “Fine...you win...”

Patricia stood up, closed her laptop lid and walked the distance to her distraught child. Holding her from behind she perched her chin on Kim’s shoulder. “It’s okay...I hated it too when your father had to go away to medical conferences and things like that...I absolutely hated it...”

“Yeah..?”-asked the blonde not very convinced.

“Yes...especially after I had you... I was left alone with this ‘thing’ that cried like a whale and ate like one too...”

That brought a smile to the psychiatrist’s face. “A thing?”

“You...-said the older Legaspi tightening her embrace-...were just a bundle of pink flesh with two blue marbles for eyeballs that cried and ate all the time, my heart...you could hardly be called human...” The commentary made Kim chuckle. “The point is hun, it is normal to feel that way...especially during the first years...wait till you have been married some time... you will be the one booking the tours for her and the orchestra...”

Kim smiled and was about to say something when Patricia’s cell phone rang.

“Darling!”-answered Patricia to some unknown person on the phone.

Kim stood up, took a sip from her mother’s forgotten coffee and headed upstairs to change. Minutes later, she came back down. Patricia was still on the phone.

“Yup, she’s right here...okay...let me put her through...”-said Patricia, handing the phone to her daughter.

“Who is it..?”

“Kerry...”

Kim smiled widely and grabbed the phone in seconds. “Hello..?”

“Hi, Kim...”

“Ker...-said the blonde with such tenderness her mother had to smile-...how are you..?”

“You know what they say about the sweetness of being pregnant and how women glow and how beautiful they look..?”

“Uh-huh...”-answered Kim nodding to the phone.

“They’re lying!!!! This is awful!!! Horrendous!!! I’m about to explode, I can’t breathe, can’t move, I’m bloated...I can’t stand it anymore...”

“Oh Ker...I’m sorry...”-said the blonde very gently, the way she always was with her ex-lover.

Patricia finished her coffee and smiling, she shook her head. It was an amazing thing for her to see how these two women had been so foolish in the past wasting the opportunity they had had in front of them. 

“Oh, she did? Oh...”-Kim turned to look at her mother. “You’re going to Chicago..?”-she asked her mother in a whisper. Patricia nodded.

“Yeah...next week apparently...”

“Oh, wow...I’ll send you something I bought for the baby with her, then...”

“Okay...”

“Okay, hun...-paused Kim-...I’ll call you tomorrow, okay..?”

“Okay...thank you, Legaspi...Talk to you then...bye...”

“Bye Ker...”

Kim pushed the END button. “So you’re going to Chicago..?”

“You wanna come..?”-asked Patricia point-blank.

“Can I..?”

The older woman shrugged her shoulders. “I have no problem my darling...in any case; it isn’t I the person you should be asking that question to...”

“I don’t need to ask Lo for permission...”

“I agree but you do need to let her know you’re going and it is also nice to gather her reaction...one should try not to upset our loved ones if one can help it...”

“Do you think she’d mind..?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so but if you detect anything...”

“I should stay...”

“Hun...when we get married things change. I know –perhaps more than even you two know- how much you and Kerry care for one another but the truth is, you’re both married to other people and your first priority should be your partners...Abby and Lorraine...that’s just the way it has to be...provided of course you want to be happy...”

Kim nodded, silently.

“It’s a bitch, isn’t it..?”-asked the older Legaspi.

“Yeah... a bit...”

“Yeah...that’s life...”-whispered Patricia, who leant over the counter, opened her laptop and resumed her work.

Abigail had her eyes closed while her forehead rested on Kerry’s left shoulder. Kerry leant forward and almost completely slouched on her wife finding some relief in the thought that soon her strong contractions would stop. The anesthesiologist was patiently looking for the precise gap between the bony structures on her spine to correctly insert the needle while Kerry moaned, very quietly.

“It’s going to be fine, Ker...”-whispered Abigail as she slowly rubbed her wife’s skin with her fingertips.

Another moan, a bit sharper this time, alerted the younger woman that the needle was being inserted. “Breathe my love...breathe...easy...easy...”-whispered Abby trying to make her voice as soothing as she could.

“Ooohh...ooowww...”-moaned the redhead.

“Breathe...-she paused and kissed her wife’s neck-...breathe, love...”

“Okay Dr Weaver...done...ease up now, you’ll start feeling relief in just a moment...”

Kerry separated from Abby and the two locked their eyes together in an intense gaze. 

“Better..?”-asked the brunette gently.

“Oh god...much, much better...this is heaven...”

Kerry was helped down on the bed by the nurse and by Abby who looked somewhat worried and drained. The last few nights –spent at the hospital- were leaving their mark behind and the young doctor was tired and anxious. Sitting down next to Kerry, she smiled shyly, rubbing Kerry’s bump.

“You look so tired my angel...I’m sorry...” -said Kerry as she ran her fingers through Abby’s dark hair.

“I’m fine, wubber...”-whispered the brunette, unconvincingly. “You’re feeling better...pain is gone..?

“Oh...this is so much better...no wonder women like this sooo much...”

A nurse lifted the covers, pulled Kerry’s gown, gently inserted a catheter to drain urine during the procedure. Looking at what the nurse was doing, Abby realized that it was time. “I need to go and change Ker...okay? They’re gonna move you to the OR soon so I’ll meet you there in a few minutes...”-she said kissing Kerry’s forehead quickly.

“You sure?”

Abby stopped. She felt a jolt on her diaphragm and for years to come she would remember that day -not only because she became a mother for the first time- but also because she never felt as rich or as resourceful as she did at that very moment. Turning around she saw Kerry’s somewhat frightened expression and reached onto her with her right hand. She cupped her wife’s face -holding her head now with both hands- and made a first attempt to speak. “I will”-she said but stopped mid-sentence. She inhaled deeply never breaking the intense stare and tried again. “I will always be with you when you need me Kerry...always...”-whispered the brunette with determination. Kerry’s green eyes filled with tears and she nodded quickly, nervously, unsure...like a child. “I’ll be there...always...”-repeated Abigail who leant over and kissed her wife. “I’ll see you in a little bit, my love...”-she added with a shy smile and left.

The OR was freezing. Kerry was wheeled up from her room to one of the three operating rooms of the maternity unit of the hospital and transferred to the table. An IV line was introduced in her arm and an oxygen mask placed on her face. Abby entered the OR a minute later clad in full surgical regalia and her smiling eyes focused on her wife.“You good Ker..?”-she asked.

Kerry answered nervously with a nod.

“Okay...let’s bring this baby into the world, shall we? You’re ready ladies..?”-asked Dr Coburn.

“We are...” –answered Abby never taking her eyes away from Kerry’s.

Abby never dreamt she’d feel this way. Many a night she stayed awake while Kerry slept peacefully, imagining how she would feel right before the birth of their child. Swallowing hard she realized her imagination had run short; this extraordinary mix of pride, elation and gratitude made it difficult to breathe, much less talk. “I love you more than I could ever, ever say, Ker...thank you...thank you...”-she said quietly.

“Okay! –shouted the doctor- Yeah...okay...one more...suction...let me get this baby...out...and here we have...suction...”

Kerry felt a final tug that made her wince although she felt no pain, just pressure.

“And we have a baby girl, ladies! A beautiful and feisty, little baby girl!”

The two women looked at each other for just a couple of seconds. Even before looking at the baby, Abby pushed away her surgical mask, lifted the oxygen mask covering Kerry’s mouth and kissed her wife on the lips, while tears rolled down her cheeks. “Thank you...I love you..!”

Immediately after, she raised herself and peeked over the screen just as Coburn asked her to cut the cord and the baby started to cry very loudly. Minutes later, once the infant was cleaned and warm wrapped in her blanket, she was taken to her mothers.

“And this little girl, my love...this is our daughter, Daniella...”-said Abby placing their newborn child on Kerry’s chest.

A week later, both mothers and baby were back at their home. Abigail had been given two weeks maternity leave together with two weeks of long-overdue vacation days from her now, old position as a nurse which meant, she had one full month to spend with her girls, as she called Kerry and Daniella. 

The first couple of nights were the hardest because everyone was getting used to their new life. Kerry found herself tired and cranky and with two large breasts that Daniella did not seem to empty quickly enough. Baby Daniella was generally a contented infant except that she was still trying to decide what was her favourite activity; eating or sleeping. As a result, her mothers had found her falling asleep while eating and wanting to eat while sleeping. Go figure. Abigail, in the meantime, kept herself busy running between her wife and her daughter. When baby slept, she spent time with Kerry; helping her pump milk, sterilizing tiny bottles, labelling such bottles with the proper dates, cooking, cleaning and generally pampering Kerry when he could squeeze the time. When Kerry slept but the baby didn’t, Abby would feed Daniella, changed her, played with her and generally made sure the infant was comfortable and happy.

All this of course meant that Abby had very little time herself to rest.

One of those nights when they all seemed to miraculously fall asleep relatively early, Kerry fell under a very heavy sleep. Before losing contact with the reality surrounding her, she remembered Abby’s face looking down on her, smiling, and the sounds of a happy infant next to them in her crib.

Hours later, the redhead woke up with difficulty. Almost completely disoriented, she looked up and the red light from the digital clock display, alerted to the time; 1:30 am. Raising her head up, she noticed the tiny light from Daniella’s Fisher-Price Ocean crib toy was still lit up but neither Abby nor Danie, were around to be found. 

She lay her head once more against the soft pillow and fell asleep again. 

Until she heard music.

It was faint, well kept away. Kerry raised herself to a sitting position and rubbed her eyes, focusing. She stood up and picked up her robe, draping it across her shoulders. Slowly she exited her bedroom.

On the landing of the stairs, she was finally able to make up the music and where it came from. 

Slowly she walked down the stairs, feeling the coolness of the wood that made up each of the steps until finally; she made it to the landing. She still could not see anything. Leaving the staircase behind, the redhead padded quietly to the family room at the back of the house and stopped by the archway, on which she leaned, folding her arms carefully over her breasts.

Van Morrison’s “These Are the Days” poured out of the CD player and the melodious tune-filled Kerry with warmth and peace as her lips curled up in a tender smile at the sight in front of her.

Swaying slowly to the music with Daniella tucked on her chest protectively wrapped by her hands, Abby danced with their daughter. Her movements were slow, calculated, designed to soothe and lull the colicky infant.

Kerry stood there for a few moments, transfixed, in silence. She would never know why but this moment became magically imprinted in her soul for the rest of her life. Her breath got caught up on her throat and she inhaled deeply through her nostrils to regain some of the balance her powerful emotions had rattled. From somewhere she found her voice full of gratitude to the Gods that had found her worthy of this happiness.

“You really do know how to wine and dance a girl, don’t you..?”

The unexpected voice startled the younger brunette who snapped her eyes open in a second. A shy smile made her pout but the coloured cheeks revealed how much those words had touched her. “Uhm...this is only my second girl...”-added Abigail, coyly. 

Kerry grinned and walked towards her family. “...Oh your smiling face, your gracious presence...”-whispered the redhead repeating a phrase from the song’s lyrics, moments before leaning down to kiss her daughter’s reddish fuzz of hair. She looked up again and tightened her embrace across her wife and child. 

“If I had only known I...I would have done this so long ago...”-whimpered the redhead.

Abby watched in rapture. 

“I don’t think I ever said this before...-she paused feeling as if something was jerking her insides-...but I just wished I had fallen for you earlier...years before I actually did...you’ve made this possible...you’ve made the best of my life...possible”.

Abigail shook her head and closed her eyes, sinking deeper into the arms that circled them both. She inhaled not even making an attempt to add to what Kerry had said and shyly, she leaned towards the redhead pouting her lips for a kiss her wife gave her immediately.

Kerry went on as Abby tucked her own head between Kerry’s shoulder and neck, tightening her embrace on their infant daughter who slept, peacefully. 

“Trust me when I tell you did, my angel...I never knew love and loyalty like the one you’ve given me...not even in myself...If you had not said yes to my pathetic...”

Abby looked up unsure of what her wife was about to say. 

“...pathetic excuse of a dinner invitation in Saint Maartin...nothing, nothing would have happened...and I would have missed all of this...”

Abby closed her eyes and smiled at the memory and relived for a few seconds, the jolt of curiosity and pride she felt that afternoon. She sighed deeply. Maybe she had made all this possible. Perhaps Kerry’s words were true and she was responsible for much of this happiness, for this peace, for this gift of life she at times felt still, unworthy of.

Abigail opened her eyes and smiled. Her dark brown eyes locked on Kerry’s bright green one’s as she –unconsciously- bit her lower lip. “Okay...-she said-...okay...you win Weaver...”

Kerry smiled.

“But I tell you something Ker...”

“Yes, my angel...”

“If I made this possible...”

“Uh-huh..?”

“You made all this...mine...”

The redhead nodded. Leaning forward, she kissed Daniella’s head and leaned searching for her wife’s lips which she kissed softly, slowly, barely caressing those lips she’d kissed a thousand times before. 

“Yes...my angel...Mine all this...is...”

THE END.


	40. Epilogue - Forever And A Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own most of these characters. Others are completely my creation. Those characters that have been borrowed, have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain or purpose.

Mine  
The Epilogue  
“Forever and a Day”

He liked staying just a tad longer. But invariably, it proved a bad move when –just seconds before opening the door and disappearing into the hall- the girl would turn around and catch him staring stupidly at her.

“And that’s when I usually drop something…I’m such a dork…She probably hates me…”-said the young man despondently kicking the sand underneath his feet.

“Does she see you dropping stuff to the floor..?”

“Mom…-he whined-…you’re missing the point! Whether she sees me or not doesn’t matter! I’m still a dork…”

The blonde pulled her son to her and he leaned to her. “Maybe…but you’re my dork…”

The young man looked upward and his bright, blue eyes smiled at his mother’s. “Yeah…”

Iker and Ander Calligari-Legaspi were home for the Christmas break. The twins were 18 years of age, in university and by now, quite used to the rigorous schedule of studying. Iker was studying Biology in his mother’s old Alma Mater, the University of Chicago whereas Ander was pursuing a Bachelor of Music from the prestigious Juilliard School in Manhattan. 

“Hey, guys…”-said Lorraine as she sat next to her wife and her son, Iker.

“Hi, honey…”-answered Kim pecking Lorraine on the lips.

“Ciao Mamma…”-whispered the shy young man who quickly stood up and headed for the house.

“Did I do something bad..? I just said hello…”

Kim laced her left arm on Lorraine’s right and appeased her, “No…it’s not you amore…girl problems…”

“Oh…and he went to you..?”

“Nope…I just pushed…”

“Hmmm…I bet he loved that…”

“Of course he didn’t…just like you don’t…You need to talk to him though…we are in the ‘I’m such a dork’ phase…”

“Again?”

“Again…”

Lorraine sighed deeply and pondered how such an intelligent, capable and good looking man like her son could possibly regard himself in such mistaken manner. She sighed again, looking at the ocean in front of them with its constant crashing waves.

“He inherited that from you…”-said the blonde casually as she kissed her lover’s cheek.

“Oh, yes…That’s why we have one sensible child and another who thinks he is God’s gift to women…”

“Well, but…-chuckled Kim-…of course! I was God’s gift to women! It’s only logical that at least one of our sons would inherit that trait…remember Mendel?”

“Yes Kimberly Patricia…-said the brunette who stood up and leant over her wife of 21 years-…I do remember Gregor Mendel and his principles of genetics and his laws of inheritance…I am more than a gifted musician, you know..?”

The blonde smiled broadly, laced her arms and hands around her lover’s neck and craned her body to kiss the brunette. “Oh…I know you are a lot more than a gifted musician, you need not remind me…I had a great reminder this morning…”-added the psychiatrist pulling Lorraine for a kiss.

“You are terrible…”-whispered the New Yorker when they parted moments later. 

“I know…but you love me…and you still need to speak to our son…”

“Yes, I’ll take him shopping later…I still have to get your Christmas present…”

Kim pulled Lorraine again for another deep kiss. “Yeah…just remember diamonds are a girl’s best friend…”-said the blonde when they parted.

“Yeah…thank god you are not a girl anymore isn’t it…”-and she left laughing.

The clock on the wall marked 9 o’clock. Daniella felt nervous, impatient. She paced the room one more time and for the eleventh time in the last 10 minutes, she stopped and checked herself in the mirror. She looked good enough, she thought. She breathed in deeply once again and checked the window. 

Nothing.

One more pace and one more mirror check. 

Still nothing.

She shook her hands in the hopes of getting rid of her anxiety but her palms felt cold and clammy. She went inside the bathroom and ran some cold water on them. Finally, she felt her cell buzz inside the pocket of her jeans. 

“Shit!”

She quickly dried up her hands and grabbed the phone that had kept vibrating inside her pants.

“Hello?”

“Hi…”

She smiled instinctively. Jennifer’s voice always had that effect on her. “Hi yourself…”-she answered, keeping her cool.

“You ready? I’m going around the block and I cannot seem to be able to find a spot to park…”

“I’ll come down, just drive around…”

“Okay…”

She hung up and flipped off the light in the bathroom. 

“You ready?”

“Shit Ma! You scared the living lights out of me!”-answered Daniella as she grabbed her purse.

“Sorry honey didn’t mean to…”

The young woman towered in front of her mother. “How do I look? Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous…”

The young woman laced her arms around her mother’s neck and hugged her. “I love you Ma…”

The redhead sighed and closed her eyes, hugging her oldest daughter. “Are we meeting this girl tonight..?”

Daniella separated from her mother, “you want to..?”

“Well yeah…why not? I know you guys are not an item…yet…-Kerry smiled, cheekily-…but yes, your mother and I would like to meet this Jennifer woman…”

“Okay…wait by the door then… She can’t find a parking place so I’m going to open the gate for her…”

As her daughter ran down the stairs, Kerry went into her bedroom where Abby flipped through TV channels.

“Wanna meet the Jennifer woman..?”

Abigail looked up, her eyebrows arched up. “Are we meeting the Jennifer woman?”

“Yes, we are…”

“Wow…this must be a serious thing then…”

“Yes, apparently…come on…we have been instructed to wait by the door…”

So together, hand in hand, Abby and Kerry waited by the main door of their home. Two minutes later their daughter walked to them accompanied by a freckled face, grey-eyed woman with really short hair red hair and a captivating smile. 

“Ma, Mom…this is Jennifer Pennington…Jen, these are my mothers, Dr Kerry Weaver and Dr Abigail Lockhart…”

“Nice to meet you both Dr Weaver, Dr Lockhart…”-said the young woman extending her hand to the doctors. 

“It’s our pleasure Jennifer…”-said Kerry kindly.

“Nice to meet you…”-added Abby, dryly.

After a few seconds when no one knew exactly what to say, Abby felt how Kerry elbowed her to say something. “So…that’s your jeep, uh? Cool…”

Daniella rolled her eyes. “We ready Jen..?”

The younger redhead smiled. “I think that means she’s embarrassed enough and wants us to go…”-added Jennifer cheekily while Kerry chuckled.

“Funny you two…”-said Daniella, clearly mortified while the brunette kept a straight face.

Kerry extended her arms and hugged the newcomer. “Nice meeting you Jennifer…I trust you’ll take good care of her..?”

“I will Dr Weaver…”

“Good night Jennifer…bring her back by 2 am, okay..?”-said Abby extending her hand for a handshake.

“Yes, Dr Lockhart…”

And the younger women turned to the jeep.

“By the way, Jennifer…-asked Abby-…what is it that you do, for a living I mean..?”

“I’m a detective Ma’am, with the Chicago Police Department…”

“You’re a cop?”-asked Abby quite surprised.

“Yes, Ma’am…”

“Uh, Jennifer? –interrupted the redhead- You may bring our daughter at whatever time you wish…just take good care of her, okay? –interrupted Kerry.

“But Ker..?” –asked Abby turning around in shock.

Kerry just laced her arm around her wife’s waist and pulled her to her side. “Just…let it go, my love…she’ll be fine…just wave and smile…”

Mother and son roamed lazily around the ground floor of Macy’s, looking for a new fragrance Iker wanted to get his mother for Christmas. The mall was busy but not yet packed with Christmas shoppers so they had enough time. After breakfast, the pair had left the house in search for Kim’s present and some clothes they needed to get for themselves. Very often, Lorraine would take Iker shopping whereas Kim would often go out with Ander. “A matter of personality synchronization…” had said Patricia once and it was true. Lorraine shared with Ander their immense musical talents; together they could play against angels but in every other aspect, Lorraine felt at odds with the long-haired, much too cocky, somewhat self-centred young man Ander had become. In all fairness, both men were kind, witty, funny and good-hearted but Ander was just a bit too full of himself and that bothered Lorraine. 

“Mom…what do you think about this one..?” –asked Iker passing the paper strip to his mother for her to take a whiff. 

“Hmmm…that one is nice…which one is it..?”

“Chanel…’Chance’ is called…”

Lorraine inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. “Oh yeah, Ik…Mommy would love that one…”

The young man smiled, “I think is funny the way you still call her ‘mommy’ after all these years…”

“She’s still your mommy…”-she said a bit embarrassed. 

“Yeah…”-answered the young man, smiling. 

Moments later, Lorraine saw him looking around some more. “Aren’t you going to get your girl something..?”

Iker kept on looking. “She’s not my girl…”-added with some pain in his voice.

“Why not? Is she not interested or is she dating someone else..?”

“She’s probably just not interested…”

“Why do you say that?”-asked Loraine with concern in her voice. 

“I dunno…she’s just…so pretty…she can have anyone she wants…”-said the boy with sadness.

“Hmmm…doesn’t that include you too..?”

Iker didn’t say much more after that. He bent forward and picked up the shopping bags he had been carrying. “You ready to go Mom..?”

Lorraine smiled and nodded. Half hugging her son, she pulled him to her. “You tell me when you re ready, okay..?

“Okay…”- and together, mother and son, went to pay for the perfume at the till.

Ten minutes later as they approached the parking lot, Iker placed the bags in the trunk of the car and got inside while Lorraine turned the engine over.

“Her name is Katherine…”

The brunette smiled, happy to see her son opening up to her one more time. 

“Excellent…”-she said.

“I dunno…maybe she likes me…a bit..? I dunno…At least she hasn’t laughed at me or anything…”

Lorraine turned, faced her son and kissed him on the cheek, “Of course she does…why wouldn’t she like you..?”

“Because I’m a dork…”

“Well Ik, I don’t know honey…I’m a dork…I was always a dork…but hey, look what I landed…”-added Lorraine wiggling her right eyebrow.

“Mom! 

“What?”

“This is my mother you’re talking about..!”

“Yeah…And she is a babe!”

“Oh Lord…”-said the young man clearly mortified. “Just drive mother…”

And Lorraine laughed some more, kissed him again and set on to go home.

“I can’t believe you just let her go with a complete stranger simply because she said she was a cop!”

“Abby...”

“No Abby me, Kerry! This is our daughter we’re talking about!”

Kerry was on the verge of laughing but decided not to; Abigail rarely became furious but when she did, she was a force not to be reckoned with. Not even by Kerry.

“Sweetheart…”

“I cannot believe you! Danie is barely 20 years old!”

“She will be 21 in two months…”

“Whatever!”

The redhead decided to put an end to this before it escalated and years of experience have taught her that when in distraught, her wife needed to be grounded. She walked closer to the smaller woman and held her from behind, firmly. 

“Angel…calm down…”

The brunette stopped her pacing and sighed deeply, closing her eyes.

“In all the years you’ve known me which are…”-said Kerry, quietly.

“Thirty…”

“Yes…thirty…In all those thirty years my angel…Have you ever seen me put the life of anyone in danger…knowingly, I mean..?”

“No…”-whispered Abby, eyes shut.

“Since our girls were born…have you ever seen me make a decision that would knowingly put them in any kind of risk..?”-asked Kerry, very gently.

“No, of course not…”

“Okay so…will you quit worrying..?”

“But…”

“Abigail Marjorie Lockhart…stop...Danie will be fine…”

“How do you know...?”

“I just know…”

“You cannot just know…”

Kerry smiled against her wife's shoulder imagining the brunette’s pout and knowing she was winning this encounter. “Oh but I do…”-she added as she kissed Abby’s shoulder blade through her dark turtleneck sweater and turned her around so they could face each other. “I do know…”

“I just worry…horrible things happen every day…”

“Yes my love, they do…but they won’t happen tonight…okay..? Tonight we are together, all of us…You and I, Danie and Kathy…and we are fine…”

The two lay on the king-sized bed watching the football game. They watched the games quite often when they were together although they really did not consider themselves die-hard football fans. On their stomachs, mother and son leaned on their elbows and cupped their heads with their hands.

“Oh come on! I mean, really now! That wasn’t even two yards, you moronic twerp!” -yelled Kim to the football player who of course, stayed completely unaffected by her heated insults.

“Mom…he can’t hear you…calm down…”-said the young man repressing loud laughter he knew his mother would not appreciate.

“Helloooooo..!”-yelled Loraine as she walked through the kitchen and the family room, on her way upstairs.

“In here honey..!”-answered Kim as she sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed.

“Well hello, you two…-said the brunette as she leaned down, kissed her son’s head right before cupping Kim’s face with her hands and giving her a soft kiss-…e comme esta il mio cuore, bene..?”

Kimberly still shivered when Lorraine spoke to her with such intensity, forgetting any Italian she had managed to learn in the many years together. “Good my darling…-she paused, inhaling-…except for that idiotic quarterback that refuses to do what he’s supposed to…”

Lorraine chuckled, searched for her son’s face as he rolled his blue eyes just as she thought he would and kissed her wife again. “You’re right amore mio, he’s shit…”

“Mom, he isn’t shit! Mommy just wants the guy to do –I dunno- miracles..!”-added the boy in a contained whine.

“And my son?” –asked Kim.

“Hello! I’m here!”-added Ander trying to be funny.

“My OTHER son..? Remember you have a twin brother?”-snapped Kim sticking her tongue out.

“Oh right…him…”-added the boy cheekily.

“His room, I guess..?”-answered Lorraine as she kicked her shoes on her side of the ample bed.

“Is he okay..?”

“Yeah, yeah…he’s fine…”-added Lorraine as she unbuttoned her blouse.

“Fine..? And what about that other…matter..?”

“Right you two…like I don’t know you’re talking about Iker’s girlfriend…”

Kim’s eyes popped out. “You know something about her..?”

“Maybe…”-added the youngster with a mischievous smile.

“Spill it Ander Anselmo…come on…now…”-said Kimberly, quite seriously.

The boy turned to lie on his back, crossing his hands behind his head. “And what will I get if I do spill the beans..?”

“A punch in the face…”-answered another voice coming from the entrance of the room.

Kim looked up and felt incredibly embarrassed by her own behaviour. This was, after all, her son’s private life and if she really wanted to know something about it, she should either ask Iker or wait for the boy to open up for her. “I’m sorry honey…I should have never really asked your brother for something that clearly is a private matter…I’m really sorry…”

The young man looked hurt but he understood his mother’s motives behind asking his brother. He nodded and waved a hand at her, silently telling her not to worry; that things between them were fine. He turned around and immediately he heard his mother’s steps behind him. 

“Honey…”-whispered Kim.

Iker turned around, “Yes, Mom..?”

“I am really, really sorry my love…”-whispered the blonde bringing her right hand to his left cheek, locking her blue eyes to his. 

“It’s okay…no damage done…What do you want to know..?”

Kim swallowed hard; this child of hers had always managed to disarm her. “I just want to make sure you’re happy…Are you? Happy?”

Iker Fabrizzio pursed his lips and smiled coyly. In silence, he closed the gap between himself and his mother and wrapped his strong arms around her lean frame hoping the gesture would let his mother know how much he loved her and how happy he really was. ”I’m okay Mom…I’ll be happier when she pays attention to me…but I’m fine…”

Kim closed her eyes and tightened the embrace suddenly remembering how this young man used to cling to her so much when both twins were just toddlers. “Maite zaitut nire maite…”-whispered the blonde.

“Maite zaitut Maita…maite zaitut…”-answered back her son.

The pancakes sizzled on the pan and smallish hands made their best effort to flip them over and not burn them. The scrambled eggs had been sprinkled with some fresh grounded pepper and salt and adorned with a bit of parsley on the side, “Like the chefs do…” had said the youngster.

The music blasted from the iPod docking station and both young women danced around the kitchen island table as they finished the last touches to the food they were making.

“Is that music I hear..?”-asked sweat-covered Abigail, flat on her back, chest heaving.

“Nope…The orgasms I give you are soooo good, I can make you hear music…”-said Kerry smiling broadly as her breathing struggled to go back to normal.

The brunette chuckled. Turning to her wife, draping an arm over the redhead’s bare torso and feeling perk nipples underneath her skin, Abigail kissed Kerry on the temple. “You are the best lover I ever had but that wubber...that is music…”

“God…I love you…”-said Kerry taking a hold of Abby and pulling her towards herself until the smaller brunette was completely on top of her body. Lacing her arms around her neck Kerry brought Abby’s face to hers for a deep kiss.

“Oh god, Ker…”-whispered the younger woman feeling how her wife of so many years pulled her downwards making sure their naked bodies were as close as possible, “You’re going to make me horny again…”

“And that is a problem…why..?”

A loud knock on their door served as the perfect answer. “Because I knew it couldn’t happen…I did say I had heard music…”-whispered a smiling Abby before kissing the redhead and shouting, “Hold on kids, we’ll be right out!”

“Oh God…I think we…”-whispered their oldest daughter on the other side of the door.

“What? Were they like…doing it for real? Oh my God!”

“Kathy!”

“Eeeeewwww…”

The door opened and the girls looked at each other not knowing what to say. It was their mothers’ wedding anniversary and every year the girls made a point to make them breakfast and give them a small gift. Daniella came to the rescue.

“Good morning Mom! Happy Anniversary!”-she shouted as she leaned down and hugged her mother.

“Morning…thank you…”-answered Abigail who smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around her daughter. 

Katherine leaned in and kissed her mother too but did not linger, turning to the stairs. “Come on you guys! It’s gonna get cold!”-shouted the teenager as she ran down the stairs.

Daniella broke the embrace and smiled, “Ma’s in the bathroom, right?”

“Uh huhm…”-answered the brunette distracted as she pulled her hair into a bun.

“Sorry for interrupting…your…uhm…”

Abigail’s eyebrows shot upwards disclosing a pair of very wide eyes, “You heard us?”

Daniella had to feel pity; perhaps she should not have said anything. “No Mom, no…but it is not that difficult to imagine what was going on when you guys are still in bed after 9 am with the door shut, no less…”

“Crap…your sister knows..?”-asked Abigail agitated silently hoping for a negative answer.

The twenty-year-old woman could have again told the truth but decided not to; her mother was mortified enough. “No Mom…no worries…she doesn’t know…”-answered Daniella knowing full well her little sister would never either make a comment or acknowledged she knew their mothers had been making love.

The bathroom door opened and Kerry emerged, “Morning Danie girl…”

“Happy Anniversary, Ma…”-said the young woman, kissing her mother.

“Thank you my darling…”-said Kerry hugging her first-born. “And my baby?”

“She ran downstairs…hunger is a force that knows no limitations…”-added Abby.

“We’re ready, then?”-asked the redhead heading towards the door.

As they started walking, Abigail took a hold of her daughter’s arm and glanced at her.

“Don’t worry Mom…your secret is safe with me…”-whispered the young woman who winked at her mother and smiled.

The upbeat poured out of the speakers as the three figures danced in front of the fire casting black shadows against an orange backdrop. The young men smiled broadly and in one swift move, one of them picked up in the slim woman dancing with them.

“Put me down, child!”-yelled Patricia losing her straw hat in the process.

“Come on Tata live it up a little!”-said one of the boys smiling.

“Come on guys...put your grandmother on the floor...let her be...”

The twins laughed a bit more at their grandmother’s protests and Ander finally eased her down to her feet. Iker picked up her hat which she took in one fluid motion and hit them both with it. “You! Horrible children!”-she wailed while they laughed even harder.

When the banter had quieted down, they all sat on the lounger chairs and shared in some drinks and light conversation. From inside the house Patricia, Kim and the twins could hear Lorraine at the piano playing some unknown piece. 

“That’s new...”-said Ander who immediately got up and went inside.

“Pretty too...”-added Patricia, “...very gentle...like the kind of melodies she used to write when you boys were babies...”

Iker smiled while Kim sat next to him. “How you are big guy..?”

He smiled directly to her. “I’m good Mom...Did I tell you her name is Katherine..?”

Kim laced her lean arms around her blue-eyed son and kissed him on the temple. “Katherine huh..? Nice name...How old is she?”

“Eighteen...”

“Pretty..?”

“I think she is...”

“Have a picture..?”

“No...remember we’re not really friends-friends...yet...but we will be...”

“Right...”

“Children! Dinner is served!”

Kimberly stood up and extended her hand for Iker to grab it. He did and together they walked to the kitchen. “We’ll talk some more later, okay?”-she whispered to her son.

“Anytime Mom...”

That evening, the four women gathered in the family room to watch some TV together. Kerry turned off the overhead light and turned on the two-floor lamps and the small table lamp between the two sofas. 

“Ma..?”

“Uhm..?”-answered Kerry absentmindedly.

“Who fell in love first, you or Mom..?”

Kerry almost choked on her soda while Abby and Daniella looked at each other cocking an eyebrow in expectation and understanding.

“Uh…I think…uh…me..?”

Abby interrupted without taking her eyes from the screen, “Nope, it was me…”

Kerry turned around with a look of hesitation on her features, “you sure my angel..?”

“Yup…I couldn’t resist your charm and fell in love with you like an idiot…”-added Abigail with a sly smile while Kerry smiled tenderly. 

“Mom..?-asked Katherine-…How did you know you’d fallen in love with Ma..?”

Abigail’s brow arched upwards as if preparing for a long answer. She wasn’t expecting such a question. She obviously knew that this line of questioning could only have one motive as its fuel; that boy she’d mentioned to her friend last night on the phone. She had not meant to hear but it had been hard not to when Katherine yelled excitedly on the line.

She breathed in and paused. Smiling she put down the remote, turned around to face Katherine and extended her hands, silently motioning her daughter to sit by her. The petite eighteen-year-old stood up from where she had been sitting next to Kerry and moved to sit next to Abby.

“So…what was your question again..?”-asked the brunette as Katherine nestled next to her mother.

“How did you know you’d fallen in love with Ma…” 

“Right…uh…hmmm…I dunno! I just did!”

“Lame Mom…”-said Daniella, smiling.

“Yeah…-added the redhead faking annoyance-…lame…you better start talking or you’ll be sleeping somewhere else tonight, Dr Lockhart…”

“Okay, okay…truth is Kath, I knew I had fallen in love one day your mother didn’t go to work…”

“Huh..?”

“Don’t look at me like I’m growing two heads…yes so I was very un-cool but you asked so…I’m answering…”

Daniella did find the story endearing, especially coming from Abby who was less prone to share emotionally charged information or partake in the sappy conversation. Closing her laptop, she placed it on the wall unit close to the TV set and took a seat next to Kerry. “So Mom…when did…tell us…”

Abigail smiled as she caressed her youngest daughter hair. “Uh…wow…after the Caribbean vacation for sure…I just can’t remember how long after though…”

“Okay so…what happened..?”-insisted the young woman.

“Well, nothing much really...at the time Kerry had to travel a lot and one day she left and for some reason, I felt really...lost...like a puppy...I couldn’t wait for her to come back...”

“How long were you gone for, Ma..?

“Oh, I dunno...two days?”-answered Kerry.

“Aaaaawww Mom...”

“No really, I did…I felt stupid, believe me...that was... so unlike me...”

“It’s true kids…your mother was…something…”-interrupted the redhead with a hint of pride in her voice.

“So..?”

“So nothing…I felt lonely without her and when she came back I realized that being with her made me…happy…”

Katherine, who had been listening attentively, intervened. “So that’s it? You felt happy and that’s how you knew..?”

“Well, that and how jealous I was back then too…”

Daniella and Katherine both sat straight in their seats, mouths hanging open. “You were jealous..? Is this true Ma..?”

Kerry grinned wickedly. Abby glared at her as if forewarning her wife who simply chuckled and shook her head. “I’m not saying anything…you walked into that one all by yourself…you walk out, Lockhart…”

“Yeah, Ma…come on…tell us...”

“Fine…There was one time we went out, the two of us…”

“Were you dating..?”

“No, not yet Kath…we were just friends back then…I got here a bit late…”

“Yeah, like twenty minutes late…”-interrupted the redhead whose eyes never left the paper in front of her.

“You never told me at what time I was supposed to be here, Ker…”-rebuked the brunette.

“You were late, angel…end of story…”

“Anyway…so we went out to this gay club…”

“But you said you were not together yet...?”-interrupted Katherine.

“And who cares Kathy? Straight people can go to gay clubs…bi-curious people can go to gay clubs…right Mom?” –said Daniella with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Funny Danie…okay, the three of you stop…you wanna hear the rest of the story, yes or no?”

“Of course Mom…”-said Katherine who laced her arms around Abigail’s neck and kissed her mother loudly on the cheek.

“So, as I said, we went to this club and all was fine…we danced...”

“You danced..? Cool...”

“Oh yes…I love dancing with your mother…”-sighed the redhead.

“So…it happens she started eyeing all the women…”

“Abigail Lockhart! I wasn’t ‘eyeing’ all the women..! Maybe…one…or two…”

“Yeah…one specifically, by the bar…”

“And?”

“And? Do you want to know? Your mother…that one over there…-said Kerry pointing to Abby-…all cool and collected as you see her in there..?”

“Yeah..?”

“Well…she caught me…apparently looking at this woman for a second more than she would have it so she suddenly got up, threw a $ 20 bill on the table and told me she was leaving..!”

“Mom???”

Abby smiled and blushed at the same time. “And your mommy kept asking me ‘what did I do? What did I do?’ and I was such a dork...I couldn’t say anything...”

“Really Mom?”

“I am not proud...it was one of the most un-coolest moments of my life but…what can I say? I couldn’t stand it…”

‘Wow...Mom...”-added Daniella.

“I’m not ashamed and...it did help to perhaps move things along. The next morning she went to my apartment with this giant cup of coffee as a peace offering...” The brunette smiled at her wife with pride. Her eyes beamed, her heart pumped a bit faster. Carefully, she removed Katherine’s head from her lap, stood up and closed the short gap between herself and Kerry. Taking her wife’s face in her hands, she smiled broadly, leaned in and kissed her gently. “I’m sorry for being so stupid Wubber...I was never very good dealing with the idea of you with anyone else but me…I don’t think I ever apologized for it…”

“It’s okay my angel…at the time I thought it was the cutest show of affection I had ever seen…”

“I love you Kerry Marie Weaver…always have…always will…”

“I love you too Abigail Marjorie Lockhart Wyczenski almost Carter almost Kovac…”

“What the he..???”-asked a bewildered Abby as she jokingly punched Kerry on the arm. “And what about you Kerry Weaver almost Lopez almost Legaspi almost West???”

“Legaspi?”-asked Katherine in a rather timid voice.

“Yeah Kath…remember Kim from California..? Remember that vacation we went to San Francisco?”-asked Daniella, still laughing at their parents.

The young woman sat perplexed on the sofa. The laughter around her died as they came to realize that Katherine while not upset, was not laughing either. Kerry was the first one to intervene. “Honey, is something the matter?”

“Uh…no…not exactly just…it’s probably just a coincidence…”

“What’s a coincidence, babe..?”-asked Abby.

“Uh…there’s this guy…”

“The reason why you asked about us being in love and how did we know and all that, right?”

“Uh…yeah…you’re not angry, right..?”

“No, not at all…it’s been fun to draw blood out of your Mother’s veins…”-added Kerry with healthy sarcasm.

“Hey! Watch it, Weaver!”-interrupted Abigail who was sitting in Kerry’s lap by now.

Katherine smiled. 

“So Kath…what’s on your mind..? What does the last name Legaspi have to do with you?”

“That’s his last name…Well...one of his last names...”

Abigail almost fell off Kerry’s lap at the piece of news. She laughed nervously; completely convinced that the young man in question was in fact, one of Kim’s sons. Kerry on the other hand was too surprised to react. The only faint feeling she remembered experiencing at the moment was one of slight fear she could not explain. Daniella was not sure how to read their mothers’ odd behaviours, so she went on.

“Kath...does he have a twin brother..?”

Katherine’s face lit up. “Yeah, Danie...how did you know?”

Daniella smiled and leaned back on the ample sofa. Abby –somewhat serious now after her nervous laughter had died out- stood up, shook her head in measured disbelief and sat on the reclining chair opposite to everyone else. “Yes, it’s him...wow...what are the chances..?”

“Okay, you guys...Am I missing something..? The chances of what?”-asked the young girl clearly confused.

Kerry, Daniella and Abigail exchanged glances. Katherine caught their subtle exchange. “Mom..? The chances of what..?”

The brunette sighed deeply feeling a small trace of the anguish of so many years past. Still, she smiled. Her beautiful daughter stared at her perfectly serious and with an earnest look of concentration on her delicate and freckled face. ‘God, I love this child...’-she thought.

“The chances of another Legaspi chasing after another Weaver...”

“Another..? But...who else was..?”

“Me...”-answered Kerry dryly. 

Daniella decided it was time to excuse herself; this was a potentially difficult territory and she did not want to be involved. She grabbed her laptop and left the room. Abigail noticed and understood and while no other separations had occurred, no real threats to their relationship had ensued; their oldest daughter knew –instinctively- that it was a delicate subject.

“You Ma..?”

“Yes...-Kerry paused raking her thin fingers through her fine red hair-...before I got together with your mother I...uh...I had a relationship with your friend’s mother, Kimberly Legaspi...Kim...”

Abby stood up and headed to the kitchen, lips pouting. Kerry noticed the tail-tell sign but decided to deal with that later; her daughter needed answers now. “We were together for about seven months...”

“Oh okay...wow...yeah...after all these years...”

“What’s the boy’s full name..?”-asked Kerry hesitantly.

“Iker Calligari-Legaspi...a mouthful...”

“Yes, Kim’s father was from the Basque country and his name, ‘Iker’ is a very common Basque name. The Calligari comes from Lorraine, his other mother, Kim’s wife...”-said Kerry leaning back on the sofa and hoping her words had been delivered as devoid of feeling as possible.

“Wow...And was she a doctor at the hospital..?”

“Yes, she’s a Psychiatrist and we became friends when I was the Chief of the ER...a long time ago...”

“Probably that’s why he’s in PreMed...”

“Probably...-whispered Kerry-...Do you like this young man?”

Katherine’s smile became even larger. “Yeah...I do...I just...I’m nervous, he’s so...”

“Intense?”

“Yeah...intense...like his heart is about to explode out of his chest or something...”

Kerry chuckled as she remembered thinking exactly the same thing about Kim. “Yes...I guess he takes that after his mother...I felt the same way when it came to her...”

“And what happened between you two, then?”-asked Katherine.

The redhead sighed deeply. “Let’s get some more tea and I’ll tell you the story, okay..?”

And together they headed to the kitchen.

Upon the roof of the ample brownstone, Abby lit up a cigarette, inhaled deeply and let the puff of smoke mingle in the air with her own visible breath. She slouched against the parapet and watched the city lights.

“God...I haven’t seen you light up in years...”-said Daniella quite softly not wanting to startle her mother.

“Yeah well...”-coyly said Abigail who seemed unable to complete the sentence. 

“I’m sorry Mom...”-Daniella whispered as she slouched herself next to her mother.

Abby smiled and draped her left arm across her daughter’s upper back. “You have no reason to apologize, Danie, you haven’t done anything wrong...this is not even your problem...”

“Is it a problem...still..?”

Daniella was trying to help her mother. She could easily see Abby’s sadness in those marvellous brown eyes so much like her own. She pushed herself and instinctively, her mother puller her even closer.

“It’s hard to say, my love...”

“Please Mom...-said the young woman-...try...” 

Another deep drag of the cigarette and Abigail felt just a tad better; good enough to appease her daughter’s obvious distress. In one movement, the brunette stamped the cigarette against the parapet. Immediately after, she turned to face her daughter. “Honey...what are you afraid of? Nothing’s going to happen...”-muttered the brunette. “You don’t need to worry...not even for a second my love...whatever happened, happened a long time ago and it will never happen again, okay..?”

“Okay...”

Abby stared at those brown eyes that looked down on hers. She always thought fascinating that both of her daughters inherited her brown eyes so prevalent in the Wyczenski family. “I love you with all my heart, Daniella...”

“I love you too, Mom...”

Kerry sat there for a moment in silence looking at the big, brown eyes of her youngest daughter. How odd it felt to have her youngest daughter asking questions about Kim and about the past that tied them together; a past that –apparently- refused to die.

“I...uh...made a mistake she couldn’t forgive...so she left me...”

“Did you love her..?”

“Very much...”-answered Kerry letting her head drop forward.

Katherine nodded and understood. “Does Mommy know?”

Kerry smiled and looked up. “Of course my darling...she knows...all this happened even before she and I fell in love...”

“Why did she make that face and left, then..?”

Kerry had to give the young girl credit; she’d turned out to be more perceptive than she thought. However though, at this very minute, she had hoped her youngest had not noticed Abby’s pain.

“Because your mother and I...we uh...sort of...-Kerry cleared her throat-...separated for   
a while –not because of Kim directly interfering but- let’s say I...went with her and left your mother here...”

Katherine continued without making any sort of judgment. “I guess you had your reasons..?”

“After Kim left our relationship, she disappeared for a very long time...almost five years and then one day, out of the blue, she showed up and your Mom and I...we were perhaps too young or too frightened and...I dunno...I guess we thought we would be better off that way...so I left for California...”

Katherine smiled, leaned forward and kissed the redhead on the left cheek. “But you came back...I guess Mom just had a flashback of that time then...”

Kerry nodded amazed at her daughter’s calmness and rationality. “Apparently...”

“Okay so...I guess...yes, it’s another Legaspi chasing after another Weaver...kinda cool story, actually...”-said the young girl standing up.

“Yeah...I guess what we the mothers could not do, you the children...hopefully, will...”

Katherine pulled her blondish hair into a ponytail and leaned forward to kiss her mother again. “Yup...I guess so...thank you Ma...I’m going to my room...I have about 50 pages to read...”

“Head start for the new semester..?”

“Yeah...”

“I love you, you know that right..?”-asked Kerry.

“I love you too Momma...”

Kerry turned off the TV set, picked up the Sunday paper scattered around and turned off the lights. Like almost every night, she checked the front door, made sure it was locked and headed to the kitchen to make tea for both herself and Abby. Once that was done she headed to their bedroom.

Inside she found her wife sitting on the leather armchair, leg dangling in midair, resting on the chair’s armrest. Kerry smiled to her wife but Abby cut her eyes away, unable as she was to look at Kerry in the eye. 

The redhead frowned as she walked towards one of the night tables to place the cups of hot tea. “It’s not my fault those two kids have found each other...”

Abigail’s pout became even more pronounced as she sighed deeply. 

“You’re not talking to me now? How is this my fault, Abby..?”-asked the redhead with an edge of guilt and irritation in her voice.

“That is not your fault...the world is just too small sometimes...”

Kerry walked slowly to where her wife sat. She stopped in front of Abby not really knowing how to make a connection with the brunette. “Honey...”-she muttered.

“What?”

The edge of anger surprised Kerry. Hearing Abigail’s voice made her realized that this was a bit more than she had thought. Her heart raised its rhythm and she felt her palms clammy and suddenly, very cold. Her thoughts raced to a place in the past but she quickly disregarded the awful possibility; it couldn’t be. Slowly she squatted in front of the sitting figure and placed her right hand on the brunette’s knee.

“Please...”

“What do you want from me, Kerry..? Fine, so it is not your fault that Kim’s son is after Kathy, okay...What it is your fault though, is that my daughter has to be reassured that her family is not going to fall apart once again...”

Kerry’s eyes opened wide in disbelief. “What?”

Abby stared at her with a knowing look on her sad eyes, “You actually think we’re stupid..?”

“What?”-repeated Kerry feeling as if she was having short circuits inside her head.

“You think we don’t know what happened five years ago? You think we never found out?”

Kerry’s green eyes were pale with panic, shame, guilt. Suddenly she found it hard to breathe overwhelmed by the pounding of her heart on her temples. In shock, she felt as is she was about to lose her balance so holding onto the chair, she stood up. Still, her eyes were locked to her wife’s.

“So you better go and reassure Daniella that no, you’re not going to run away again with Kim...You better go and tell her that the next time you have a medical conference in California you will not take the opportunity to see your girlfriend..! ”

“Oh God, Abby...”

“Abby nothing Kerry! I had to learn to live knowing that you will always love Kim! I have had to learn to live with the knowledge that you’ve gone to her not once, not twice but three times since we’ve been together!” Her demeanour turned aggressive and her words, caustic. “But don’t ask me to pretend that these years with you have been perfect because they haven’t!”-she yelled. “And I tell you this Kerry Marie Weaver...”

Kerry’s eyes were fixed on Abigail’s in fear; suddenly the redhead felt as if her whole life was crumbling before her eyes. 

“I better not hear –ever again- that you’ve had some ‘sexual get-together’ with Kim and you better not hurt my children any more because I will never, ever forgive you!”

Abby’s tears flooded her face. Her pain was so immense that she felt the unusual salivation and the retching that signalled an impending need to vomit. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply but a sob ripped through her. Ashamed of her weakness in front of Kerry, the brunette turned around and went into the bathroom closing the door after herself.

Kerry ran after. “Abby, please! I’m sorry!”

Abigail opened the lid of the toilet and leaned forward feeling the horrible sensation take over her. She vomited twice, three, four times in rapid succession; her body rejecting the notion that had lodged inside her heart and her soul.

The notion that her life and the love she had felt for her wife had been nothing.

Through tears that she felt sipping through her closed eyelids, Abigail heard Kerry calling loudly. For an instant she wanted to run over, open the door and begged her to stop shouting; to remind her that their children did not need to know what was going on. But she did nothing. She could not move as another wave of heaves shook her small body. Thankfully Kerry stop banging or shouting. Sobs choked the redhead as she sat on the carpeted floor outside the bathroom door, wrapping her arms around her bent knees. “Please my love...”-she whispered softly.

She heard Kerry implore, once...twice again. Still heaving strongly, still curved up over the toilet, Abigail remembered the day she had gone to pick up Kerry at the airport for the first time, the night they had danced in that stage to Ella’s melodies, the first time they made love, their wedding, the moment she saw her when she woke up from the coma after the accident. Daniella’s birth, Katherine’s birth, their first tooth, their first days in school. The memories came to her unstoppable as she sobbed and slowly realized that her life, while not perfect, it was full; while flawed, it had meaning. It was far from being nothing. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling looking at the pale green stickers resembling the constellations of Scorpio and Capricorn and smiled; “...so you won’t forget –Mommy- that you are a Capricorn and that Momma is a Scorpio, okay...?”-had said Katherine when she was five years old and unilaterally had determined that the stickers were absolutely necessary. 

Inhaling she closed her eyes and opened them up again, letting her vision focus on a pair of flip-flop sandals that Daniella had left in their bathroom the night before, then to Kerry’s old pair of reading glasses she was sure she had lost and finally to her own makeup case Katherine had left open on the counter. Despite her tears, she smiled again. This was her life, she thought, a life that she had built with Kerry and the girls despite Kim, despite Kerry’s mistakes, despite her own.

Finally wiping the last tears, Abigail stood up. Before opening the door she remembered that all was really well, that her wife loved her, that the girls were happy and healthy and safe and that she was –despite it all- still in love with Kerry Weaver.

“I’m sorry... –whispered Kerry-...I’m sorry...”-she said as the door opened and Abby emerged.

The brunette knelt and took her wife in her arms immediately feeling her body tremble as she cried. She felt guilty but remained a silent feeling that words alone would not be enough to soothe and heal the panic she was sure, Kerry was feeling. Instead, she sat on the floor and pulled her wife onto herself, engulfing her in a protective embrace that left no doubt about her feelings.

“I’m sorry honey...”-said the redhead between sobs.

“No...it’s okay...I’m the one who’s sorry...I shouldn’t...”

Abigail was unable to finish as her eyes filled with tears once again. She cupped Kerry’s face and ran her thumbs across the wet cheeks understanding that they both were humans and that they both had a shared responsibility in what had taken place. “I shouldn’t have said anything...if I didn’t say anything six years ago; I really should not have said anything now...I’m sorry...”

“I shouldn’t have gone to Kim...I’m sorry really I am...I never did it again...”

Abby brought her lips to Kerry’s who moaned at the contact. “I love you, Kerry...I love you with all my heart...”

“I love you too Abby...I always have...and always will...”

Abby nodded and kissed her wife once again.

And in a very odd way and despite the pain of years past, she nodded and knew in her heart that Kerry would indeed, always love her.

And that was good enough to make it all worthwhile.

“It’s okay Ker...-she cradled her wife-...at the end you made it all...mine...”

THE END


End file.
